Working Moms

Here's another post from our friends at Circle of Moms! Every week, we bring you the best parenting and motherhood stories from our partners at Circle of Moms, including this post from Mary Beth Sammons about moments moms don't want to miss.

At the risk of sounding like my mom, I’ve come to realize our kids do grow up so fast. Even though some of the moments (like the teen years) can seem brutally drawn out, my mom was right. One moment, my kids were just babes in arms, and the next, they are walking, talking — and then marching on stage for their high school diplomas, hoisting a futon and my life savings into the rear of the SUV, and heading away to college. And all of these milestones have been such tearjerkers for me.

Related: Seven Tips to Avoid Yelling at Your Kids

All of these moments — their first steps; their first words, etc., are events that we moms long for, but when they finally happen, we are sobbing wrecks. I've shed a bucket or two raising three kids; here are the milestones I've found to be the most emotional.

1. Firsts: Smiling, laughing, rolling over, talking, and walking their first year. The first smile is a moment moms dream of. I’ll never forget when my son was born, and the doctor and nurses rallied around his incubator, proclaiming, "This kid is rolling over." A jock is born, flashed through my mind. When my oldest daughter uttered, "Mama," my heart exploded with joy. And when my baby, now in college, turned her giggle into a guffaw, laughing and laughing at her siblings, it made me weep.
2. Hurts: Would that we could raise our kids in an emotional cocoon. The first time I realized I couldn’t protect my kids from life’s hurts took place at my oldest daughter’s 2-year-old birthday party. I remember sitting in the kitchen with the other moms and smiling with glee as pint-sized kids in costumes (her birthday falls near Halloween) raced down the hall to the bedrooms. Suddenly there was my little pink tutu-clad ballerina, and she was crying. The other kids had raced into her room and left her standing outside in the hall on the other side of the door. My heart broke, foreshadowing many heart-tugging moments to come.
3. School Beginnings and Endings: Nothing brings tears to a mom’s eyes like leaving a sobbing preschooler who is holding onto your arm with all his might, screaming, “Mommy, don’t leave me!" I still choke up when I revisit those first school days — and every time I walked out the door and left my toddlers with a babysitter. But then fast-forward, suddenly your youngest is decked out in cap and gown and walking down the aisle of the high school gym with a diploma in hand. Kleenex, please.
4. Sports Drama: Standing on the sidelines, witnessing your son wipe out on the soccer field, and accompanying him to ER with the paramedics can make a mom’s heart tremble. Comforting a daughter when she doesn’t make the tennis team cut also pains, and watching a coach scream at your kid — that one brings out the Mother Bear in me.
5. Departures: The hardest moments, at least for me, have been facing the "roots and wings" milestones, when it's time to let the little ones fly from the nest. All through high school and curfew violations, teen temper tantrums and dealing with moods, I thought I would welcome college. But the whole time I was setting up the Ikea-coordinated bedding and fumbling with the steel futon in my kids' new dorm rooms, then hugging them and heading home by myself, I felt differently.

I remember calling my sister after dropping off my son a couple years ago and sobbing, only to have her remind me, "You said all through high school how college couldn’t come soon enough." And yet it did.

Which milestones have been the most emotional for you?

More great reads from Circle of Moms:
Can a marriage withstand a sex slump?
Eight activities for energetic toddlers
Signs you have a strong-willed child
Ten hilarious baby onesies
How to deal with your child's back talk

We're excited to share this post from our friends at Circle of Moms! Every week, we will be bringing you the best parenting and motherhood stories from our partners at Circle of Moms, including this post from Kim Westerman about cleaning tips for busy moms.

No one needs to tell you that being a mom is a full-time job. So, if you also work outside the home, how in the world do you keep your house clean? The easiest answer is to hire someone to do the dirty work. But for most of us, that's not possible, at least not on a regular basis. Here are some tricks of the trade from seasoned Circle of Moms members who like to run a tight ship.

Related: 10 Early Signs of Pregnancy

• Keep the Kids Occupied: Many kids love to "help" clean, and this can be fun for everyone if you have a lot of time. But if you're on a schedule and your kids are at home when you need to clean, make sure they're fully occupied with something more interesting than sweeping, dusting, and vacuuming. So says Brandi S., who also offers the excellent suggestion of breaking down each task into two or more parts. For example, clean the bathroom sinks, toilet, and tub and don't worry about the mirrors and the floor until later.

  If you get lucky, you'll be able to do everything in one pass, but setting lower expectations makes it easier to go with the flow when you are inevitably interrupted. If you have children napping in the house, plan to do quiet cleaning when they're down, and save the noisy stuff for when they're awake.

• Teach Your Family to Pitch In: If you're the main housekeeper, it's more than reasonable to ask that everyone else in your household do at least small things to make your life easier. These include gathering dirty laundry, cleaning off the table after meals and snacks, loading the dishwasher, picking up toys, books, and newspapers. Then, when you go to clean, you'll have clear access to the area.
• Don't Aim for Perfection: Renae K. admits that she used to be a perfectionist when it came to cleaning her house. Not any longer. Now, when she doesn't have time to fully tackle a cleaning project, she goes for appearances rather than the deep clean. This gives her the satisfaction of feeling fairly organized and on top of things, but doesn't require the time commitment that a deep-cleaning would require — time that she rarely has.
• Stick to a Schedule: Hayley M. had a breakthrough when she finally sat down with her husband and daughter and mapped out a schedule. Make a rudimentary chore chart and assign each task a time slot or day of the week. Once you get into a routine cleaning will get accomplished without your having to stress over it. Schedule a cleaning task just as you would a playdate or another activity.
• Cook in Bulk: Cooking and cleaning are related work, and Shelley T. suggests cooking meals that will last two or three days. That way instead of spending time each day on cooking, you free up some time for daily cleaning. Or better yet, you create time to just relax with your family. Now, there's a novel concept!

More great reads from Circle of Moms:
What to expect when your baby starts teething
4 ways to help your toddler learn social skills
5 signs your preschooler may have a speech delay
10 signs your child may be lying

Oh, Anderson. Generally a bastion of solid journalism and insightful commentary, Anderson Cooper seems to have taken a cue from the talk show circuit with one of his recent shows, pitting stay-at-home moms against their work-outside-the-home counterparts.

The show's clearly-for-ratings title — "Are Stay-at-Home Moms Lazy?" — is drawn from the outburst of one of the guest moms, who declares that women who stay at home with their kids use it as "almost an excuse to be lazy." Anderson follows up this evolved comment with an insightful, "You're saying that stay-at-home moms are lazy?!"

The whole point of the show was to discuss a controversial new study claiming that moms who work outside the home are happier than those who stay at home with their lil ones. Surprise, surprise, the guests weren't able to come to any sort of consensus. Understandably, people aren't pleased with the show's topic and especially not with its producers' choice of title, and they are blogging up a storm about it — which is probably exactly the point. Well played, Mr. Cooper. Welcome to daytime TV.

Is it me, or does this whole argument feel a bit dated? Aren't moms over-judging each other like this?

What are you wearing? Making ends meet is becoming increasingly challenging for many Americans, including many single moms, who will do just about anything to keep their families afloat. For some stay-at-home-moms that includes taking work of a slightly scandalous nature — as a sex-phone operator.

A Good Morning America story about the stay-at-home-mom as sex phone operator phenomenon reported that the number of women with young children doing this type of work has increased 400 percent over the past 18 months. Thanks to a dismal economy, high childcare costs, and the difficulty of finding decent, well paying jobs that allow women to be home with their kids, the sex phone business is just too lucrative to walk away from for many women, despite their conflict about verbally fulfilling the fantasies of strangers while their lil ones are asleep down the hall.

Would you ever consider this type of work? Or judge someone who does?

We're thrilled to present this smart LearnVest story here on Savvy!

Are you ready for this?

Back in the ’70s, all we wanted was to “have it all.” A happy marriage, a good job, healthy kids — and a little bit of work/life balance. Ever since, working moms have put up the good fight, struggling to juggle a career and a home life without dropping the ball (any ball!).

Now a new study suggests women who want it all — and believe it’s possible to achieve — are actually unhappier. According to a study out of the University of Washington, working mothers who profess that their home and office lives can be seamlessly juggled are at a greater risk for depression than their more realistic colleagues.

In other words, the happiest working moms are “willing to let some things slide,” reports Katrina Leupp, a sociology graduate student and the study’s author.

How We Got Here

The study has tracked the same set of 1,600 married women — a mix of stay-at-home and working mothers — since they were between the ages of 14 and 22. Way back when, researchers started by asking for their reactions to a series of provocative statements, such as:

• “A woman who fulfills her family responsibilities doesn’t have time for a job outside the home.”
• “The employment of wives leads to more juvenile delinquency.”

Now, as adults, Leupp analyzed the women’s answers, as well as their comparative levels of depression (while controlling for marital happiness and hours worked). Her calculations turned up two key findings: First, the research confirmed earlier studies, which have shown that moms who are employed generally report better mental health than their stay-at-home counterparts. On the other hand, working moms who attempt to achieve Supermom status—in other words, those who try to have it all, without admitting that it’s difficult — are more likely to exhibit symptoms of depression.

Read on to find out what it means.

Lots of moms like to think out loud and Loctitious Goldilocks is one of them. Here is an excerpt from her first post on her new The Mumventures of Bionic Woman blog.

So it all kicked off with my work you see, being an assistant headteacher in a secondary school has its challenges, but not the school kids. . . no, more like that work-life balance thing, so if you've cracked it please, let me know! How can I want to spend time with my sick child, who has chicken pox and in spite of this be asked to still come into work 'as it is the worst time I could be off'! Hello! Which part of sick child did you not read?

Let me see, sick child. . . work. . . sick child . . . work. . . sick child. . . yes, that's the one that resonates with me.

Nevertheless, the bit about being one of the most able and reliable members of the team did have a bit of an influence on me if I'm honest. So off I went the very next day to work, in spite of a night of broken sleep and about three hours in total of any sleep, not to mention menstrually challenged.

It was also time for our team to have residential and of course, good ole hubby had already taken time off to be with our kids so I can pursue my work, yet again. In spite of this, I was again given emails making it clear that my wanting to be at home with my sick child was not good enough, in favor of spending quality time and 'bonding' time with my colleagues (whom, by the way, I see in total of 40 hours at least per week, while I see my sons possibly . . . wait for it . . . 40 hours a week, on a good week (not counting sleeping – eyes are closed so not seeing them! Just in case you wanted to be pedantic).

It just made me mad! But being the good soldier I am, I did everything in good stead – result, work carries on... implication, hubby's life is not important enough or even considered never mind the kids. But then again, why should anyone else care but me? So I need to make a stand.

Want to see more? Start following The Mumventures of Bionic Woman! Or start your own OnSugar blog. It's easy, it's free, and we just might feature your content on our site!

Lots of moms like to think out loud, and trixie360 is one of them. Here is the latest post from her Nice Mommy, Mean Mommy blog.

Or good mommy, bad employee?

Seems like a pretty sh*tty deal if you have to choose. And choose we must.

If I were to give my job everything I'm capable of, to put every ounce of drive and passion and creative fire into my work...I'd never see my kids. If I drove my kids to every appointment, made healthy organic meals from local sources, stayed home every time someone runs a sliver of fever and gave all three of them my full attention the minute I walk through the door each night? I'd be canned within a month.

Neither of those outcomes are acceptable, so I half-do everything. Giving both my employer and my children the short end of the stick. Apparently this stick of mine has no long end.

My kids get ignored or put in front of Dora while I work on a PowerPoint deck or take a call from the office. My child-free co-workers watch me leave every day at five while they put one or two more hours in at the office. So everyone resents me, and I resent being resented.

What's the solution? Find a way to work from home? That doesn't solve the "Oh Mom's on her laptop again" issue. Get a job that doesn't require (or inspire) me to be "always on"? I can't raise kids on a retail salary — or whatever sort of job a person can just forget about between shifts.

It's frustrating because I don't see any way out. Except ceasing to care.

Want to see more? Start following Nice Mommy, Mean Mommy or start your own OnSugar blog. It's easy, it's free, and we just might feature your content on our site.