Mommy Dearest

Mommy Dearest —

We love our nanny — she takes amazing care of my son every day. But all of a sudden, her breath is so bad, that I honestly can't be around her and I actually think it's really gross that my son is around it all day. How do I address this with her?

Any money she makes, she sends to her kids back home, so I doubt that she wants to pay for a dentist, but it's so gross that I am at the point where I have to position myself away from her and I feel really badly for my son.

If I make her a dentist appointment, then do I need to pay for it?

— Sweet-Talking Mama

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Mommy Dearest —

My 7-year-old daughter is begging me to allow her to get her ears pierced, and I don't think she is ready. Many of her friends have already gone through the "punch," and each time she sees another one with some glitter in her earlobe, I get an earful of reasons she should be allowed to have it done. I didn't bejewel my own ears until I was 10 years old and I'd like to keep it that way for my daughter. Any advice?

— Mama With a Piercing Problem

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Mommy Dearest –

I'm a SAHM, but plenty of my daughter's friends' have two working parents, which means that they are cared for by nannies and babysitters. Now that my daughter is in preschool, she is asking to play with specific friends, rather than the ones I set her up with, and that often means that it is the nanny and me hanging out while the girls play. While the nannies are certainly nice enough, I find us both to be uncomfortable with the situation. Should I just not schedule play dates with these kids, or is there another solution you might suggest to avoid the awkwardness of the situation.

– Playdate Problem Mommy

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Mommy Dearest —

Over the past few years, we have become friendly with some of our son's classmates' parents, often going out with them without the children. Last week my son and one of his friends had a pretty large disagreement — reducing both to tears and leaving them both vowing to never speak to the other again. We've resolved the actual issue between the kids, but the children still aren't speaking and now the child's parents seem to be avoiding us. Do I have to say goodbye to my friends just because our children aren't getting along?

— Stuck in the Middle Mama

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Mommy Dearest –

Camp season is drawing to a close this week and the topic of discussion at the bus stop this morning turned to tipping the counselors. It is my son's first year at camp and I hadn't realized that the counselors needed to be tipped. All of the parents agreed to a set amount per child (the camp, apparently, doesn't have any guidelines about this) but my son was closer with some counselors more than others. Would it be OK for me to just tip the ones he liked? Otherwise, we are looking at another $200 on top of what I paid for camp!

– Testing the Tipping Rules

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Mommy Dearest,

I loved school, but my brother and sister-in-law were never into academics. Their son (my nephew) is going into third grade and always talks about how bored he is in class. His test scores are extremely high and though his teacher recommended placing him in a nearby private school where he would be challenged, my brother isn't interested because of the cost. He hasn't even looked into scholarships which I can't understand. I make a good living and want my nephew to take advantage of the opportunity because I know he will do well at the school. Is it out of bounds for me to talk to my brother about footing the bill?

— Auntie Who Wants to Pay

Dear Auntie Who Wants to Pay,

I don't think there's any harm in extending the offer to your brother and sister-in-law. It's very generous of you, but be prepared in case they decline. There might be reasons (aside from academics) that they want their son to stay at his current school — friends, demographics, his comfort level, etc.

— Mommy Dearest

Mommy Dearest –

I know it is terrible to say, but I don't like my daughter's best friend. She is pushy and manipulative and seems to bring out the worst in my child. When the girls are together, all I get is sass from my child and if they have been playing together I can see a change in my daughter's entire attitude. I would stop scheduling play dates with her but I a) know it would devastate my child and, b) would be hard to enforce because they are in the same class. Do you have any advice for me?

– Baffled by Best Friend

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Mommy Dearest –

I'm a full believer in allowing children to express themselves. I don't argue when my daughter wants to wear crazy things to school. I allow her to paint her nails in hideous colors. And I've even been known to help her add some wild purple streaks to her hair. But we've come to clashes over self-expression versus hygiene.

After running around at camp all day, she resists bathing and when I can get her in there, she outright (and physically) refuses to let me wash her hair. She says she likes the way her dirty hair looks and doesn't mind the smell. I've tried explaining the health reasons for washing and she insists that this is her "new look". While I'm happy for her to look however she likes, the smell is getting really bad, and I'm afraid that she will be mocked at camp. Do you have any advice?

– Shear Madness Mama

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Mommy Dearest –

My husband grew up in a very affectionate family where hugs and kisses were never spared on the children. When my kids were babies and toddlers, I thought nothing of my in-laws giving their grandchildren kisses – be it on the cheek, forehead or lips. But now that the kids are 5 and 8, I'm beginning to get a bit uncomfortable with the lip pecks. Though I have yet to discuss it with them, I don't think they love it either since they are always wiping them off and making fun of their grandfather for doing it. Is it appropriate for me to put an end to this practice? And if so, can it be done without offending the grandparents?

– Kiss and Tell Mommy

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Mommy Dearest –

Yesterday, while toiling away at work, I received a phone call from my son's nanny. It seems the friend he was playing with had been promised a lunch at McDonald's and had invited my kindergartner along. I try to avoid fast food restaurants at all costs, so our nanny called to ask if it was OK to go for lunch with the friend. In the background I could already hear my son discussing the cartoon characters he saw on the restaurant's windows and rather than subject his caretaker to a meltdown, I acquiesced.

I am not some food-crazed mom (I give my children plenty of chicken fingers at home, albeit not fried), but I really don't like my children eating all of that fried food and thinking that food comes with toys. Would it be inappropriate for me to ask his playmate's mom to not promise such "treats" on days our kids play together?

– McDonaldless Mommy

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