LilSugar

Do You Discuss Death With Your Children?

LilSugar — Sun, 01 Mar 2009 06:00:20 -0800

By the time my daughter was two she had attended three family funerals. In the years since, more people have passed including her great-grandfather and a preschool classmate. She notices when the phone rings with bad news or someone disappears so I've always told her the truth - that people eventually die. How do you handle death with your children?
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How to Help Parents Grieving the Loss of a Child

LilSugar — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 06:00:36 -0800

Actor John Travolta and his wife, Kelly Preston suffered a devastating loss on Friday when their 16-year-old son, Jett, died. Being predeceased by a child is a parent's worst nightmare. The mere thought of losing one's offspring is enough to bring a mother or father to tears. The reality is difficult to fathom so finding the words to appropriately comfort someone who is grieving such a loss can be hard. Here are some tips to use in coping with the sensitive task of supporting a parent whose child has died.

Behave naturally
Show genuine concern
Offer love patiently and unconditionally

To see the rest of the suggestions, read more.

Offer hugs or an arm around the shoulder, as appropriate
Sit next to the person who wants closeness
Make it clear that you are there to listen
Express your care and concern
Say that you are sorry about the loss
Say “I love you” if you feel close enough
Talk openly and directly about the person who died
Cry if you feel like crying
Keep in mind that evenings, weekends, anniversaries and holidays can be extra challenging times.

Our hearts go out to the Travolta family.
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Mourning Mother Kelly Preston Won't Speak About Jett Yet

LilSugar — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 09:20:00 -0700

To be predeceased by a child is a parent's nightmare that became the sad reality for John Travolta and Kelly Preston when their son died last January. The Hollywood couple has remained out of the public eye as they lament the loss of their late 16-year-old, Jett. In July, it was announced that Kelly would break her silence and speak out about her devastation on a grief and resilience panel at the California Governor's Conference for Women in October. The mourning mother has since (and understandably) pulled out. She said:

"It is with my sincere apologies that I must pull out from speaking at [the] conference. I am sorry, but I truly believed that I could do it. Otherwise I never would have said that I could. But I am still deeply in the process of healing, and it's just too soon."

If you know parents who have lost a child, here are tips for offering your support.

A Kid Friendly Tribute to Michael Jackson

babysugar — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 14:30:35 -0700

A controversial entertainer who certainly had some quirks, Michael Jackson was a superstar who will be sorely missed by millions. John Mayer may have said it best when he twittered:

I think we'll mourn his loss as well as the loss of ourselves as children listening to Thriller on the record player. Dazed in the studio. A major strand of our cultural DNA has left us. RIP MJ.

Michael Jackson gave children of the 80s the soundtrack to their childhood and the trademark dance moves to go along with it. To make sure younger generations don't miss out on his legacy, here's a list of kid friendly songs from the deceased artist as well as some from his Jackson 5 days that can play tribute to the King of Pop, rest his soul.

"The Love You Save"
"Man in the Mirror"
"Rockin' Robin"
"Shake Your Body"
"I Want You Back"

To see the rest, read more.

"Sugar Daddy"
"I'll Be There"
"ABC"
"We Are the World" (with other artists)
"Don’t Stop til You Get Enough"
"Black or White"
"Will You Be There"
"You Rock My World"

Note to Rockabye Baby, get on the Michael Jackson album. Who wouldn't want a lullaby themed "Thriller!?"
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Debbie Rowe's Comments on Children: Honest or Insensitive?

LilSugar — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 13:28:42 -0700

Are there times when a mother should hold her tongue? Regardless of their true feelings, many birth and adoptive mamas consider their children's feelings and futures before they speak. This isn't necessarily the case with Debbie Rowe, the biological mother of Michael Jackson's two oldest children - Prince, 12, and Paris, 11 - who recently revealed facts about her marriage and child bearing years with the King of Pop. She said:

"I was no good. I don't want these children in my life. My children are my animals now."

The late musician's ex-wife also said that she was artificially inseminated with anonymous donor sperm to conceive. It is likely that the children and their younger brother, Prince Michael II, 7, who are currently in the temporary custody of their grandmother, Katherine, are mourning the death of their father. What do you think of Rowe's comments?

The Custody of Michael Jackson's Kids in Question

LilSugar — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 08:44:22 -0700

The death of American icon Michael Jackson has rocked the world. The man known for his single glove, moonwalk, and videos was a musical legend. While fans and famous friends of the musician mourn, those most affected by the 50-year-old's passing are his children - Prince Michael Jr., 12, daughter Paris Katherine, 11, and Prince Michael II, 7. The kids have spent their lives sheltered from the public often out sporting veils, masks, and blankets to shield their identities. Now in the wake of their father's death, who will care for the youngsters?

Prince Michael and Paris Katherine's mother, Debbie Rowe, was once married to Jackson and petitioned for custody, but the children have always lived with their dad. The surrogate mom of Prince Michael II was never made public. One report said that the singer's wish was to have his longtime confident and the children's nanny, Grace Rwaramba, raise them if something were to happen. Meanwhile it is said that Jackson's parents, Joe and Katherine, have also expressed interest in adopting their grandchildren. But, given the late king of pop was very public about his tumultuous relationship with his father, this may be unlikely. Hopefully, all involved will put the children's interests first and help them through this tragedy.

Parenting Q&A: How Do I Tell My Kids About Miscarriage?

LilSugar — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 07:00:26 -0800

Q. My four and seven-year-olds were thrilled when I told them I was pregnant. How do I break the news that I miscarried? Should we do something to commemorate the baby?

A. The celebration of life is the most wonderful experience to share. We have come so far as a culture in enjoying the process and sharing it with our children. Mourning a loss, one we know can happen during any pregnancy, is not as comfortable. However, loss is a huge part of life. As our children’s first teachers we must teach them how to mourn. Find the words that your heart and faith can stand behind. Tell them something very sad happened and that it is no ones fault, the baby could not be born. Don’t be afraid to cry. Most importantly, listen to them. Listen to what they ask and answer as simply as you can. As a family you may need closure by commemorating, but don’t rush into anything. Give your heart and mind time to heal a little before you act. Take cues from your children. Help them move on by grieving, listening and giving everyone time.

- Lonna Corder

Parenting expert and Montessori school director, Lonna Corder has been doling out advice for 25 years as a teacher, parent/child consultant and on television. For more information, visit lonnacorder.com.

If you're at your wit's end about an issue and want another take on the situation, private message your question to lilsugar. We'll be running this feature all week!

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Lil Links: Sweetly Sour DIY Baby Shower Invites

LilSugar — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 11:00:09 -0700

DIY lemonhead baby shower invite - Cookie
Hexbugs: let the infestation begin! - Celebrity Baby Blog
Sally Field is a park-playing grandma - Celebrity Baby Scoop
Weirdest pregnancy cravings - CafeMom
Stick to that diet secrets - Health
How to choose a family home in a down real estate market - Alpha Mom
Natasha Richardson's death leaves moms mourning - ParentDish
Take part in Spring greening DIY contest - Inhabitots
Kids with older dads score lower on IQ tests - The Mommy Files
At home haircuts - The Poop

Interview With Liz Lange: Mommy Time

LilSugar — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 06:00:36 -0800

Liz Lange's a reader, a baker and a maternity-line maker! If you ever wondered how the busy businesswoman stole time with her kids or how she occupies her precious mom-me time, you're in luck! While chatting with the renowned designer about her latest line, she also dished on a few of her favorite things.

lilsugar: What is your favorite thing to do in your own time?

Liz Lange: Love to read – I’m always reading a book. From the classics to the lowest junk. I just died over American Wife by Curtis Sittenfeld. I can’t get that book out of my head. I’m almost in mourning over that book, so I can’t even start another book yet. I love to watch TV. I find that to be so relaxing at the end of the day at night after the kids have gone to bed. I watch everything, nothing is low enough for me – Ugly Betty, The Bachelor, Top Chef, American Idol. Some of the stuff we watch as a family – like American Idol, I watch with my children. Love, love, love all that stuff. One little luxury I try to do at home as often as I can is try to lock my door and try to take a bath. I feel like that really calms me. My kids won’t always let me do it, but when I can, I do it.

lilsugar: What is your favorite activity to do with your kids?

Liz Lange: On the weekends I like to cook and bake with the kids. I like food a lot and I love taking them to fun new restaurants that are appropriate.

lilsugar: What is your favorite parenting trick?

Liz Lange: One thing that I used to notice is that whenever my kids would see something either on TV or in a store that they wanted – they would start saying "Oh I want it, I want it, I want it." Instead of sort of saying "No" all the time, or negotiating with them, or sometimes, unfortunately, giving in, I just said, and I don’t know why but it ended up working so beautifully that I use it all the time now, I just said, "Oh, I’ll add it to the list." And I sort of have this list going now of things that they want, and they are totally comfortable with that, as long as it is on the list. There’s a feeling that eventually, whether it’s a birthday or it’ll be Hanukkah, or it will be something and it will be a reason for me to look at that list and get them some of the things that they wanted. I feel like that has avoided so many little meltdowns.

lilsugar: You know you're a mother when ____.

Liz Lange: You’re saying things that you never thought you would say – "Because I said so." "Because I’m the mother." You can’t even believe these words are coming out of your mouth.

lilsugar: Why didn’t anyone tell me ____?

Liz Lange: That the day you give birth, it feels like someone turns over one of those sand hourglasses and you feel like the time just starts to whip by. Like why was my childhood so long and theirs are so short. I feel like I was a kid forever and I feel like the years are whipping by.

lilsugar: Best trick your parents taught you?

Liz Lange: Sometimes I really admire, now looking back on it, how strict they were. My parents were strict and I feel like if I could be a little more strict with my children things would be a little easier, but that’s just not me.

lilsugar: Helicopter or free-range mom?

Liz Lange: Free range. At least I try to be!

If you missed any of the previous portions of our interview, they're available here.

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Lil Loves of Our Lives: Three-Martini Mom Christie Mellor

LilSugar — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 09:00:40 -0800

Author Christie Mellor hit a nerve with parents when she wrote The Three-Martini Playdate: A Practical Guide to Happy Parenting.

And, then mothers lined up to purchase her second book, The Three-Martini Family Vacation: A Field Guide to Intrepid Parenting when it hit the shelves. Now the author, actress, and mother pens The Three-Martini Complaint Department for Mommy Track’d.

Who is the lil love of your life?
I won’t play favorites; they’re both pretty okay. Edison is now 16, and although he never got the “start acting like a total jerk” memo, he’s right on target with the “stay up too late and spend many, many hours in front of the computer I.M.ing friends and learning guitar chords” memorandum. But he’s kind, and good to his little brother, and still hugs me goodbye in the morning. Atticus is a strong-willed and interesting 10 year old, who loves his big brother and still likes his mom and dad. But he has a certain glint in his eye that promises hardships ahead.
Which came first, the baby or the blog?
First the babies, then the books. The Three-Martini Playdate and The Three-Martini Family Vacation. Then I became a lazy, intermittent contributor to The Mommy Track’d site.
What was the most shocking part of becoming a parent?
The whole thing is pretty much a giant surprise. But the biggest surprise was: five years into our first child, we decided to have another one, having forgotten completely about the sleep thing, and the endless diapers. Honestly, it all came back to me a few hours after giving birth. Oh! Right! Forgot about that! No sleep for two years and tons of diapers to change!

To learn more about Christie, mix yourself a martini and read more.

If you could have one aspect of your pre-baby days back, but keep the kids, what would you choose?
I am entirely annoyed by mommies “mourning” their pre-baby days. For god’s sake, did you not get enough bar-hopping in? I suppose you lose a certain amount of spontaneity when you have kids. But I think it’s that much more important to not make your children the absolute center of your lives. Have a life, and bring your kids along for the ride. And if you really miss clubbing, get a baby-sitter. You don’t really have to give anything up, except being able to walk out of the house on a whim.
At what moment did you fall in love with your child?
That day when he was about two months old, when he spit up on my shoulder then looked up at me with the sweetest smile, and I decided right then and there not to give him away, as planned.
Do you have Valentine’s Day plans?
We generally avoid buying stuff for each other and eating out at restaurants on that overpriced and over-hyped day. So I’ll make dinner, and my husband will probably write me some cute note. Maybe we’ll eat some chocolate. Group hug.
Anything else you want to add?
Okay, I was kidding with the thing about deciding not to give my child away. But honestly, when do we fall in love with our children? I don’t think it happens in a single moment.