multiples

Rachel, a mom of newborn twins, wonders if she should keep her babies together when they sleep or give them separate spaces. As it turns out, this is a common question among parents of newborn twins, and even among parents whose children are close in age. Will they feel safer sleeping together? Or will they disrupt one another's sleep?

Here, culled from discussions on Circle of Moms, is a look at what to consider when figuring out the optimal sleeping arrangement for your newborn twins.

Sleep Habits

Moms of twins say the biggest consideration should be your babies' dispositions and sleep habits. Although many moms start out with their twins in the same crib, this seems to work well only for babies who "really like to sleep," as a Circle of Moms member named Laura points out. More often, twins are quite different in their sleep patterns and rhythms, so one baby's sleep is disrupted by the other.

India, who refers to her twins in this context as "Fussybutt A" and "Fussybutt B" shares that at varying times during their first year, both of her twins had difficulty napping. Just as one would get cozy the other would wake him up. Keeping them together proved to be a logistical nightmare. Once they were separated, they both slept better — as did mom!

Gender

For many, twins' genders also figure into this equation. Most Circle of Moms members who have weighed in on this issue plan to eventually separate opposite-gender twins. And, as Jessi G. shares, if you're going to separate them, you should do so early so that it's not a big adjustment for them later. But several moms, including Mallorie M. and Laura, are fine with their boy/girl twins sleeping together.

For Mallorie, the end point to this is when her twins reach school-age. For Laura, the end point is up to her kids. At the moment, her boy-girl twins wake when she separates them. She originally intended to put them in their own rooms, worrying that keeping them in one crib would cause them to rouse or even injure one another, but as it turns out, they love sleeping together and protest when they can't. She plans to let them sleep together for as long as it makes sense.

Space

Often, as a member named Patricia points out, there simply isn't enough space in your home to separate twins. Her boy-girl twins have four teenage siblings, so keeping them together is her only option at the moment. Karen's in the same boat, and unlike Laura, her twins tend to wake one another up. She just lets them do their own thing and tries not to control the action. They sleep and cry at different times, but she reports that everyone eventually got used to this pattern and no one seemed worse for wear.

Lindsay C. is another mom who doesn't have enough space to give her twins separate rooms, and furthermore, her babies insisted on sleeping together, protesting loudly when they were separated. The problem is that they also kept each other awake half the night. This mom's solution? She put two small beds in the same room next to each other, and her babies were able to see each other, but not touch. This did the trick. They were reassured by one another's presence, but not pulling each others' hair out! Her story shows that it is possible to keep twins with different sleep patterns in the same room.

The moral of the story? Experiment. You may have an idea about what you prefer and why, but the real test is whether or not it works.

Image Source: Courtesy of Jeremy Miles via Flickr/Creative Commons

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

Circle of Moms member Angela D. describes a scenario familiar to many parents with more than one child: “They fight terribly. . .They will play happily together for ten minutes and then start fighting. It causes the whole family to start shouting at each other,”

Sound familiar? When siblings fight, everyone in the family is affected. When a parent hears, “Give it to me!” “Get away from me!” or “No, m-i-n-e!” their first reaction is to yell, “Stop it!” or “How many times have I told you!”

Kids fight for many reasons. Just like everything else in childhood, the underlying reason kids fight is that they need to learn something.

What Can Kids Possibly Learn from Fighting?

If you were to look at a family tree you’d see that siblings are listed on the same arm of the tree. That means they are of equal status when it comes to the rules in a family. But the sibling relationship is bigger than that. It’s actually a child’s first opportunity to learn about and prepare for long-term relationships.

Brothers and sisters teach each other about give and take, even when they don’t want to. They’re practicing how to love a person, even when they don’t like what that person did. Siblings are constantly learning tolerance, patience, kindness, and most of all, conflict resolution.

6 Ways to Help Prevent Rivalry

Most parents want to stop the fighting. But I’d like to suggest that you switch your focus from stopping the fighting, which teaches valuable skills, to stopping the rivalry. The rivalry is what can cause lifelong damage between brothers and sisters. Here are some tips on making this switch.

1. Don't Be Judge and Jury

Most parents think that part of their job entails being both judge and jury. The problem with that is that the kids don’t learn how to resolve things themselves. When a parent decides who is right and who is wrong and what should be done about that, one child remains angry and one feels like the winner. They’re not working together to practice the resolution skills that they’ll need to be successful in life.

2. Instead, Be a Facilitator

To get your kids to be on the same team, you need to help facilitate and guide them toward resolution of their own fights. You do that by teaching your kids how to express the feelings that motivated the fight in the first place. Put the same questions to both children until resolution has occurred. For example:

Molly, why are you mad? And Sam, why are you mad?

Molly, please give me there ideas to work this out. And Sam, what are your three ideas?

(For more specifics, listen to my coaching audio (#6))

3. Explain That We Do Not Hurt Those We Love

Since kids are immature thinkers, the best way to enforce this rule is to define it further. This might sound like, “One way someone gets hurt is by accident. The other way is when someone uses his or her body as part of a fight. Which one is against the law in our house?”

When a child is busted for physically fighting with a sibling do not expect him or her to say, “Gee mom, that was handled so calmly, I appreciate your wisdom.” They’re angry. Try not to address the anger, just yet. You can say, “I’d be angry too if I had to lose my video time because I was fighting.” If you demand that your child not be angry, you’re walking into a power struggle. You’ll have picked up your end of the rope, as I described in last week's column, How to Deal with Back Talk from Your Kids.

4. Don’t Compare Your Kids

Comparing makes a child feel unappreciated and unloved by you. It never makes them rise up to work harder. Some kids increase the fighting with a sibling when they feel compared to him or her. Other kids swallow those feelings and seethe with resentment and lack of self worth.

5. Focus on Each Sibling's Unique Talents

Each child deserves and needs to be seen as someone special, with unique talents and skills. Help your kids create high self-esteem by using "specific praise," not global praise, as you focus on their unique talents. To learn how to do that, see The Key to Building Your Child’s Self Esteem.

6. Read the Best Sibling Book Ever!

The best book I have ever found to teach parents how to facilitate conflict resolution with siblings is Siblings without Rivalry by Faber and Mazlish. It’s engaging and easy to read. They use cartoons to illustrate what to say and do. You will learn so much from that book!

Sharon Silver is the author of Stop Reacting and Start Responding: 108 Ways to Discipline Consciously and Become the Parent You Want to Be, and the founder of Proactive Parenting. Her book and site help parents gain more patience by responding instead of reacting as they deal with the whirlwind of emotions created by raising kids ages 1-10. Receive 2 FREE tips from the book. Find her on Twitter and Facebook.

Image Source: Merille via Flickr/Creative Commons

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

You don't have to have 19 kids like Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar to understand the challenges of raising children who are close in age. After all, not many of us balance the demands of 19 kids between the ages of 18 months and 23 years, as the family in TLC's 19 Kids and Counting does. But as many Circle of Moms members say, there is an art to successfully juggling babies who are born back-to-back. It can be chaotic, but it can be done, they agree.

"Yikes, they are a handful," says Shauna about her son, 2, and daughter, 3. She recently asked other moms in the Stay-at-Home Moms community whether anyone else with closely spaced siblings felt "like pulling their hair out."

The consensus: the first years are the hardest, but it gets easier once the kids hit kindergarten age. Here, Circle of Mom members share tips for making it through the early years with kids who are close in age:

1. Get a little mommy time, recommends Rae C., whose two boys and a girl are 4, 2 and 1. Make it a priority to find some time for you even if it is simply a stolen moment here and there, she says. When they feel like a handful, just "breathe real slowly."
2. You've got to have friends. When friends or relatives ask what they can do, suggest they take your older child or children out while you stay home with the younger baby. This helps create "special" time for all the children, says Stacey W., a mother of two kids under two with a third baby on the way.
3. Ask for help. Stacey W. also recommends relying "on those around you who are willing to help." When friends or family members offer to bring over dinner, do laundry or come over to babysit, take them up on the offer instead of saying "no thanks."
4. Stick to a routine, says Chantel M., a mom of four kids under age seven. Create dinner time, nap-times and non-negotiable bed times, she says. Creating structure takes away some of the stress, she says.
5. Create special time for each child, says Crystal S. who is pregnant and has three children who are all 4 and under. "I make sure that each of my kids gets their own time with me, and honestly, I found it pretty easy to have them so close together." Another benefit of spacing children closely is that "I stayed in baby mode and so having two in diapers was a lot easier than I thought it would be."

Ultimately, these moms say the intense work of the early years is worthwhile.

"I love it now that they are all getting a bit older," says Marti D. a single mom to a 5 year-old boy, a 4 year-old girl, and a 3 year-old boy. "When they were all babies, it was really tough. Now at least they are a little more independent."

Crystal B., whose kids are now 11 and 10, agrees."The first couple years were a blur," she says, adding that "now it is fun, fun, fun."

Finally, just remember that the chaos is only temporary, says Amber R. You can let the house get a little messy, and not be "perfect," as life will eventually be less hectic.

"After seeing that everything did work out just fine and how much fun they have together I can definitely see the benefit of them being so close in age to their siblings," she says about her 2 and 3 year-olds. A third baby is on the way, and "they will have more in common and always have playmates in the house. It is hectic but we all realize that it can be done. "

Image Source: yourdon via Flickr/Creative Commons

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

There are millions of baby videos on YouTube but here is one that is quite unlike the others! This week, those two adorable twin baby boys have become the latest YouTube sensation, making millions around the world laugh to tears. So what do you think these two cuties are talking about?

Image Source: YouTube

Rumble seats are so 2010! Skateboard attachments are the hot trend for 2011.

On the heels of Orbit Baby's introduction of the Sidekick skateboard that can be hooked onto the sides of the G2 buggy, Mountain Buggy just released the first official photos of its Free Rider, a 2-in-1 board that goes from buggy board to scooter in seconds. Using an integrated handlebar, the ride-on attachment gives tots a place to hold on while their young sibling is being pushed, as well as the freedom to scoot alongside the pushchair when it is detached. It also converts into skateboard mode when the handlebar is removed, and the rear wheels are locked into place. Though it will initially only fit Mountain Buggy strollers, the company is working to make it fit other prams as well.