single moms

Kristine F. was co-parenting amicably with her ex — until her teen moved out of her home and into his. Now this Circle of Moms member is feeling a mixture of anxiety and sadness about her role as a parent. Unsure how to stay connected to her daughter from a distance, or how to navigate parenting from afar, she laments, “I miss her very much. I have managed to talk to her on the phone a few times and I e-mail her constantly. I want to be there for her and share the milestones."

There are fewer things more painful for a parent then when your teen chooses to live with your ex. Here, Circle of Moms members who have faced this painful situation share both words of comfort and key strategies for coping with the change.

1. Don’t Ever Give Up Being "Mom"

It’s hard not to shrivel up in pain when your teen leaves you, says Rhonda C. But she stresses that you need to continually remind yourself that you are still the mother: "Continue to be there to ‘mother.’ Insist on quality time several times a week. If you support [your child's] decision, instead of making her feel guilty about it, she'll be open to compromises to make this work.”

Rose G. echoes the sentiment that you will always be "Mom." She feels it's critical not to abandon or forfeit your role or to believe that it has been stolen away. Maintain your confidence in yourself as a parent, she says, and “Don't let [your child] know you are lost without her. Give her space and encouragement," including encouragement in her relationship with her father, which is important to her.

To ensure that distance does not separate you from your role as parent, make sure your ex keeps you informed about your teen, says Jane S. “Prevail upon her and her dad to keep you up on what is going on in her life,” she says.

2. Maintain Regular, Positive Contact

A teen who moves out of your home may not initially want a lot of contact with you, but it's still important to be there for her as much as she will allow, advises Renee P. The first step to keeping the lines of communication open is to put aside your hurt or anger. Commit to a daily phone call or some other way of meeting and talking regularly, she suggests, to encourage "a positive relationship."

Frequent communication assures your teen that you love her, "regardless of where she lives and that she is still as much a part of your family as she was before,” adds Cheryl D.: “Take her out to the movies or dinner or something." Spending time together outside of your home will reassure her that "you aren't going to force her to come home."

It was a long six months for Fiona D. when her teen daughter lived with her ex-husband. She worked hard to regularly “stay in touch by phone and arranged to be able to meet with her for lunch and shopping.” Fiona had to switch her focus to enjoying the time she had with her daughter. Learning to become a good listener was key. "Try not to jump in. Just listen," she advises.

Rose, who agrees that continuing to be available to your teen is critical, cautions against trying to relate to her as a peer might: "Be her mom, not her friend; she doesn't need another friend. She needs a mom who is there for her when she needs you."

3. Remain Firm About Your Rules

Chriss D. understands that her daughter left at least in part beacuse she hated the house rules, but hopes her teen will someday want to return to the order and structure those rules provided. Although you may be tempted to compete with your ex by changing your parenting standards, adds Lori C., stay firm about your rules and expectations. “Show [your child] you are are there for her as someone she can count on. But don’t try to manipulate her or let her manipulate you," she says.

Charity B. also found it was important to stick to her rules in her interactions with her daughter. “You just can't allow your house to have a revolving door. Your teen needs to accept responsibility for her own actions,” she says. A mom named Dawn agrees: "The real world is full of rules," she says.

And some Circle of Moms members, including Mardi M., say moms should never try to bribe a teen back into their homes. “You could easily turn into a Disneyland parent and try and win her back. But I strongly suggest supporting her choices and starting to get to know the person she will become in the future. Keep the door open (emotionally), then it won’t matter whose house she lives in; she will have a good relationship with you.”

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The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

Whether you’re traveling with your kids by plane, train, bus, or automobile, if you’re a single parent there’s more to think about than just making sure you’ve packed everyone’s clothes. From obtaining a passport for your child to simply booking a trip when you and your children have different last names, single parents sometimes encounter unique challenges. To make traveling with your kids a little less stressful, here's a heads up on the travel rules all single parents should know— whether the other parent is in the picture or not.

When The Other Parent is in the Picture

1. Check Your Custody Agreement

When you were finalizing custody, you probably weren’t thinking about all the cross-country or overseas travel you planned on doing as a solo parent. Frankly, you were probably still wondering how to make a trip to the bathroom as a single parent!

Before you make plans to travel, take a good look at that agreement again. As Circle of Mom member Brandy B. explains, "Usually if a child is in a joint custody situation, [for] all out of state travel, whether on a plane, train or even a personal car, both parents need to grant permission."

If you haven't yet hammered out a custody agreement, Circle of Moms member (screenname: "LovingMom") suggests stipulating travel rules when you do. According to the agreement she worked out with her ex, their son not only has to have a current passport at all times, but the parent who is not traveling with him on any particular trip, "must give written consent in order for [the] child to be able to leave the country with the other parent." They even agreed on steps to follow in case one of them objects to the trip.

2. Get a Consent to Travel Form

Assuming the other parent doesn’t have an issue with you traveling with your child, have him sign a Minor Travel Consent Form (like the one available on the U.S. Passport Service Guide website). In addition to information about your travel plans, the form provides your ex's contact information and signature, showing an agreement to the plans and a willingness to be contacted if there are questions.

It's also a good idea to have this form filled out and notarized if you are married and traveling alone with your children. Circle of Moms member Megan C. says she always has a consent form signed by her husband, not just because she and her son have different last names, but also because their skin tones are markedly different, and when they travel alone together she likes to be prepared for the possibility of questions about whether she really is his mother.

3. Carry a Copy of Your Custody Agreement

Although, as Circle of Moms member Amber S. asserts, it seems unlikely that a mom would have to prove that she's the custodial parent when traveling alone with her child in the U.S., strict government rules that are designed to prevent parental abductions suggest you might want to err on the side of caution. The primary focus of these rules is abductions via international travel, but the U.S. Department of State still recommends traveling not only with a copy of your child’s birth certificate, but a copy of your custody agreement as well.

When the Other Parent Isn’t in the Picture

It may seem easier to make travel plans when you don’t have an ex to check in with, but some moms actually find it more difficult. Take, for examples, Circle of Moms members Jessie and Jeana A., both of whom have full custody of their sons and no contact with their sons' fathers. Both women had trouble obtaining passports and other travel documents without the written consent of the absentee dads. Luckily, there are options in place for moms like Jessie and Jeana. 

Though it's time-consuming and may require some extra work on your part, the application for a U.S. Passport for a minor includes a downloadable "Statement of Special Circumstances" form. This is where you can explain the absentee parent's unavailability to sign the document and provide information about your attempts to make contact.

Mom Felicia T. offers a word of caution though: make sure you have legal proof to back up your assertion about the father's unavailability.

Responsibility for the accuracy of the information expressed in this article lies entirely with the author and Circle of Moms may not be held responsible for reliance on such information.

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The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

If you were around in 2007, you probably heard actor Alec Baldwin’s vitriolic voicemail message to his 11-year-old daughter in which he tells her "I'm a good father and you’re a pig," and then tells her to tell mother to... well, do something unpleasant to herself.

Is Parental Alienation Syndrome Real?

When you’re in the midst of custody battle, like Baldwin was, it’s normal for your child is to feel torn and ambivalent about her relationship with each parent. But when your child begins shunning you, seems to hate you for no reason, or begins repeating lies about you, she may be experiencing what Dr. Richard Gardner describes as Parental Alienation Syndrome.

That’s the syndrome Baldwin attributed his behavior to. His statement ("I have been driven to the edge by parental alienation for many years now. You have to go through this to understand.") started a flurry of debate about whether Parental Alienation Syndrome is a real disorder, or as Carol S. Bruch, a distinguished researcher in the field of family law, called it, "junk science."

Junk science or not, Circle of Moms members say the feelings of alienation can be very real. Many have experienced it themselves, and urge others in custody battles or even just messy separations to recognize the signs that mean it's time to get some help for your child.

What is Parental Alienation?

Though the American Psychiatric Association doesn’t recognize it as a mental disorder, their reasoning for this helps to further explain what Parental Alienation actually is. According to Dr. Darrel Reiger, PAS can’t be defined as a mental disorder because it’s a parent-child relationship dysfunction, not a mental health issue contained within one individual.

Circle of Moms members Traci Z. and Erin C. know all about PAS and parent-child issues. Traci's step kids have disowned her and their biological father because of the things their mother has told them. She says the courts won't acknowledge PAS and that they have no recourse. But Erin thinks that there is hope; she suggests continued documentation of changes in child behavior. When there's a dramatic negative change in a child's behavior and no evident signs of abuse, she feels the courts are likely to take notice.

Signs of Parental Alienation Syndrome

Even if the courts don’t take notice, you can. A Circle of Moms member named Katherine explains what the signs looks and feel like:

"I feel as if my daughter has to actively and constantly find things to say about me that are negative and invented in order to justify her rage at me. We were so close and I know she wants to be able to love her mother still. It becomes worse every single day."

Other signs of Parental Alienation (as defined by Dr. Gardner) include:

• Your child aligns with their other parent to attack your reputation. 
• Your child’s reasons for denigrating you are weak, silly or just absurd.
• Your child’s hostility toward you is complete, without the ambivalence found in typical human relations. 
• Your child says it’s her own idea to be hostile to you, not anyone else's. 
• Your child automatically defends her other parent, no matter what. 
• Your child doesn’t seem to feel guilty about how this is affecting you. 
• Your child’s claims are "borrowed scenarios," or basically, words are being put in her mouth. 
• Your child’s inexplicable hatred isn’t just toward you, but also toward other members of your family.

What Can You Do?

It's definitely important to document what your child is saying for custody purposes, but it’s also important to remember that this is a deliberate attempt to sabotage your relationship with your child, which many moms liken to brainwashing.

You may not be able to convince your child that her other parent is wrong, but you can do what Katherine did: find her a good therapist. After all, as Erin points out, "It’s very psychologically damaging to [children] and sets up a pattern of mistrust and anger toward others in personal relationships."

Resources:

Parental Alienation Syndrome and Parental Alienation: Getting It Wrong in Child Custody Cases (Carol S. Bruch)
Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS): Sixteen Years Later (Richard A. Gardner, M.D.)

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The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

Following a divorce, single moms use all kinds of strategies to manage the difficult emotions that arise from the transition, from keeping busy to building a support network of other single moms. But as effective as these tactics often are, many still find themselves down in the dumps during the holiday season. Watching your kids race off to spend the day with their other parent seems to bring stress, anxiety and heartache to divorced and separated moms like nothing else. As Circle of Moms member Alisha F. puts it, "I'm having a hard time letting go on holidays... . I wish I had someone in my life to vent to [who] knew how it feels to not have your kids with you on a holiday."

The good news is that there are in fact plenty of Circle of Moms members who know exactly how it feels. To help, I've gathered their best advice on staving off the holiday blues.

1. Reinvent Traditions

Who says Christmas has to be on Christmas? Some Circle of Moms members suggest celebrating a second holiday with your kids at your home, either before or after the actual date. Candice C. explains her upbeat attitude towards this kind of tradition building:

"As my daughter grows we will build traditions together. The bonus of being alone is you don't have to suffer through the rituals the other parent wants that you don't like!"

2. Savor the Solitude

If you find yourself home alone, savor the solitude and time to yourself! As Debra T. explains, neother you nor your kids will regret the time you spend taking care of yourself:

"The holidays are a tough time any way for everyone, but especially in a circumstance such as this. The best Christmas gift you can give yourself is to learn to love yourself, understand yourself, take care of yourself and be compassionate to yourself, and that is a gift that will last forever and be passed down to your children. They will see an incredibly strong woman and they will learn to make true decisions for themselves as they grow. Charity begins at home, in your heart towards yourself."

Alicia C. takes advantage of the alone time to savor quiet pleasures: "I get a book I have been meaning to read or a movie I have been wanting to watch but can't can't because it's not for the kids."

3. Make Plans With Friends

If you feel up to it, accept some of the myriad invitations you've probably received from friends and other family members who don't want to leave you stranded and solo during the holidays. If you have friends who are just yours (as opposed to friends you shared with your ex), "Invite them to be with you at the holidays or be with them," advises Kekua M.

Alicia C. gives the thumbs up to this approach, adding that making plans in advance with family and friends is "the best way that I have learned how to cope."

Candice C. recommends keeping holiday loneliness at bay by attending special holiday ceremonies and events at a church or other place of worship.

4. Consider Joint Celebrations

Some single moms have figured out how not to be left home alone. Christina M. gets along so well with her ex that they hold joint holiday celebrations:

"My son loves it, and neither of us has to give up a holiday. My ex and I get along great, and so do our spouses. And our son is the biggest winner of all. Talk to your ex about joint celebrations. You might be surprised at just how much you like it," she advises.

5. Hang in There!

Finally, several moms content that you don't have to pretend you're holly and jolly when you just want to curl up in a ball and have a good cry. "There really isn't any advise that will make it any easier," says Alicia C. "I have been divorced for eight years now and I still have a hard time when my kids go to their dad's on holidays."

It's tough, but the holidays will pass and life will be back to "normal," says Amanda P. "Just hang in there and do the best you can."

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The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

Just after her son turned one, Nikki N. and her husband separated and divorced, and her ex "simply vanished and moved to another state." Now, two years later, Nikki's son has started asking where his dad is.

His questions make this Circle of Moms member feel sick: "His father has made it clear by his absence he does not desire to have a relationship with him," she says, adding that she has no idea how to "properly" handle telling her little boy that his father chooses not to see him.

Nikki N.'s dilemma is one faced by many moms who are raising children alone. In some cases the heartbreak is caused by an absent father who doesn't want to be involved. In others, the mom may have adopted a child or chosen another pathway to becoming a solo parent. Either way, moms who are raising their children without the help of a partner tend to be acutely sensitive to the deep wounds the father's absence can have on the emotional well-being of their children.

Here, Circle of Moms members offer their thoughts on how to help your children cope when their father is not involved in their lives. 

1. Tell the Truth

Though many moms' inclination is to protect their children from whatever will hurt them, it's not a good idea to lie to them or withhold too much information about their father and why he is not involved in their lives, say moms like Eugenie N. She advocates delivering the facts in a sensitive way, being careful not to overshare.

She also warns moms against telling a fateful lie to protect their kid's feelings: "Whatever you do, please do not say that daddy is dead. Children usually resent their mom when they get older and the truth comes out, and it usually does." Instead of pretending the dad doesn't exist, she suggests:

"I would probably explain to them that being a parent is not an easy job and that some parents are just not ready. As a child gets older, if the parent is still not around you could give them a little more detail as to what happened or why he was not there." Sina S. also is a big believer in telling the truth. "They may not like what you have to say, but they would probably appreciate it more if you told the truth."

2. Don't Bash Your Child's Father

It's also important to be positive when you are delivering the truth to your children, as they are looking to you for reassurances that they are going to be OK without a dad, and that it's not their fault that they don't have one, recommend moms like Val K. "Be supportive and do not talk bad about [the dad]," she says.

Ericka B. agrees with this approach and says she was careful to present a positive spin on their father's absence when she explained it to her kids:

"I was honest with my daughters when they asked because I felt that was the best thing for them. Their father and I broke up for a multitude of reasons, the most important one being that he was an irresponsible jerk (not that I put it to them that way) but they know that he was not ready to be a father and therefore I decided it was best to raise them alone."

Rachel B. also worked on a positive spin for her son: "Whenever he asks about his dad, I just tell him that his dad wasn't ready to be in our family yet. I also reassure him that just because he isn't ready now doesn't mean that he is a bad person." The important thing, she adds, is to help your child feel that he has what he needs in you, which is "all that counts."

3. Explain That There Are All Kinds of Families

Some kids get very sensitive about the fact that their dad doesn't live with them because they feel all the other kids at school or in their neighborhood have two parents living at home, moms like Carrie M. point out. That's why it is especially important for moms to point out that there are all kinds of families, from those with divorced parents to single-parent homes with adopted children to moms who have chosen to have a child through a sperm donor or alternative birthing situation, says Carrie M. who adopted her son by herself.

"He was about three when he asked why we don't have a dad in our family," she says. "I told him at the time he came in my life I was in a place in my life where I was an alone mommy.  But, I also told him that God had the perfect man in plan for us and when Mommy and that man were ready . . . to meet we would. I have my three brothers, four uncles, and many male cousins in our lives to help guide my son as he grows in his life."

Some moms like JuLeah W. have made a point to educate their children on the cultural and situational diversity of families since they were very young. "From the time my child was very young I read books with her, watched movies, met people from different cultures and countries, and in general learned about different families from around the world." She explained to her child: "Some kids live with their grandparents, some with foster parents, some with aunts and uncles. Some kids live with one mom or dad, or two moms or two dads." And she adds: "I don't think of it as a 'missing' father. That implies the father ought to be there and the kid is missing out on something."

4. Remind Your Kids That You Love Them

It's also very important for single moms to remind their children that though a father might not be involved in their daily lives, they are loved unconditionally by their moms, suggest many Circle of Moms members. "I know it breaks our hearts that our little ones will probably grow up in the knowledge that their fathers didn't want them, but they will also know that their mommies have more than enough love . . . and our relationship with our kids will be stronger because of it," says Tina H.  

5. Expect the Questions to Continue

Moms also need to be patient, as a child's questions will never entirely go away. Marie B. has endured many nights of tears — both her own and their children's — trying to cope with the feelings of abandonment that result from a father who is absent and uninvolved:

"My son went through many nights crying asking if his dad loves him and why he never comes around. The only thing I could do is talk to him to try to get him to understand. That's the hard part, because they sometimes don't," she shares.

Kelli H. offers some reassurances: "Hang in there, my son will be 16 next month and has never seen h is real father," she says. "The questions are hard to answer and will break your heart at times, but do stay positive about [your child's father]." Your kids will eventually "figure out what kind of man he is," on their own.

Making the plans to spend time with family over the holidays is tough enough with only two families involved, but for blended families it can be a nightmare! To make this season a little easier moms who have done the holiday share and switch-off share some holiday survival tips for blended families, below.

1. Split Up the Holidays Evenly

Some Circle of Moms members suggest an every other year schedule for the big holidays, but that doesn’t work for all families. Member Betty J. says her ex spends every other holiday with their daughter, which means last year Betty got her for a long Thanksgiving holiday, and this year she gets her for Christmas.

Two holidays that Circle of Moms members are in agreement about are Mother's Day and Father's Day. As Kimberly K. puts it: "Mom has Mother’s Day [and] dad has Father’s Day."

Formalize the Details 

It’s not enough to say that children will spend the odd year winter holidays with their father and the even years with their mother. Moms Anna L. and Tamara S. remind you to put it in writing, and to have the agreement notarized. While you’re at it, make sure all the details are spelled out. Make sure you clarify questions like:

• Who is making travel arrangements or picking up the children?
• What involvement will grandparents have in the holiday and whose responsibility is it to make that happen?
• How long will your children stay at each house for the holiday?

2. Let Your Children Go to Both Houses

When you want so badly to celebrate the holidays with your children it can be easy to lose sight of the fact that what’s important is that they have a happy holiday season. One Circle of Mom member, a mom who goes by the name "Medic Mommy," learned from her own experience that it’s hard on kids to be shuffled between houses on the holidays, so she won’t put her own children through it.

Lynda S. says it’s in the best interest of her children to work together and let them attend both sides of the family's events. While that’s not always possible for all families, the most important thing, as mom Kimi B. says, is that all the children need to be together for the holidays. If your children are scheduled to visit another parent, that means you may have to celebrate the holiday a few days late or a couple of days early.

3. Make New Family Traditions

When blended families come together or parents divorce, the holidays are going to look and feel different. That doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Take, for example, Crystal M.’s blended family. It’s a typical 'his, hers and ours,' in which she and her husband both had children from previous relationships and now have a child together. She describes the unique tradition they created for their family: "We celebrate Christmas two weeks early so that [we] can have everyone together at one time; the specific day doesn't matter, it's the fact that you can all just be ‘family’ that is what really matters."

Showing your children that people can celebrate holidays in new ways can also help them see that holiday fun isn’t tied to the traditions you had before your divorce or remarriage. Making new traditions, points out Naomi B., builds new memories.

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The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

"Welcome to the hardest thing you will ever do: Be a step-parent and have a blended family."

So says Kris W., a Circle of Moms member who has one biological child and two step children. She's one of many members who feel that parents who expect previously unrelated children to live harmoniously under one roof, à la The Brady Bunch, are in for a rude awakening.

There is some good news, though: many moms who've remarried say that thoughtful planning on the part of both parents makes a huge diffrence when you blend two families. Here, these moms offer guidelines for helping two sets of kids form one household.

1. Acknowledge the Challenges

Children often have a tough time transitioning to their new surroundings, so keep in mind that adjusting to a new step parent and a new house will take some time, says Kris W., herself a step mom. She's one of several moms who say it's normal for parents to struggle with the dynamics of the merge on a daily basis, for years: “Just when you think you have got it down and things have been good for awhile, something will happen to make you feel like you are starting all over,” she shares.

Alicia L. agrees, adding that parents in a blended family should expect that struggle to re-emerge several years in; setbacks can happen even when it seems like the relationships are moving in a positive direction. Alicia discovered this when her children and stepchildren entered their tween years. “When my children were younger they appeared to adjust well to our marriage, but now that they are older they have gotten more opinionated — in a negative way,” she says.

2. Give Kids Time to Get to Know One Another First

A member named Jodi urges moms to take it slow when trying to combine households. "It is never a good idea to move in together until the kids have gotten to know each other," she cautions. "This takes time and it is something to tread carefully and slowly with if you want to be successful at blending a family."

3. Get on the Same Page with Your Partner

When parents remarry and bring kids from their previous families together, each side brings its own discipline rules, traditions, and communication styles. That’s why it's extra important for a newly married couple to get on the same page on everything from bedtimes to curfews. And Yashika W. reminds that both biological and step kids need to receive consistent messages from both parents:

“I have learned that a house divided is a house that will not stand. The kids have to know that there is no division in the house and that no matter what, you and spouse are the adults... . Respect, again respect, is a very important factor as well. It was hard for me as well, but my blended family has learned to adjust. There was coaching on both ends with my spouse and kids. But it has worked out beautifully.”

4. Keep Fights in Perspective

One of the perennial dilemmas of parenting is that kids fight. Biological kids, adopted kids, step kids, kids down the street. Fighting is part of childhood. So when two families try to merge, there will be battles, just as there are in any family situation, reminds Dawnette C. She and her husband, who have moving their four teens in together under one roof, are careful to keep the fights in perspective and pick their battles carefully.

5. Hold Regular Family Meetings

In the process of blending 'yours, mine and ours,' it is especially important that everyone needs to feel heard, especially the children, suggests mom Angela T.  One way to do so is hold regular family meetings, and also to make time to listen to each child individually. “My best advice would be to have family meetings and talk out anything that is bothering them,” says Angela T. who has two children from her first marriage, along with her husband’s four children and two children they had together. "We have dealt with the problems and headaches. The two oldest fight just like they are actually siblings, but when it comes down to it they would be there for the other one. You have to listen to their concerns and problems."

Katie P. says she has found that the best way to stay in touch with each child’s feelings in blended families is to make time for each child individually. “It is difficult with working full time and looking after the children  and house, but I still try and set aside time for my older son,” says the stepmom of an 11-year-old and mom of her 10-year-old son. “Sometimes it's just talking about school, friends, or looking at stuff on the laptop with him. I know he feels left out, as occasionally he will comment that I'm 'always playing / looking after his brother,' but by letting him stay up later occasionally or taking him out on a regular basis it improves dramatically.”

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The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

Being a single mother is not a status moms should feel sorry about, asserts Circle of Moms member Riza P. When friends or co-workers say they are sorry to hear she's single, she simply responds, “You do not have to be sorry nor sad, I am not.” In fact, she says, she’s proud of all she has had to accomplish on her own.

Like Riza, many Circle of Moms members who are parenting solo agree that they actually have a lot to crow about. Here they share some of the reasons.

1.  "I'm a Master Juggler"

Though Vicky P. is sad that her children "haven’t had the best male role models,” she's proud of the way she has learned to manage the care of four children entirely on her own. “I hold my head high and I see [that] married women envy how I cope with a job, [a] mortgage, and four children.”

Stacey H. lists some of the many responsibilities she's successfuly managing on her own: "working, going to school, helping with homework, giving showers, brushing teeth, laundry, cleaning, dishes, grocery shopping, bank, paying bills, shoveling, cleaning gutters, mowing the lawn, changing the oil in the car, buying new tires, going on field trips, meeting with teachers, doctor's appointments, cleaning the garage, doing repairs, changing the light bulbs, etc.”

Kirstin E. is another single mom of four who has learned to “do just as much work if not more than when I was married, [which] was like having another kid.”

2.  "I'm a Hard Worker"

Sarah F. gets overwhelmed by being a single mom sometimes, but in the end she's proud that she has learned to work so hard to make it all happen for her kids. Her challenges have turned into accomplishments, she says. "I know I am doing my best [in both] a mother and father role. Money is hard, yes, and I am lonely sometimes but I wouldn't have it any other way. We are proud and our children will look up to us for all the hard work we do.”

3. "I Went Back to School and Bettered Myself"

Like many single moms, 27-year-old Jillian T. was a stay-at-home mom when she got divorced. She's now proud that she has returned to school to get an education and improve her opportunities and earning potential.

4. "I Succeeded As a Teen Mom"

Surviving and thriving when you have a child in your teens is not easy. That’s why Samiya H. is so proud that she's been able to keep and care for a daughter she had at age 15. She offers others in that situation some encouragement: “I would just like to say that I am proud of all teen/young moms who do take care of your babies, and support them, financially and/or emotionally."

Toni L., 19, and a single mom with a 21-month-old son, looks back at the job she has done so far and declares that, "I am so proud of my boy, and I love the thought that by the time he is old enough to look after himself (high school) I will still be young enough to have fun.”

5.  "My Kids Are Thriving"

Finally, what makes many Circle of Moms members who are single particularly proud is that their kids are strong and healthy – physically and emotionally. “I was a single parent for the first 13 years of my son's life and I was very proud of my life,” says Stephanie M. “I found a good paying job that allowed me to purchase a home on my own. My son is polite and well behaved.”

Tara W., who is also parenting “with no help," says she's raising kids who are "moral, responsible and decent men and women," which is "something to be very proud of.”

What are you most proud of as a single mom?

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The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

For the most obvious of reasons, Karla B. is thrilled that she and her ex-husband are finally being civil to one another — friendly even! But while she knows it's good for her teen daughter that she and her ex now get along, she also thinks it's confusing: "She loves her dad but hates us getting along," she shares. Her daughter is upset because she doesn't understand why two people who get along so well can't simply get back together.

Alexis G. shares a similar story about how an amicable relationship between exes can confound a child: "We still attend parent/teacher conferences, baseball games, birthday parties, and school plays together. My son sometimes doesn't understand why we can't still be together," she rues.

Advice on how to make the best of the relationship for your kids when the battle escalates after divorce is readily available, but what about the complications that ensue when a divorce is amicable? What do moms need to do to make sure a good relationship with a former husband doesn't devolve into a sore spot for the kids?

1. Give Your Kids Time to Adjust

Just as it takes kids time to adjust to the fact that their parents are splitting, they also need time to accept that their divorced parents are now, strangely, getting along, says Circle of Moms member Jackie L. The post-divorce experience she and her kids had, which she describes as "pain and hard years," underscores how reluctant kids might be to accept another confusing change.

Another divorced mom, Heather A., mentions that every major change in a family's members and dynamics takes kids time to accept. For hers, there was a period of struggle following the birth of her ex's new baby with his second wife. Now the blended families — her ex’s new family and her own — hold birthday parties and the occasional dinner together, so it did eventually work out well: "My kids love seeing that their parents get along, and they enjoy having us both at events," she encourages. (She also mentions that to help the baby see the situation as natural, they all agreed that he would grow up calling her "Aunt.")

2. Once You've Made Peace, Keep it That Way

After working hard to make peace with her ex, Meghan O. says she strives hard to keep the disagreements they do still have under wraps. Her kids are now used to their parents getting along she doesn't want to confuse them further. Absent any obvious explanation for the occasional spat, she worries that the kids will blame themselves: "Kids pick up on the petty fighting and all that. Never tell your kids that the other parent doesn't want them or fight in front of them, or complain about your ex to your kids. They subconsciously think something is wrong with them if you complain about their dad or their mom," she warns.

Angie S. agrees: "We talk it out if there's an issue with the boys, and always seem to work it out. We've let all the pain and hurt go so we can be parents to our boys, and that is all that really maters in the end."

Christina H., who married a man who'd been divorced, has made it a priority to have a good relationship with his ex-wife. The adults in her blended situation act as a united front to show their children that divorce doesn't have to leave ever-lasting conflict in its wake, in which kids can "play one [parent] against the other."

3. Open the Lines of Communication

The best way to handle all aspects of divorce when there are kids in the picture is to be as open and honest as you can with your children, says Michelle W., another divorced Circle of Moms member. She encourages moms to confront a child's feelings of confusion or anger directly: "[You'd] think [the kids] would be happy that you both now get along, but it's good to find out why they feel awkward. Sit down and have a nice heart-to-heart over a big tub of ice cream."

Alexis G. underscores that you may need to have this conversation many times. To end her son's hopes that she and her ex will reunite, she makes a point of repeating that that their ability to attend events together peacefully is a good thing, but that it doesn't mean that they'll get back together.

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The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

Deandra C. describes the life of a single mom as one consumed with trying to keep a roof over your children's heads while also worrying that you'll be alone forever. "There are more times than I care to admit when I get sad and lonely, especially since none of my friends are single moms. It's scary and I fear being like this forever."

Discussions on Circle of Moms reveal that these feelings are far from unusual among single moms and moms considering separation or divorce. Here, members who have wrestled with four of the most common fears single moms face offer advice on how to overcome them.

Fear #1: I'll Be Lonely Forever

Many single moms believe that not having a partner translates, by necessity, into a consuming loneliness, but Deandra C. has learned that this doesn't have to be the case. Single moms can alleviate many of their fears of loneliness by being proactive, she says.

"I've had to make it a point to have some sort of adult conversation every day," she shares. "I call my parents a lot. Because I have no spouse, they're the ones I share all of his milestones, jokes, and accomplishments with. I am also making a conscious effort to join some single parent groups for socialization."

Feeling like you're all alone is one of the most crippling parts of being a single mom, agrees Miain V, who has been parenting solo for almost six years. She finally stopped worrying so much about raising her eight year-old son alone when she started attending a solo parents forum with people who were emotionally supportive of each other. She descibed it as "[a] group of solo parents that shares best practices on how to run things alone. . . .a group that [doesn't] make you feel bad, but proud [to be] solo." 

Miain V. found that over time, the group helped her be alone without being lonely. "It might be lonely for single moms when you're in bed and there's no one to cuddle with, but I just thought that I don't want to cuddle with the wrong person again. There's fear and loneliness, but try to dwell on what you have instead of what you don't," she offers.

Fear #2: I'll Lose Custody of My Kids

If your situation devolves into a custody battle, a member named Tabetha points out that usually the courts will keep the children with their mom: "Judges don't usually just take a child from the mother, so just make sure that until it's over that you don't give him anything to use against you."

In a case where it's the child who wants to live with your ex instead of you, resistance is futile, says Rhona C. — but the change can turn out to be a healthy new beginning for both of you: "We have to remember we are still their mother and continue to mother a child who leaves. If you support [your child's] decision instead of making her feel guilty about it, she'll be open to compromises to make this work. Keep the communication lines open between you."

Fear #3: I'll Go Broke

Some newly single moms find themselves facing an abrupt re-entry into the workforce. Whether they spent their days caring for their kids or volunteering, it's not easy to face the fears that crop up over finances.

Holly F., a single mom of two, ages two and six, stress that creating a solid financial foundation for yourself helps to ease much of the anxiety and stress. "It's been very difficult, especially since I work two jobs and don't receive child support," she shares. "However, I have managed to trim a little off the top with a few simple things. For one, I buy groceries based on a meal. I don't just by food that we like; I figure out what I can add to the food to make an entire meal. Also, we rarely eat out. We find cheap fun when the trips aren't available. I've found that I enjoy going to the playground as much as they do."

A member named Renee found her way out of an even scarier situation: she was two months pregnant with no job and no marketable skills when her husband left. For moms in similar straits, she recommends a vocational program where you can become a cosmetologist or a medical or dental assistant in about ten months. Renee shares that she was able to get financial help from her state government to cover tuition and daycare while she trained and got back on her feet.

Fear #4: My Kids Will Blame Me for the Divorce

Laura D. left her daughter's father over two months ago, and feels that "although I know it was the best decision I could make for myself," she is "filled with all these fears of [my daughter] being angry with me about it."

Leah H. reassures that kids will eventually see the truth and moms just need to be patient. "The feeling and fears are normal. My ex will try to trash talk me and make me out to be the bad person, but I'm not going to let it get to me. My son is growing up knowing that his mother will always be there for him. Eventually, they'll know their mother made the best decision."

How do you handle your worst single mom fears?

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The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.