babycenter

housewife

Do Dads Really Want Moms to Stay Home?

Here's a post from our partners at BabyCenter!

Here's a post from our partners at BabyCenter! Every week, we bring you the best parenting and lifestyle stories from the experts at BabyCenter, including this post about the work at home and stay at home debate.

With Sheryl Sandberg’s new book Lean In garnering enormous attention in the media, it’s not surprise that we’re somehow back to the whole working mom vs. stay-at-home-mom argument. But this time it’s not the moms going at it, apparently it’s the dads who have an opinion on the matter.

Yes, according to a study [of the very obvious] conducted by the Pew Research Center, dads want their wives to be stay-at-home-moms. Apparently 37 percent of the dads surveyed think moms should stay home. And 41 percent think that part-time work is a good compromise.

Related: Child-Free Blogger Weighs in on Our Parenting Fails

Granted, this was a study of about 2500 people, so I’m hardpressed to say this is a significant number or holds any sort of validity, but really, are we that surprised? I mean how nice would it be to go to work and have someone at home love and care for your kids, as well as keep up with the house and all the associated duties?

Sign me up!

What’s interesting is that more women (37 percent compared to 21 percent when this study was last conducted) want to work full-time and about 50 percent want to work part-time. So as satisfied as the men are with having the home, the women are unsatisfied.

The question I ask myself, and have asked for many years, is whether that’s really the best for everyone? Whether men want the woman to stay home seems fairly inconsequential to me. I would like to know what’s best for the relationship, for each individual, and for the kids.

My best guess is that it’s where each party feels satisfied and happy with their choice, whatever it may be. And that they feel supported and confident that they made the right one. Until someone figures all that out for every parent out there I’m going to continue doing what I do when I see these studies: roll my eyes.

What do you think about these study results?

More great reads from BabyCenter:
Do you have a second mom in your house?
7 yummy ways to use leftover ham
Creative pre-school crafts from Pinterest
11 kids rugs that are great for play
10 gender-neutral baby shower gifts

Pregnancy

Have You Ever Been Mistakenly Asked If You Were Pregnant?

Here's a post from our partners at BabyCenter!

Here's a post from our partners at BabyCenter! Every week, we bring you the best parenting and lifestyle stories from the experts at BabyCenter, including this post about how to handle being mistakenly asked if you're pregnant.

I can’t believe it happened to me. It’s been a few years, but it still stings.

We were at the zoo with my toddler and baby. It was a nice day and I was feeling pretty good about life. Everyone was sleeping through the night. Naps were consistent. Nursing was going good. I was just beginning to feel like I had a handle on this whole “mom of two” thing. Being completely honest, in the car on the way I actually had a thought that went a little like, “maybe I could go for three.”

So there we were. Our happy little family of four was approaching the wolf exhibit. Another dad was there with his toddler son. Both were outwardly happy, seeming to enjoy the day as much as we were. Then that’s when it all went to crap.

Related: In defense of the messy mother

He looked directly at me and asked the mother of all questions. “So when are you due?” I looked behind me. Surely he was talking to someone else. “Me?” I asked. He smiled bigger and nodded, not quick enough to realize his error. The very least he could have done was to make something up like, “Oh…uh, I mean I said, “Is she two?” But no, he held his course and kept right on smiling at me, looking down at my belly.

I tried to be nice, I really did, but I went from shocked, to humiliated, to mad, and landing at sad in a flash. I mustered up a chuckle and managed to say, “You shouldn’t assume someone is pregnant unless you actually see the head emerging from her body, but thanks.” I think my husband was mortified.

In hindsight I probably should have just said, “June” and moved on. After all, this guy was trying to be nice and engage the fat lady in a way that would normally make someone who was actually pregnant smile. He meant no harm and I truly believe that. So if I could take my zinger back, I would. But still…the man clearly needed to learn a lesson. And I clearly needed to do some core training.

Didn’t he see the little baby in the stroller? Being so pregnant that I was showing made no sense. Yet still, I couldn’t unhear his question, so I had to process it. I lingered at angry for a few minutes then quickly realized this 90 second interaction was ruining my day. At the time, I had already lost all of my pregnancy weight plus some. My body had changed, that’s for sure, but until that moment, I was feeling okay about it.

I decided to do two things.

  1. Get over it.
  2. Never wear that outfit again.

Problem solved.
Have you ever been mistaken for pregnant? How did you react?

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God Help the Messy Mothers
I Leave My Baby Alone in the Car
Kate Middleton & Prince William: The Royal Baby Revealed!(?)
Do Chores Together, Stay Together?
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siblings

Is It Better to Provide Your Child With a Sibling?

Here's a post from our partners at BabyCenter!

Here's a post from our partners at BabyCenter! Every week, we bring you the best parenting and lifestyle stories from the experts at BabyCenter, including this post about the benefits of siblings.

I don’t remember life before my sister. But, I do remember stuffing her in between the crack of her bed and the wall. And, leaving her. And, thinking life was better that way.

Of course, we are older now and best friends. It's hard to think about life without her. What if she had never shimmied her way out of that bed crack? It doesn't bear thinking about. (Though, I'd imagine none of my Halloween candy would've ever disappeared again.)

Related: What Parents Can Learn From Steubenville

Siblings are wonderful, except when they're not. We laugh, entertain and protect one another — from issues as bizarre as who is forced to eat the last piece of Banana Tofu Pie (yes, things like that happened in my house) to who is forced to sit with the other at lunch because no one else at school will. I protected my sister with only my wits and a hairbrush once. (Long story.) We phoned each other deep into the night to complain about boys and our parents. Come to think of it — who do children complain to about their parents if they have no sibling?

But, she also stole my candy, my parents' attention and my sanity. She claims I even stole one of her friends, but I would maintain that I had no idea that she was already friends with him before I became friends with him.

Sometimes, I wonder what my son's life will be like without a sibling. He has a sister, but May is severely disabled and, despite adoring her, she will never be the kind of companion in life that mine was to me. She takes up so much of our time already, I worry about him losing even more to a needy infant. He isn't even two years old, and already he entertains himself. Which is both wonderful, and a bit sad.

In his case, I'm not sure the benefits would outweigh the negatives. But, perhaps, like I do — he will appreciate the presence of a sibling more when he is older. When we have to stay at home with May and he would like his family to join him at a big event. When he just wants to laugh with someone, or head to the pub to complain bitterly to someone who will understand why his parents are so strange. Or later, when choices about May need to be made and he is making them on his own.

There's still time. I'm only 40.

Do you think the benefits of a sibling outweigh the negatives?

More great reads from BabyCenter:
Having It All by Choosing to Stay at Home
Some Days My Kid Won't Like Me
Liz Lange's Tips For Date Night Glam While Expecting
Will You Share Your Family's Story With Your Kids?
Texas Female Lawmaker Scolds Breastfeeding Moms

Pregnancy

Is This What Labor Really Feels Like?

Here's a post from our partners at BabyCenter!

Here's a post from our partners at BabyCenter! Every week, we bring you the best parenting and lifestyle stories from the experts at BabyCenter, including this post about what labor really feels like.

One of the most agonizing aspects of being pregnant is wondering what labor will feel like. When I was pregnant with my first child, I'd often lay awake at night, wondering how it was all going down. Would I be able to handle it?

Related: Are pregnant women being bullied into C-sections?

It's one of those life-changing events that you have to experience to understand. I've had six births and no two labors were alike. Our BabyCenter Community is talking about this very same topic, Is it as bad as everyone says? Here are a few opinions from our members:

kirstenk86 said: "It was horrible and I wanted to die." Tell us how you really feel, kirstenk86.
BabyMine1104 said: "It's the hardest work you'll ever do, perhaps the most painful, but 100% worth it!"
abrigham said: "If birth was so traumatizing and near-death horrible we'd all only have one kid and we'd die out as a species…have confidence in yourself and your ability."
LittleLucy2 said: "Labor is hard work. But you can do it."

As a woman about to give birth, encouragement and pats on the back were great, but I wanted to know the truth. Give me the 411. Give me the real deal—the cold hard truth. I wanted to know what this whole thing actually felt like.

Early labor feels a lot like menstrual cramps.
To me, early labor felt like it was that time of the month. Achy legs, achy back and menstrual cramps. Not enough to cry out in pain, but just enough to make me uncomfortable and crabby. I recall being really grouchy in early labor—it was as if I was royally pissed off that a child was making its way down my birth canal.

Keep reading for one mama's thoughts on labor.

Pregnancy

Pregnancy Makes Your Feet Grow and 9 Other Unexpected Side Effects

Here's a post from our partners at BabyCenter!

Here's a post from our partners at BabyCenter! Every week, we bring you the best parenting and lifestyle stories from the experts at BabyCenter, including this post about the side effects of pregnancy.

Researchers have confirmed what I and my massive feet have known for years: pregnancy can increase a mom-to-be's shoe size — permanently.

I noticed the change during my first pregnancy when my comfy ballet flats suddenly became a lot less comfy. I expected to outgrow my skinny jeans, but the shoes came as a bit of a surprise. I wasn't too worried at the time, though, figuring maybe my feet were just swollen.

Related: Tips For Turning a Breech Baby

I had my daughter and eventually lost (well, almost) all the baby weight, but my feet sadly have remained almost a half a shoe size bigger than they were prepregnancy. They weren't small to begin with — at almost six feet tall, there's not much about me that's petite — so that half-size has practically bumped me into Sasquatch territory.

"I had heard women reporting changes in their shoe size with pregnancy but found nothing about that in medical journals or textbooks," says Dr. Neil Segal, the University of Iowa researcher who led the study. "In order to study this more scientifically, we measured women's feet at the beginning of their pregnancy and five months after delivery. We found that pregnancy does indeed lead to permanent changes in the feet."

It's thought that the phenomenon, which seems to occur mainly during a woman's first pregnancy, could be due to the increased looseness of the joints during pregnancy, as well as the fact that all that extra weight can cause the foot to flatten and lengthen.

Did your feet get bigger during pregnancy? Did they stay that way? As most moms know firsthand, bigger feet aren't the only surprising side effect that pregnancy can bring . . . Thankfully not all of these are permanent! Did you experience any of these other odd pregnancy side effects?

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gender

Is It OK to Wish For a Baby of One Gender Over the Other?

Here's a post from our partners at BabyCenter!

Here's a post from our partners at BabyCenter! Every week, we bring you the best parenting and lifestyle stories from the experts at BabyCenter, including this post about wishing for a baby of a certain gender.


When I was first pregnant 10 years ago and people asked whether I wanted a boy or a girl, I always responded that I wanted a healthy baby. I gave the same response when I got pregnant a year-and-a-half later.

I was telling the truth. Back then I thought it was greedy and socially unacceptable to express that you hoped for a specific gender. I thought it was cruel and mean to the fetus inside my belly to have an opinion.

Related: How to achieve a great-looking C-section scar

Plus, I was haunted by a family story about my grandmother wanting a girl so badly that she gave my dad a girl’s name, Terry. Not Terrance, but Terry, which apparently back then wasn't used for both genders.

But now I'm older and less wise, and I'm letting go of the self-righteous attitudes that I latched onto in my youth, and I will tell you that more than anything I want a girl. A ruffle-loving, pink-wearing, pretty little princess who I can call Kate or Elizabeth or Sarah-Rose or something wonderfully lovely and girlie.

Keep reading for the rest of this mom-to-be's thoughts.

learning

Can Some TV Actually Be Good For Your Kids?

Here's a post from our partners at BabyCenter!

Here's a post from our partners at BabyCenter! Every week, we bring you the best parenting and lifestyle stories from the experts at BabyCenter, including this post about television and kids.


We've all heard the warnings about TV time for kids: Introduced too early it can have a negative impact on your children's development, allowed too often and their behavior, attention spans and even waistlines may suffer.

Related: Why Can't I Fire My Inner Supermom?

A new study, however, takes a different approach to the hot topic of kids and television.

"We often focus on how much kids watch and don't focus enough on what they watch," says Dr. Dimitri Christakis, director of the Center for Child Health, Behavior and Development at Seattle Children's Research Institute and the study's author. "While too many children watch too much TV, this study shows that content is as important as quantity."

Dr. Christakis' team studied 565 families with children between the ages of 3 and 5 years old. Half of these families received a "media diet intervention," receiving advice on how to substitute violent programs like Power Rangers for "prosocial and educational" ones such as Dora the Explorer, Imagination Movers, and Sesame Street. The other half, those in the control group, didn't receive this guidance.

(Confession: My gut reaction to this premise was, 'Why is a 3-year-old watching anything but prosocial and educational shows?' Then I guiltily remembered how my own standards have slipped since having my second child. At 2 years old, she already knows the theme song to her older sister's favorite show, Spongebob Squarepants. If you've ever seen Spongebob, 'educational' probably isn't the first word that pops to mind.)

The families who took part in this study remained in regular contact with the researchers for a year after the media intervention diet was introduced and "the children in the intervention group demonstrated significantly less aggression and more prosocial behavior compared to the control group, and the effect lasted throughout the 12 months."

"It's not just about turning off the television. It's about changing the channel," concludes Dr. Christakis. He urges all parents to stage a similar media diet intervention by keeping a diary to track what kids are viewing, choosing less violent programming and watching alongside their children so that they're aware of show content.

I usually brace myself for bad news when I read studies on TV time, but this one actually helps ease my guilty conscience. Like most kids, mine watch their fair share of TV. While I'm not always militant about cutting their screen time, I do try to keep a close eye on what they're watching, making sure it's not scary or violent or — particularly for my 6-year-old, who's starting to show some interest in Hannah Montana and the like — just too mature. And every time my girls tackle a problem with an Imagination Movers-inspired "idea emergency" fix, I like to tell myself that TV may not be all bad.

Do you see anything positive about your kids' favorite TV shows?

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Kim Kardashian Braves a Pregnant Bikini Photo Shoot
Would You Leave Your Child Home Alone?
10 Secrets to Raising Awesome Kids
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Is This What We Want Motherhood to Look Like?

parenting

Is Non-Romantic Parenting the New Normal?

Here's a post from our partners at BabyCenter!

Here's a post from our partners at BabyCenter! Every week, we bring you the best parenting and lifestyle stories from the experts at BabyCenter, including this post about non-romantic parenting.


The New York Times Style section never fails to expose, or even invent, the latest trend. A feature about people “hooking up” for the sole purpose of becoming parents, romantics need not apply, is no exception.

Related: How do you get your baby to sleep, seriously?

From what I gather, this parenting arrangement is reminiscent of a business deal: two mature people with a common goal find each other, usually online via a slew of newish social network websites, and come together as partners whose chief objective is creating and raising a baby, or two.

Just as with conventional dating sites, these parenting-partnership sites help like-minded people — often men and women in their late 30s or early 40s — connect. In lieu of courtship, couples vet each other thoroughly and then, if it feels right, head straight to the family finish line.

Keep reading for more on this new trend.

community

How Present Should Dads Be at Childbirth?

Here's a post from our partners at BabyCenter!

Here's a post from our partners at BabyCenter! Every week, we bring you the best parenting and lifestyle stories from the experts at BabyCenter, including this post about dads being present at childbirth.


After reading that Wiz Khalifa will be very hands-on during home birth, I was struck by two things.

One, I think it's awesome that home birth is becoming a normalized, viable option for expectant couples of both the celebrity and regular old Joe Shmoe kind. And two, it just makes sense that all dads should be present and "hands-on" during their child's birth.

Related: Has your toddler destroyed your home yet?

Truth be told, I don't think I could've done it — the pregnancy, the early labor, the active labor, the pushing part — without my husband being nearby. We were in this together, as a couple. Sure, I was the one whose feet swelled up like baseball gloves, I was the one who planned on oiling up her taint every night because I was so afraid of having an episiotomy, and, ultimately, I was the one who had to pass a child's head through my nethers, six times.

Me, just me.

All self-deprecating humor aside, it’s true: I needed my husband's presence during the births of our children. It felt good to know my partner was there, helping me, reassuring me, comforting me, coaching me through the hard work of labor. It was very much a team effort. I know women who say that they wanted to club their husbands over the head during childbirth, but that wasn't my experience. My husband was pretty much amazing at keeping me focused, calm, and hopeful. Yes, I know he was probably as scared as I was at times, but I always felt safe when he was beside me.

I wasn't the type who liked having an entourage present during labor. Sisters, friends, mothers, sister-in-law — having them present during your birth is great, and I've certainly had those moments where I wanted them there. Still, I consider childbirth a very intimate moment. Together, we created a baby and together we'll welcome him into the world.

That said, I can't imagine not having my husband be involved in the birth of our children. A father should want to. They need to bond with their child just as much as we do. There shouldn't be any questions or statements — it's a given.

Was the father of your child present and "hands-on" during the birth?

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Are paint-fight gender reveals the new pregnancy photo trend?
Crazy legs and other goofy pregnancy symptoms

parenting

How Much Do Parents Give Up For Their Kids?

Here's a post from our partners at BabyCenter!

Here's a post from our partners at BabyCenter! Every week, we bring you the best parenting and lifestyle stories from the experts at BabyCenter, including this post about what we give up for our kids.


On Facebook, I reconnected with a former co-worker from my newspaper days and found out he'd become a dad to a little girl.

He stuck with the newspaper game (I got out, by the skin of my teeth) and occasionally writes about his parenting journey for his current paper, the Erie Times-News. Today, he posted a column about missing out on movies and how as a kid and even an adult he made sure to see at least all the Oscar-nominated movies for that season, if not all of the movies released in a year.

Oh, how it made me laugh.

I'm about five years ahead of my friend in this parenting gig and this year I considered myself lucky to have seen the three flicks my husband and I managed to sneak in on a few hard-earned date nights. Back in the day, pre-kids and pre-spouse, I'd spend my weekends in a darkened theater, watching back-to-back feature films. Sitting there in the dark, losing myself in the fictions and true stories playing out on the big screen, offered me the same kind of nourishment for the soul that a great book provided.

Related: 7 Great Developmental Toys For Babies

My friend Gerry is grateful for the hole in his life where movies used to be, he says, and he knows that someday the hours spent engrossed in a big screen will come again.

I'm not exaggerating when I say that movie-going was one of the great pleasures of my pre-parent life. It was part of the bond forged between me and my husband, early on in our relationship, when we discovered with delight that our paths had crossed many, many times in a movie theater, even in Boston and Cambridge when we were college students who had not yet met, studying at two universities on two sides of the Charles River.

Now, I don't even really miss it.

Gerry's column made me think about all the things I've given up for my children—reading until 1 a.m., late mornings laying in bed doing The New York Times crossword puzzle, dry-clean-only clothing, my career, hot meals, regular bathing…the list is endless.

I bet your list is, too.

Sometimes I look back at the life I led before motherhood and it baffles me. Who was that sharp-dressed lady with the library account in good standing?

Then I look at my kids, their faces smeared with chocolate from the brownies we baked together, and that memory disappears, only to be replaced with one that is so much more meaningful, so much more beautiful.

My life is a movie now, one filled with terrorizing beauty and a plot I have yet to fully grasp.

For that, I would gladly give up just about anything. Anything, that is, except for my kids.

More great reads from BabyCenter:
Is a baby scale that connects to Facebook awesome or outrageous?
Thank you to the moms in my life
Is baby-making making you crazy?
12 mouthwatering brownies for your Valentine
14 modern bassinets (and some you won't believe)