LilSugar

Family Ties: Mother or Father Knows Best?

LilSugar — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 08:00:23 -0700

Co-parenting is nothing new, but when a couple juggles working full time and raising their children on their own, tag teaming becomes all the more important - or does it? For four years, my husband and I have taken care of our two kids and dual careers without enlisting childcare. While it's a dream in many ways - we've watched every milestone and been able to spend those crucial and fleeting first years with our kids, it's also a challenge.

The technical bugs like who needs to be where have been worked out, but things like laundry piles and wiping down the kitchen counters are more a matter of perspective. We have the same game plan, but play on different fields. When I'm with my son and daughter, they follow more of a routine, pick up after themselves and sit down for meals. Their daddy's agenda is completely different. The threesome spends every moment possible outside digging ditches in the dirt, climbing structures and engaging in activities that would likely give uncoordinated me a heart attack. Meals happen as they do and the same goes for cleaning up messes. But conflicting parenting styles aside, I know that splitting their time between us will make them more well rounded individuals. To find out an expert's opinion, read more.

A recent segment on Good Morning America covered this issue. Moms and dads are typically different, but experts seem to think the contrasts have little effect on the children. It said:

"The bottom line for children is, 'I don't have just one and a half person who is nuts about me. I have two and they are kind of nuts about me in interesting ways. They bring out different parts of me,'" explains Kyle Pruett, M.D., a child psychiatrist and the author of "Father Need: Why Father Care Is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child."

Do you and your partner's parenting styles differ?
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Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony Raise Twins On Their Own

LilSugar — Fri, 30 May 2008 12:00:54 -0700

New mama Jennifer Lopez won't be searching for a Mary Poppins to help with the daily duties of raising three-month-old twins, Max and Emme. According to Access Hollywood, the triple threat and her husband, Marc Anthony are doing something rather unconventional when it comes to the rich and famous - juggling their careers and the tasks of child-rearing alone. He said:

“She expects me to help and she makes no bones about it,” Marc said. “I get the late shift. I get literally from 10 PM because we don’t have a nanny. It’s just me and Jennifer figuring it out. From 10 PM to 8 [AM], that’s my shift”

And, unlike many stars who hit the gym before they head to Gymboree, the actress is less concerned with her postpartum bod than bonding with her children. Marc said:

“Yeah, yes she is, but she’s more in mommy mode,” Marc said. “She has three movies lined up and she’s eager to go back to work, but the babies have been a blessing all the way around and she’s just amazing. She’s such an amazing mom and I’m so proud of her. She’s such a gem to watch.”

Do you admire the couple's decision to raise their family on their own?
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Tending to Baby, Part 2: The Nanny Option

babysugar — Mon, 19 Nov 2007 09:30:59 -0800

Last week we started a series on tending to baby. First we visited the topic of day cares. As much as I wanted to enroll my daughter in day care, it turned out it wasn't a cost efficient or viable option for me. The next step I took was looking at hiring a nanny.

This can be an exhausting, time-consuming ordeal. First you have to find names of nannies, which isn't always easy. I found that your friends and family are the best resources for referrals. You also may try local mom's groups or internet boards. Once you find names, you can start to interview your prospects.

Some things to consider when interviewing your candidates are: read more

What is her background? How many children has she taken care of in the past and for how long?
What is the expected salary? And does that include taxes?
Do you want her to sign a contract? A contract will keep you all on the same page in regards to vacation and sick days.
Is she recently certified in Infant/Child CPR and First Aid?
Ask for numerous references and pictures if available.
Inquire about discipline and teaching methods. How does she like to spend time with children and how does she deal with a tough disciplinary situation?

Having a nanny definitely has its advantages.

The nanny will come to your house, which means you don't have to worry about picking up and dropping your baby off.
Your baby will be in her own home and her own surroundings. You can rest easily knowing that baby will be napping in her own crib and playing with her own toys.
Your baby will be getting one-on-one attention all day. The nanny can take your baby to the park or music classes if she doesn't have to worry about five other children.
When your baby is sick, you don't have to worry about finding care for her at the last minute or calling in sick yourself. A nanny will still be there to help you out.
If you're running late at the office or grocery store, you don't have to fret about getting home before the door closes. Just call the nanny and tell her you're running late. You may have to pay a little more but it's worth it to not have to rush and worry.

There are also some disadvantages associated with hiring a nanny:

It's usually more expensive than a day care.
Your child lacks the social environment that they would get at a day care.
If the nanny is sick, you might have to find last minute care or call in sick yourself.
If you employ a nanny full-time, you probably need to provide insurance and pay for sick days and holidays.
You are placing faith in one person taking care of your lil one. Nobody else is keeping an eye on them to make sure that the nanny is behaving herself.

A good starting place to finding a nanny is Craigslist.org. Most candidates list their emails or phone numbers so you can first do a phone interview. Just be careful not to meet people in person without first talking with them. And if you do meet with them, it's a good idea to meet in a public place or have someone else with you at home. Another great national resource is Nanny4Hire.com. You enter your zip code and it will give you a list of nannies in your area and their background. Most cities have nanny-placing agencies that will have listing either on-line or in the phone book.

Good luck on your continued care quest. Next week I will finish the series with nanny-share care.

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Tending to Baby, Part 3: Nanny Share Option

babysugar — Mon, 26 Nov 2007 10:00:18 -0800

To finish up our three part Tending to Baby Series, we're exploring the nanny share as another option. We've talked about the advantages and disadvantages of daycare and nanny care and doing a nanny share can combine the best of those worlds.

For those who don't know, a nanny share is when one family shares a nanny with another family. This cuts the costs for both families and provides a friend or friends for the child.

Some things to consider for a nanny share situation: read more

You should find a family that you can communicate with and one you like.
You should both be confident in the nanny you choose. You don't want one family backing out and leaving the other stranded.
Living close to the other family is ideal.
Both families need to be on the same page in terms of holiday and sick day payment policies for the nanny. And, it's a good idea to have the nanny sign a contract that both families put together.
Both families should have an understanding of how to deal with care when your babe is sick. For example, the sick child stays home and the healthy one goes with the nanny.
Have a playdate with the other potential family to see how the kids get along and how you mesh with them, too.
Decide whose house will be the primary base or if you will switch between the two family residences.
Ask about the other child's schedule to see if it's compatible with your child's.

Should you go the nanny share route, be prepared to spend some time looking for the right family and the right nanny. If it all works out like it did for me, you will enjoy the flexibility and familiar environment nannies offer and the lower costs and playmates that a daycares offer.
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Mother-In-Law or Nanny Watch Your Babe?

babysugar — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 08:00:42 -0800

My mother–in–law, whom I adore, just visited us for a long weekend. She loves our babe and is always eager to spend every second with her.

As I work on Fridays, my babe usually spends the afternoon with her nanny. But since "Mimi," as we call her, was here and available, she offered to watch my babe and give the nanny a paid day off.

This situation got me thinking, would you prefer to have your sitter or mother-in-law watch your tot?

Tending to Baby: Cost of Childcare

LilSugar — Sun, 13 Jan 2008 06:00:53 -0800

The cost of childcare can be astounding for new parents especially if they live in a metropolitan area. While hanging out at a San Francisco park with my kids, a nanny said she gets paid $24 an hour for her single charge. And, this is in a working class neighborhood.

Then, a friend employed by a corporation known for having progressive family policies told me it would cost her $1700 (the reduced rate) to place her infant in the office's on-site daycare.

While these numbers may seem shocking, it's not likely that they will take a plunge anytime soon based on a working mothers need to find quality child care.

A recent MSN article about the expense said:

"Forget about the angst and expense of finding shelter that is safe and warm for your new arrival. I'm talking about the sticker shock of handing over a significant chunk of your paycheck every month just so you are free to work."

To finish the post, read more.

Many families are having to delay purchasing homes in order to make ends meet during their childcare crunch - the years prior to a child enrolling in kindergarten. And, this is in the middle class where even dual income families struggle. It said:

"Warren believes the two-income family is stretched, too, however. Child-care costs are rising at twice the rate of inflation, she says. After paying the mortgage, health insurance premiums, transportation costs and child-care fees, today's two-income families have less money left over than the one-income family did a generation ago."

Has your family been affected by the cost of childcare?

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Tending to Baby: CareSquare

babysugar — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 11:01:30 -0800

Your best friend's party is tomorrow night, your babysitter canceled, and your mom has the flu. What's a party-starved mom to do? CareSquare.com to the rescue.

The website is a place where parents and caregivers can connect and gather information on each other. Each sitter posts a profile, schedule, references, and notes. You need not worry about babysitters misrepresenting themselves since you can check out peer reviews and feedback for each one.

Getting started is simple - just post a profile. Once it's up, you can recommend sitters and book them. And, an availability calendar makes it easy to find specific times and dates.

Then, you're off to the party.

Tending to Baby, Part 1: The Daycare Option

babysugar — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 13:00:05 -0800

After a year of staying at home with my lil one, I'm back to work and loving it. The decision to work was easy, but babycare was my big dilemma. I searched for daycares, nannies, and nanny-share options. I'll share my journey with you in this three-part series.

This week: The Daycare Option.

I wanted my daughter to attend daycare to learn how to be a social being and be stimulated while I was at work. Daycare would teach her that she's not the center of attention, how to share, and how to take a lick and keep on ticking.

At the same time, I would be opening the door to colds, earaches, and biting! And, you need to factor in the time it takes to drop off and pick up your kid. Most daycares that I looked at closed around 5 p.m. "Excuse me boss, I am going to have to leave at 4:30 p.m. every day so I can pick up my baby on time." Not a good way to start a new job. And, all of this is assuming you have the option to attend daycare. read more

Here in San Francisco, finding daycare is like finding a needle in a haystack. Many well regarded daycares have year-long waitlists. By the time she'd be able to attend, my daughter would be in preschool. (I didn't know I had to have her name on the list when she was born!)

So I went on word of mouth and hunted around for smaller daycares. These are facilities run out of people's homes with a 6:1 child-to-caregiver ratio. Some of them were cute, clean, and well-maintained operations. Others, not so much.

The one I felt most comfortable with required each child to sleep for four hours a day. Come again? Yes. My child was expected to sleep for nearly half the time that she would be there. And, this place wanted to charge me more than I was going to make. So, I continued on my search.

If you do find a daycare that you are crazy about, here are some things you might want to check out:

Make sure the daycare provides a safe and healthy environment for your child.
All daycare centers must be licensed.
Upon request, they should provide you with references. (See if you can call families who have already graduated from the facility as well as current enrollees
Inquire about the staff's background and how long they have worked there. Also, ask what the daycare center's hiring qualifications are for them.
Know what the napping and sick policies are.
Make sure unannounced and unscheduled visits to the daycare are allowed.

Unfortunately for me, daycare was not an option. Next stop . . . nannies.

Mommy Dearest: Babysitter Leaving, but Offers Sister to Sit

LilSugar — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 04:00:24 -0700

Mommy Dearest,

Our babysitter is a local college student and we really like her. Sadly, she is going to be studying abroad for her Fall semester this year. She told us that her younger sister, who is still in high school would be interested in sitting for us while she is gone. The sister is coming with our babysitter while she watches our daughter this weekend so we can meet the potential replacement and she can get to know our daughter. Should I pay the younger sister for her time?

I don't feel like it's fair for her to give up a few hours of her time without getting paid, but at the same time, it seems ridiculous to pay double our rate which would total $40 an hour for an extra person who isn't technically needed at the time. I've also thought about splitting the money somehow, but I am not sure if that would be appropriate.

- Figuring Out Finances For Sitters

To see the response from Mommy Dearest, read more.

Figuring Out Finances For Sitters,

I agree that paying twice as much for two sitters to watch one child is ridiculous. I babysat for lots of families while going through high school and college and never charged anyone to go over and meet their kids. Employers don't pay job candidates to interview and I view this in the same vein. Considering this is somewhat of a working interview, perhaps you can offer the younger sister $20 as a nice gesture and pay your normal sitter in full.

- Mommy Dearest

Baby Planners Take Care of All the Baby Business

LilSugar — Fri, 16 May 2008 13:00:19 -0700

Once baby is on its way, mamas-to-be get a crash course in child gearing - the rearing comes later. The thin pink line on the pregnancy stick indicates that it's time to prepare. From nursery themes to stretch mark balm and choosing bottles to taking strollers for test rides, the nine months are jam packed with all kinds of activities.

Some women could care less which carrier and diaper cream they end up with while others don't have time to do the research - so two moms made a business out of lessening the pregnant woman's load. Melissa Gould and Ellie Miller founded The Baby Planners, a service that takes care of all those time consuming tasks for a fee. To see what services they offer, read more.

Offering The Baby Planners Picks, a list of products they endorse and consulting plans like Post Delivery Plan that can include a personal chef, the Adoption Plan and the Grandparent Plan, the women's packages start at $500. The ladies also provide Concierge Services, which take care of everything from having someone video the baby's birth to searching for a nanny.

Would you invest in their services?

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