funny

Only crazy people let you stab them with metal! Everybody knows this, yet I am supposed to allow a nurse to stick a needle into my precious baby boy. I am expected to go against all of my protective instincts and willfully pull up my son's sleeve and let a nurse take a jab. They call it a “shot” to make you feel better about it, and for some reason it’s legal. I hate shots!

After weeks of dreading this, Elias’ two-month appointment finally came. I hoped this day would magically go missing from my calendar, but sadly it stayed. Sitting in a cold waiting room, the mural of cartoon characters seemed to breathe down my neck as I tried to muster up the mental capacity to be strong. My sweet 12 pound baby was wrapped in a cozy blue blanket unaware of the procedures awaiting him. I thought to myself, “I am about to let some lady hurt my son…what kind of a mother am I?” and, "She is going to make me pay for this!”

As you can see there were many reasons to want to cry. My thoughts were interrupted by a nurse calling us to a back room.

After waiting a few minutes, the dreaded tray was ushered into the room. The medicines ready for injection. The menacing grin upon the nurse’s face was enough to send me into a speedy meltdown. I tried to remain calm for my son. Looking into his deep blue eyes, I thought if the “parent remains calm so will the child.” Even though I think I saw that on some animal show that really said if the “owner remains calm so will the animal.” Having no parenting experience, I hoped this would work.

“Mom, if you’ll just hold him on the table I’ll go ahead and give him this shot” the nurse stated. “Oh good idea, I’ll hold him down while you torture him. I don’t think so lady!” That was what I was thinking, but “okay” meekly came out of my mouth. Unhappy, I turned my head away and she did it. She pierced his chubby little thigh. A painful cry emerged from Elias’ whimpering lips. That is when the second injection was given. I closed my eyes as another loud cry came. Then tears stung my eyes and began to rush down my cheeks. Blubbering myself, I had to practice “birth class” breathing techniques again so I wouldn’t start howling. Not regularly acquainted with this spectrum of public emotion, I pinned my chin to my shoulder. I didn’t want anyone to see that I was crying, but it was too late. The nurse looked at me anxiously and asked “Are you alright?”  My brain was kicking itself and telling me “I didn’t get the shot” but my mouth just began mumbling non-understandable phrases. Desperately wanting everything to be ok the nurse looked at the build up of tears in my eyes and then at the door. Without hesitating she lowered her head and left quickly. There I was, a sniveling, weepy mess. I just kept thinking “Wow this public display of emotion is new to me. Why am I crying?”

It was my mom and sister who could have won an Emmy for their dramatic falls to the floor and loud whaling whenever tragedy struck, not me. They could have been hired as professional mourners because tears would leak from their eyes and they would give each other impressively long hugs.  But here I was being emotional!

I forced a smile onto my red face and whispered to myself “First Time Mom!” I’m telling you, when someone else’s shot hurts you more than it hurts them; you know you are a mother.

We did survive our doctor visit. I eventually stole Elias away from the pain, and cuddled my sweet bundle of tears until both he and I were comforted by his toothless smile. His little swollen eyes seemed to thank me for rescuing him from that very mean lady.

As we left the doctor’s office a lady in the waiting room looked at me and asked, “Did that little guy get a shot? I thought I heard somebody crying.” I wanted to say “oh no that was probably me– sorry.”

Image Source: Ashley Baker

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

From early morning cravings for greasy fast food to bowls of pickles and ice cream, pregnant mamas-to-be have always been famed for their strange and consuming hankerings. The RoundUp visited this topic once before, collecting a list of ten of the most bizarre cravings ever mentioned by Circle of Moms members, from smelling laundry soap to eating sponges.  

I thought I'd heard it all with that story, but mamas-to-be never cease to surprise. So I've gathered a new round of bizarre cravings — each of them weirder and more cringe-inducing than the last. Let me know in the comments — did I leave anything out?

1. The Mayo-Mustard Combo

For Jordanne F., the more rich tasting a food was the better, so she found herself piling on both the fat and the flavor: "I craved mustard and mayonnaise together, so I ate a lot of sandwiches."

2. Broccoli...But Just the Stalks

Kaleena G. is the rare mom who craved a good-for-you vegetable — broccoli. But what makes her hankering truly special is that she was driven to bypass the florets and eat only the part many of us toss: the stalks.

3. A Glass of Vinegar

Dana C. craves the sour taste of vinegar: "I make cucumber salad and it has tons of vinegar in it, to where no one else will eat it." it's so intense that, as she reports, "I would [want to] drink [it]".

4. Cold Fries

For Lerin B., the cravings for fast foods were much like those of many pregnant moms, but she had a specific twist: "I wanted my McDonald's fries cold."

5. Flamin' Hot Cheetos with Blueberry Pop Tarts

Alyssa S.'s favorite pregnancy snack combo was Flamin' Hot Cheetos and blueberry Pop-Tarts. "They had to be together or I wouldn't eat them. I ate this combo at least two times a week from six months pregnant till the day I delivered!" she confesses.

6. Peppermint...on Everything

When she was pregnant, Tiffany S. craved "anything peppermint, like peppermint milkshakes, peppermint hot cocoa or peppermint mocha," she says. Not only that, everything from her cereal to her fruit had to have a touch of peppermint added.

7. Grilled Cheese with PB&J, Egg, Syrup & M&M's

Karen D. came up with a grilled cheese combo that is best described in her own words: "A grilled cheese, French toast, PB & J combo with syrup and M&M's on top. Where that came from I have no idea, but I made it and loved it. Made a grilled cheese sandwich then dipped it in egg for the French toast affect, then spread PB&J on top, [and] added the syrup and M&M's on top. Yummy."

8. Chilled Corn Starch

Mom Sandy P. craved corn starch: "I'd put it in the freezer and chill it. I'd get a spoon and eat spoon after spoon after spoon," she says.

9. The Smell of Gasoline

Tracey C. tells Circle of Moms members that rather than having a food craving, she wanted to inhale a rather dangerous item: "Would you believe it was petrol? I loved the smell, and would have purposefully smelled it if I didn't know it was so bad for me and my baby," she says.  

10. The Paper Chase

Yes, forget about actual food. Lorraine P.'s favorite pregnancy yearning tops them all: "Paper... it was a problem if I went shopping because I used to eat most of the parking ticket, not much left to put in the paying machine. Imagine explaining that."

What was your most bizarre food craving during pregnancy?

Image Source: o5com via Flickr/Creative Commons

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

How can anyone who has never had children truly understand the idiosyncrasies of having a child? The profound difference in a person’s life that has children versus the person’s life who has none. The incredible naivety of the childless. The selfishness of the childless. I should know – I was that naïve, self-absorbed, career-climbing girl.

The following interchange will demonstrate what I mean. I was visiting my family in Yorkshire, North of England for a few days. One of my best friends and bridesmaids had just had her first baby. I had decided to swing on up to Yorkshire to meet the new baby, drop off a gift and to lend my support to my close friend. So, a few hours after arriving I gave her a quick call. “Hey Rachel, its Jacqui.” “Hey Jacqui,” she sounded quite strained.

“How’s it all going?”

“Well, you know. It’s pretty tiring. I’m shattered actually and she won’t stop crying,” she said.

“Oh. Well anyway, do you fancy coming out for a quick drink?” Silence followed this question, and what sounded like a sob, followed by: “Jacqui, Ellen is just 5 days old.”

“Right,” I didn’t know quite what to say to this. Did this mean that she didn’t want to come out for a drink? I would have thought more than ever that she would have wanted to come out for a drink – a stiff one – after what she had just said. “Why don’t you come here instead?” she asked.

“OK. What time suits?” I asked.

“Well, I try to get Ellen down to bed around 7.”

“OK, I’ll come around 7.30pm then.”

“I meant to come earlier than 7 – so you can meet her,” Rachel said, clearly exasperated.

“Right, right, yes of course. I’ll be there around 6.30,” I announced. When I turned up with a bottle of nice red wine it was clearly chaos in the new baby house. The place was a tip, clothes strewn everywhere, the bed hadn’t been made, dirty dishes piled up, dirty laundry stuffed into corner of the living room, the heating was on full so the room was almost stifling, not-to-mention a strange sweet mustardy type smell that I couldn’t quite place. Rachel, my normally glamorous friend was a sight. She looked as though she hadn’t slept in days. Her hair was greasy, she had not a scrap of make-up on and she was wearing a pair of old grey baggy pyjama bottoms with an old too-large for her T-shirt and (it seemed) no bra. I was taken aback.

“Erm, hi. You look, erm..nice,” I said, thrusting the bottle of wine into her hand. She sighed and gave me back the bottle.

“I can’t drink,” she stated. “Breast-feeding. Help yourself to a glass in the kitchen.” She turned away and walked into the lounge. I scooted into the kitchen to collect a glass before following her into the lounge, which looked as though she had just been camped out in for the last few days. “Not even one glass?” I asked. She shot me a withering look. “Right, OK,” I said. It was then I noticed the tiny bundle in the corner of the sofa. I almost sat on it. It seemed to be asleep.

“Oaah, you must be Ellen,” I said delightedly picking her up immediately and clearly startling her. She made a little coughing type noise before screwing up her face into a tiny tight red ball and crying. The crying was horrible. A high-pitched loud cry that pierced your very soul. Rachel looked like she too was about to burst into tears. She pulled her hand through her hair. Her nerves seemed on edge.

“Erm, she’s crying,” I said holding her out towards Rachel. I had absolutely no idea what to do with a crying baby and had no desire to learn then.

“You don’t say,” Rachel shot back before putting her face into her hands and crying herself. Faced with a crying infant with whom no amount of rocking and shssing would stop plus a crying Rachel sat opposite me, I was lost. This wasn’t quite the night out with my best friend I had planned. “She just won’t stop,” Rachel sobbed. “She doesn’t stop crying ALL NIGHT LONG. I can’t do this”.

I didn’t know what to say. “Are you sure you don’t want a glass of wine?” I asked.

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

One night when my daughter was a newborn, I went to see why she was crying and discovered her soaking wet — without a diaper on! It turns out that earlier that night, I’d forgotten to put a new diaper on her before I put her back to bed.

Whether it’s due to sleep deprivation, brain overload, or changing hormones, "baby brain" can can make the most organized mom forget the most ordinary things. Here are some of Circle of Moms’ best “baby brain” stories.

What’s Wrong With this Coffee?

It’s an unfair twist of fate that baby brain makes some moms turn to caffeine for support and at the same time makes them do the strangest things with their coffee. Mom Katarina R. couldn’t understand why her husband was laughing at her as she searched frantically for her cup of coffee. That is, until she discovered it was in her hand the entire time.

Experiences like this aren’t unusual; a member named Ashley "put the sugar in the fridge and the milk in the press," but Circle of Moms member Amanda S.' story takes the proverbial coffee cake.

After her quest for a cup of coffee was interrupted numerous times by her crying baby, she was finally able to sit down and take a sip. She “spit it out fast,” though. Preoccupied, she had grabbed the wrong mix and made hot soup with the coffee pot!

Who Is This Kid Again?

Many Circle of Moms members complain that baby brain affects their memories more than anything else. Teresa W.’s embarrassingly public baby brain glitch illustrates this well. She explains: "The first time we took our two-month-old son to the [doctor] was two days after he was born. When I went to sign him in I blanked. I didn't know who I was there for and then didn't know his birth date."

An (Over) Load of Laundry

One of my favorite Circle of Moms baby brain stories involves laundry, of which there is an endless supply when you have a baby. After searching nearly half an hour for laundry detergent, mom Raylene D. decided that she should just start the load with a new bottle, and then proceeded to do just that.

When the laundry was done, she opened the machine "only to find that I had put the whole bottle into the washing machine with the laundry." She adds that she was lucky the cap was on tight or she would have been buried in bubbles!

Say What? 

Once you have kids it’s almost impossible to finish a sentence. Mom Brandy K. says she often loses her train of thought mid-sentence and has a hard time carrying on conversations with other adults.

Even if you can finish a sentence, finding words is ridiculously hard. Alison O. says she speaks "before all the words can properly form" in her head, leaving her with sentences like "Please put that deal back in the one place where it belongs."

Just Write it Down, If You Can

Mom after mom confesses that her memory was so bad after having a baby that she had to start writing everything down. This is a good solution... if you can remember your thought or the information long enough to find a place to jot it down! As member Barbara B. shares, sometimes even that is a challenge: she tried carrying a small pad [of paper] around, but kept forgetting where she left the pad of paper!

Does It Ever Get Better?

Funny stories aside, what moms want to know is if they will ever get their memories back. Circle of Moms members aren’t so sure. As member La G. puts it: "I was going to type a response but I forgot what I was going to say!"

Image Source: b0jangles via Flickr/Creative Commons

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

For the first two years of her son's life, first-time mom Erin B. and her husband cursed freely in front of him, until one day they noticed that he was doing it, too. At that point, they tried to stop,"But I still slip up sometimes," confesses Erin.

Sara B. swears in front of her child when she's driving. She tries not to and succeeds most of the time, "but you're bound to slip up once in a while," she says.

Try as you might, it's not easy to prevent the occasional swear word from entering the atmosphere in your children's presence. If they're coming from you, have no fear: Circle of Moms members offer four different strategies for damage control.

1. Ignore It.

Some moms go with the pretense it didn’t happen. "If you get all up in arms about them, you just give those words more power," points out a member named Anika. Likewise when the child does it. As Erin shares, "When Wyatt does it, I try to not make a big deal about it. I let him know that it is a bad word and he isn't supposed to say it and then we go on from there.”

2. Turn it into a teaching moment.

Jenn M., who considers herself "a potty mouth," tries hard to make sure her kids understand it's inappropriate. "I apologize to them and remind them that I'm naughty for using that word.”

Jodi, who's a more occasional curser, also feels that owning it is important, and says, ‘Oops, I shouldn't have said that, it wasn't right" when she slips up in her children's presence.

Heather Q. has taken it a step further by identifying the words that aren't allow and forbidding them in her household. (See: 10 Words to Avoid in Front of Your Kids). She's not concerned by her son's occasional exposure to cursing because he now knows the boundaries.

"A lot of what he hears is on movies that my husband and I watch," she says. "I'm not so much worried about it because he knows pretty much what words are appropriate and which words aren't. If he has a question about a word he asks and we explain to him if it's okay to use. 

3. Substitute silly words.

Many moms try to prevent swear words from leaving their lips altogether by using quirky substitutes. “I've come to love the word ‘Motherchicken,” Sara B. laughs.  Stacey J. agrees: “ I do try to use replacement words or what I consider mild swear words round the kids, like bloody or frigging.” (For more of moms' favorite substitutes, see Shiznit and Fudgenuts: A Mom's Guide to Cursing.)

4. Clean up your act.

The best way to deal with the swearing issue is to keep your lips tightly sealed when you're angry or excited, says Lisa S. "I don't want my boy to start swearing so I don't swear. I'd rather him learn helpful words to start with before he starts hearing all the new colorful words elsewhere."

Cassie C. agrees. "I do not swear. Honestly, my language is completely PG. It is just not something I do. I sound ridiculous. I swore for the first time when I was 16 on the softball bus and knew I sounded dumb."

How do you explain swear words to your kids?

Image Source: iStock Photo

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

There's nothing like an unexpected one-liner from your child to remind you how fun it is to have kids. Here we've rounded up some of our members' best stories about the funny things their children have said.

1. Sex Ed

"We have twin boys [who] wouldn't stop asking EXACTLY how the Labrador dad got the lab in our 'Labradoodle.' This was the moment we were waiting for to explain the birds and the bees. I didn't expect to be alone with them in a drive through. After my 'sex education 101' in a chicken joint parking lot, they sat open mouthed and silent. There [were] head tilts and scrunched noses and finally one of the boys said, 'Aren't you glad you only had to do THAT once to get two babies?' -Abbie of All that makes you...

2. Five Senses of Bananas

"The other day my 6-year-old said, 'Mom, I don’t like all five senses of bananas. I don’t like to taste them. I don’t like to smell them. I don’t like to see them. I don’t like to feel them.' 'And you don’t like like to hear people eat them?' I asked. 'I don’t even like to hear people talk about them!' he said. I guess he really doesn’t like bananas!" -Gina of I Choose Joy!

3. Baby Almonds

"The absolute most hilarious thing my daughter ever said was when she was around 2 years old. Myself, being a vegan, I wasn't crazy about the idea of her drinking cow's milk, so I tried one day to introduce her to almond milk. I told her, 'Cow's milk is for baby cows, not people, so I want you to try this almond milk and see if you like it.' My little 2-year-old answered back, 'Is that what baby almonds drink?'" -Boho Mom of Bohemian Single Mom

4. Manners       

"When my son was little, and he sneezed, he would say, 'Splash You.' Quite descriptive. . . . My youngest once crawled into my husband's lap and tenderly told him, 'Daddy, your breath not stinky today.' The ultimate compliment!" -Lisa Smith Molinari of The Meat and Potatoes of Life 

5. Life-Changing Decisions

"Here's one from our 6-going-on-14-year-old daughter: 'I just made a decision that could be life changing. I'm going to start coloring more with crayons than markers.' I guess if your life consists mostly of coloring, I can appreciate that. :)" -Lynn C.

6. Whoa!

"I was getting ready to get in the shower when my 3-year-old son busts open the bathroom door and yells 'Woah, BIG BOOTY!!!'"  -Alexis R. 

7. Talking Too Much

"The funniest thing my twins have ever said (and they still say it all the time) is, 'Mom, you talk TOO much!' - it's funny because they are 100% right! I'm a talker - as a mom, for my work, and in life. I love to chat." -Laura Rossi of My So-Called Sensory Life: 365 Unexpected Gifts from Motherhood

8. Out of Nowhere

"My 11-year-old makes up all these weird stories, like how Betty White drinks a half gallon of pure evil every morning before a jog." - Veronica

9. Public Bathrooms

"While in a stall in a busy public restroom with my 3-year-old, she loudly annouces that 'Mommy has a penis!' I started giggling before I could correct her and then she says, 'No, I mean Mommy has a big vagina!' The ladies' room erupted into a cacophony of laughter. I was mortified." Shannon Lell

10. Just Asking

"My son asked me the other day, 'Mum can I have a baby sister?' I said no, you already have two big sisters. He turned to me and said 'Oh well I just thought I'd ask. You don't get anything if you don't ask so just thought I'd ask.' Then he just walked away, leaving me laughing." -Lindsey W.

Image Source: iStockPhoto

I always wanted a baby. When my son was born, I had no idea what else would arrive all wrapped up in that goo-smeared swaddling blanket. Apparently I didn’t just have a little boy, a lot of fluid, and a placenta in there; I also had lofty ambitions to do everything better than anyone else ever has for their baby, ever, not to mention...

...The ability to bounce-shhhhh a kid to sleep while teetering on the brink of mental collapse.

...Expectations that others would know what I needed, even when I didn’t.

...A seriousness that would dissolve my sense of humor for at least three full months.

...Boobs that became the size of my head, yet strained to feed a baby properly.

...A need to photograph my child’s every other blink.

...A deep love for my husband for giving me this gift. A deep hate for my husband for not doing everything exactly as I wanted it to be done the first time, every time.

...An appreciation for Boppys that bordered on indecent.

Every single thing about me — my life, my marriage, every relationship I had, whether with my mom or my doorman — changed in an instant. My life was no longer mine. It was ours.

Dealing with this concept is a bit much when you are simultaneously dealing with episiotomy stitch pain and trying to keep a tiny new human alive. I wish there had been a guide tucked somewhere up in there, too, to help with all this. It was just so much. So much all at once. Saying it was overwhelming is like saying “Hey, air is pretty cool to have around.”

I plugged along, I furrowed my brow, my husband tolerated my crazy, our kid gained weight and after a few months I actually slept more than 45 minutes in a row.

Then one day, as I was changing him in the bedroom, my beautiful baby boy smiled at me...and pooped in a spray that arced up to the ceiling, painting it a lovely shade of breastfed.

And I laughed!

I laughed so hard I cried. I cried and I cried and I Googled 'how to wash poop off a white ceiling,' and I told my husband all about it. When I was done, my shoulders settled, and I realized that as hard as it all was, I had created someone who could poop on the ceiling. What could possibly be more awesome than that? I must have been doing something right if my baby could do circus tricks already. So I decided to relax, to go a little easier on myself. 

Which made all the challenges of being a new mom a little bit easier.

Image Source: K. Bongiorno

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

I have three girls, ages 5, 3 and 20 months, and all three of them share a love for creams and make-up. Right on cue at around eighteen months they begin foraging in the cupboards, and always end up with my most expensive face cream, or favorite mascara all over them.

Where am I you ask? Well, it's a fair question. As I spend most of time cleaning milk up off the floor and making snacks, chances are I'm in the kitchen. They're clearly in cahoots: they get me busy and then BOOM!, sneak upstairs and pillage through my make-up.

(Yes, I considered child-proofing the cupboards, but I find that stuff so incredibly annoying that I just wound up breaking it off. Currently I'm using elastic bands to thwart their efforts.)

My five-year-old will at least ask me now if she can use some of "Mommy's stuff." As for the other two, I've been hoping to find a toy they will be interested in. I'm currently trying to get them hooked on television.

I've attached some photos. My daughter Stella went for it at Easter with my mom's Lancome mascara. (Thanks for that. I love replacing other people's expensive stuff.) The girl in white? That's Penaten Cream — a nightmare to get out.

I will say this: If you're ever looking to waterproof yourself, Penaten is perfect.

Image Source: Me & Meg images.

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

Do we have new contenders for the oddest couple? Or should we call them Catman and Robin?

A baby robin who fell from his nest two weeks ago and was rescued by Southwestern Michigan resident, Karin Carston, has made unlikely friends in her household. (Click the picture to get a better look.)

Carston says she initially locked up her two cats when she brought the bird home, but no longer. The cats seem more interested in snugglng with Peeps than in eating him.

Read the whole story (NY Daily News).

Image Source: KARIN CASTON/ASSOCIATED PRESS via NY Daily News