This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community.
This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!
I got engaged about three weeks ago. I have been with my partner for four years, and we also live together. We're both quite social but have a few close friends that we love dearly. Really happy — well, almost.
From my fiance's friends, (who are all married, most with young children, he is 9 years older than me) — we got the usual "Yay, we're so happy for you!", "Congratulations", "It's about time!", etc., which made us feel really happy and special about this amazing time in our lives. When I told my two best friends, I was a little bit thrown by their reaction. When I called them to say I was engaged one just said "Oooookaaaaaaay, that's nice," and the other was busy and didn't answer but responded to my voicemail with a text a few hours later (a text!!) that said, "How lovely. See you soon!" They didn't seem as excited or happy as I would've expected and wanted. I've seen them be more excited about 2-for-1 cocktail specials.
I definitely don't think they disapprove of him. They've known him for years, and we all hang out quite a lot. We also have quite open friendships. Only a few months ago, one of my friends and I told friend number three that we thought her boyfriend was rude to her and that we thought she deserved better. If there was ever a time to bring up the fact that they hated my boyfriend, they have had a lot of time. Also, they always seem to want to hang out at our house every single Friday with me and my fiancé. They are also friends with him separate to me. Point is, I don't think my fiancé is the problem.
I hate to sound like a silly girl who thinks everyone is jealous of me because I truly don't want to believe that's the case, but I must say that both of them are single. And they have never had serious relationships or relationships that have lasted longer than 6-8 weeks. I've spent most of my adult life in relationships — a 4 year relationship from 18-22, about 8 months of dating a few guys for a few weeks at a time, and then I met my current boyfriend who I've been with for 4 years. I am 26. My friends are a little younger and are going to turn 26 at the very end of the year. I've always told them that I wish I was them. I've never really had a chance to be single and wasted all of my fun college years trying to make a very serious, verbally abusive man happy.
I want to start wedding planning and was expecting to ask them to both be my maids of honor, but now I'm not sure how to proceed. The last three Fridays we haven't really done anything together, which is a little weird. It's also my 27th birthday this coming Friday, and they haven't really called to make any plans with me, which really hurts. I have analyzed everything I've said and done and so far the only conversation I've had with them since things got weird is the call to say I'm engaged and a few texts saying stuff like, "How was your day?" etc.
Should I ask them directly, (which I think could come across as being a little entitled, bratty, and they might just think I have a superiority complex because I'm engaged — I don't know I just get that feeling) or should I just leave it? I feel like I've been there for them through losing jobs, graduation celebrations, birthdays, etc., and I think as friends they ought to be there for me. I feel really sad. They are like my sisters, and I think this is spoiling this happy time for me.
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