My son was finally diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome this year, at the age of nine. I say 'finally' because, as many special needs parents can tell you, the road to diagnosis is a rough one, often filled with roadblocks and detour signs. When he was diagnosed, as strange as it may sound, I was relieved.

As a Circle of Moms member who goes by the name 'Ms. Undead’ shares, I knew my son had always “been different” than other kids, and that he met some of the criteria for Asperger Syndrome — but not all of them. I spent a lot of time explaining to people that he had characteristics that were  “Asperger-like,” but that we didn’t know exactly what was wrong with him.

I also spent a lot of time feeling like I needed to defend myself, to explain the behaviors that made it look as though I wasn’t being an effective parent.  Circle of Moms member Amanda N. could be speaking of my son when, on a discussion on the Circle of Moms Autism/Asperger's/PDD Awareness community, she shares of her's, “As he got older, more and more signs [and] behaviors surfaced.”

Right now my son is in a treatment center to help him learn to manage the meltdowns and "perseverative behavior" (or, as Brenda D. explains it, “getting stuck on something”) that accompany this disorder. He’s away from home for the second time in the past three months, so you would think I don’t have a lot of reason to be relieved about his diagnosis, but I do.

• I’m relieved that this diagnosis allowed us to enroll him in a multidisciplinary, family-focused treatment center for children with Developmental Disorders. It’s one of only 11 of its kind across the nation that provide treatment for the whole child, combining medical, educational, sensory, speech and family work. We tried a treatment center that focused mainly on medication and behavior. It didn’t help as much as we hoped it would.

• I’m relieved that finally having a diagnosis gives me a way to push for appropriate accommodations at school for a kid who doesn’t have any learning disabilities, but whose disability affects his learning. When I read Circle of Moms member's Kristel B.'s frustrated vent about her son being “sent home from school for bad behavior, again,” I knew only too well what she meant. The phone rings in our house and my heart drops, my stomach turns, and I start to hyperventilate, thinking it’s the school calling yet again about some incident or another.
• I’m relived that I finally have something to tell people about my son that they might possibly be able to understand. After all, people have heard of Asperger Syndrome. They may not understand what it means, but I’m happy to tell them about the diagnosis and send them in the right direction to find more information.

Mostly though, I am relieved my son has Asperger Syndrome because I finally belong to a group of moms who can understand me: Asperger Moms.  Again, Kristel put words to my feelings when she said “I have felt so alone and isolated for so long.”

Now I only have to feel isolated if I choose to isolate myself. I have communities to turn to here on Circle of Moms and in real life, in which people understand me and my struggles with little to no explanation. I am one of them.  All those moms of kids with Asperger’s, whether they are named or unnamed, known to me or unknown,  I am one of them.  That’s a huge relief.

Image Source: Amanda Morin

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

Asperger’s syndrome is a neurological disorder in the family of autism spectrum disorders. Because every child exhibits a different set of symptoms, there is no precise checklist of behaviors that  must all be present for a diagnosis. Instead, there are many behaviors that may be signs of Asperger's Syndrome. Here we've rounded up 10 of the common behaviors to watch for, as shared by moms whose kids have the condition.

1. Fixation on One Activity

Many children with Asperger's Syndrome are preoccupied with a single or a few interests, and focus on them for hours on end. As Circle of Moms member Karen R. shares: "The most common report from every parent I know...is that their kid fixated on something (their cars, their blue toys, their books) and played or attended [to] that thing for an OUTRAGEOUSLY long time."

2. “Little Professor” Speech

"Typically a child with Asperger's sounds 'like a little professor," shares one Circle of Moms member Sheila D. "They tend to have advanced verbal skills, but due to the autism aspect of the syndrome they might seem fixated on a topic that they want to talk about ALL THE TIME." Children with Asperger's may also speak more formally than usual for their age, or prefer talking to adults.

3. Difficulty Reading Social Cues

Social difficulties are another key sign of Asperger's Syndrome. Reading body language may be hard, as well as taking turns or holding a conversation. As Eliana F. shares: "Group work at school is also hard for him, as he does not understand waiting his turn or accepting others point of view."  Similarly, Colleen notes: “My son is very social, but he doesn't engage in two way conversations. He just talks and talks.”  As a result of their social difficulties, children with Asperger's may seem isolated from their peers.

4. Need for Routine

“Structure plays a big part in our lives now," shares Wendy B. Like many children with Asperger's, Wendy's granddaughter needs routines. "Otherwise it is very confusing for her. So shower is at 8:30 pm. Bedtime is at 9:30 pm. Breakfast at 8:30 am, lunch at 12, supper at 6. You get the message, very structured. If I want to take her shopping I start telling her a few days ahead, that way it doesn't upset her, but we still follow the same routine."

5. Emotional Meltdowns

"My boy tends to have meltdowns when he gets overwhelmed," shares Circle of Moms member Ylice. She's not alone: many children with Asperger's can't handle routines or plans going awry. Amanda B. describes it as an "inability to control emotions when things are 'out of order.'" 

6. Lack of Empathy

Another sign of of Asperger's is a seeming lack of empathy for others. Jennifer B. explains that her daughter “has no clue that people around here have feelings or wants and needs. She's kinda like in her own little bubble as far as that goes. She can be totally aloof, in the clouds.”

7. Can't Understand Speech Subtleties

Some people with Asperger's have a hard time understanding speech tone, pitch, and accent. As Alice D. explains, they may take words very literally and be unable to understand sarcasm or jokes: "He doesn't get jokes and things like that, he can't tell if someone is kidding or if they are being serious."

8. Unusual Body Language

Other signs of Asperger's Syndrome include unusual facial expressions or postures, and either staring a lot at others, or avoiding eye contact altogether. Dana W. relays of her brother with Asperger's: "He would never ever look people in the eyes."

9. Delayed Motor Development

From handwriting to riding a bike, poor or delayed motor skills of many kinds could be a sign of Asperger's. As Kim F. shares of her son, who was diagnosed with Asperger's in the second grade, "He was not athletic and had poor motor skills. Couldn't skip, gallop etc."

10. Sensory Sensitivities

Many children with Asperger's have heightened sensory sensitivity. As a result, they can be easily overstimulated by certain sensations, whether it's strong lights, loud noises, or textures. Jennifer B. notes of her daughter: "Even now she doesn't like wearing some fabrics because of the way they feel. There are some sensations that she just does not like! Certain sounds, touches, etc."

If you think your child may have Asperger's, many Circle of Moms members advise that the best path is to get an expert's evaluation as soon as possible. And don't be discouraged! As Sheila D. wisely advises: "It is typical to be scared and nervous, but a diagnosis of Asperger's is not the end of the road for your child. It is a tool that will help you to help your child navigate a very different path than his 'neurotypical' peers. Find a local support group. Get informed, and be the best mom you can be."

The preceding information is for educational purposes only. For specific medical advice, diagnoses, and treatment, consult your doctor.

Related Reading

3 Common Signs of ADD/ADHD

Early Signs of Autism

20 Signs Your Child May Be Gifted

Educating Resistant Teachers About Special Needs

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Toddlers are famous for their high energy levels, and it's a common stereotype that boys are even more active than girls. Whether that's universally true or not, there are certainly a lot of moms in Circle of Moms communities who are wondering how to contain their tiny whirlwind boys. As the mother of a two-and-a-half-year-old climber/runner/jumper/screamer myself, I say: Don't try to contain him; just keep him safe and conserve your energy.

Jen is the mom of a toddler boy who she says seems overly active. She wonders why other kids stay focused during story time, while her son has about a 10-second attention span. Her son, she says, was even active in the womb! If you're dealing with a similar situation, take heart. Many moms commiserate, and have weighed in to reassure you that your son's antics are normal.

Kristen B., for one, has a four-year-old who was extremely active at 18 months. Her advice? "Save yourself anxiety, and try getting a ball and some toys to the park and let him just run around," she says. The old "wear-'em-out" theory has some merit, as your child will eventually tire. The harder he plays, the harder he will sleep!

Is My Child's Activity Level a Sign of ADHD?

Another mom dealing with a jumping bean is Nicole L., whose two-year-old son wants to explore absolutely everything. While other kids sit and wait patiently, her son runs around the room. Yet she notices that he can also be very focused, so she doesn't worry about behavioral disorders like ADHD. (Related: 3 Common Signs of ADD/ADHD).

For moms are that do read the possibility of a behavioral condition into their toddler's high energy antics, it's important to consider that it's common for kids of this age, and for boys in particular, to be very physically active. (Researchers point to the fact that boys' bodies produce less of the impulse-controlling hormone serotonin than girls do, among other reasons.) Furthermore, it's not entirely clear that a diagnosis of ADHD is valid when made this early. (The American Academy of Family Physicians recommends diagnosing a child once they're school-age.)

So just keep your child safe — and conserve your own energy! Instead of chasing your son around, watch him. You don't have to participate in every acrobatic feat, or follow him up every ladder. Just let him know you're watching — which will thrill him — and let him know that you think he's amazing, which you surely do.

This article is not intended as medical advice. If you are concerned your child is exhibiting signs of ADHD, consult your pediatrician.

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The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is one of the most common chronic conditions affecting children. According the American Academy of Pediatrics, 4–12 percent of school-aged children have ADHD, with boys being diagnosed three times more often than girls. Because signs of ADHD overlap with typical early childhood behaviors, the condition often becomes most apparent once a child begins preschool or elementary school. To help you figure out whether your child should be evaluated for ADHD by an expert, below we've summaried the condition's three common signs.

1. Inattention

Inattention is one of the main signs of ADHD in children. As Circle of Moms member Stephanie H. shares of her son who was diagnosed with ADHD: “He couldn't concentrate on anything; it seemed his mind was just jumping around from one thing to another.” The following detailed list of behaviors that may indicate inattention caused by ADHD is offered by HelpGuide.org.

• Doesn’t pay attention to details
• Makes careless mistakes
• Has trouble staying focused; is easily distracted
• Appears not to listen when spoken to
• Has difficulty remembering things and following instructions
• Has trouble staying organized, planning ahead, and finishing projects
• Gets bored with a task before it’s completed
• Frequently loses or misplaces homework, books, toys, or other items

 2. Hyperactivity

“Does [your child] have excessive motor activity and cannot sit still and squirms and is always running and climbing?” As Erin R., a Circle of Moms member and early childhood educator relays, hyperactivity is another typical sign that a child has ADHD. HelpGuide.org lists the following behaviors as potential signs of ADHD-related hyperactivity:

• Constantly fidgets and squirms
• Often leaves his or her seat in situations where sitting quietly is expected
• Moves around constantly, often runs or climbs inappropriately
• Talks excessively
• Has difficulty playing quietly or relaxing
• Is always “on the go,” as if driven by a motor
• May have a quick temper or a “short fuse”

Notably, not all children with ADD/ADHD are hyperactive; ADD/ADHD children who are inattentive but not hyperactive may instead seem to be unmotivated and constantly spacing out.

3. Impulsivity

“Many children with ADHD are very impulsive,” explains Circle of Moms members Aundrea A. According to HelpGuide.org, the following hehaviors are all signs of impulsivity that could be caused by ADHD.

• Blurts out answers in class without waiting to be called on or hear the whole question
• Can’t wait for his or her turn in line or in games
• Says the wrong thing at the wrong time
• Often interrupts others
• Intrudes on other people’s conversations or games
• Inability to keep powerful emotions in check, resulting in angry outbursts or temper tantrums
• Guesses, rather than taking time to solve a problem

This article is not intended as medical advice. If you are concerned your child is exhibiting signs of ADHD, consult your pediatrician.

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This honestly isn't meant to be a knock on men. Yet the truth is that moms tend to accept an autism spectrum disorder diagnosis a whole lot more quickly than dads.

I'm not quoting statistics in stating that, although I am sure somewhere out there some do exist. No, I am speaking from personal experiences, both my own and those of friends and acquaintances whose children have been diagnosed.

Thanks to the honesty and openness of posters in various threads in the Autism/Asperger's/PDD Awareness community, my theory that mom pulls her head out of the sand much faster than dad does seem to be a common story.

Here is just a sampling:

"My son was diagnosed at 26 months and his dad refused to believe it," shares Amber W.

"I am so sick and tired of these fathers who refuse to accept that their children have neurological disorders. Painfully, it would be easier for them if your child had a life threatening illness like cancer, or diabetes, because then they can comprehend it," laments Sheila D.

"Mothers seem to be the first to be able to accept their child's diagnosis. Fathers and extended family are usually a lot slower and find it more difficult, maybe it's because we have no choice but to pick up the pieces and do what our child needs us to do," posts Amanda S.

"My husband refuses to accept that my son has any issues other than some mild development delays," posts Becky M.

"My husband doesn't think my son has a problem. He thinks that Tyler just doesn't care about anything or anyone and just needs firmer discipline," writes Lindsay. "How can I help my husband so we can help my son?"

How can I help my husband so we can help my son?

That is the million dollar question.

Here are some priceless answers to it — obviously, easier said than implemented — also coming from moms posting on various threads in the Autism/Asperger's/PDD Awareness community.

"Maybe get some medical person to explain things to your husband," suggests Cassandra J.

"Your husband sees the same child you do, so try to make sure you can use examples of things you know he has witnessed and why they are related to your son's (or daughter's) condition," advises Beth B.

"I started printing symptoms and signs for him to read and he started seeing that is was more than just being stubborn and misbehaving," shares Thomasine H.

"Your best bet is to print out the shortest, most direct, most detailed piece of info you can find which describes your child. Hand it to your husband and tell him calmly to read it," posts Jeannette C.

"Give him time to come around. He might not show it but it is painful for a father to admit there is something he cannot protect his child from," writes Amanda S.

One Family's Story

In my case, each of the above pieces of advice has played out in one shape or another.

Coming to grips with Ian's status on the autism spectrum wasn't easy for either of us. But it was indeed me, his mom, who recognized early on that something wasn't quite "normal." Perhaps that was because as the mom at home, I was with him more. And I was propelled into immediate action when I learned that the earlier we intervened, the better.

The initial vagueness around Ian's diagnosis as PDD-NOS (Pervasise Development Disorder Not Otherwise Specified) instead of Asperger's Syndrome right off the bat did indeed frustrate my husband. It was a whole new and very foreign world for him. What do all those letters really mean? How is this fixed? Both of those questions, which he raised repeatedly, demonstrated his lack of patience for the many vagaries surrounding autism. If something was wrong, he wanted to be able to fix it, and the reality that Ian's cognitive disorder couldn't be cured, only mitigated (by teaching him coping skills) frustrated my husband's need to make everything alright for our family.

He is not alone in this need.

"Having a child on the spectrum is a scary unknown that can't, at this point, be 'cured'", writes Amanda B. in the Autism/Asperger's/PDD Awareness community.

"They (men) try to fix it, ignore it and hope it goes away. Anything to make it not true," states Leslie L. in the Mothers of Children With Tourette's community. (Tourette's Syndrome often is a co-diagnosis with autism.)

This was true of my husband. I don't know if he didn't want to believe the diagnosis or if he simply didn't want this diagnosis to be true. I shamefully admit I was too occupied processing my own feelings and seeking help for our son. Either way, my husband's head went deep in the sand. But an amazing social worker finally yanked him into the open air of autism reality, where he took the first of many deep breaths.

I remember that day well. He was anxious when Ian's caseworker came to our home. She patiently went over mounds of paperwork and outlined various programs. When Bob blatantly and very vulnerably asked if Ian would ever be cured, she looked him straight in the eye, didn't bat an eyelash and said, "No, he will have autism all of his life."

It hurt to watch the wind go right out of my husband's sails. He knew then and there that the things I'd been trying and failing to communicate for the past several months were true. I wanted to shout, "See, I told you so, I told you so. Why aren't you listening to me? Do you get it now? Are you going to get on board or what?" But I didn't. At least not right then.

A few days later said social worker made a follow-up phone call. She told me I should be patient with my husband's response. Let him process in his way, she told me. In the meantime, I needed to be the strong one for our son. It's just the way it is, she told me. Moms carry the heavier emotional burden when a family faces autism or any special need for that matter.

I've seen this scenario play out in many other families. Friends of ours, for instance, who had three girls and were finally expecting a boy. The dad's dream — of a burly son to rough and tumble with, to follow in his footsteps — was set to be realized. Then the diagnosis came. Not only a form of autism, but also Fragile X, a chromosomal deficiency in which genes responsible for intellect are unable to produce the protein necessary to support typical cell development. In most cases, it leads to some level of mental retardation. As this played out for their son, the parents discovered that two of their daughters have spectrum disorders as well.

Suddenly dreams were shattered.

Some time later, I ended up seated next to the father at a potluck. I asked how he was doing. The unhidden pain in his eyes told me all I needed to know. I took a deep breath and hoped my soul could muster up more patience than I initially had for my own husband's denial. I shared with this father as gently as I could that if he mourned the loss of what he hoped for in his son, he could then fully embrace who his son truly is and celebrate the boy's milestones as he shepherds him to adulthood.

The good news is that once a dad is on board the good ship Autism, he's a fearless captain. Note, I did not say a hearty crew member. The reality is that the swabbing of the deck, the hoisting of the mast and securing the anchor is still left up to mom. But dad does become an excellent captain steering the ship into port where supplies and a little rest and relaxation are obtainable.

It didn't happen the way I wanted it to, but my husband has become an advocate for Ian in a way I never expected nor could accomplish myself. He doesn't respond to Ian the way I do, but he's able to set appropriate expectations, and often provides the firmness and structure that Ian's cognitive disorder requires and that I find more difficult to muster.

Did my husband accept the diagnosis as quickly as I did? Positively not. Does he understand Ian in the same way I do? Nope, not even similar. But he sees nuances I don't. He took the shattered glass of our dreams and fashioned it into a kaleidoscope that reflects things mine never would.

Image Source: iPhoto

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

Traveling with any kid is challenging. Add special behavioral needs to the mix, and getting from point A to point B can be more like navigating a mine field than an airport or the open road. When you leave home and its reassuringly predictable routine, whether you have a special needs kid or just one who gets antsy on the road, how do you prepare yourself and your child for the surprises of travel?

Circle of Moms member Kristin poses this very question in the Traveling With Children community: "Has anyone here traveled with a child who has behavioral issues caused by their special needs?" she asks.

According to Alison E., talking to the airline ahead of time is a must. Her son has behavioral issues and severe anxiety. She contacts the airlines well ahead of the scheduled departure day to request advice on how to accommodate his needs, and she shares that, "Some airlines allow you to bypass the lines."

She also tries to stay flexibile and thick skinned. "It is always nerve-wracking as you never know if he will act up. But just be prepared for the worst," she advises. Also: "Most importantly, don't worry about what anyone else says about your child because they don't know the situation and they have not walked a mile in your shoes."

Nicole S. has taken her son, who has ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) to Uganda twice to accompany her on volunteer work. Getting there requires two days of flying and several layovers. She recommends taking a highly proactive approach with the people you encounter along the way.

"I was extra friendly to the people around me and apologized if things got tough for awhile. They were usually understanding and compassionate seeing (my) efforts," she posts.

She also stocks up on games for her son's portable system and brings out a new game to distract him whenever he becomes agitated. She packs lots of snacks and selects seats near the bathroom in the back of the plane in an effort to minimize any disturbance to other passengers. And last, she always brings melatonin to help her son fall asleep.

Shannon F., whose daughter has ADHD, also stockpiles distractions for long road trips: "The only way to keep her from not having a fit is to have something to do." Her arsenal includes a portable DVD player and loads of coloring books.

Angee S., a travel agent who is also a mom to an eight-year-old autistic son, recommends preparing your special needs child for travel by talking to him about the specific logistics of the trip in advance. She enlists the help of a training program called Social Stories, which is specificially targeted for children and adults on the autism spectrum.

"I read him Social Stories and books about flying so that he knows what to expect," she shares.

(Social Stories was invented by Carol Gray, founder of The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding in Grand Rapids, Mich. They are short stories depicting a particular social situation with the aim of teaching autistic children and adults the appropriate social behaviors and responses.)

Angee S. also purchases some "surprise" items and wraps them just for the trip. Whenever she needs to re-direct her son's attention from something that's bothering him, she doles out a surprise for him to unwrap.

Her other tactics include movies and strategic seating: "I also make sure he has a good stash of movies to choose from," she states, adding that "Sitting next to the window is a must, as he can watch the world go by, and I am a buffer to the rest of the plane."

Sarah D. recently took her three-year-old son with PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder Not Otherwise Specified) on his first flight. She read articles ahead of time, took her son to the airport before the day of their scheduled departure for a dry run (as far as the security gate), and arrived on the day of her family's flight in plenty of time to not be rushed through the process. "A little preparation goes a long way," she states.

From traveling with my own special needs son (13-year-old, Ian, has Asperger's), I would agree with all these moms that anticipating your child's needs goes a long way toward avoiding behavioral meltdowns. I have Ian select whatever entertainment items he wants to bring along in his carry-on backpack. I also make sure I have a credit card handy before getting seated so that I can rent a digital player for movies or television shows. And I try to just go with the flow: when, in spite of many reassurances, he remains anxious about whether our plane's on time, I encourage him to go to the gate agent to inquire directly. I take note of any food vendors en route from the security check point to the gate, since trying the airport's offerings shifts his focus away from all the boring, anxiety-provoking waiting involved in air travel. Yes, I admit it: when all else fails, distract them with munchies.

Image Source: Paul Schultz via Flickr/Creative Commons

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

Your special needs kid wiggles in his chair at school and often stares off into space, leading his teacher to the assumption that he's not paying attention. Or even worse, the teacher begins to consider him to be a behavior problem just waiting to happen.

Trouble is your kiddo actually has one (or possibly even more than one) of the many and varied cognitive disabilities that express themselves highly uniquely in each child, and that still baffle some in the educational community. And now you, the parent, are having trouble convincing his teacher to provide a modified approach in the classroom. Or perhaps you have presented said teacher with plenty of documentation, and the teacher dutifully nodded and said, "thank you," but a lack of adjustment in the classroom has proved that actions truly do speak louder than words.

"I have found that your child's success in school depends entirely on the type of teacher that they have," posts Tammy N. in the Moms of Kids With ADHD community. "The teacher has the ability to make or break your experience."

But what can you do when there appears to be more breaking than making occurring?

The first step is talking. Yes, talking — even though having a pleasant conversation with said difficult teacher is probably the last thing you really want to do.

"Communication with the teachers and staff is so important," writes Shelly N., also a member of the Moms of Kids With ADHD community. She has two boys who've been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. "I kill them (the teachers) with kindness, offer names of books for them to read, and send them links to sites with helpful info."

A first bridge-builder is to give the teacher the benefit of the doubt. They aren't necessarily "experts" on every disability. As Shelly N. cautions, "do not assume that teachers, because they are teachers, know how to deal with and help these kids. They get a blip of concentrated instruction in this area."

Lanny H. suggests tactfully sharing some tips that you already know will work with your child: "Come up with some acceptable methods to help," she says in the Moms of Kids With ADHD community.

For example, Cathy C. knows that her teenage son with ADHD struggles with the end-of-the-school-day routine. As she explains, "We found that a check sheet taped to his desk would help him to remember the many things he needed to pack up to bring home at the end of the school day. This took some of it off of the teacher and put the responsibility on him."

However, teachers are as varied as the rest of the human population. Not all are flexible. As Suzanne H. laments in the Moms of Kids With ADHD community, "Some teachers are set in their ways and don't want to take the time to help kids who need a little more attention."

If being proactive in offering information doesn't net the kind of changes that address your child's specific learning needs, then it's time to take the teacher to the principal's office.

"I would request a meeting with the school principal to try to get them to support your child and understand her (or his) needs," advises Chantelle M. in the Autism/Aspergers/PDD-Awareness community.

But don't make that request by phone only. It's too easily ignored and too difficult to document. Cathy C. suggests documentation: "I recommend that you email the principal, counselor and teacher(s) to request a meeting. If you do this via email with a read receipt, at least you will know they received the request. When you get a response, make sure you save both your email and theirs, or better yet, save and print all correspondence."

It may seem as if you are in a battle for your child's education. You are. However, do your best to remain non-combative in your strategy with teachers and staff.

"I am really trying not to be on the defensive with teachers, nor do I want to alienate them or cause them to take anything out on my child," writes Shelly N. "But I will do what it takes to make sure he gets all the accommodations and assistance he is entitled to."

Successfully securing accommodations often means having an IEP (Individual Education Plan), which governs your child's education, in effect. (See Riding the IEP Rollercoaster.)

"If you don't have an IEP in place, get it done immediately," posts Angela C., whose youngest son has a co-diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome, ADHD, and anxiety. "Once that's in place, the school and teachers have to follow it and give the help."

Even with an IEP though, you'll no doubt have to continue being a bit of a squeaky wheel. As Jennifer B. shares in the Moms of Kids With ADHD community, you're the best person for the job: "Always remember, no one knows your child better than you do. Never let someone else tell you they think they know what is best just because they see him (or her) for an hour a day, five days a week, in a high-stress environment."

What's worked best for you with your child's teachers?

Image Source: Corinne Schwarz via Flickr/Creative Commons

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

The fight to secure financial benefits from the government for a disabled minor child can be a long, grueling and emotional battle. "They ask for so much information that a lot of people give up," writes Linda G. in the Mothers of Special Needs Children community, referring to government programs that require what seems like endless documentation. Yet for those who persist, success provides desperately needed dollars.

Here is some heart-felt advice from Circle of Moms members who've been through the experience of obtaining benefits for a disabled minor.

"Social Security nearly 100 percent of the time will deny any application the first time," posts Amy L. in the Mothers of Special Needs Children community. "My daughter's disease has a 100 percent approval rate, but they still denied it initially. I had to appeal twice."

Her advice: Keep appealing. Be stubborn. Don't give up.

"Show them you are serious. Keep them up to date with changes, doctor's appointments, etc. Request a social worker assists you with appeals if necessary," Amy L. advises.

Perseverance and a little string-pulling is what Mandy C. suggests.

"No matter how many times they deny, you keep appealing it. Get your physician and therapists involved," she writes.

Becky S. encourages taking the fight for benefits one step further: "Go get a lawyer for Social Security benefits," she advises. "They can get you benefits your child needs. They get results faster than you can get on your own."

And mom of TEN Linda G. suggests making the fight an even more personal endeavor by providing case workers with an up-close encounter with your child.

"Bring your child to your appeal so they can see for themselves what you have to deal with," Linda G. posts. "We did. That's when we got approved."

Frustratingly enough, getting approval for financial assistance for a disabled minor child isn't a reality for many of the families struggling to meet the monetary demands of raising a child with special challenges. This is the case for Sabrina R.

"Disability denied my disabled son benefits," she writes in the Mothers of Special Needs Children community. "Why is this even happening?" She explains that the denial was due to financial reasons. "Apparently you have to have an income no greater than $938 a month to qualify. Are you kidding me? This money is not for us. It's for him."

Unfortunately, government programs do not take into account the extra financial burden having a child with a disability can place on a family. Strict income-based guidelines are in force under federal policies. These income guidelines are not solely based on the child's income. Until the age of 18. parent's income counts as well in determining financial need.

"We consider your child's income and resources. We also consider the income and resources of family members living in the child's household," is the explanation given in the electronic book Benefits For Children With Disabilities published on the federal Social Security Administration website.

While the federal government sets basic family income guidelines, various states amend these to better reflect local economic conditions. Each state is different. The best way to find out the what the income guidelines are where you live is to check with your local Social Security office.

Should your family's income fall within guidelines, you still must prove your child's disability. "That is the key," states Florida mom Tara P. "To show that he (or she) is disabled compared to his (or her) peers and how it impacts him (or her)."

A big step toward getting an approval is to have disability-demonstrating documentation at the ready when first applying for benefits. "Be prepared to have stuff from your doctor with the diagnosis on it, stuff from psychologists, and stuff from school, like an IEP (Individual Education Plan) that states their disability," suggests Ashley K. in the Autism/Aspergers/PDD Awareness community.

Being prepared with paperwork in hand is what Angela M. did to secure disability payments for her son: "I had a little folder I brought to the appointment with me that contained EVERYTHING given to me from any doctors appointments that proved he had autism, a letter from his neurologist stating it wasn't a temporary diagnosis, and then a financial list of my income and how it was spent (bills, food, diapers, doctor appointments) and when they saw that what I needed was more than what I made, my son was approved," she shares. "You can't rely on the doctors to have and or send all the needed information, so it's good to keep your own records of your child's medical history handy for reason like this."

Have you faced a battle for benefits? What did you do to win it?

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

Recently, I sat down with a team of excellent, kind, and hard-working educational professionals for my son's three-year IEP (Individual Education Plan) evaluation. Together, we looked at a plethora of documents with test results and charts that were there to demonstrate Ian's academic and social deficiencies and to justify the need for continued services. By the end of the meeting we had formulated a plan for the coming school year. And I had once again come face-to-face with the ugly reality that my precious child is behind his peers. Or at least that is the truth as it is spelled out on paper.

These meetings are important, necessary and I am ever so thankful for everyone's efforts. But they are gut wrenching for me. Attending my son's IEP meetings is like strapping in for a rollercoaster ride. Sadly, I'm not a thrill ride kind of girl. Being upside down and potentially puking all over myself is not my idea of a good time. Yet Ian is now a seventh-grade student and I've been hopping on this ride every year since preschool. You'd think that by now I'd have developed an iron stomach. Or at least an iron heart, to help me keep my emotions in check.

The IEP: A Necessary Evil

The IEP is, of course, a necessary evil. In this day of tight budgets, the proof is in the paperwork. It safeguards the special services that are provided to a student with cognitive social functioning difficulties.

But it doesn't change the fact that it super sucks to once again hear disappointing news: according to psychological tests, more than 80 percent of the kids roaming the halls of Ian's school are performing at a higher level than my bright-eyed man boy.

At least I'm in good company: many moms have a love-hate relationship with the IEP.

"I just feel it's the same thing every year and not making any headway," complains Misty T. in the Moms of Children With Learning Disabilities community.

"I HATE those IEP meetings," posts Patricia D. in the Autism/Aspergers/PDD Awareness community.

"They are overwhelming and stressful," states Cory F. in the Mothers of Special Needs Children.

"They (IEPs) can be very intimidating," writes Jennifer P., also a member of the Mothers of Special Needs Children community.

Annemarie B., posting in the Autism/Aspergers/PDD Awareness community on Circle of Moms, shares that she still feels intimidated even after attending IEP meetings for eight years.

"You feel so out of place with all the professionals in the room," she says.

And yet the presence of all those experts—in Ian's case a school psychologist, speech therapist, special education teacher, regular education teacher, special education department chair, principal, plus a representative from the school district busing department—is reassuring. It helps me see that I'm not alone, that many folks are on board this ride with me.

Which brings me full circle to my first and foremost IEP-oriented emotion: gratitude.

While I do battle a myriad of emotions at IEP time, this one isn't a fight. It is more of an embrace. I am thankful for the people working so diligently to help my son overcome his obstacles to reach his potential. He's a budding scientist, mixing all sorts of concoctions in his room. Without their belief in his current and future capabilities, he wouldn't have the opportunities he does to develop that passion. I know teaching is a job performed from a heart filled with care. There simply is no way anyone would last long in the profession without one.

What Really Matters, Tests Or Grades?

Frustratingly, all those experts speak an educational lingo that can take years for a parent to fully grasp.

It's tough to decipher what matters more: these performance tests with all their mysterious formulas, or the grades that were just sent home?

Third-quarter grades came in the mail this week. Ian has a "B" average in mostly mainstream classes. (His only "special education" courses are language arts and a study skills class. A junior high boy doesn't require Asperger's Syndrome to qualify for that type of remedial help.) My husband asked me how our child can score so low on performance tests yet still bring home respectable marks.

I questioned it as well until I realized once again that the IEP process, which includes its own testing and evaluation, is what gets Ian the extra help he needs to earn these respectable grades and to build patterns for future success.

Ian takes his time processing information. This isn't a bad thing unless you are taking a timed test. Ian won't perform well if he's rushed. He struggles to accurately follow multi-step directions.

Melissa G., posting in the Autism/Aspergers/PPD Awareness community, reminds me that the nature and (hopefully) end goal of the IEP meeting is "to help our children reach their full potentials."

The reality is this: My son is a square peg in a round world. We cannot shave too much off from him or he won't be who is meant to be. But we do have to gently round off his edges so that he'll fit better.

Hope in a Text Message

The other day Ian was out with a friend and his father at the hobby shop, searching out parts for a school science project. My cell phone began to buzz with text messages, little updates on the project's progress. To my amazement, the bulk of the messages came across with correct spelling, punctuation and grammar. I wondered if Ian's buddy was actually punching the buttons. But my suspicions were mistaken. My son's syntax is unmistakable, and confirmed the messages were actually from him. My kid was texting me! He was texting me enough to almost be annoying. Just like any other kid.

Suddenly my fears were put to a nap (I wish I could say rest). For at least one afternoon, I ceased worrying about the results of his IEP tests as I watched evidence of his progress and normalcy ping me repeatedly through the little screen.

Every year it takes me some time to recover from the jarring twists and turns my emotions experience on the rails of the IEP ride. But at least it isn't the bumper cars. And maybe in the future, I'll feel I've just ridden a carousel instead.

Image Source: natalie419 via Flickr/Creative Commons

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

The guilt.

The shame.

The loneliness.

The exhaustion.

They are often the constant companions of mothers raising children with special needs.

“I feel like a horrible mother because I can’t take my child’s behavior anymore,” writes Zenovia K. in the Children with ADHD/ADD community. Her 12-year-old daughter has both attention deficit hyperactivity and oppositional defiant disorders. It\'s a tough cognitive combination that sometimes causes her daughter to physically and verbally assault her.

“I feel so alone,” Zenovia posts.

Yet she isn’t.

At least not according to numbers reported by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

• 13 percent of American children have a developmental disability ranging from a mild speech or language impairment to a serious developmental or intellectual diagnosis such as cerebral palsy or autism.
• 4.5 million school age children have ADHD
• 1 in 110 children have an autism spectrum disorder
• 10 percent of children have anxiety disorder

“The last few days I seem to feel like I’m failing as a mother,” writes Summer P. in the Mothers of Special Needs Children community.

Her three-year-old son has a global development delay, mild cerebral palsy, and a genetic disorder caused by a chromosome deletion. His vocabulary is limited. She’s having difficulty getting him to understand the concept of danger.

“I always felt like I was in control and dealing with everything the best I could, but in the last few days I’m feeling like I’m just failing,” Summer posts. “Major guilt and feelings of failure happening in our house.”

In just two short paragraphs, Summer used the word “failure” three times to describe her efforts as a mom.

While feelings of failure are real and valid emotions, a mom named Holly O. points out that they don’t say much about how well a parent is actually handling the special challenge of raising of a special needs child. As she puts it, “While it is easier said than done, throw that guilt and failure right out the window. You are a good, loving, caring mom of a very complex little boy.\"

“Yes, there are times when you feel you are failing them but you are not,” writes Brenda H.

“You are doing the best you can with a difficult child,” adds Jane S.

Hearing encouraging words from other mothers who are walking the same path can be exactly the help a discouraged mom needs most.

Case in point: Christi T. posted about her feeling of failure in the Autism/Asperger’s/PPD Awareness community not long after her son was first diagnosed. She didn\'t realize he was behind developmentally initially, and when the diagnosis finally came, people in her life questioned her skills as a mother, blaming her for her son’s diagnosis.

“When I tell them, they laugh and say, oh, he will grow out of it,” she writes. “They ask, how old are you, and when I tell them my age (I am soon to be 22), I get oh, it’s just because you are a young mom and don’t know what you are doing. It frustrates me so much and makes me feel like a complete failure.”

Christi changed her tune after a few fellow mothers commented on her thread.

“I guess I just kinda needed a pep talk,” she posted. “Thank you for all of the support, it really is comforting to know I am not the only mom out there that feels this way.”

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.