co-sleeping

We're happy to share a new post from ediTORIal by Tori Spelling, Tori's daily blog about everything from food and fashion to parenting and relationships. This week, Tori asks for advice on children in the master bedroom.

When it comes to the bedroom, I say the more the merrier . . . No, this is not taking a turn for the obscene; I'm talking piling the whole family — chickens included — into the bed.

I've already shared my love of TV time in the bedroom, but now Dean and I are onto another debate: whether or not kids and furry family members in the bed create a boundary between us.

Related: When to Discuss Religion With Kids

Not surprisingly, I love having the kids in our bed to cuddle, and I think the bigger the bed, the better! Dean, on the other hand, wants to up the romance and downsize us to a queen bed! He even put down blue tape on our current bed to show me the size of a queen vs. king. In his defense, we actually did have a queen bed in the beginning, honeymoon phase of our relationship, so I can see why he'd associate that with romance. But now that we have three kids jumping in and out of our sheets that would never work!

Right now, our usual routine is to let the kids fall asleep in our bed, and then move them to their own rooms. So here's my question for you: do you ever let your kids sleep in your bed? What are your bedroom boundaries? And, does a smaller bed equal more hanky panky?

Weigh in on this topic in the comments below!

More great articles from Tori Spelling:
Foodista: Pudding Parade
Mompreneur of the Moment: Katie of KT Steppers
Love Ever After
Baby Makes 6!
To Juice or Not to Juice

SIDS stories, in which babies die mysteriously while asleep give many a new parent nightmares. But there are steps you can take to create the safest possible sleeping environment for your baby — and to help yourself rest at ease. Here we’ve rounded up the key sleep recommendations from the American Academy of Pediatrics for preventing SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) and other sleep-related infant deaths.

1. Back Sleeping

Babies up to 12 months old should sleep on their backs. However, if your baby is able to roll from tummy to back and back to tummy, he can be left on his tummy if he rolls over in his sleep.

2. Firm Sleep Surface

Babies should sleep on a firm sleeping surface – never a chair, sofa, cushion, or water bed. Cover a crib mattress with a fitted sheet, and don’t use a crib with drop-side rails (see also: 5 Drop-Side Crib Alternatives). When babies fall asleep in a stroller, car seat, swing, or carrier, the AAP recommends moving them to a firm sleep surface ASAP.

3. No Soft Bedding or Objects

“Pillows, quilts, comforters, sheepskins, bumper pads, and stuffed toys can cause your baby to suffocate,” explains the AAP. After 12 months of age, however, “these objects pose little risk to healthy babies.” See also When to Give Baby a Pillow

4. Room-Sharing Without Bed-Sharing

Bed-sharing with your baby puts her at risk of SIDS, suffocation, and strangulation. As a result, the AAP recommends keeping your baby’s crib or bassinet within an arm’s reach of your bed. For more information on the co-sleeping debate, see 3 Reasons to Avoid Co-Sleeping and The Case for Co-Sleeping.

5. Avoid Overheating

Does your baby sweat in her sleep, or does her chest feel hot? She may be too warm. As a rule of thumb, the AAP suggests dressing your baby “in no more than one extra layer than you would wear.”

6. Routine Immunizations

While immunizations have become a hot button issue in recent years, the AAP shares that “evidence suggests that immunizations may have a protective effect against SIDS.”

7. Using a Pacifier

The AAP also recommends offering your child a pacifier at naps and bedtime, which has been shown to help reduce the risk of SIDS. Breastfeeding moms are advised to wait to offer a pacifier until breastfeeding is going well. See also Thumb vs. Pacifier: Which is Better for Your Baby?

8. Breastfeeding

Studies show that breastfeeding your baby can help reduce the risk of SIDS. (Related: 5 Tips for Breastfeeding Moms for Getting Your Baby to Sleep Without Nursing.)

9. Avoid Smoke Exposure

Keep your baby away from smoke and people who smoke. If you smoke, keep your car and home smoke-free, and of course, try to quit.

10. Do Not Use Products that Claim to Prevent SIDS

This recommendation may surprise you, but the AAP advises parents not to use wedges, positioners, special mattresses, and specialized sleep surfaces that claim to reduce the risk of SIDs. Not only have these products not been shown to reduce the risk of SIDS, but some infants have also suffocated while using them.

It’s a topic of great debate among parents and professionals and a question that Circle of Moms members debate time and time again: Is co-sleeping a good idea or bad idea?

Despite the fact that many mothers make a good case for co-sleeping, I never even considered it when my children were babies.

Many people, including Circle of Moms member Joy B., define co-sleeping as a child sleeping in the same room — but not necessarily the same bed — as her parents. So I guess I did technically co-sleep when my children were infants. But once they were too big for the bassinet in my room, that was the end of deliberate sleep-sharing.  

I was not up for “bed-sharing” or a “family bed,” which the Circle of Moms Family Bed Moms community defines as when moms share their beds with their kids (and enjoy it). There were three main reasons I chose not to share a bed with my children, reasons that many other Circle of Moms members echo when they’re discussing the issue.

1. Safety

Years before the American Academy of Pediatrics released findings that indicate bed-sharing can be dangerous under certain conditions, I worried about the safety of sharing a bed with a child.  Mom Brandi B. sums up my concern when she says “I am scared to actually sleep in the bed with my baby.”

Like Circle of Moms member Jamie D, I, too, worried about my son “falling off the bed [or] getting crushed or suffocated by me.” Even knowing what precautions to take around the type of bedding, the firmness of the mattress, and parental behavior didn’t quell my fears.

2. Sanctuary

Leaving safety concerns aside, my bed is my sanctuary. In a house filled with teenage angst, a pre-adolescent's toys, and a sticky toddler's messes, slipping into bed at the end of the day can be pure, unsticky, non angst-ridden bliss.

As Jamie points out, it’s my “me” time. Some may see it as selfish, but like Circle of Moms member “Lady Gillian” says, “I think parents should be allowed their own space.”

3. Sex

If the bed is that space, how do you have any intimacy in your relationship if you’re sharing your bed with your child? Co-sleeping Circle of Moms members say they have sex in the spare room, the couch or anywhere else they can manage it.

Personally, I’m with the member who calls herself “Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong,” who says that if she and her husband want to have sex in their bed they should be able to.  We don’t even have a spare room in our house, and with that aforementioned teenager, sex in other places of the house is out of the question.

That’s not to say we’ve never let our kids sleep in our bed. Over the years, a cranky or sick infant or a scared toddler has found his way into our bed in the middle of the night and stayed there. I’m sure it will happen again and that’s okay. I’ll just sneak off for a nap the next day.

Related Reading: The Case for Co-Sleeping

Do you co-sleep, sleep-share, or bed-share?

Image Source: Oksidor via Flickr/Creative Commons

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

It’s a question that comes up over and over in Circle of Moms communities: Do you co-sleep with your baby? Many moms says that co-sleeping is the most natural way to bond, especially if you’re breastfeeding.  If you’re on the fence about it, here’s how our moms make the case for co-sleeping. (Stay tuned for the other side of the story, coming in February.)

What Do the Experts Really Say?

When the American Academy of Pediatrics updated its infant sleep habit recommendations late last year to include the sentence, "Bedsharing or cosleeping may be hazardous under certain conditions," mothers who co-sleep found themselves once again vigorously defending a practice that Circle of Moms member Lisa says has been “practiced for as long as humans have walked this planet.”  

The interesting thing is that the recommendations (which are made to promote safe sleep and lower the risk of SIDS) don’t specifically say that parents shouldn’t co-sleep with their babies. What they do say, points out Circle of Moms member Erica G., is that there are rules you should follow to make sure you’re being safe about it. She notes those rules include things like not smoking, making sure there’s no loose bedding, and not co-sleeping on the couch.

Define Your Terms

Some moms say the language people use to talk about how mothers and babies sleep may cause confusion.  Co-sleeping doesn’t automatically mean that mothers have their babies in the bed with them, a point that mom Joy B. thinks needs to be cleared up. “‘Co-sleeping’ is when the baby sleeps in the same room as the parents, “ she says. “‘Bed sharing" is when the baby actually sleeps in the bed with the parents.”

Renowned pediatrician Dr. William Sears prefers the term “sleep-sharing.” Dr. Sears, who says he and his wife slept with at least four of their eight children when they were babies, thinks “bed-sharing” sounds too clinical and “co-sleeping” sounds more like what adults do. Sleep-sharing, he says, is a more accurate description of the harmonious interactions that occur between mother and child during the night.

Why Co-Sleep?

Circle of Moms member Kimberly T. is a breast-feeding mother who says co-sleeping is the best thing she ever did. As an infant, her son was able to “wake in the middle of the night for a feeding with little support,” allowing her to be more rested and able to care for both her children in the morning.

Some moms aren’t willing to give up space in their beds for their babies (bed-sharing), but practice co-sleeping in different ways. Charlene W. says she got the best of both worlds by having her infant daughter sleep within arm’s reach in a bassinet in her room. Katie H. says she simply moved her son’s crib into her room when he got too wiggly to sleep in her bed.

By whatever means they do it, co-sleeping moms all mention an increased feeling of connectedness to their babies. Katie S. says co-sleeping strengthened the mother-child bond and provided comfort for her babies. Sarah S. agrees.  “It creates such a close bond and makes our children so much more secure in their world!” she says, adding that she thinks families grow closer when there's a “family bed.”

Image Source: sundaykofax via Flickr/Creative Commons

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

From the smells and tastes of secret recipes to the free babysitting, there are a thousand and one reasons you love visiting Grandma for the holidays. But bunking with extended family often means trading your usual sleeping arrangements for tighter spaces, possibly without room for a crib. Many Circle of Moms families that don't normally co-sleep (sleeping in the same room or bed as your child) may be confronting the possibility for the first time as the holidays approach.

Whether or not to co-sleep with an infant is a frequently discussed issue on Circle of Moms, and safety is typically mentioned as a big concern. Advocates such as Heather, who has lived overseas in places where co-sleeping is more common, argue that as long as appropriate precautions are taken, "co-sleeping is dangerous only if one or both of the adults in the bed are extremely deep sleepers or use any kind of drug or alcohol to help them sleep."

If you're facing a holiday sleeping squeeze, here's a list of members' most recommended products for safe co-sleeping, plus a round-up (also from our moms) of the practice's pluses and minuses.

Mom-recommended Products for Safe Co-sleeping

Whether or not you choose to bed-share with your infant, there are a variety of products that contribute to a safe co-sleeping environment.

1. Bed-Side Bassinet or Co-sleeper
   A bed-side bassinet or "co-sleeper" is ideal for those who are uncomfortable sharing a bed with their infant. One brand frequently recommended by co-sleeping advocates on Circle of Moms is the Arms Reach Co-Sleeper: "It is basically a pack-and-play with a drop side that attaches to your bed" says Kenya R., a mother of three, and it provides "all the benefits of co-sleeping with a little space so you don't worry about baby getting too used to mom and dad's bed." Sherry B. also found the Arms Reach Co-Sleeper convenient: "The Arms Reach Co-Sleeper worked great for us; it was right next to me so I didn't have to go far to feed baby."

1. Bed Rails
   Jackie M., who co-slept with her 2-month-old daughter, recommends a bed rail to prevent an infant from falling out of the bed: "I bought a bed rail and it works GREAT...It sits quite snuggly against my mattress so I don't worry about leaving her by it alone; I know she won't get stuck at all. They make extra-long rails so the one I have goes almost to the end of my queen-sized bed."

1. Bed Sleeping Pads
   Recommended by Michelle M. as a "fantastic option for safe co-sleeping," Humanity Family Bed Co-sleeping Pads are made of absorbent cotton-flannel and bordered on one side by a nearly five-foot bumper pillow, to keep baby from tumbling off the bed.

1. Floor Mattress
   Another way to handle the possibility of a fall is by placing the mattress on the floor. As Geralyn C., who co-slept with her son, shared, "Even if he were to roll off the bed, there is such a small distance to fall and land. I definitely recommend the mattress on the floor pulled away from the wall." Other moms simply surround a raised bed with pillows.

Co-sleeping at Home

If you enjoy co-sleeping over the holidays and consider continuing in your own home, here are a few common co-sleeping pros and cons to consider.

• Getting a Good Night's Sleep
  Pro: Many moms who co-sleep find that sleeping safely near their child brings them greater peace of mind, and that everyone sleeps better as a result.
  Con: Others find co-sleeping disruptive. "I love co-sleeping with our son but waking up at every little sound and wiggle does take its toll." Essentially, it's different for every family.

• A Boon for Breastfeeders
  Pro: "If you breastfeed it will be so much easier to co-sleep!" says Brooke W. "Once your baby gets the hang of it you won't really have to get up to nurse. Just roll over. Half the time when my son wakes up to eat I don't even remember."

• Bonding Bonus
  Pro: Working moms and dads who are away from their baby during the day may find that sleeping together at night helps them feel more bonded. Working mother Jen V. loved that co-sleeping gave her extra time to cuddle with her son: "Up until he was 2, he would sleep in my bed I would say 97% of the time. I loved it! I work full time...I feel like it is much needed bonding time, since I sometimes only see him for 2 hours a day!"

• An End to Pillow Talk
  Con: It's natural to worry that co-sleeping will impact intimacy with your partner. "While we loved co-sleeping, once our little guy was in his own room, it was really nice to have our pillow talk, snuggling, and "Mommy-Daddy" time back. We didn't realize how much we had been needing it," shared Rachel, who co-slept with her son until he was almost 4 month old.
  Pro: On the other hand, some moms feel the benefits of co-sleeping are worth giving up old bedtime habits for a while, and find they can maintain intimacy in other ways and places. Says Sylvia S., "You just have to get a bit creative. It can be fun."

• Old Habits Die Hard
  Con: Although some moms say transitioning from co-sleeping is simple, other moms like Michelle F. have found co-sleeping a difficult habit to break: "The down side of co-sleeping is when…you are ready to put him in his own bed, the transition is hard."

Interested in Discussing Co-sleeping With Other Moms?

Whether you'd like to connect with advocates of attachment parenting or debate about co-sleeping, Circle of Moms is a safe place to discuss the toughest of parenting questions. Check out Circle of Moms communities and conversations to share advice and tips with other real moms.

Image Source: Kelly Sue

I have a lot of respect for co-sleepers, it just isn't something I have ever been able to do. Fear of rolling onto my tot or suffocating him with blankets has led me to place babies in bassinets for the first few months of life, and then into their cribs. The downside of a crib-sleeper is that they don't view your bed as a place for sleep, only for play, so even when you want them to fall asleep next to you, they won't.

I am currently seeing this first-hand as my lil one is experiencing his first cold (or allergies, given the high pollen rates we've been seeing). His nose is running, his throat is filled with phlegm and his attitude isn't so hot. Placing him down to sleep for the night is an exercise in patience. Each night we turn on the humidifier, aspirate his nose, and place a rolled blanket under one end of his mattress in an effort to place his head on a slight incline. As soon as he is about to drift off into la-la-land, my wee one tries to breathe through his nose, and wakes himself right back up. Given the number of times this happens each night, I've taken to sleeping on his floor, rather than running back and forth between our rooms. It's chilly down there, and not too comfortable, but the peace of mind it brings me outweighs the discomfort.

Do you camp out on your tot's floor?