bottle feeding

When my youngest child was born two years ago, I had no qualms telling the nursery I’d be bottle-feeding. The fact that he was my third bottle-fed child and that I had medical complications that made breast-feeding unrealistic eased my guilt considerably. But many moms hear “breast is best” and feel guilty about choosing not to breastfeed.

The breast vs. bottle debate can be vicious. With such influential organizations as the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Medical Association, the American Dietetic Association, and the World Health Organization recommending breastfeeding for the first six months of life, it seems that just about anyone you talk to can feel entitled to “give you flack all night and day” (as mom Lindsea W. puts it) about choosing bottle over breast.

A Choice That's Highly Personal 

Unlike all those organizations, bottle-feeding moms don’t always publicly proclaim the reasons for their choice, nor should they have to. The reasons moms bottle-feed are just as personal and important as the rationales made by their breast-feeding counterparts.  

Not everybody finds themselves in the optimal circumstances in which to breastfeed. There are circumstances in which it's simply not safe for a baby. In my case (and that of several other Circle of Moms members who have commented on this debate, including a member who goes by "Blackwood Karina"), sometimes a new mom has to go back on medications she couldn’t use while pregnant and breastfeeding.

There are also mothers who have tried to breastfeed and don’t produce enough milk, or have babies who, for one reason or another, can’t latch on. Others dislike breastfeeding and end up like mom Kristen C., who says simply and eloquently, “I am physically and emotionally drained.”  

Breast Isn't Best When it Causes So Much Stress

But even giving voice to those reasons implies that bottle-feeding mothers like me need to justify ourselves. We don’t. I couldn’t agree more with the sentiments of Circle of Moms members Shawnn L. and Genie H., whose two bottle-fed sons didn't thrive until she gave up on breastfeeding and switched to the bottle, explains that “parenting [is] providing for your children in the best manner possible,” for both you and them. And while many argue that "the best manner possible" always means breast-feeding, I disagree. I think it is knowing your limits, and working, as Genie H. puts it, “to eliminate a lot of stress.” 

In fact, a recent study published in the journal Child Development indicates that parental stress can affect children’s DNA and can make them more susceptible to stress-related diseases later in life.  

If deciding to bottle-feed means your baby will have a happier, less-stressed out parent, then I wholeheartedly agree with mother of twins Jamie S. who advises her peers, “Do what you need to do!” She’s right. It’s about what you need to do, not what other people need you to do.

In some cases, that "you" includes your partner. Many Circle of Moms members said that their decision to bottle-feed enabled their partner to have more bonding time with their babies.  I know my husband treasured late night feedings with our son, maybe even more than I treasured the sleep that allowed me to be a calmer, more attentive mother.

There will always be people who criticize your choice not to breastfeed. They will judge you, call you selfish, and try to scare you into thinking your baby won’t thrive.  But Circle of Moms member Suzanne S. isn't having it. She doesn’t allow other people to make her feel guilty, nor does she feel the need to have to explain herself.

Not everyone is that confident, so it helps to remember what the fuss is all about. Circle of Moms member Ghislaine B. gives moms a perfect way to keep it all in perspective: "The guilt feeling will do you nor your baby any good. Just enjoy the beautiful bundle of joy you have.”

Image Source: Lars Ploughman via Flickr/Creative Commons

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

Feel like you’ve patted your baby’s back a dozen different ways and those stubborn burps still won’t come up? Try the following 10 burping tips and techniques from Circle of Moms members. While not all of them will work for every baby, you only need to find the one that works for yours.

1. Burping After Every 2 Ounces

“Try burping him after 2 ounces,” Esmeralda U. suggests. Her advice is spot-on: the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends burping bottle-fed babies every 2-3 ounces. And though burping is less of an issue for breastfed babies, the AAP still recommends burping breastfed babies each time you switch breasts.

2. Over-the-Shoulder Position

This classic burp position entails resting your baby against your shoulder and patting or rubbing your baby’s back. Several moms, including Kelli S., also recommend a modified approach that positions the baby higher on your shoulder: “Try holding him up higher to where your shoulder is putting pressure on his tummy.”

3. Seated Angles and Rotations

Many parents find that placing the baby in various angled seated positions work well for bringing up a burp. As Melissa S. shares, “What was best for us was holding his chest (and supporting his neck), leaning him forward and burping.” Others, like Melissa D., find that leaning their babies in different directions brings up the burps: “I would sit my son on my lap and slowly tilt him from side to side and front to back. It was really relaxing for him and it seems to work the air bubbles out.”

4. Gentle Bouncing

“I bounced my son and that pretty much worked every time,” Erin L. admits. She's not alone; bouncing aids in burping for many babies. As Nikki M. relays: “I would sit him on my knee and bounce him...he sat up straight (and) would just burp on his own.”  

5. Tummy Time

If none of the above techniques produce a burp, consider laying the baby, tummy-down, on your knee or lap. Robyn M. explains: “Try lying them across your knee face down with head supported, and gently rub their back.”

6. Vertical Spine Rub

Another burping strategy recommended by several Circle of Moms members is a slow, firm vertical rub while the baby is seated. Melanie M. shares: “Try sitting your son on your lap with your arm across his front for support, then use the ball of your hand rub from the tail bone upward along the spine in one slow and slightly firm motion.”

7. Walking

As Angel C. advises, the gentle up-and-down motion of walking can also help in burping: “Try walking with him and pat while walking…or if you have stairs, try walking up and down the stairs.”

8. Switching Positions

With some babies, it’s not a single burping position, but rather a change in positions that produces burps. Carol C.  relays: “I find that if I hold her vertically or sitting for a while and then move her to a different position she sometimes burp(s) without (me) patting or rubbing her back.” Melanie M. concurs: “I’ll lay her down on my lap for a minute or so and then bring her back up. Laying them down sometimes seems to bring up the bubbles.”

9. Rubbing vs. Patting

While a patting technique works for many babies, rubbing is more effective with others. Jess L. suggests "a deep rub. It really worked wonders!"

10. Over the Counter Help

If you’re still having trouble burping your baby, many moms recommend consulting with your pediatrician about using gas relievers such as Mylicon, gripe water, or Infacol. 

Did another burping strategy work wonders for your baby? Share in the comments below!

Image Source: nateone via Flickr/Creative Commons

When my son was born, I realized pretty quickly that, though my partner and I had discussed almost every other detail of our parenting styles, we had never talked about routines or schedules. I think we both assumed the baby would lead the way in that department. In some ways, that's been true. But I soon learned that Olin (who is now two) needed us to help him establish patterns for his two most important activities: eating and sleeping. 

If you like routines yourself, you might find setting a schedule for your baby to be a natural, even easy, process. But if you're like me, and prefer spontaneity in your day, you might find it to be a big challenge. Fortunately, the rewards of getting your baby into a comfortable routine are perhaps as great for you as for him or her.

A routine that works will help you know when you have a window of time coming up for getting chores done — or for rest! — as well as providing your little one with a sense of security.

A baby's two main jobs are what I think of as "the two biggies:" eating and sleeping. When we moms talk about routines for our infants, it almost always comes down to how often, how much, and how regularly they eat and sleep. Not only does every baby have different appetites for both, but those appetities will vary from day to day, and as the baby grows.

Is Feeding Like Clockwork Possible?

My son, for example, was happy to nurse all the time; nursing comforted him when he was fussy and seemed to help him fall asleep. But then we developed a pattern in which it became difficult for me to get him to unlatch, especially at night, and this created problems for both of us. I got sore breasts, and Olin didn't sleep deeply. 

My partner started walking him to put him back to sleep — endlessly up and down the stairs, all around our house, and even outside when it was warm enough. When he got a little older we bundled him up, strapped him into his car seat, and drove him around until he was out deeply enough for us to transfer him to his crib with confidence. All this just to establish a feeding routine! Over time, Olin's need for ceaseless motion decreased, and he was able to unlatch and go directly into his crib. He clearly needed something to transition him from the breast to the crib, and eventually even a little motion, such as rocking briefly, did the trick.

Circle of Moms member Jennifer suggests that a stable feeding routine might not be possible until your baby begins eating sold foods. "When she begins to eat real foods.... she is being filled up longer," says this mom of two, and childcare experts agree.

Penelope Leach, in Your Baby and Child, writes that newborns need time to "settle into life outside the womb," and that their hunger signals take a while to present in recognizable ways. 

This could explain why my son didn't get on a reliable feeding schedule until he was three or four months-old.

Should You Sleep Train?

Sleep has been a more challenging puzzle. When all of my parent-friends began talking about "sleep training," I instinctively knew that the "cry-it-out" methods did not appeal to me at all, even though they clearly worked for some. I think these techniques developed largely out of parents' desires to have their children get on adult clocks, which invariably means sleeping through the night. And I don't think some babies are prepared to do that in their first year — or even two — of life.

Yet, routines have value nonetheless, and they encourage babies to learn to put themselves to sleep. I've had the most success with the "sleep lady shuffle," Kim Wests' popular method that involves slowly removing yourself from your baby's bedside until he or she is comfortable going down alone. It can take several weeks, and is a gentler method than the cry-it-out styles of sleep training.

Olin started putting himself to sleep in his crib and sleeping through the night when he was about 20 months-old, but any change in routine (especially travel to another time zone) threatens the reliability of this routine, often for weeks or months after we get back home.

Of course, I long for more sleep, but I no longer envy the parents whose children have been sleeping all night since they were six months old. I'm experienced enough as a mom now to know that my son will sleep through the night when he's ready.

We've established routines that will hopefully help him, such as keeping bedtime consistent and giving him long warm baths just before he goes down. Then we read his favorite book a few times, and he's primed. We've been doing this since he was a newborn, long before he knew one book from another.

It's important to remember that establishing routines doesn't necessarily mean your baby will sleep through the night. An infant's individual nature comes into play here, too; some sleep easily and for long, uninterrupted periods, and others simply don't. 

What Works Best for Your Family?

Decide early on how much flexibility you have. If you need to make regular 8 a.m. meetings with a clear head, then consider some of the sleep techniques that seem to work. If you have more flexibility, then follow your child's lead and see what happens. And remember, even once you've established a routine, it will change as your child develops.

Vicky D., in the February 2011 Babies community, who has three kids, says that perseverance is of the essence: "Stick with it, stay positive, and the baby will benefit from your positivity and progress to a suitable routine."

Image Source: minoru_ntt via Flickr/Creative Commons

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

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