LilSugar

Mommy Dearest: Should I Trust the Other Parents?

babysugar — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 09:30:58 -0800

Mommy Dearest,

I am entering new territory and could use some advice. My preschool son is starting to make new friends of his own from his classroom. A few of his little buddies have asked him to come over for a playdate, which is exciting and scary at the same time. Thrilled that he is advancing socially, I am nervous to let him go over to a friend's house where I don't know the parents at all. I could care less about snacks or sugary drinks but I wonder what the mom's disciplinary style may be or how she deals with her children. Heaven forbid she's a closet drinker like that woman who drove drunk and killed all of those innocent children. I don't want to be a helicopter parent but I don't want to regret anything, either.

- Scared to Be Helicopter Mom

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Scared to Be Helicopter Mom,

Your concerns are natural and admirable - you are looking out for your child's best interest. An easy way to solve your problem is to have an initial mommy and child playdate where the boys can play together, and you can get to know the other mother. During that time, you can chat and try to figure out where she stands on some issues. If she talks a big game of drinking or partying, it may be an indicator that you need a few more dual-parent supervised dates or that you need to host the playdates. Another idea is to organize a social event for a group of the moms so you can get to know them outside of your children. It will help you feel better about leaving them in their care and vice versa. More than anything, you should trust your intuition. It's always better to be safe than sorry.

- Mommy Dearest

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Mommy Dearest: How Should I Deal With Gender Issues?

babysugar — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 13:45:44 -0800

Mommy Dearest,

I have a 4-year-old little girl who seems to fit into the stereotypes surrounding children her age; she loves princesses, makeup, and playing with baby dolls. In an effort to get her to branch out, I have signed her up for soccer with other boys and girls her age. At first, the playtime was terrific - boys and girls running elbow to elbow. Then the coach decided to split them up by gender. Kids generally play with their own sex, so I understood his rationale for dividing them, but at this past practice he decided it was time for the boys to play football while the girls still kicked the ball around. When one of the girls asked the coach why the boys got to play football, he said, "The boys have gotten really good at soccer so we're letting them play football. You guys still need to work on your soccer." All of the mothers on the sideline gasped. While the coach may be right, he is already starting to pigeonhole them into the stereotypes that we moms are trying so hard to avoid. They are such an impressionable age and they are already starting to hear that boys are better than them. I would like to talk with the coach about it, but I don't seem to have the right words. Do you have any advice?

- Antistereotype Soccer Mom

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Antistereotype Soccer Mom,

Parents are often conflicted with how to share a gender-divided world with their children. It is commendable that you are trying to take actions to show your girly daughter the other facets of life that don't include tutus and lip gloss, but you may find that not everyone is like minded. It seems the coach could use some, er, coaching in stereotyping. He is probably used to straight talk and may appreciate the candor of a sideline mommy. Rather than make a big issue out of it, I'd simply tell him you want the girls to have the same learning experience as the boys. The larger concern at hand would be how he manages to tell the girls about their routine. I would ask him to explain to the girls that they are equal to the boys and ready to roll with the flag-football punches.

- Mommy Dearest

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Mommy Dearest: In-Laws Call Baby by Another Name

LilSugar — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 07:08:41 -0700

Mommy Dearest,

My husband and I put a lot of time into choosing our children's names. We have two boys: Matthew, 3, and August, who is 3 months old. We named our younger son for the month he was born and my in-laws have made it clear that they are not fans of the choice. That doesn't bother me, but the fact that they only refer to our baby by his middle name does. If we wanted his name to be Michael, we would have put that first on the birth certificate. What's more annoying is the fact that it is confusing our older son. Matthew doesn't understand why Grammy and Papa call August "Michael." How can I tell my in-laws to knock it off?

– Annoyed With In-Laws' Nickname

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Annoyed With In-Laws' Nickname,

As parents, you and your husband have the right to name your children whatever you choose. While your in-laws don't have to agree with the moniker, it is not their place to make up a new one for your son. Not only is it rude, but it is confusing your older boy. Politely explain this and tell them that you don't want them calling August "Michael" anymore. It's better to confront this issue now rather than later, if and when your lil guy starts responding to both names.

- Mommy Dearest

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Source: Flickr User Futurestreet

Mommy Dearest: Should Parents Intervene in Kids' Argument?

LilSugar — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 09:30:24 -0700

Mommy Dearest,

When is it time for parents to step in and handle a situation? We are raising our kids to speak up for themselves when they feel they have been wronged rather than crying to mommy and daddy all of the time. Since school went back in session, my 7-year-old son has come to us with a problem that he is having trouble handling. A friend of his appears to be taking things out of my son's backpack and then denying that he is the culprit. We know that he is the one taking them because we label everything with my son's initials. My boy has asked him to stop doing this, but the child denies taking the things. Should I speak to the kid myself or call his parents about the situation?

– Crossing the Line Mommy

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Crossing the Line Mommy,

Part of parenting is showing your child right from wrong. I agree with your stance on having kids handle their own problems, but since your son has addressed the issue several times to no avail, you might consider sending a note to their teacher since it's happening in the classroom. Teachers often have experience in dealing with these minor situations, which is better than having to involve the youngster's parents.

- Mommy Dearest

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Mommy Dearest: Changing Guardianship Due to Recession

LilSugar — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 13:30:52 -0700

Mommy Dearest,

Four years ago before our son was born, my husband and I drew up a will that included guardianship of any kids to come. At the time, we selected my brother and his wife to serve as guardians due to their financial stability, values, and similar lifestyle and sentiments about raising children. Unfortunately, the recession has hit them hard, and they are struggling. My brother has been out of work for several months with no job prospects in sight. Looking out for our son's best interest, we have decided to assign guardianship to someone with more stability. Are we wrong in doing this?

– Guardianship Mommy

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Guardianship Mommy,

Choosing guardianship for your child is a tough decision, but it sounds like you put a lot of thought into selecting your brother and sister-in-law. Though no parent wants their child to be a burden, I think it's best for you to discuss your concerns with your brother. It sounds like his financial situation was just one factor in why you asked him to raise your son if something happened to you and your husband. To abruptly remove him from such an important post because of the economy seems a bit harsh.

– Mommy Dearest

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Mommy Dearest: Naughty Nanny Wardrobe

babysugar — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 04:00:23 -0700

Mommy Dearest,

I have a delicate situation that I'm not sure how to approach. Our nanny, whom we love, occasionally wears questionable clothing to the house. She is very professional about everything else, but her wardrobe has left me speechless lately. Though I have nothing against thong underwear, I don't care to see them hanging out of her pants. Also on display are her large breasts, which my son has taken to bouncing. You would think she could take a hint from a three-year-old! What concerns me most is her choice in footwear. She has been sporting heels! Not only do I worry about her chasing my son around on the playground in a pair of party shoes, I am concerned about her safety. I don't want to tell her how to dress, but I do think I should say something. Any tips on how to address her?

- Seeking Scantily Clad Advice

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Seeking Scantily Clad Advice,

The easiest way to entertain the conversation might be to address the shoes first as they are a danger to her and potentially your son. I would ask her to bring some sneakers or other practical shoes with her to wear when she is out running errands or playing with your child. As far as the revealing clothing goes, you have to decide if it's worth addressing. Personally I wouldn't worry too much about it. Youngsters are going to be exposed to all sorts of wardrobes. If you get a glimpse of the bra or undies, you could hint to her that her undergarments are hanging out and she might decide to clean it up on her own volition.

- Mommy Dearest

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Source: Flickr User salimfadhley

Flickr User soylentgreen

Mommy Dearest: Wants Boyfriend to Be at Baby's Birth

LilSugar — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 14:36:22 -0700

Mommy Dearest,

I am due with my first child on Sept. 13 and am completely accepting of the fact that I likely overshoot this due date. My boyfriend has been supportive the entire pregnancy and very vocal about how he wishes to be in the delivery room, which I am happy to hear! Unfortunately his side of the family suffered the loss of grandmother recently. We will attend the memorial service this weekend, but the burial will take place the weekend after my due date.

The place is about six hours away, so I obviously cannot go if I have not given birth yet, but my boyfriend has made it clear that he will go whether the baby is here or not! I am terrified of being alone for the labor and delivery if he cannot make it back in time. My mother will be there for the delivery, but I have always looked at her being there as more of a secondary support person and am counting on my him to be there so we can experience it together. Since it is my first delivery, it may take a long time and he might make it back in time, but that is not a chance I want to take! Am I being selfish for wanting him to stay home from what would be the second memorial service for his grandmother? How do I approach this topic with him?

- Want Boyfriend There For Birth

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Want Boyfriend There For Birth,

You are not selfish - you're a soon-to-be mom who wants to experience the birth of her child with the baby's father. It is completely understandable that you wish and rely on him to be present at the life-changing event. I would approach the topic by telling him how you feel and being supportive in regards to him losing his grandmother. You may also consider having other dads talk to him about their birth experiences and why they think it would be appropriate for him to stay home from the burial if it comes to that point. Good luck!

– Mommy Dearest

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Source: Flickr User salimfadhley

Mommy Dearest: Family Vacation Interferes With School

LilSugar — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 14:00:48 -0700

Mommy Dearest,

My husband's parents' 50th anniversary is coming up in December and they offered to take the entire family on a trip to celebrate. They selected a cruise that does not return until the 5th of January. While the trip works for the rest of the family, it means my preschooler and kindergartener will miss the first two days back to school after Winter break. My mother-in-law says that I shouldn't worry because the children are young. Though I am grateful for the vacation, I am wary of the kids missing class. Should we skip the trip?

– Cruisin' in Lieu of School Mama

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Cruisin' in Lieu of School Mama,

It's your in-laws' 50th anniversary - a once in a lifetime event that your children are lucky enough to be a part of- I say take them on the trip and don't worry about the two days of missed class. While the vacation is a generous offer, the experience is one your kiddos will always remember and likely means a great deal to your husband's parents. Prior to leaving, sit down with your children's teachers, explain the situation and see if any assignments need to be completed.

– Mommy Dearest

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Mommy Dearest: When It's Time to Put a Cap on the Nap

LilSugar — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 08:00:39 -0700

Mommy Dearest,

When is it time to give up or cut down on a nap? My three-year-old son has always been a great snoozer and stills takes a two-to-three hour nap every day. My issue is that every evening he fights us so hard when it is time to go to bed that he ends up staying up well-past a reasonable bedtime. On the one or two occasions that we have had to skip his nap (due to birthday parties or the like) he is so overtired that he becomes a nightmare in the early evening hours. How would you handle this situation?

– Tired of Fighting About Sleep

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Tired of Fighting About Sleep,

While children's sleep habits are as individual as they themselves, it sounds like your lil one is giving you all of the signs that he might be ready to modify his schedule. If your son isn't ready to give up his nap completely, consider shortening it and putting some parameters around it. Try a one-and-a-half hour nap that can't start after a certain hour each day. In doing so, you will give him a longer stretch of awake time before night rolls around. On days you have to forgo the nap, try for an earlier bedtime to alleviate the moonlit meltdowns.

– Mommy Dearest

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Mommy Dearest: Working Mom Wants to Help at School

LilSugar — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 07:00:25 -0700

Mommy Dearest,

My son is entering a new school for kindergarten and we have received several notices about the school's parent teacher association. I would love to be one of those mothers who organizes the bake sales and volunteers in class, but I work full time. All of the PTA meetings are held during business hours (immediately after drop-off or before pick-up) and after speaking with the president of the organization, it sounds like that is when the committees meet as well.

I don't want the school or other parents to think that I don't care, but I just don't see how I can become involved. How do you ensure that your child isn't penalized by your lack of participation in school events?

– Non-PTA Mommy

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Non-PTA Mommy,

There are a lot of moms in your situation. Perhaps you can speak with the president of the organization and ask about switching a few of the meetings to the evening or join a committee made up of fellow working moms who can get together after they leave the office. If none already exist, start one. Another option would be to set aside some vacation hours to volunteer in your son's classroom or be available to participate in activities that are important to him. Many schools also have weekend events that provide the perfect opportunity for career parents to get involved.

– Mommy Dearest

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