lilsugar diaries

Most mothers think their children are crack-ups, but some things that come out of the mouths of babes are funny or offbeat enough to entertain the masses. I've compiled a few favorites that my own kids have said in the last month. Share your tot's utterances in the comments section!

• ‎"I don't want to have a naked head when I grow up." — 4-year-old son on balding.
• "We're playing dinosaur, chimpanzee, and yodeler." — 6-year-old daughter when I asked what she and her brothers were doing.
• ‎"I have to take a bath, fly a plane and eat a coconut to get rid of these hiccups!" — 4-year-old son.
• "This song makes my mouth dance!" — 4-year-old son when Pink's "Raise Your Glass" came on the car radio.
• "Did you know Santa is St. Nick? Kinda crazy how he never died, isn't it?" — 6-year-old daughter on why Santa is real.
• "I'm going to marry a guy who LOVES to clean!" — 6-year-old daughter on how to get rid of a big mess.
• "There's a little man inside me and when he giggles, I hiccup." — 4-year-old son.
• "He's going to be an actor. He looks just like Brad Pitt!" — 6-year-old daughter on her baby brother's future career.
• "I love using the word touche!" — 6-year-old daughter while reviewing her spelling words.
• "I don't want to break your heart, but I have to go to school now." — 4-year-old son getting out of the car.

Have you ever had one of those days where you actually believe there's a chance you could be eaten by a shark and struck by lightening because everything else has already gone wrong? That happened to me recently. After my car died and I was stranded without a charged cell phone waiting for a tow, I found a wet postal slip stuck to the garage floor saying that the holiday outfits I ordered for my kids needed to be picked up before closing. Since we were scheduled to have their picture taken the following day and time was ticking, I popped my baby in the car and flew over to get the goods. After circling a congested street several times and finally finding parking, I got my son out only to realize that he had a diaper explosion and liquid excrement had seeped up to his neck. The poop also now covered most of my coat.

My first instinct was to cry because it had been a ridiculously hellish week and in the hurry to leave I hadn't grabbed my diaper bag, but then my motherly instinct kicked in — I needed to get the package. I walked into the post office and asked for my parcel. I have never seen a clerk move so quickly. After a bath, a shower, a load of laundry, and a trip to the dry cleaners, the situation was resolved. And, my kids were dressed and ready for their holiday portrait the next day.

This is what happens when you are three years old and you climb up the cabinet to toss what you think is a bag of popcorn to your sister and it explodes..

I was on a work-related call when my daughter came in and said her brother spilled some flour. I told her no worries, I'd vacuum it up once I was off the phone...then I walked into this. My children were having such a blast I let them finish playing forgetting that when flour mixes with water it makes paste (or pasta)! And, that's what happened when I put them in the tub! It took oil and over an hour to comb the goo out of their hair which was part of the two plus hour clean-up, but how often can you really just be a kid? We are still finding bits of flour dust around the kitchen, but my son and daughter will always have these photos and fun memories.

Instead of getting bent out of shape about the messes our kids inevitably make, let's upload our pictures, share memories, and compare the damages in the Motherhood Is a Mess! group over at the Lil Community! Your photos may be featured on LilSugar!

Since my lil guy was born, people frequently ask me what being a mom of three is like. I usually answer that it's sort of like having two kids, but crazier — we're (my husband and I are) out numbered, the rewards are greater, my days are fuller and the unexpected continues to happen. I also can't imagine my life being any other way. Here are a couple of examples.

• The other night, my husband was working so I gave the kids baths before we sat down to dinner. We were about 10 minutes into eating, when I realized I was the only one clothed.
• I have a mini heart attack every time my baby pulls a blanket over his head even though he erupts in a fit of laughter while playing Houdini to get out.
• My daughter thinks "being tricky" is genetic and credits her prankster ways to her aunt and uncle. She tells her brother that his stuffed tiger comes alive at night so I have a three-foot striped beast sleeping in the hallway
• When my three-year-old gets really upset he "fires" people. But, if you sense it coming and tell him you quit, he runs off like a wounded CEO. Maybe he's the next Donald Trump?
• I had to take my kids to Costco during its peak hour last Saturday to shop for a party and emerged with $300 worth of stuff, my daughter riding the cart like a scooter, my preschooler in the front seat, my baby in a carrier and a look of relief on my face. But, it was too early to declare victory because right when I was about to, my son had to pee and I realized my lil guy had thrown up all over me.

What is a day in your life like?

The heir and the spare. That saying always made me feel sorry for Prince Harry, now it makes me pity those who said it. In similar sentiment, strangers have referred to my newborn as a bonus baby. Since I already had a daughter and a son, they assume my lil guy is the extra kid that we didn't really need, but had anyways. It's not the case, but when it comes to having kids — it's impossible to keep the public happy. When you have a girl, they ask when you're trying for a boy and vice versa. If parents have two same sex children, they are expected to try for the opposite. When a mom has more than two she's suddenly a breeder, and the family's carbon footprint is discussed when baby number five arrives. No one can win — even women without children are hounded about why they aren't reproducing. So let's vent, what is your biggest qualm?

The difference between a mad woman and a happy mother? Her stroller. I'd go so far as to say it's the single most important material purchase parents make for their baby since they use it all the time. As we prep for baby number three, we'll be purchasing our fourth buggy. Clueless of what to look for, we went through two with our daughter. First, we shelled out for an elaborate system that couldn't handle the city streets and had poor shocks and squeaky wheels after our first lengthy walk. Then, we invested in a jogging stroller that was great...until we had to turn it — its front wheel was stationary.

While expecting my son, I did my research before buying (the then largely unknown) phil & teds E3 with the doubles kit. For three years, the amazing invention rolled everywhere from Lake Tahoe's nature trails to my husband taking it off-roading over rocks in Golden Gate Park. The orange fabric has endured more than a few mud and chocolate milk splashes and my lil guy eventually preferred to walk (read run) everywhere so the beloved buggy has retired to our garage. To see what I need in our next set of wheels and to offer your recommendations, read more