Mommy Dearest

Mommy Dearest –

Yesterday my friend and I went downtown to take our children to the museum and for lunch. While enjoying our meals, I gazed out the window and saw a nanny with a preschool-aged boy and an infant. It appeared that the boy needed to use a restroom, but rather than seek one out (including the possibility of using the one at the restaurant we were seated in), she had him unzip his pants and pee right on a parking meter in the middle of a busy city street – like a dog. My friend and I were appalled, but before we could jump up to say something, they were gone.

Should we have called the police or asked for her employer's phone number? Or should we have kept our mouths shut and minded our own business?

– Stunned into Silence Mom

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Mommy Dearest —

We are planning a trip to visit friends in New York City and are staying at a hotel on the opposite end of the city from where they live. In making our plans for the trip, we discussed meeting up at a central location, and our friend said the best way to get there was via taxi. I mentioned that I was not planning on bringing a car seat with us (I found a car service with car seats to carry my toddler and I from the airport to the city) and she laughed and told me that no one uses car seats in taxis — they simply put the child on their lap and hold on. I was appalled. Aren't car seats required whenever you transport a child in the car? What would you do in this situation?

— Concerned About Car Safety Mom

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Mommy Dearest,

I am entering new territory and could use some advice. My preschool son is starting to make new friends of his own from his classroom. A few of his little buddies have asked him to come over for a playdate, which is exciting and scary at the same time. Thrilled that he is advancing socially, I am nervous to let him go over to a friend's house where I don't know the parents at all. I could care less about snacks or sugary drinks but I wonder what the mom's disciplinary style may be or how she deals with her children. Heaven forbid she's a closet drinker like that woman who drove drunk and killed all of those innocent children. I don't want to be a helicopter parent but I don't want to regret anything, either.

— Scared to Be Helicopter Mom

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Mommy Dearest,

I have a 4-year-old little girl who seems to fit into the stereotypes surrounding children her age; she loves princesses, makeup, and playing with baby dolls. In an effort to get her to branch out, I have signed her up for soccer with other boys and girls her age. At first, the playtime was terrific — boys and girls running elbow to elbow. Then the coach decided to split them up by gender. Kids generally play with their own sex, so I understood his rationale for dividing them, but at this past practice he decided it was time for the boys to play football while the girls still kicked the ball around. When one of the girls asked the coach why the boys got to play football, he said, "The boys have gotten really good at soccer so we're letting them play football. You guys still need to work on your soccer." All of the mothers on the sideline gasped. While the coach may be right, he is already starting to pigeonhole them into the stereotypes that we moms are trying so hard to avoid. They are such an impressionable age and they are already starting to hear that boys are better than them. I would like to talk with the coach about it, but I don't seem to have the right words. Do you have any advice?

— Antistereotype Soccer Mom

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Mommy Dearest,

My husband and I put a lot of time into choosing our children's names. We have two boys: Matthew, 3, and August, who is 3 months old. We named our younger son for the month he was born and my in-laws have made it clear that they are not fans of the choice. That doesn't bother me, but the fact that they only refer to our baby by his middle name does. If we wanted his name to be Michael, we would have put that first on the birth certificate. What's more annoying is the fact that it is confusing our older son. Matthew doesn't understand why Grammy and Papa call August "Michael." How can I tell my in-laws to knock it off?

– Annoyed With In-Laws' Nickname

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Mommy Dearest,

When is it time for parents to step in and handle a situation? We are raising our kids to speak up for themselves when they feel they have been wronged rather than crying to mommy and daddy all of the time. Since school went back in session, my 7-year-old son has come to us with a problem that he is having trouble handling. A friend of his appears to be taking things out of my son's backpack and then denying that he is the culprit. We know that he is the one taking them because we label everything with my son's initials. My boy has asked him to stop doing this, but the child denies taking the things. Should I speak to the kid myself or call his parents about the situation?

– Crossing the Line Mommy

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Mommy Dearest,

Four years ago before our son was born, my husband and I drew up a will that included guardianship of any kids to come. At the time, we selected my brother and his wife to serve as guardians due to their financial stability, values, and similar lifestyle and sentiments about raising children. Unfortunately, the recession has hit them hard, and they are struggling. My brother has been out of work for several months with no job prospects in sight. Looking out for our son's best interest, we have decided to assign guardianship to someone with more stability. Are we wrong in doing this?

– Guardianship Mommy

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Mommy Dearest,

I have a delicate situation that I'm not sure how to approach. Our nanny, whom we love, occasionally wears questionable clothing to the house. She is very professional about everything else, but her wardrobe has left me speechless lately. Though I have nothing against thong underwear, I don't care to see them hanging out of her pants. Also on display are her large breasts, which my son has taken to bouncing. You would think she could take a hint from a three-year-old! What concerns me most is her choice in footwear. She has been sporting heels! Not only do I worry about her chasing my son around on the playground in a pair of party shoes, I am concerned about her safety. I don't want to tell her how to dress, but I do think I should say something. Any tips on how to address her?

— Seeking Scantily Clad Advice

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Mommy Dearest,

I am due with my first child on Sept. 13 and am completely accepting of the fact that I likely overshoot this due date. My boyfriend has been supportive the entire pregnancy and very vocal about how he wishes to be in the delivery room, which I am happy to hear! Unfortunately his side of the family suffered the loss of grandmother recently. We will attend the memorial service this weekend, but the burial will take place the weekend after my due date.

The place is about six hours away, so I obviously cannot go if I have not given birth yet, but my boyfriend has made it clear that he will go whether the baby is here or not! I am terrified of being alone for the labor and delivery if he cannot make it back in time. My mother will be there for the delivery, but I have always looked at her being there as more of a secondary support person and am counting on my him to be there so we can experience it together. Since it is my first delivery, it may take a long time and he might make it back in time, but that is not a chance I want to take! Am I being selfish for wanting him to stay home from what would be the second memorial service for his grandmother? How do I approach this topic with him?

— Want Boyfriend There For Birth

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Mommy Dearest,

My husband's parents' 50th anniversary is coming up in December and they offered to take the entire family on a trip to celebrate. They selected a cruise that does not return until the 5th of January. While the trip works for the rest of the family, it means my preschooler and kindergartener will miss the first two days back to school after Winter break. My mother-in-law says that I shouldn't worry because the children are young. Though I am grateful for the vacation, I am wary of the kids missing class. Should we skip the trip?

– Cruisin' in Lieu of School Mama

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