Distance Learning Not Going Well? Hit the Reset Button With These 10 Strategies

If you feel like you've tried everything to get your child back on track with distance learning with no success, chances are your child is not in the right headspace for problem-solving yet. When brains are stressed, they are in "fight or flight" mode, and their thinking and reasoning skills are neurologically not available. Just think of the last time you were seriously stressed — were you at peak cognitive performance to solve problems and dig into tasks that require deep focus? Probably not.

The fastest way to get your child to work with you may be to hold off on problem-solving and start with empathy. When we say things like, "It makes sense you feel this way" and "I get why this is so hard for you," it brings your child back to a baseline level of calm to problem-solve with you.

Ever jumped over a pickle with a moose with your kids? Danced with Sonic the Hedgehog? I have, thanks to Go Noodle! And it was just the mental reboot my kids needed from distance learning (and turns out, the one I needed from my inbox!).

Clean workspaces trigger positive emotions and increase focus and productivity. This is true for adults and kids alike. You can make creating a tidy and contained workspace a fun task instead of a chore. Does your kid love Harry Potter? Set up a Hogwarts desk. Are they really into Star Wars? Make a command central station with them. Do they love nature? Create a workspace with plants and a small terrarium with a critter to keep them company.

It doesn't have to be Pinterest-worthy! The important part is that you involve your child in the makeover and infuse a bit of fun.

It's so easy to focus on what is not going well with distance learning. Yet research shows that happier minds are more productive, creative, and better at solving problems, so it's worth retraining you and your child's brains to scan for positive moments.

Make a gratitude jar and put sticky notes next to it for each family member to add one positive thing each day. Then, once a week, have a special treat and read them aloud to one another (our family does it on "Ice Cream Sunday" with, you guessed it, ice cream sundaes).

Research shows that mindfulness practices increase focus and attention, improve calming and self-control skills, and decrease stress, anxiety, and depression. There are many fun mindfulness activities you can do with your child — they don't have to sit and meditate for hours to enjoy the benefits!

The reality is, many of our children are sitting for most of the day with their eyes on screens. Especially if you have older kids, they may want to relax after school with a video game or text their friends. That itself is not necessarily the problem. The problem is, our kids are already sitting on screens all day, reducing the opportunities for exercising and playing outdoors. Research shows that spending time in nature is associated with positive mental health, so head outside after school!

If your child is acting out or refusing to do their work, you may understandably get frustrated and even wonder why they are giving you such a hard time. In these moments, it's important to remember that they are not giving you a hard time, they are having a hard time. Their behavior is communicating an unmet need.

So the next time your child balks at that math worksheet, instead of clamping down on compliance, notice and explore — is the math too easy? Too hard? Are they distracted because their birthday party just got cancelled? Get curious about what they are really trying to tell you with their behavior.

Research shows again and again that positive relationships are a buffer for stress. Kids who feel seen and supported by their parents will be able to bounce back from stress easier. Schedule some one-on-one time where you just focus on connecting and enjoying. Don't talk about school, don't have your phone around, just pick a fun activity to do together for 10 to 20 minutes each day. Take a family walk, play a game, do Legos — anything your kid enjoys. This connection lays the foundation for coping when things get stressful.

One of my favorite quotes from author L.R. Knost is, "When little people are overwhelmed by big emotions, it's our job to share our calm, not join their chaos." Stress is contagious, but so is calmness. If you're getting upset and frustrated with your child, take a step back and find calm before responding. If you come in angry to try and solve a problem with your child, it's like putting gasoline on a fire. Calmness is the "water" that can cool down any emotionally charged situation. It's worth cultivating your inner parental "pause button" before responding in stressful moments.

Remember how connection is protection? This goes for the connection between student and teacher, too! When students feel connected to their teachers, whether in person or online, engagement increases. It can seem hard to build rapport on Zoom, but it can be done. The first step is to let your child's teacher know that your kiddo is struggling. A few minutes of one-on-one extra attention and a personal check-in from a teacher during a Zoom breakout room can really make a huge impact on student engagement. We are in this together, so it makes sense to partner with the school to get through this together!