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Mallary M. is sick and tired of step-parents getting a bad rap. A step-mom herself, this Circle of Moms member feels that step-parents are uniquely qualified to play a significant role in blended family decision making. "Half the time it's the step-parent who is the only one who can look past the issues and fighting going on between the biological parents and actually see what is best for the child," she says.

Here, Mallary and other Circle of Moms members share five reasons why step-moms have a key role to play in family decision making — and why everyone wins when they participate fully. (For another perspective, see 3 Parenting Situations Off Limits to Step Parents.)

1. We're a Family

Many moms believe that taking on the role of step-parent means sharing in all decisions with your spouse. "As a step parent, I am as much involved with decisions as my husband and vice versa since there were kids on both sides," says Traci M. "After all, if you marry with children you not only marry that person, but their children as well. Sometimes, there are no brilliant answers for making children see the importance of what you are asking if it's different from [what goes on in] their other home. Open lines of communication and making yourself available at all times is the best you can do.”

"Parents, step or biological, should have equal rights to decision making," Dawn A. tells moms. "The decisions I make with my oldest daughter will affect the next four children growing up in our family. If I step out of the role of parent because a child is not my biological child you are only asking for problems with the boundaries for any children in your home."

Sunshine R. agrees. "I believe they should have just as much [authority] as the biological parents do. If it weren't for my step-dad, [who] I firmly believe he is my ‘real’ father, I wouldn't have any direction or discipline in my life. He has been there since I was six-months-old. So I think the step-parent should have just as much say."

2. The More Parental Figures The Better

Ultimately, having step-parents join biological parents in the decision making can be a positive situation for kids. "The fact is, when there is divorce, there is potential for other ‘parental’ figures to come into our children's lives," shares Donna W. "The main objective remains the same: making sure the kids have a safe and happy home in each home they are in. The words 'mom' or 'dad' don’t mean biological parent. I went into my relationship knowing that he had little ones. I knew that would mean that I would need to love them unconditionally, no matter what, that's what all children need. And I made that choice."

3. All Parents Should Share in Decisions

“My opinion [is that] ‘yours’ or ‘mine’ just doesn't seem like the best way to go. I prefer ‘ours,'" says Shannon H. "All four of us are equally important in [my step-daughter's] eyes, all four of us are involved in some aspect of her life, so all four of us have a say of what goes on in her life. Yes, our rules are different in each house, and yes, we don't always agree. Sometimes we have arguments, sometimes misunderstandings. But in the end, all four of us are raising her, so all four of us have a say of what goes on in her life."

4. My House, My Rules

"As for the discipline in our house, I have just as much say as my husband," states Emily B. "Sometimes, I am referred to as the 'step-monster' because I have rules and it does cause conflict between myself and my step-daughter and her mother at times. But...it is my house, so if you don't like it then don't come."

5. Treat all Kids Equally

When it comes to blended families, especially if there are kids from both sides, it's important for the step and biological parents to share in the discipline, says mom Jennifer L. "I have treated both the boys (my own and step-son) equal," she declares. "I love his son as my own. I feel making decisions is important to do equally, [my husband] for my son, and me for his."

For additional perspectives, see Should Stepparents Step Up as Disciplinarians? and 3 Parenting Situations Off Limits to Step Parents.

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The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

When MJ recently found herself divorced and struggling to raise two teens alone, she put out a call to the Circle of Moms community: "How do I get through working, studying and raising two teenagers alone? I’m feeling lost, lonely, sad and overwhelmed," she says. "I guess I’m looking for hope. Has anyone else been through this?"

So what’s the secret sauce that enables single moms to do it all? Here, Circle of Moms members who are the single parents of teens share the choices and priorities they have made to handle life as a "double parent" of teens. Many have had to zero in on what really matters. Here are five insights that will inspire any mom of teens with her own juggle.

1. Set Goals and Prioritize

You’ve got to have a plan in place and go after it at full speed, say Circle of Moms members like Megan B. “You have to set goals for yourself and show your girls that they too can overcome any obstacle in life to achieve what they want. It's a life lesson that can only be taught by example."

Megan recommends that single moms of teens make an extra effort to involve their children in discussing goals, not only to set an example, but to get teens on board and supporting their mom. "Have your daughters help you study or make dinner and this quality time will make them feel like a contributing member of the household, not to mention the benefits of them picking up good study/work habits," she adds.

Staying strong and in control are also key, says Lysa M. "Remember you are the parent," she stresses. "Even good kids will push you every now and then."

2. Sometimes You Have to Sacrifice

With no backup team to lean on, one thing single moms become experts at is sacrificing their own needs to give teens the extras, says Roohi N. "I went through this when my son was 12," she says. "I went back for my MBA and worked and went to school and took care of my son. My ex husband doesn’t give me any support financially and morally with my son. So, I had to take a smaller class load and there were no vacations."

Bobbie H. says the sacrifices are worth it. "I sacrificed greatly putting their needs above my own, I sold a car and took a bus for two years so that I could put a down payment on a house and not pay someone else’s mortgage by renting from them. I packed lunch every day, never eating out so that they could have cute clothes and school supplies and school extras. I had the same coat for four years, same jeans and tops. All mothers sacrifice."

3. Find a Support Network

When Shelly B. found parenting her teen sons as a single mom overwhelming, she sought out a support network for her sons and another one for herself. "Check into a Big Brother program to find strong male role models for your sons," she recommends. "That will help you with the hard stuff of parenting. And ask for help for yourself. You need to find a place to vent and scream or just whine."

4. Make Your Kids Step Up

Money matters can be a huge stumbling block for single moms of teens, especially when expenses like college loom in the near future. Patricia Q. and other moms have learned to share some of that financial responsibility with their children, which they believe will make them more independent and self reliant in the future. "Your kids could babysit, dog walk, dog sit or get creative in helping you out financially a little bit," she says.

5. Take Small Breaks

It’s not practical for single moms of teens to head off on a lengthy vacation to chill out, but you can recharge your batteries. "It'll give you that breath of fresh air you need to keep pushing forward," Megan B. says. "It’s a strategy for all moms. As mothers we often forget about our needs and how important our emotional/physical well being [are]. Go have some coffee with friends or have some 'girl time' with your daughters. A little goes a long way," she adds.

Christy S. suggests escapes as simple as taking a walk down your driveway, or getting some exercise: "When I was a single mom and I felt like I was on overload and never got a break. I walked to the mailbox and the children knew that was mom's alone time. The body thinks and feels healthier when you exercise," she says. "Talk about stress relief."

What tips do you have for raising teens alone?

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The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

Dating as a single mom is complicated enough, but when you add sex to the mix it can get even more complex. How long do you wait? How do you handle the stereotypes guys may have about single moms? When do you find the time? Where do you go? Ultimately these are are very personal decisions to make, but Circle of Moms members who are single and dating have offered a variety of perspectives to consider as you answer them for yourself.

"I Miss Sex"

After nearly two years of single motherhood, Circle of Moms member Danielle C. says she wasn’t ready for a relationship, but she really missed sex. She’s not alone. Admitting it might be a “crass” topic, single mom Elle G. asked other Circle of Moms members about "getting laid," and along with getting advice about being patient and waiting for the right man to come along, Trish H. was honest enough to say sometimes “you have an itch and an itch needs to be scratched.” She encourages Elle to enjoy her freedom and go out and have some (safe) fun.

Mens' Expectations Don't Match My Reality

Finding someone to help you scratch the itch doesn’t seem to be a problem. Circle of Moms members have shared experiences revealing that there are plenty of men who are more than willing to sleep with a single mom on the first date or as a “friend with benefits.” So many, in fact, that single mom Andrea J. is bothered that most of the men she meets expect she’ll jump into bed with them right away. “It’s like me having a child makes me a slut or a free pass to sex,” she complains.

Despite the fact that other members reassure Andrea that this phenomenon isn’t exclusive to single motherhood, Barbara M. says she’s run across the same thing, and thinks men see a single mom as a desperate, easy target. “They don't get that if I decide to spend time away from my child, it must be worth it,” she adds.

Logistics are Challenging But Not Impossible

As a single mom, though, finding time to spend with a man when your kids aren't around is hard. Circle of Moms members have come up with some creative solutions to this problem.

Amy L. advises setting a regular time for a family member to watch your kids even before you find a guy, to make your absence less awkward. That way, if your family is used to watching your kids every other Saturday while you have some time to yourself, it’s not incredibly obvious what you may be doing with that time.

Moms Amanda J. and Melissa R. say their boyfriends come over to watch movies after their children are in bed. For Amanda, at least, it seems as though this is a solution to both the “where” and “when” dilemma of having sex as a single mom. 

Others suggest lunch dates or late-night dinners as a good meeting time. Mom Sharon D. says a late dinner would allow her to put her son to bed before a sitter arrives and “that way he won't even miss [her] or know [she’s] gone.”

I'm Discrete for My Kids' Sake

One thing all these single moms have in common is the need to keep their relationships, as mom Latelia F. puts it, “on the down low" from their kids. For example, though Trish encourages Elle “to explore what the dating world has to offer,” she is clear in advising Elle not to bring men home to meet her daughter.

This discretion is a matter of protection, moms say. They’re not going to let their kids meet a man until they know that it’s more than just a fling. And even after a relationship is more serious, some moms, including Amanda J., try to shield their children from the fact that a boyfriend has stayed the night. She's emphatic: “If he stays over, he gets up and leaves before [the children] ever get up.”

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The topic of teen pregnancy scares a lot of us. The possibility of your high school-aged son getting a girl pregnant or your teenage daughter announcing that she’s pregnant can feel unfathomable. No parent wants to think of her child as reckless, and television shows typically depict teen moms as exactly that: irresponsible kids who end up relying on their parents to take care of the child for them. But is this the whole teen mom story?

Circle of Moms member Veronica P., who had her first child just months after finishing high school, doesn't think so. She believes the stigma against teen moms stems from media portrayals that seek to dissuade teens from becoming pregnant:

"Not every teen mother is a high school dropout (I graduated three months pregnant), is on welfare, in an abusive relationship, is a whore, or is a crack head. These are stereotypes — because everyone prefers to look at the bad in teen moms instead of the many great teen moms out there."

So what are the teen mom stories we don't hear about? Here, teen moms explain why they took on motherhood at such a young age, and also why they love it — in spite of what the world thinks and says about them.

"I Have a Committed Partner"

One reason teen moms say they’re willing to embark on motherhood is that they have been in a committed relationship for several years with a supportive partner. Anita H. had been with her partner for a while before finding out she was pregnant: "I’m 19 and have a three-week-old beautiful baby girl. Her father and I have been together for almost three years, so when I got pregnant our friends weren't even surprised. Neither were our parents. They were a little disappointed at first, but they love being grandparents. Being a mother is hard work, but hey, what challenge in life isn't hard?"

Similarly, sixteen-year-old Jaylena G. says she was happy when she found out she was pregnant at age 15, and that she and her partner are still very happy raising their daughter together.

"I Feel Accomplished"

Not every teenage girl has the support of her partner or family when she finds out she's pregnant, but that doesn't necessarily diminish her capacity for feeling motherly love and duty herself. Kayla W., Amy L., and many other Circle of Moms members who are teens says they are working hard to graduate, get jobs and find a place to live in order to become responsible adults, both for their little ones and for themselves.

Kayla was 16 when she had her daughter, and says that she and her boyfriend got a house and everything else on their own. "My daughter is spoiled rotten and always will be. She’s a year and a half and already has more than I ever had, and that’s exactly what I want for her. Yeah, it’s hard sometimes, but it’s so worth it in the end!"

Amy declares: "I was 14 when I had my daughter. It was rough, but I managed to graduate high school early, have three more kids, finish my bachelors in business and (glad to say) at age 27 life just gets better. I'm proud to be a successful teen-adult mom!"

Ashley M. is also proud to have done everything on her own: "I'm 20 and I have two babies. My boyfriend and I have been the sole providers for our children since day one, and I'm proud to say we have never asked for help in raising our children."

Another teen mom, Laura M., had her son at 17. Now he's two, and she has been with his father for four years. Laura graduated high school, finished her accounting degree (which is what she wanted to do before getting pregnant), and plans to obtain a science degree next so that she can ultimately become a pediatrician.

"Motherhood Has Made Me Stronger"

The biggest reward of having a child early, say teen members, is experiencing the love between parent and child. Yes, everything in your life is changes, but it's for the better. Kimberley L., for example, who had her now six-year-old daughter at 19 and has raised her alone, says she wouldn't change a thing: "[My daughter] is a blessing [and] changed my life! Times were hard but worth it to wake up in the morning and see her smiling back. Just wait till she can talk. It’s amazing when they turn around and randomly say ‘I love you Mommy.’”

Another proud teen mom, Nicole H., says that when people ask her why she's a teen mom she tells them that she doesn't know where she'd be if she hadn't had her daughter. "What I do know is that if I were still on the same road I was before I got pregnant, I definitely wouldn't have a job, a house, a car... or any of the things I have today. She gave me motivation to do something with my life. I wouldn't change a thing," adds Nicole.

Maria B. has a similar, yet different story. She was an honor roll student when she found out she was pregnant as a teen, but her feeling of pride is just as strong. "I was 17 and in my senior year of high school. I was excited to be an honor student and get ready to go off to college the following year. My life changed the moment I found out I was pregnant, though. It wasn't something I planned, nor was it something that I thought would or could happen to me. I was kicked out of my mother's house, I had to leave school early and I didn't think my life could ever be better. I went into a deep depression. Today, I have my own home, car and college degree. I am happily married and have amazing children."

Getting through a difficult pregnancy with little support from her baby's father motivated 18-year-old Ashley P. to be a stronger person: "As hard as it's been and as sick as I was when I was pregnant (still got high blood pressure), I wouldn't trade [my daughter] for the world. I almost died for my baby, and I would do it again in a heartbeat. I love being a teen mommy. I wouldn't trade it for anything."

Finally, teen mom Lissel S. shares that her pregnancy helped her not only become more responsible, but discover the loving support around her. It took her a full six months of being pregnant before she could confess to family members that she was having a baby. As she shares on Circle of Moms, she eventuallly did so, telling her dad, "I know you're disappointed in me. Trust me, so am I. All I want is to be your little girl and I ruined it."

She was amazed by his heartfelt reply: "You will always be my little girl no matter what you do. We will get through this together, and I could never be disappointed in you."

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When Marian W. woke up from the aftermath of her divorce, she discovered collateral damage: the loss of important friendships she'd had with women who were still married. “Suddenly I felt very alone," she relays. "I felt like I had sunk into a mommy black hole and the other moms (married friends) couldn’t understand this different new world I was in.” 

Does it have to be so? Here, Circle of Moms members who've survived a split or divorce offer three ways for newly single moms to maintain their friendships with still-coupled moms.

1. Stay Involved in Your Shared Community

Many friendships among moms are based on the community we build together around our kids, points out Circle of Moms member April B. She recommends keeping disconnection at bay by continuing to show up to play dates, team games, and other community events — with a smile on your face. “I know it is hard, but I have discovered it will help you fulfill your unmet needs."

Shelley W. agrees that the best way to maintain the friendships you had with other moms before your split is to stay involved in the community activities you participated in when married. She stays active as a volunteer at her children’s school, which "is a great place to get to be with the other parents." 

2. Don't Make Your Friends Choose Sides

One of the keys to staying connected with married women friends is to assure them that you aren't asking them to pick sides and you won't be using them as a sounding board when you need to air your feelings about your ex, says Natasha D. "Let your friends know that even though you are not together anymore that does not affect your relationship with them. Make it very clear that you do not expect [an old friend] to choose sides."

3. Don't Wait for Them to Come to You

Finally, several moms endorse simply making an effort with your most important friends rather than waiting for them to reach out to you, even — or especially — if it feels awkward. "I've learned to put myself out there, talk to people, build my own network of trustworthy and friendly people," says Shelley W.

April B. agrees, and adds that simply showing up at a social event you would have gone to when you were married creates momentum that will "keep you reaching out and connected." 

Were you able to maintain friendships with married mom friends after your split or divorce?

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The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

"Where do you draw the line on step parents making decisions in their step-children's [lives]?" asks Circle of Moms member Lindsay H. Should a step-mom weigh in on the school her step-child attends, or whether he can get a tattoo?

Many moms whose ex husbands are remarried feel strongly that there are certain situations where step-moms need to mind their own business. As Allison S. explains, "Obviously, when my daughter is in their home it's their rules, but I don't feel this woman should have any say in the 'big decisions' in my daughter's life."

So what are those "big decisions?" When is it okay for a step mom to set rules and enforce them (covered in a recent article), and when will she be perceived as crossing a line? To help answer that thorny question, I've rounded up three parenting situations moms generally flag as areas of caution for step-moms, plus one general piece of advice on how to tread when these issues come up.

1. What Kids Wear

According to Dawn A., step-moms shouldn't assume final say on how a child looks or what she wears, as her choices might not mesh with the wishes of the biological mom. Her daughters' step-mom, who buys a lot of clothing for the family, selects items that Dawn deems "a bit old," for her girls, including a string bikini for her 13-year-old.

2. Parent Teacher Conferences

Responsibility for a child's education belongs to the biological parents, says Circle of Moms member Donna L.: "I don't think the step-mom should go [to a parent teacher conference]. I think the child's parents should go."

But can step and bio parents attend together? Gina M., who used to teach, explains that this is often a recipe for its own kind of trouble, because mixing parents and step-parents in the same room can be "like jump-roping on land mines. You had to watch your step or things could quickly explode."

3. Major Life Decisions

Finally, many moms feels step moms should step back when it comes to high impact life decisions like which high school to attend, says Amber Q. "That should be my ex's and my responsibility," she says.

Many parents include medical decisions in this category, including Dawn M. She shares the story of a friend whose child has a medical condition: "The stepmother, an educated woman but not a medical professional, decided [my friend's son] didn't need to go to the doctor appointment that she had agreed to take him to. She has also decided he only needs to take half the dose of medicine prescribed by the doctor."

Natasha W. underscores the point that step-parents should exercise caution in situations like these, adding that unless the child's biological parents are out of the picture, "it's just simply not legal" for a step-parent to assume this kind of responsibility.

A Word to the Wise

Many Circle of Moms members say they wouldn't object to the step-mom in their children's lives having an opinion in decisions, as long as she consults and respects her opinion, too. "The step-parent needs to talk to the biological parent first before making serious decisions for the children," says Candace S. "My ex-husband's wife tries to take over my role as a mother. Yes it was hurtful when I found out that both of them were teaching my daughter to call her 'mom.' I feel they both don't give me respect as a mother."

In the end, a little courtesy on both sides seems to go a long way, says Amy T. "Step-moms need to remember they will be living with the biological mom for a long time. When you married her ex, you didn’t just marry him and his children, you married her as well."

For another point of view, see Should Stepparents Step Up as Disciplinarians?

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When it comes to the question “Should I stay or should I go?” Kirsty C. and other Circle of Moms members are firm believers that the best thing any parent can do is to keep their family intact and together for the kids. “It’s better to do anything to save the marriage,” she says. “I think that we live in a throwaway society these days. We are so used to immediate gratification, so if something doesn't work (like our marriage), we chuck it and get a new ‘better' one. With marriage, you need to work on it every day.”

Here, Kirsty C. and other Circle of Moms members who feel that parents should never divorce offer three reasons for a fighting couple to move beyond their personal strife. (For another point of view, see Should Fighting Couples Stay Together or Call it Quits?)

1. Your Kids Need a Stable Family Environment

Moms like Diane H. feel that self sacrifice is what marriage is about. “Parents need to put their children’s happiness before their own,” she says. “I can't help but respect and admire someone who puts aside their own happiness and desires in order to provide a stable family environment for their children. Respect and love must be taught, so just be sure you are setting a positive example for your children.”

2. It May Just Be a Rough Patch

Betsy F. and Angie E. both believe that couples with children can and should find a way to make it work. Becky urges parents to “not to be so quick to end it,” and Angie explains why:

“Any couple who has made it to celebrate their 20th, 30th, or 60th wedding anniversary will tell you that there were times, heck, years even that they didn't feel like they were in love. But the reward that you get from having gone through tough times and sticking it out together is beyond amazing. I don't know any old timers who regret having stuck it out.”

3. You Signed Up to Work at It

Divorce is not the only solution, say moms in difficult marriages who have chosen to stay married. Heather G. believes that if your only reason for divorce is that you’ve grown apart, or are unhappy, there are other solutions. “Marriage is work,” she says, “It takes an effort on both parts. In our case, we have made it through more than most couples ever have to experience. A special needs child changes every aspect of your life, but we love each other, and we know to keep each other happy and spend time on us so we can be the best parents possible for our kids."

Moms like Kathy M. feel the struggle is worth the results: “We don't constantly fight, rather, there is an undercurrent of unhappiness. We have agreed to stick it out for the sake of the kids, and honestly, we do a pretty good job of parenting together. . . . we do well co-parenting and the kids are happy and thriving. If you can tough it out, I think you should try."

(For tips on how to stay married, see 5 Lessons We Can All Learn from Divorced Moms.)

Should unhappy parents stay together for the sake of their kids?

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Monica is worried about how to tell her kids that she and their father are splitting up. Her three kids, all pre-teens, are very close to their dad. “How do you tell your kids you’re getting divorced?” frets this Circle of Moms member.

Reaching the decision to separate or get a divorce is difficult enough without the challenge of breaking the news to your children. But tell your kids you must. Failing to accurately inform your children about changes in marriage and living arrangements can have lasting effects, Circle of Moms member Ali recalls. She was four when her parents separated and they “never said a word about it.” She didn’t find out her parents were divorced until nine years later when her sister broke the news over the phone. 

“I was heartbroken and actually let her go so I could cry without anyone hearing it,” Ali says. “My only advice is to not wait, and try to make [your child] understand, through stories and other things, how a divorce is best for a family. . . Otherwise, [your child] will build an imaginary idea of your relationship through the way you talk to each other and that may hurt her.”

Since, as Ali's story illustrates, this conversation sets the stage for all that follows, it's important to be thoughtful about the way you handle it. Here are five strategies for breaking news of a separation, split, or divorce to your grade school-aged kids, as shared by moms who've been through it.

1. Tell the Honest, Simple Truth

Many Circle of Moms members who already are divorced say there’s no reason to tiptoe around the subject of divorce or separation with big kids. After all, grade schoolers are perceptive enough to know that “something” is going on in their mom’s and dad’s relationship, and may even understand that divorce means mom and dad won’t live together any more.

Stacy agrees that parents should be up-front with their children about a divorce “from the start,” because kids will “hear and see things that we don’t think they do.” Moreover, Stacey explains, being honest about the situation and simply explaining that Mom and Dad aren’t getting along — without getting into the details — is the best way to show that the family can cope with difficult situations even if everyone’s not physically living in the same space.

The key, say both Teresa and Alison, is to provide an explanation that's simple — telling your child only things he can understand — so as not to confuse him, especially in an already confusing situation.  (If you need help explaining things, adds Teresa, there are many books that help parents explain divorce to their children at their level.)

What exactly does a simple, honest explanation look like? Circle of Moms member Meryet, whose daughter was five when she and her husband split, was as painfully honest as she could be: "I sat her down one day and told her that Mommy and Daddy were going to be living in different houses because we couldn't get along very nicely anymore. She was understanding.” Mom Kerstin, too, told her nine-year-old daughter “straight out” that she was getting a divorce because “Mommy and Daddy don’t love each other enough to stay married,” and explained that this “just happens with adults sometimes.” 

2. Have the Conversation as a Family if Possible

When possible, Circle of Moms members suggest parents talk about divorce with the entire family present, to show that Mom and Dad will still “be there” and are truthful with their children. Because divorce can be so disrupting, it’s important to tell children that you’re still a family, even if dad is living somewhere else, Daniela says. “Make sure your children’s dad is still a big part of their lives, and show them that you both love them every day. . . . I know sometimes it's easier said than done, but in the end it's what your children need — a healthy, happy family atmosphere.

3. Don’t Bad-Mouth the Other Parent

No matter how you feel about your ex, for the children’s sake, Circle of Mom members advise avoiding bad-mouthing the other parent. Children will take it personally when you talk badly about their other parent, and saying derogatory things can make it an even more difficult time for the kids, mom Jennifer explains.

A member named Sara agrees. Making negative comments about your ex and vice-versa "puts the child under a lot of pressure to take sides, and in the long-run it can also prove to be quite damaging," she says, adding that, "You never know what kids will take to heart or misconstrue.”

Kerstin shares that even when she's tempted to tell her daughter about her dad’s awful behavior, she keeps the illusion up because she knows that it’s important for her daughter to make her own judgments when she is old enough.

4. Keep Things as Normal as Possible

Additionally, it’s important for parents to try to keep things as normal as possible.

When parents share custody, it’s important to maintain a schedule so that your children are not left heart-broken wondering why either parent never came to see them, Sara says.

Ann suggests giving your children a "custody calendar" that shows them when they will be where. This is something she did for her daughter when she and her husband first separated. “Next to each date I went in a put an M (for Mommy) or a D (for Daddy) as to who she was with on that day,” she explains. Her daughter kept the calendar in her backpack and she could pull it out whenever she wanted, at home or school , to "be confident that she knew where she was going to be.”

5. Reassure Your Kids

Children of all ages, but especially grade schoolers, are emotionally vulnerable during a divorce. So the most important thing when talking about divorce is to explain that the situation has nothing to do with them.

“Reassurance is always the key,” notes a member named Kay. “Let [your child] know that the separation has nothing to do with her, and that just because you and Daddy aren't together anymore it doesn't mean she is loved any less. You need to make it clear that you still love her dad but you don't get along any more, and you will both be better if Mom and Dad separately.” Your child needs to know that she will still see both parents and that being apart will make you better parents because you won't be arguing, Kay adds.

Leslie agrees. The important thing is to let your child know that he isn’t to blame for the separation, she emphasizes, but instead that he will have a happier (better) mom and dad … “which always makes a happier (healthier) child.”

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The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

Image Source: ND Stupler via Flicker/Creative Commons

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

As if the divorce itself wasn’t bad enough, what happens to your friendships? wonder many Circle of Moms members as them contemplate their own or a friend's split. It's very "emotionally challenging," says Mary N., when friends you shared as a couple choose sides, or when you feel you have to choose sides when friends end their marriage.

Yours, Mine, or Ours?

Partners might fight for custody of your children. But avoiding losing "custody" of your friends can be equally as hurtful and tricky. Many Circle of Moms members share perspectives on how to navigate friendships after a divorce. The good news, as Mary N. points out, is that there are many things you can do to minimize damage and hold on to the friendships that really matter. Here are five suggested by members who've lived through a post-divorce friendship shuffle.

1. Understand that your friends feel awkward too.

It’s tough to know what the proper etiquette is for friendships, especially when the friend has ties to both the ex wife and husband, say Circle of Moms members. As a divorcee,’ keep in mind that “your friends are confused too,” says Tara K. “I just found out today that my best friend and her husband are getting a divorce,” she says. "I have known him as long as I've known her. And we are all close, although she is my closest friend. While I really like him and we talk often, I'm not as close to him. I honestly feel awful for both of them and not sure how to handle this.”

Mary N. feels that friends need to start building the future of post-divorce friendship with the acknowledgement that it is a confusing time for everyone. When she got divorced she knew that friends would be confused about what to do, so she made the decision for them. In some cases, this meant walking away. "Out of respect for him, I did not initiate contact with people [who] were more ‘his’ friends, and he did the same,” she says. “There was one couple that we were particularly close with because we vacationed together at least twice a year, and we were both god-parents to their daughter. I really tried to encourage my ex to maintain that friendship.” She says she felt she needed to bow out, and “even called him (her ex) to tell him that she would not be going to events with that family but if was fine if he did, and that I thought it was important that he did.”

2. Reach out to the most important friends, and stay with it.

When friends make an overture to support you and stay connected following divorce, make sure to take them up on the offer, Circle of Moms members say. Even if it initially feels awkward because they were part of your couple crowd, don't back aways, says Rosie P. The same advice goes for the friends who want to stay connected to their recently divorced pals, she adds. "Let your friend know that you are still there. If it is your friend who is divorced, tell her you are there to listen and offer support in any way you can.  She may take a while, but make sure she knows you are there and will be present. I’m sure she’ll come around when she is ready.”

3. Let go of friends who choose your ex.

Many people feel conflicted when dealing with formerly coupled friends, and sometimes feel the need to show loyalty by severing a friendship with one person in the broken relationship, says Danielle M. who has been through this. She recommends "moving on from the friends who aren't there."

4. Avoid dragging anyone into the mess.

More importantly, she says, don’t try to force friends to take sides. “I was given this advice by a friend who has witnessed many divorces, “ she says. “Don’t, don't drag your friends into the whirlwind of the storm."

5. Find new friends to replace the ones you lose.

Part of divorce is moving on from the relationship, and sometimes this means moving on and “making new friends too,” says Jessica F. She recommends joining a support group for moms as an easy way to find other women who can relate to your situation and then building up to singles groups or hobby-related groups to find kindred souls. “When you're ready, there are millions of groups to join. . . .Singles groups that take trips, gardening groups — all kinds of things that will help you bring your self-esteem back and give you a sense of importance, purpose and well-being and make new friends," she shares.

Or, as Jessica F. suggests, start slowly by looking for support and friendship on the Internet, through a group like Moms Going Through Divorce here on Circle of Moms.

How did you handle friendships post divorce?

Image Source: Leedman via Flickr/Creative Commons

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.