tending to baby

Ever wondered what the difference is between an au pair and a live-in nanny? They both live in the family's home and care for their children. So why different names? A French term, "au pair" is defined as:

A usually young foreign person who cares for children and does domestic work for a family in return for room and board and the opportunity to learn the family's language.

Based on my experience, au pairs are generally between the ages of 18 and 26 and often take classes in their new home land to help soak up the culture. Au pairs are typically offered a temporary arrangement and limited to one to two years away from their original country, which is tough on host families as they have to replace their au pair on an annual basis. A mother's helper to boot, they provide child care and help keep a clean house in exchange for room and board and a decided allowance. Host families usually pay a significant fee to an au pair placement agency that can cost up to $7,000. As one might expect, the young woman has scheduled personal time when she can do as she pleases.

Families who hire a live-in-nanny have many of the same benefits of an au pair, but the "hiring" process, prerequisites, payment and longevity vary. Live-in-nannies are not required to take child care classes or speak the family's language. However, off time is often more flexible with a nanny and they quickly become another member of the family as they begin to blend into the flow after many years of employment.

Tell mommy, would you rather an au pair or a nanny live with you?

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Once a family has decided that hiring a nanny is the right childcare choice for their lifestyle, parents must set out to find the ideal caretaker to fit their needs and parenting style. While some mamas count on agencies, friends and relatives to provide them with leads, others visit the local playground to speak with other nannies about friends looking for jobs, or take to the web in search of the ideal candidate.

With a list of names in hand, it is time to start interviewing them to see just how well the candidate meshes with your family. To see my checklist of must-ask questions that should help narrow down the process, read more

City living certainly has its advantages — a bevy of nice restaurants, concerts, theater, diversity, museums, and culture. But today I witnessed one of my biggest fears come true. As I sat on my bus into work, two teachers boarded with 30 sixth grade students in tow. One of the teachers and I chatted about their excursion — a trip to the film festival! What 12-year-old wouldn't die to skip a day of classes for an animated movie? All excited and ready for their adventure, the entire class exited at the last nonexpress stop, which means the bus was headed downtown without any more stops for at least another two miles or fifteen minutes. As we pulled away, I watched the teacher lining the students up hoping to count off quickly. After a few minutes of zoning out on my Blackberry, I looked up and noticed a young girl with her nose buried in her book. I quickly asked her, "Weren't you supposed to get off at that last stop? She looked around and then with a frightened face mumbled, "I think so." My heart dropped. To see what happened, read more

Mommy Dearest,

A friend and I occasionally use the same babysitter when we spend an afternoon together. Like many nanny share situations, we split the rate in half making it less expensive for us both. The sitter's rate to watch one child is $15 and $20 to watch two. The days and times are not set in stone, but my friend usually drops her child off at my house one or two afternoons a week so we can lunch or take an afternoon excursion. When she picks up her daughter, she sometimes gives me the money to give to the sitter, but often claims that she will "get me next time."

While I don't want to seem rude or stingy, I've been stuck paying her portion of the bill several times. Not wanting to ruffle any feathers, I haven't asked her to reimburse me. Is there a way I can do this tactfully while making it known that I don't want it to happen again?

— Seeking Fee Equality

To see the response from Mommy Dearest, read more