There’s been a lot of discussion about parents letting their teenagers have sex in the house.
There’s been a lot of discussion about parents letting their teenagers have sex in the house. The New York Times weighed in on the topic. The View’s Elisabeth Hasselbeck talked about it. Even Perez Hilton chimed in. Circle of Moms members are talking, too, but they’re not saying what I expected them to say.
Should You Allow Your Teen to Have Sex at Home?
The argument for letting your teen have sex in your house goes something like this:
If you know your teens are having sex and they’re going to do it anyway, it’s safer to let them do it in your home. After all, they are (supposedly) more likely to use protection and you’ll know where they are.
With that being the reasoning, I suspected Circle of Moms members would fall into one of two camps. The “not on your life” camp or the “it’s a good idea” camp. But it seems this question isn't one that easily lends itself to a simple “yes” or “no” answer.
So what do moms think about their teens having sex in the house?
A lot of moms say they wouldn’t allow teen sex under their roof. Many give reasons I expected to hear, like Kelly, who says her son shouldn’t be having sex at all “until he can be financially and emotionally prepared for a kid.” As she wisely points out, “birth control can fail.”
Others are adamant that a parent’s role is to set limits and teach their kids to be responsible for their own behavior, something they believe can’t be done if a parent allows a child to act like an adult in their home.
But still other Circle of Moms members feel it’s simply a matter of respect. As Heather M. puts it, “having sex under age in your parent’s house is disrespectful.” Shannon H. agrees, saying, “Absolutely not! That is your house to raise your children to be self-aware, responsible, contribute to society and [be] respectful.”
Disrespectful or not, there are parents opting to let teens have sex in their house because they think it’s safer, though Circle of Moms members have differing opinions on what “safer” actually means.
To some, it means kids will take fewers risks because their parents aren’t forbidding sex. Janice C., however, says she doesn’t think “condoning sex makes it any safer.”
Moms like Liz, who asks, somewhat tongue-in-cheek, “Unless you put the condom on the kid yourself, how is it safer?” think “safer” refers to parents making sure their children are using contraception.
Then there's Amanda O., who thinks both these viewpoints miss the real meaning of the word "safe" in this context. “I think the word ‘safer’ is being taken the wrong way by some people. I know safe sex is contraception, etc., but in this case I think the 'safe' is meant for actual personal safety.”
Her point is well-taken, and when they look at it in that context, a number Circle of Moms members say they’d rather open up their home to their kids than let them have sex in some “scummy place,” or the back of a car.
“I have mixed feelings.”
The truth is that many parents are ambivalent about the idea of allowing their teens to have sex at home, and the reasons are varied.
Karen G. shares, “I have mixed feelings on this. On one hand, I do not really want them having sex in our home, [but] it is better for her to be at home instead of out in a car somewhere or at some guy's house, because anything could happen.”
Christine M. ‘s view shows similar ambivalence. This mom says she’ll provide her teens with condoms and other forms of birth control, but won’t “lay out the welcome mat.” If her teens want to have sex, they’ll need to “sneak around” like she did when she was a kid.
Finally, there are quite a few moms like Kelina G., who don’t mind it happening in their homes but also don't really want to know about it. Kelina says she’d be cool with her teen having sex at home, “provided it was far enough away [that] I couldn't hear it and they had a 'Do Not Disturb' sign on the door.”
Are Parents Really Letting Teens Have Sex at Home?
If Circle of Moms members are any indication of what’s happening in homes all across the nation, this whole "phenomenon" of parents letting their teens have sex in the house isn’t trend so much as an ongoing conversation with no easy answers. Right now, it’s not an issue in my house, but I’m certainly considering what I will do when it becomes one.
Would you let your teen have sex in your home?
Image Source: Courtney Carmody via Flickr/CCL
The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.