How to Enforce Cell Phone Etiquette With Your Kids' Friends
As kids get older, the play date dynamics only get more complicated. Thanks to the growing smartphone and technology addiction among children, there's a new element to be considered when your kids' friends come over. They're most likely bringing with them at least one screen (whether it's a cell phone, tablet, laptop, or all of them!) and just because you have rules and etiquette that you enforce in your home doesn't mean other families are raising their kids with the same guidelines. Instead of making other children feel uncomfortable when they come over to, say, a zero-tolerance cell phone policy, try these tips for successfully curbing the screen time while friends are at your house to play.
- Consider the reasoning first: Just because a child is coming into your home doesn't mean that you can ignore the expectations between that kid and his or her parents. There's a good chance that your kid's buddy always has his phone out because his parents enforce a strict "you always answer when we call or text" policy. Instead of making the child feel like they are doing something wrong, ask some questions that establish if they need to stay in contact with their parents.
- Timing is key: Don't wait to address your technology-free preference until your child's friend is already over and innocently catching Pokémon. If you bring up the phone issue once the children are already engaging with their devices, you'll make them feel like they're in trouble for doing something wrong without knowing they were breaking any rule. Instead, address it early but in a relaxed manner that focuses on "we" phrases ("we are going to spend the afternoon with our phones off!") instead of "you." This will help make it feel like a comfortable dialogue instead of them feeling singled out with a harsh mandate.
- Unplug yourself: Kids look to you as a guide for what's acceptable. If you're trying to encourage quality time away from screens, it sends a mixed message if you're completely glued to your computer.
- Have alternatives: When in doubt, have backup activities prepared that don't involve screens, including TVs and video games. These days, their world seems to revolve around WiFi, so you might be in for some blank stares over what to do now. From wow-worthy indoor crafts to engaging outdoor adventures, always have two to three all-ages options at the ready to keep them occupied.
- Let their parents do the disciplining: Don't shame the child if he or she disregards your request for a non-cell-phone-dominated get-together. As annoying as it may be that the kid isn't following your rules, they aren't doing anything dangerous, and in that case, it isn't your responsibility to discipline another parent's child. Instead, mention to the parent that you're trying a new cell-phone-free play date policy. Bring it up after the fact if things didn't go according to plan and leave the rest up to them.
- Make it about you, not them: If you do have to intervene, ensure that everyone understands it wasn't because you think the kid was being inappropriate or rude with his or her device. If you frame it as something your family is trying out because you want to get your kids away from technology and focused on friendships, you're likely to get a much less defensive reaction and maybe even full-fledged support!