Lonna Corder

Q. My four and seven-year-olds were thrilled when I told them I was pregnant. How do I break the news that I miscarried? Should we do something to commemorate the baby?

A. The celebration of life is the most wonderful experience to share. We have come so far as a culture in enjoying the process and sharing it with our children. Mourning a loss, one we know can happen during any pregnancy, is not as comfortable. However, loss is a huge part of life. As our children’s first teachers we must teach them how to mourn. Find the words that your heart and faith can stand behind. Tell them something very sad happened and that it is no ones fault, the baby could not be born. Don’t be afraid to cry. Most importantly, listen to them. Listen to what they ask and answer as simply as you can. As a family you may need closure by commemorating, but don’t rush into anything. Give your heart and mind time to heal a little before you act. Take cues from your children. Help them move on by grieving, listening and giving everyone time.

— Lonna Corder

Parenting expert and Montessori school director, Lonna Corder has been doling out advice for 25 years as a teacher, parent/child consultant and on television. For more information, visit lonnacorder.com.

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Q. How do I know when my child is ready for preschool? Is there a certain age when we should sign my daughter up or is it more about her social and intelligence levels?

A. An entire book could be written on this topic, but let me break it down simply. Consider your community. If you live in a city were one must go to private elementary school then preschool is needed. Where your child goes will depend on the philosophy you like and the hours you are interested in. If you live in a town where your child will attend the neighborhood public school then you have more freedom. You can consider how much exposure they will have to other children through parks or short classes. If you have the knowledge and patience to teach your child counting, sound recognition, science experiments and take them to the playground—then keeping your child home is a fantastic choice.

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Q. My child used to eat everything and now at four, she’s an extremely picky eater. How can I encourage her to eat foods other than pancakes, buttered pasta and peanut butter and jelly?

A. Aw, the Carbatarian who enjoys fat as a side dish — very common, but very upsetting to parents, especially moms. Our first way to nurture our babies is through food. Eating what we provide tells us they love and appreciate how much we do for them. Not to mention the pride we take in the child who gobbles tofu and grilled eggplant. In an age where a whole television network is devoted to food, who wants the kid who only eats boxed mac n’ cheese?

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Q. There’s no disciplining my two-year-old son. He does not care about consequences. If I threaten him with time out for hitting his sister, he walks up, whacks her and then walks in his room and sits in time out. We have taken away his toys and nothing works —why doesn’t he care?

A. The self-imposed exile is always an interesting move. What does this tell you? Your son needs to be in control and have power. That's what he cares about and that is what you will give and take away. He needs to learn how to earn control rather than maniacally reign over the entire family and eventually, school.

Never threaten—simply do. Make very firm statements such as, “You hit your sister. Hitting is dangerous and unacceptable. The next time you want to do something the answer will be no.” You then make him care for his sister’s tears and he will play with her in a kid way.

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Q. I have a five-year-old daughter who is eager to please, but whines when she doesn’t get her way. It drives me nuts. Do you have any tips on how to get her to stop?

A. Daughter’s whining drives mom crazy — that sounds about right to me. Now multiply it by one hundred and you have adolescence.

Remember Pavlov and his dogs? It’s conditioned responses. She has discovered if she whines you react and she gets attention. Strange as it seems, even negative attention is positive attention to a young child. The solution? Stop reacting. Be aware of your voice tone and body language when she gets the pitch that makes your hair stand on end. Take deep yoga breathes and “under” react. Learn to softly and calmly say things like, “I can not help you when you talk in that voice. When you talk in your regular voice I will listen.” Do not ask her to stop — tell her to stop. Let her know you are done with her whining and she needs to find another way to communicate with you.

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At some point in life, every mom faces a parenting dilemma and more often than not it's in the first few years of her offspring's life. Suddenly, getting your child to eat more than just carbohydrates or stopping them from throwing fits seems easier said than done. So we've enlisted parenting expert and Montessori school director, Lonna Corder, to answer your questions this week! She's been doling out advice for 25 years as a teacher, parent/child consultant and on television.

Q. Last year a little boy in my son’s preschool class gave a girl classmate a very expensive Valentine on his own accord. Do you thinks it’s appropriate for such young children to partake in this affectionate holiday?

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