behavior

Not all parents believe you should pay your child for good grades (see related article: Should You Pay Your Child For Good Grades?), but Circle of Moms members say that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t reward them. Here are some ideas of how to celebrate a good report card without forking over any cash.

1. Let Them Eat Cake

Around here we celebrate good grades — and pretty much everything else — with cake. It’s a way of letting our kids know that we're proud of the hard work they’ve put in and that we think it’s worth acknowledging. They like cake, but the reward isn’t so great that they’re relying on external rewards for getting good grades. 

2. Have a Kids' Choice Family Night

Like me, Circle of Moms member Lysha J. doesn’t believe in paying for good grades, but she also doesn’t think any other material rewards are a good idea, either. Instead, she suggests doing something as a family, something that the kids choose, like going out for ice cream or renting a movie.

3. Go to the Museum

Mom Christine H. thinks as kids get older and school work gets harder, it can be motivational to reward kids with activities for continued good grades. She and mom Autumn B. both suggest a trip to a museum, which can be both fun and educational.

4. Buy New Books

A number of Circle of Moms members say that good grades earns their child a trip to the bookstore or a chance to choose something from the latest book order form. As one member named "Fluffy Bunnies" points out, if the reward is educational, you’re encouraging his interest in education.

5. Use a Cumulative Reward System

A few moms mention that instead of paying for good grades, they use a sticker chart as a cumulative reward system. Chantelle P. says when your child gets to a certain number of stickers, you can take them to buy a small toy. Belinda P. uses a system in which five stickers is equal to a dollar, which can be saved up for a wanted item. 

6. Go Out for Ice Cream

I remember this report card reward from my own childhood, as does mom Jen B., who says it was a big deal to go out for ice cream when she was a kid. That’s why she’s carried on the tradition with her son, who is so excited about it that he even shows his report card to the server!

7. Give Out "Lego dollars"

Instead of paying in real dollars, mom Sherry M. rewards improved grades with what she calls “Lego” and “craft” dollars. It’s a great idea; it makes the reward a favorite recreational activity and doesn’t involve cash.

8. Eat Out as a Family

I love Theresa K.’s reason for taking the kids out to dinner to celebrate good grades. "We reward our children with a family dinner out. It gives us a great opportunity to talk about their grades and the comments from their teachers," she says.

9. Give an iTunes Gift Card

Circle of Moms member Candace says she sometimes gives iTunes cards as a reward for good grades, but she mixes it up with other rewards, too. When her oldest child made the Dean’s List for the third time in a row, she got to go horseback riding!

10. One-on-One Time

Don’t forget that sometimes just a little time alone with you is a treat for your child. Mom Wendy L. says one way she rewards her daughter’s good grades is by planning a special outing just for the two of them.

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The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

“It doesn’t matter whether you won or lost, it only matters how you played the game.”

Have you ever said this to your kid when they’ve come off the field as the champion? I bet not. We reserve this tidbit of advice for the kid who lost as a way to make them feel better about their sportsmanship and commitment to the game and good ole’ try. How often does this really work, though? What parent has uttered these words and seen their kid’s frown turn upside down? Again, I’m betting none.

But I did tell this to my daughter after a recent tennis tournament. And not because I wanted her to feel better about her game, but to point out the converse of this little cliché.

The Ultimate Game Changer

“Whether you win or lose, it matters how you play the game."

Winning doesn’t just happen. Skill, of course, is a large part of it, but so is attitude and mental toughness. Without a positive outlook and expectations on winning, the skill could become a null factor. And for many kids, that’s the hardest part.

My daughter played in a singles match in the tennis tournament, which was very different than her other sport, basketball. She was alone, with no-one to cheer her on or bounce play ideas off of. She had to figure out her own strategy.

She takes lessons, goes to practice, and plays on a local team, so she’s pretty confident in her developing skills. Where things get a bit touchy is her mind-set, her mental game. But when she misses a point, you can see her attitude change.

Everyone knows the signs that their kid is getting upset – pouty lips, slumped shoulders, squinty eyes – whatever body language your kid portrays, parents know. So when I see her physical change, I know her game is going to change, too.

And there goes the ball into the net.

And the next one way way out, hitting the wall behind her opponent.

And there’s the double fault.

All of these losing points, of course, only perpetuate the bad attitude. Until she finally gets a ball in, wins a point. And then her mood shifts again and she feels better, and there, there is the perfect lob over the opponent’s head.

Such is her game. It’s consistent when she’s winning, it’s a mess when she’s losing. When she slumps off the court, I don’t tell her that it's okay that she lost, because she didn’t play the game well. I remind her that it was the way she played that caused her to lose. Sometimes, I’ll even show her the video tape and let her watch her own attitude arise and take over her game.

She gets it. She knows. But she’s working on it.

Image Source: Photo by Frances Frost (author)

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

Jennifer B. gets annoyed when her artistic daughter dons her boyfriend's way-too-big pants. "I can't have her going out like that," says this frustrated Circle of Moms member.

Latisha and her teen can’t agree on anything, from what to eat to where to go to school, and especially not on the need to wear a coat when it’s cold.

Yet another member, Kathy, is concerned when pre-teen girls wear skimpy clothes: "On one hand, it's their body and they can dress how they want. On the other hand … I do think modesty is a good virtue."

As these moms' fashion conflicts with their daughters reveal, it's not uncommon for parents to cringe at their kids' clothing choices once they enter their tweens and teens. If this kind of a wardrobe war is brewing in your home, consider these three tips from Circle of Moms members.

1. Broach the Subject Carefully and Lovingly

Teens often experiment with clothing to express their character and to feel more confident. Thus, says a mom named Michelle, tread carefully so that your criticisms don't breed insecurity. Referencing her own experience growing up, she cautions that worrying excessively about appearances will distract your child from much more important things:

"I missed out on a lot worrying about what I looked liked, my weight, my hair, makeup, fashion ... it all prevented me from being me and having the confidence to be independent and a go-getter."

With her own daughter, now 23, Michelle has focused on letting her be herself. Her daughter used to dress entirely in black, which collided with Michelle’s more feminine sensibilities. "I didn’t like it, but I let her be her since her character and personality didn’t reflect her choice of style." Michelle advises letting your child know "that you're okay with it," but also offering loving advice on "how sometimes certain clothing is best," and why.

Recognizing that her 11-year-old daughter wants to fit in with classmates who are dressing in styles that are more risque, a member named Jennifer is also finding that thoughtful conversation, rather than criticism, is the way to go. When shopping, she also steers her daughter away from stores that sell "crazy stuff" to pre-teens.

Another member (screen name "Momma"), adds an important point: that it's important to help shore your child up against peer pressure:

"I think to not let them do everything they want just because their friends are doing it builds a leader, not a follower. I think that you need to allow your child to be able to use you as a scape goat, and you need to tell them that."

2. Define "Decency"

When helping your child to make better clothing choices, it’s important to define what’s acceptable and what's indecent, say Circle of Moms members. Many moms are concerned in particular about clothes that are too skimpy. But moms need to define "skimpy" clearly for their daughters, says a member with the screen name "Fit2Bme," citing spaghetti strap tops as a style that's tricky because it's not always clear when it's appropriate and when it's not.

A mom named Kathy agrees that appropriate dress is difficult to define. "I am not totally convinced we need to crack down on all skimpy clothes. My nine-year-old wears spaghetti straps. There is nothing a sexual about it," she says. "Figure out if they are dressing for themselves or if they are dressing in a way that is objectifying. Dressing to please yourself — even if it is spaghetti straps? Cool. Dressing in a way that objectifies yourself? Not so cool."

Another member, Dove, keeps things simple by asking her daughter to follow school dress codes even outside of the classroom. "My guideline is that if the bottoms aren't appropriate for school, they aren't appropriate. No off-the-shoulder shirts. Tank tops and regular T-shirts are fine."

Mom Isobel defines "acceptable" for her 11-year-old daughter as follows: "If you're wearing a spaghetti strap tank top, you must be wearing long/loose shorts. If you are wearing shorter shorts, you must have sleeves."

Isobel adds that her daughter now has "a pretty good handle" on what will be allowed and what's not, and that "finding a happy-medium between giving her complete freedom to dress as inappropriately as she wants (because she really doesn't understand the ramifications of projecting a particular image to the public) and keeping her in a burka will keep an open line of communication as she grows up."

3. Pick Your Battles

Finally, when it comes to clothing, many experienced moms advise doing your best to let go. "Hair, clothes, makeup, and food may be minor battles compared to making sure there are no drugs, alcohol and sex," for instance, says a member named Sarah.

Tonya agrees that clothing, hair styles, and makeup choices are often "not worth fighting over" when it’s more important to make sure your child is not being exposed to people who could harm her or lead her into a bad situation. This is especially true when your child is trying to become more independent, says a mom named Patty:

"If she chooses not to wear a coat and becomes sick, or worse frostbitten, that would be natural consequences for her behavior,” she advises Latisha, the mom whose teen resists her advice on everything, adding, "As for the clothing issue, no breasts, no butts, no cracks, no straps is my rule, the rest is okay."

Several moms say it's a waste of energy to get upset when kids wear pajamas or other inappropriate gear out in public: "At least they're wearing ‘something," says a member named Sylvia, and a mom named Cassidy feels that, "If that's what they wanna wear, as long as they have clothes on, I could care less."

Finally, as a mom named Liz recalls from her own teen years, kooky clothing choices are almost always just a phase:

""The more [my mom] pushed one way, the more I pushed the other. My mom told me years later that she spent a lot of time shaking her head at the choices that I made. She admits that when she decided to ignore those things that I wore, things got easier for everyone in the house. Clothes, food, and hair are not worth the stress. Being at odds over these things could push her away when it comes to the really important stuff: Smile, hug her, tell her you love her, then go out of her sight and shake your head in disbelief."

Image Source: merfam via Flickr/Creative Commons

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

It’s generally great when your child makes new friends at school, but Jessica L. points out that even in kindergarten there are some exceptions. With several girls in her 5-year-old daughter's class claiming that they already have "boyfriends" whom they kiss, Jessica is urging her daughter to steer clear. “This is kindergarten,” she asserts. “I don’t want my daughter to be exposed to this."

Amanda C. says she, too, is feeling uncomfortable about her daughter's premature interest in boys. The 6-year-old ran up to her, happy as can be, to announce that she had her first boyfriend. “Let’s just say I was not happy at all," says Amanda. And Priscilla C., whose friendly 7-and-a-half-year-old also has a boyfriend, is fretting about whether she should do something about it.

Here, Circle of Moms members offer three key tips on what to do when your young gradeschooler wants (or claims to have) a “boyfriend” or “girlfriend.”

1. Keep it in Perspective

It’s fairly common for grade schoolers to be curious and mimic adults, so moms shouldn’t worry too much when children want boyfriends and girlfriends — or even if they say they want to “get married,” Circle of Moms members say. In fact, many members recall having similar relationships at that age.

“It’s very typical, especially for girls. The earliest boyfriend I can remember is from kindergarten, 32 years ago,” says mom Susan P. “After the bell rang, we would walk out of the school together, holding hands. When we reached our mothers, we would always give a peck on the lips to each other even though both our mothers told us to stop. Thinking back, to me, this was a friendly kiss and I saw my parents kiss, so why couldn't I?” Why worry, says Susan, when at such a “tender age,” kids don’t actually know what a boyfriend or girlfriend is? Whatever they're doing, it's more than likely "pretty harmless."

Charlene W. agrees that such “relationships” are normal and innocent, sharing that she and her sister always had “boyfriends” at that age. “My sister was engaged like 10 times before she was 7. One little boy even gave her a ring that he got out of a bubble gum machine!”

Carolee Y., too, recalls she had her first "boyfriend" the first day she went to school. “All that meant was that we sat on the bus together. It's a normal thing to go through,” she stresses.

What "Boyfriend" and "Girlfriend" Really Mean

Several moms also point out the influence of TV shows, especially shows about teens, that depict adult and peer relationships. “Children to want to imitate what they see. And even if your own child isn't watching any of these, the fact is, their friends are,” explains a member named Twana. “Part of growing up is imitating what you see, trying [on] your different hats, and figuring out who you want to be when you grow up . . . My take on the whole thing [is to] let [your little girl] have a ‘boyfriend,’ but make sure she knows that means she can have a boy who is a friend.”

After all, Jeanet G. reasons, “Sometimes grown-ups see things with grown-up eyes and not with a child’s, where it's completely innocent and friendly.” Ruby P. also notes that, "As parents, it can be hard to remember that children see this world so differently than we do. And it is our reaction and response that can slowly snatch their innocence away and put more into their minds."

Jenn H. agrees, noting that, "it all carries a different meaning to a child than it does an adult." She also feels that there's no reason for a mom to worry, "unless a child is unhappy or uncomfortable with the affection received by another."

2. Acknowledge the Affection

For example, when Anne C.’s 7-year-old son talks about which girls in his class have asked if they can be his girlfriend, Anne turns the conversation into a lesson about “how private parts are private and not for them to touch or [be touched].”

And because Ruby P. didn’t want to “taint” her son’s ideas about kissing, but also didn’t want him sharing germs and kissing others, she “told him that kissing and sharing food and drinks are a no-no because you can get very sick or cause someone else to get sick, [be]cause you never know who has the cold bug." 

3. Explain Appropriate and Inappropriate Behavior

While you don’t want your child to feel bad, it’s a good idea to teach appropriate and inappropriate relationship behavior, advises Julie G. “If children form their ideas about reading, writing, and table manners at six, they also form their ideas about relationships and dating at six, and it is never too young to start teaching them about healthy ones,” she says.

Consequently, a mom named Michelle, whose own grade school-aged daughter always seems to have a boyfriend, suggests counteracting the pressure kids may feel to "date" by encouraging them to focus elsewhere:

“We never encouraged her behavior, instead tried to discourage [the] feeling [that] she always ‘needed’ to have one, and worked on building up her self-esteem.”

Other moms take the opportunity to discuss body boundaries. Steph A., for instance, told her 5-year-old daughter that she doesn’t belong to any of the three boys she calls her "boyfriends," and that there are limits on touching:

“We talk about touching; no boy or girl or adult can touch her in the privates, and no kissing on the mouth . . . But she can give hugs to both girls and boys as long as it's in a respectable way. Kisses, well those are given only to close friends and family.”

Another mom, Prescilla, whose twin daughters are now 17, offers some perspective on this behavior from when her girls were younger and would play with boys as though they were "boyfriends":

"They would go 'round hugging and kissing and holding hands, as they did with the girls, and they would play families with dolls, etc. As they got older they would come home from school and tell us they had a ‘boyfriend,’ and we would use the opportunity to talk to them about love, relationships, marriage, and having a family in a simplistic way to start. At this age I have concluded it is about building relationships and about trust,” she says. The early guidance you give, she adds, “will pay off.”

So, “just set your family morals and constantly re-enforce these . . . Act as the voice of reason while they are trying to develop their own,” Michelle adds. 

Then, take comfort in the fact that “they are just growing up — this is what they do,” Jacqui H. concludes. “They will grow out of it and soon be repulsed by the opposite sex.”

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The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

Ashly F.'s five-year-old was suspended from the school bus because he does not listen: "He has never acted this bad before in preschool, nor has he ever acted this bad at home or done any of the things he is doing at school at home. I am so lost as to what to do," laments this Circle of Moms member.

Schenequa N.’s six-year-old was suspended for bringing his toy Nerf gun to school. "I don’t think that’s fair [be]cause he is only six years old [and] in the first grade and doesn’t know the difference. All he knows is that it’s a toy. Any suggestions on what I am to do?" she asks the Circle of Moms community.

As these two moms share, it’s very hard to get a phone call from the school principal informing you that you child is suspended. School suspensions are generally handed down for serious infractions: violent or disruptive behavior, or bringing weapons or drugs to school, and you may become fearful that you have a problem child. But when a suspension happens during the grade school years, more often than not the offensive action that caused the suspension is somewhat tame when compared to issues posed by older children.

So how should you react? Circle of Moms suggest preceding calmly. Here are four tips to guide you.

1. Get to the Root of the Problem

When your child is suspended from school, the school will notify you of the reason for and length of the suspension. Circle of Moms members recommend seeing it as a flag that you need to delve a little deeper into whatever is going on with your child. "First off, get to the bottom of what is causing the problem behavior, and if it is truly problem behavior in the first place," suggests Amanda R. Bad behavior in the grade school years typically stems from another problem, and is not usually because the child is intentionally trying to be heinous, and Amanda cites numerous news reports of elementary school children being suspended for accidentally bringing a dangerous object to school, or for taking legitimate medication on school grounds.

"Typically when children act out, they are seeking attention of some sort. Whether it be more affection, one-on-one time, or even negative attention (like the kind they receive when they are naughty). Something is definitely going on with your child that you need to address," agrees a mom named Leah J., adding that parents might try getting down on the child's level and asking him "why he is acting naughty."

There might be a very good reason, she says. For example, some children lash out when they're angry or being picked on at school. "Is he getting the same treatment at school? Does he possibly have a learning disability? Sometimes children that aren't on the same academic level as other students in the class will act out and get in trouble because then it takes the focus away from the real issue. I would explore those things and see if any of them bring you a conclusion."

Heather W. suggests another line of questioning: "Ask him what he had fun doing at school. Try to bring out the positive things he did and see who he is playing with. This should help you figure out what is causing the problem."

If your child is suspended for bringing a weapon-like object or toy to school, consider it a teachable moment, suggests Erin J. In Shenequa’s case, for example, the period of suspension “is a great opportunity" to explain why bringing toy guns to school is a bad idea.

2. Visit the School

When your child is suspended, it’s important to make a personal visit to the school to find out first-hand what caused the suspension and also to observe the environment. “Arrange a meeting with the teacher to talk about the issues,” recommends Sarah C. 

“There's almost certainly something going on under the surface that you need to understand before you can help your [child] change her behavior for the better,” Sylvia H. says. 

Even if you agree with the suspension, it helps to bring these issues to light with the administrative staff, moms say.

And if you believe the suspension is unwarranted, then the in-person visit is a good time to make your case. "If your son has never caused any trouble and is a good kid, they should realize it was an innocent thing that happened," Emilie B. tells Shenequa. A mom named Sarah mentions other common underlying issues that you should bring to the attention of the teacher or principal: your child is reacting to bullying or to a teacher who is taking a negative approach with him. "One thing [you should] not tolerate is hearing only one side of a story," adds Rita D., and Sherri C. points out that a parent needs to be her child's advocate.

3. Seek Expert Advice

If there are legitimate behavioral problems that led to the suspension, then the school staff or your pediatrician may be able to recommend an expert to turn to for advice. In responding to fellow Circle of Moms member Jaimie A.’s concern about her 7-year-old’s suspension for behavioral issues, AnnMarie suggests seeking out psycho-educational testing. “It is a wonderful tool, and can lead to the development of a solid behavioral plan targeted to helping your child overcome his specific issues.” 

Kim, another member, endorses the value of a professional opinion. When her 9-year-old was acting out at school she had him tested at a pediatric clinic for ADHD and discovered that his behavioral problems were a result of Asperger’s Syndrome. 

An outside expert may be able to provide parents with a “solid road map” to help address overall behavioral problems. Otherwise, says AnnMarie, addressing isolated behaviors or incidents will wind up being a bit haphazard.

4. Don’t Dole Out Additional Punishment

Finally, Circle of Moms recommend that given that your child has already been suspended, it’s not necessary to dole out additional punishments. 

"I personally don’t think you should punish [your child] at home when she has already been punished in school," Sarah C. says. "This will only lead to her being secretive about what has happened at school, when you really need to be keeping the lines of communication open."

Remember, adds JuLeah W., your goal is to teach your child, not punish him: "I knew a boy who would act out everyday almost ... the teacher did the same dumb thing; sent him to the office. Well, turns out, the kid didn't understand the math and was too embarrassed to admit he needed help. He acted out each day before math, was sent to the office for the math lesson and avoided what he didn't want to deal with — of course getting further and further behind in math in the process," she says.

Consequently, she adds, when your child acts out, "[keep in mind she] is attempting to tell you something very important with the only language she has: her behavior. You have to learn how to listen to her.

Image Source: brandondillphoto via Flickr/Creative Commons

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

The terrible twos have struck in my household, and they have struck hard. As a mom of two, one would think that I would already have experience in this department but, believe it or not, it has taken me completely by surprise. My eldest has high-functioning autism and, while she had her own type of "fits" fairly often, we were busy with occupational and speech therapy throughout the terrible twos and somehow managed to dodge them completely. My son, though...my son might be the death of me. 

See, all the stories I've ever heard about the terrible twos were of fits of rage, tantrums, and ungodly screaming. We have a bit of that, here and there, but what no one bothered to warn me of is the manipulation. No one thought to tell me, "Oh, by the way, age two is when the sass and smirk appear!" But, they do. And, they work. Even more importantly, my son knows they works. 

When he gets into trouble for coloring on his face with a mysteriously reappearing marker for the thirtieth time in a day, he doesn't throw himself on the floor wailing. Either he, Mother Nature, or some other heavenly being has decided I'm much too prepared for fits. Instead, I get onto him, and he lowers his little face, looks up at me out of the top of his eyes...and just stares at me with this irresistable smirk. 

When I tell him that it's bedtime, he doesn't kick and scream as I carry him across the house. He simply collapses face first on the floor, with a grin, and refuses to budge. I have to carry him and his completely limp dead weight all the way to the bedroom, while he looks at me with those smiling eyes. 

Earlier today, I said, "I love you son, but you're driving me crazy!" He simply giggled and said, "Otay." He's climbing furniture, getting into drawers, coloring on walls, and tearing every single wipe out of the container just to watch them float to the ground. 

While I know none of it is malicious, and I should probably be thankful, I'm still having a hard time admitting that I am being defeated by a two-year-old — a happy jokester of a two-year-old who knows his charm and good looks will get him out of anything and uses it to the best of his ability.  I can just hear his little wheels turning when he gets into trouble, thinking, "Just make Mommy crack a smile, then she's done for." How do you discipline a child when you can't even keep a straight face? 

I will not let this toddler defeat me. He doesn't actually turn two until March, so I have plenty of time to figure this out...right?  For now, I will lock myself in the bathroom and meditate while taking a long, hot bath. Without bubbles, of course...he used those to "wash" the floor. 

Image Source: Photo by Shai Smith

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

I don’t drink alcohol — but I’m planning to let my sons have their first taste when they're in gradeschool. It sounds strange to let my children have a sip of something I don’t partake in myself, but my husband drinks a beer or two at family or neighborhood gatherings. I don’t want feel that I need to hide this from my son, and I think addressing it head on is the best approach.

Like many Circle of Moms members, the two of us agree that including children in family traditions that involve alcohol or wine, and letting them have a taste early on, is a healthy way to teach them about responsible alcohol consumption.

Early Exposure Teaches Moderation

At some point in their lives, all children experiment with alcohol with their friends. I’d hate for my sons to wind up like a Circle of Moms member (screenname: "LaCi Who?), whose parents never allowed her to drink. As a result, she says, she went wild in her teens.

Children who grow up in homes where adults drink moderately and responsibly, like sipping wine with dinner, have extremely low rates of alcohol abuse compared to those that grow up in completely non-drinking families, says LaCi.

Additionally, I agree with Jodie B., who says that when parents drink in moderation in front of their children, they are demonstrating that the proper way to enjoy a drink includes stopping before it impairs mental and physical capabilities. 

Drinking in moderation in front of the kids is better than hiding it from them with the intention to protect them. As mom Brandy K. says: “They're going to find out about alcohol eventually whether you hide it from them or not, and they should be educated about it so that they don’t get excessive with it and know that it’s okay to just have one or two."

A Taste Removes the Temptation

In addition to letting your children see you drink responsibly, I believe that letting children taste a tablespoon helps to diminish the allure of alcohol.

"I am a firm believer in the adage ‘forbidden fruit tastes the sweetest.’ I think that if you deny your kids things, they will want them even more," says Lisa S. She attended school in Austria, where the drinking age is younger, and explains that drinking legally at ages 16, 17 and 18 meant that "the ‘coolness factor’ wore off well before I was in college, and even before I had my driver's license."

Christina M. agrees: "With some children, if you take the mystery out of alcohol then they don't turn into lushes after they become of age." She's teaching her 10-year-old that if he ever experiments with alcohol when he gets older, he will only get in trouble for not calling his parents to pick him up. Christina is motivated by memories of seeing many of her friends go crazy with alcohol simply because it was forbidden.

Minnie J.'s story is a case in point. She grew up in a household where drinking any form of alcohol was anathema:

"My mother thinks the stuff is of the devil. So, when I went to college, I got so horribly drunk that I fell over and bashed my forehead in on a table," she explains. "That one time in college was the result of an over-sheltered life where we were never allowed to experience anything responsibly — only taught that such and such a thing was evil and 'don’t you dare do it.'"

Gradeschoolers Are Great Learners

Desiree M. says her dad let her taste a beer when she as six or seven and that put her off beer then and there. Similarly, Amy K. says she remembers having her first watered-down wine at about 10 years old when her parents taught her the guidelines for drinking alcohol. "I'm almost 30 and have been tipsy once or twice, but never drunk," she says, noting that she never thought that early taste was the greenlight to get smashed all the time.

If you agree with the rationale behind giving your child a taste before he's legally allowed drink, then I believe, as these members' stories illustrate, that gradeschool is the best time. At this stage, kids are old enough that they don’t just want to blindly copy an adult, yet young enough that they'll still listen and comprehend when Mom and Dad say alcohol is normally just for grown-ups.

As Ceclia S. sums up, gradeschoolers are at a perfect age for absorbing lessons about alcohol. They’re past the toddler "cookie sneaking stage" yet still young enough that they haven’t grown cynical. In other words, a gradeschooler will understand and accept that a parent's guidance on the importance of drinking in moderation is not just useless advice.

Image Source: Dave Dugdale via Flickr/Creative Commons

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

When your child moves away from home, the change can be both welcome and fear-inducing for your family. Is your son or daughter savvy enough to survive on his or her own?

That’s a question a Circle of Moms member named Gale G. is wondering. "What’s the best way to get my high school junior ready for college?" she asks.

Similarly, Margo M. is concerned that her 17-year-old daughter, who plans to move out when she turns 18, might not be mature enough to thrive in the world beyond her home. For moms like Margo and Gale whose children will soon fly the coop, Circle of Moms members offer five things all teens should know before leaving the nest.

1. Self-Help Skills

By the time children are teenagers, most moms think they should know basic self-help skills like picking up after themselves, how to do laundry, how to make a few simple meals, and the importance of basic nutrition. But if your child needs a crash course before moving out, several moms suggest a test of those skills before he leaves home.

A member named Jewelee shares that a friend of hers locked up the kitchen and told her son to buy his own food, do his own laundry and cleaning, and pay rent and utility bills. After three weeks, the son was broke, dirty, and finally realized what he needed to know to survive on his own. Jewelee says it made him love and respect his parents more than ever.

Similarly, Pati H. began talking to her daughter when she turned 16 about the realities of getting a job and moving out, going to school and working. Since her senior year in high school, her daughter has been responsible for getting herself up and ready for school, making her own breakfast and lunch, and doing her own laundry and banking, and as Pati relays, it has no always gone smoothly:

"She has had a few days of going hungry at work or school because she didn't have enough time to get ready and eat and or bring food. She also hates the bank, but I won’t make her deposits, so she's run out of money a few times and I won't assist her on those occasions."

The "tough love" tack might sound harsh, but giving your child guidance while letting her test her self-help skills is one of the best things you can do to prepare her for moving out, says Rachael S., who moved out of her own parents' home when she turned 17. "I learned to be responsible and independent, and my mom always supported me in every adventure I took," she recalls.

2. Money Management Skills

Whether your child is headed for college or a job straight out of school, a cornerstone of responsible adulthood is being able to manage your own money to pay for basics and extras that range from rent, utility bills, clothing and food to gas, cell phone bills, car insurance, and entertainment. To that end, several Circle of Moms members suggest parents teach their teens how to create and stay on a budget, as well as how to balance a checkbook.

"This is the No. 1 thing college kids have no clue about," says Beth H. "Money slips through their fingers with pizza, beer (oh yeah), soft drinks between every class instead of a water bottle, gas for running around … Money isn’t understood until there is none left, and then they call home or their grandparents."

With that in mind, Beth suggests teaching your teen now how to live on a budget while she's still at home so that she will be able to do it later on her own. She also cautions against giving your child a credit card without pointers about shopping wisely, advice that a member named Elisa also chimes on:

"[Your child will] be able to keep a budget better if she knows how to get the best deals and how not to succumb to impulse purchases. For example, for basic supplies like notebook paper, pens, ramen, paper towels and cleaning supplies, dollar stores are best," she explains. Money also can be saved by buying used books, comparison shopping online and using coupons.

3. How to Be True to Himself

It’s especially important that your child knows the importance of maintaining her individual values once he's out on his own, whether trying to fit into a new community at college or in the larger world. Teens need to be reminded that they don't have to keep up with the Joneses, Beth H. says. "Teach [your child] that she doesn't have to wear what everyone else does. Some people are going to always have more money and cooler clothes."

More importantly, teens should be strong enough to avoid and say no to the hazards that accompany drinking, drugs and sex, Beth says, noting parents should talk to their children seriously about the subjects. "Talk to [your daughter] about date rape, alcohol poisoning, drinking and driving, which drugs do what, and what different drugs look like. I’m very glad I did this; my daughter recognized some drugs I had told her about and looked up, and kept her friends from trying them," Beth says. "They were not safe nor would they have gotten high … they would have been dead."

Along with assessing values, moms should help their children examine their social readiness before they move out, says Kristi H. She attended a large state university five hours away from her home, and recalls that she didn't have enough self-confidence to develop healthy relationships beyond her circle of friends at home: "I gained weight and felt depressed. I didn’t do well at my classes at all." Consequently, she feels parents should help their children understand themselves and their needs before they leave home.

To do this, Christine S. suggests parents discuss "what-if" situations with their teens, helping them practice how to make informed decisions in these hypothetical scenarios.

4. Emotional Support from You

"Parents have to trust they’ve laid a strong foundation, and then let [their children] struggle a bit, with gentle guidance," Christine S. says. In other words, if your child is ready to move out, then let him. The flip side of this bit of wisdom is that pressuring your child to stay home is likely to make him want to move out even more. "That is the nature of teenagers," Jackie W. warns.

Neener P. agrees with both women, noting that if your teen feels he's ready to move out, you really have no choice but to let him go. "Be willing to let [him] go be an adult with [your] full support. The last thing you want [your child] to feel is that [he's] obligated to keep the apron strings attached because you need [him] too much," she says. "[He'll] go if [he's] determined to. You don't want [him] to go out there feeling like [he] can't come back with [his] tail between [his] legs if [he] needs to because [he'd] have to face, 'I told you so' from Mama," adds Neerer.

5. The Knowledge That You're There if Needed

Rachael S. agrees that the best thing a mom can do when letting a child go is to keep the lines of communication open. She's one of several moms who caution against letting a child back into your home too soon if he changes his mind. "Do not let them quit quickly any more than you have allowed them to quit anything else. Life does not allow that of them," says one of them, Nancy P., noting that the late teens and early twenties are a key time for individual growth.

Anne W. illustrates this point with a story about her daughter, who took between four to six weeks to get over her initial bout of homesickness. By sticking it out, Anne says, she came out of the experiences a much stronger person, more determined to pursue her purpose in life.

So if your child wants to come back home, what do you do? Let him know that you’re there for him, says Wendi M.: "Ask lots of questions without being too snoopy, and text, call, and get on Facebook as much as possible to stay in touch" and offer support.

Bev M. even bought her son a cell phone for graduation and entered her number at the top so he'd know she's there for questions. "Rarely did he ever call for help. He learned to figure it out, but knew I was there," she reports.

No matter how well prepared your child is, moms almost always struggle with letting go, but Anne W. reminds that as parents we're not so much raising children as we are raising "future adults." And Wendi reassures that the sadness is to be expected: "Letting go and doing it without pain and a hole in your heart will be one of the hardest things a mother has to do, but it’s all a part of life."

Image Source: Cindy47452 via Flickr/Creative Commons

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