Mommy Dearest

Mommy Dearest,

I am about to head back to work and just hired a nanny to care for my baby. We've worked out a contract that outlines everything from her pay and vacation days to her day-to-day responsibilities. My friends just told me that I need to provide her with lunch every day even though it is not outlined in her contract, and not something we discussed. I'm not provided with lunch at my place of work so I don't see why I should have to provide it to her. Is this normal?

– Lunching Mommy

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Mommy Dearest,

I have four kids and am a worrier so I check the Megan's Law website to see if any registered sex offenders are in our area once a month. Yesterday, I ran a friend's zip code and almost fell out of my chair when I saw her neighbor in the database! I can't decide what to do. Should I tell her even though she just spent a million dollars on the home, isn't in a position to move, and will probably be freaked out? Or do I keep quiet and see if she eventually finds out for herself? She's the type of person that likes to plan block parties and really get to know people so I worry that she with start a friendship and allow her children to get to know the man? What should I do?

— In a Pickle

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Mommy Dearest -

My Saturday evening babysitter has been with us for a few years now, watching my kids once or twice a month while my husband and I get a break from our home life. She is a local college student and is great with my two kids. Last weekend, for the first time, she asked if she could bring her boyfriend when she came to sit for us. He was visiting from out-of-town, but she had previously agreed to work for us, and she didn't want to cancel. While I appreciate her thinking of us, I said no because I was afraid that she would not be able to pay adequate attention to the kids and her boyfriend. My husband says I was wrong – that we trust her with our kids, we should trust her judgment too. Who's right here?

– Prudish Mama

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Mommy Dearest,

I'm preparing to give birth to my first child. Not only will it be my first, but it will also be the first grandchild on both sides. My mother assumes that she is invited to attend the birth. I have no intention of having her there. We have a good relationship, but we are not very close. She always wants to be the center of attention and she is incredibly high-maintenance. She nearly ruined my wedding with her insistence that everything go the way she thought it should and now she's working on ruining my brother's the same way. I can't imagine relaxing enough to give birth with her in the room. I'd feel like she was judging me — thinking that she didn't make that much noise, suggesting another position when I was happy right where I was. Not to mention, she and my husband don't get along well, especially in stressful situations.

To compound the whole thing, my parents are divorced and my dad feels slighted any time I involve my mom in something, but not him. My parents and in-laws are concerned about who will be the "alpha grandparents" (yes, they've all used that term). I have zero intention of letting my in-laws see my lady bits EVER. I don't think my dad has had that intimate a view of me since I was in diapers. And I can't even begin to imagine laboring with all six of them (counting my step-parents) in the same building, let alone the same room.

I can cut this whole disaster off at the pass by making sure my mom doesn't show up. However, she's the sort who will insist to herself that I didn't really mean it, that every woman wants her mom there beside her, and she'd bully her way past my midwife. I'm half inclined to just not call anyone to tell them that my labor is starting and just let them know when the baby has finally arrived (possibly waiting several hours until I think I can handle the onslaught of doting grandmas). All of my parents would be irritated about that though. They would want to know what was going on, but no one but my mom would show up uninvited. How can I stop this train wreck before it starts? I'm more nervous about this than about the actual pain of pushing another human being out of my body.

— Anxious About Birth

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Mommy Dearest —

For reasons I still cannot explain, my children started calling my husband and I by our first names. At school, they are told to call their teachers by their proper names. I think they just picked up the way we speak to each other at home. While we thought it was funny at first, the more it happens in public, the more we realize that we need to rein them in and go back to traditional titles. The problem is that our kids simply refuse to do so. Do you have any suggestions?

— Jennifer aka Mom

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Mommy Dearest –

I had a rather embarrassing incident happen last week and it still has me reeling. After feeding my baby at a local restaurant, I stood up to start burping her right at my table. Before I knew what was happening, my daughter had spit up all over the table behind us. To make matters worse, much of it had landed on a patron's suede jacket. I immediately apologized profusely and offered to pay the cleaning bill for the jacket, but the fellow diner could not be calmed down. She kept muttering that this is why kids should be kept out of restaurants (mind you it was a very family-friendly establishment). I kept apologizing, but there was nothing I could say to calm her down. Other than paying the cleaning bill, what else could I have done?

– Embarrassed Mommy

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Mommy Dearest –

I'm at my wits' end. After school drop-off this morning, it came to my attention that two of the moms in my child's class were discussing me and my family's financial situation on their children's playdate. A number of the kids in the class are signing up for an extracurricular activity and I decided against putting my daughter in the class due to the cost. I told the class moms that we had a scheduling conflict, but understand that they were speaking rather loudly in the school yard about my family's inability to donate to school funds. I would simply ignore the women, but my daughter truly enjoys playing with their kids both in school and at home. I would hate to cut off her friendships due to their mothers' cattiness.

How should I approach them?

– Mama on the Verge

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Mommy Dearest –

Birthday season is in high gear in my daughter's preschool class, meaning that we are attending several parties every weekend. I thought I had seen every iteration of a gym, magic or cooking party, but this weekend one party stuck out like a sore thumb. At this early afternoon party, while the kids were shrieking with laughter as the clown/magician did his shtick, a waitress passed by with mimosas and sangria on her tray. As I turned to observe the other parents' reactions, I saw many reaching in for a glass and enjoying themselves throughout the party. One father commented to me that this was the best way to make it through the endless string of parties we were enduring.

I don't consider myself to be a teetotaler, but isn't it inappropriate to be liquoring up the adults at a children's party?

– Banish the Booze Mama

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Mommy Dearest –

I am planning a gym party for my son's upcoming fifth birthday and am having an internal dilemma about whether or not to invite one particular child. The child in question has special needs that often involve her not listening well to instructions. At our party last year, the child did not listen to the teacher's directions and ended up interfering with the other children's art projects. When the teacher said something to her, her parents ended up yelling at the teacher for "coaching" their special needs child. I'm nervous about inviting them to the party this year because of the somewhat rowdy nature of a gym party, but at the same time, don't want the child to be left out just because of her differences.

What would you do?

– Should I Include Mommy

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Mommy Dearest –

We recently attended one of my son's classmate's birthday party at the local firehouse. As part of the celebration, the firemen gave a demonstration of what to do in case of an emergency. During the lesson, one child began getting antsy because he wanted to climb on the firetrucks. Then he melted down completely and had an all-out tantrum on the floor. The mother kept shushing him and asking him to listen. After bringing the party to a halt for five minutes (with no signs that the tantrum was going to end), I suggested that she may want to take her son into another room until he calmed down. She quickly shot back that I should save my parenting advice for my own child. Was I wrong to interfere in this situation?

– Just Trying to Help Mommy

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