Large Families

For seven seasons, we've watched the famous Gosselin multiples grow up while their parents, Jon and Kate, became tabloid regulars. After a controversial season, filled with conflicts, TLC has called it quits with the Gosselins, and the Kate Plus Eight finale will air this evening. Kate has received her share of negative press over the years, but everyone has shortcomings — especially when faced with a challenge like raising eight children. While we might not agree with all of Kate's parenting techniques, her example of raising a big family, has taught us a few important lessons. Here are five:

1. Marriage and parenting is a partnership, not a dictatorship. Just as you tell your children not to be bossy, it's important to listen to your husband and know when to control a situation and when to let something go. Kate often struggled to give her husband control of even the smallest decisions like what the kids could wear for their daddy day out. It's always better to work together in the interest of the kids rather than your own personal preferences.
2. Don't shun help. Even as a stay-at-home mom, sometimes extra help is needed, even if it's for a few hours a week. All moms need a little R&R to recharge.
3. Expect the unexpected. Being prepared with all sorts of ammo will keep you one step ahead of the curve. Keep an emergency supply kit with extra clothing, diapers, snacks, and more in your car at all times.
4. Kids enjoy adventures, but they also can be easily amused by little things too. Kate once entertained the whole crew by passing around a tiny plastic shark that she found in her bedroom. The kids loved passing it quietly around to each other, and after everyone had delighted in the surprise, Kate asked them to yell what it was all at once.
5. No parent is perfect. Despite all the drama, the press, the split, and being on a reality TV show, Kate and Jon have raised eight intelligent, happy, normal, and pretty well behaved children. No parent is perfect, but Kate shows her love the best by providing her kids with a comfortable life, educational experiences, and college savings.

How do you feel about Kate Gosselin's parenting technique? What lessons has she taught you about parenting? And are you sad to see her go?

Sure, having a lot of kids may get you a reality TV show, but would you be able to handle all the criticism?

Many members of the Circle of Moms community say large families are not for them. When Elise B., a mom of three, recently asked “How many do you think is enough?" the most common answer she got was two. As Ashley L., a mom of two herself, shared, two is “more than enough.“ But like Michelle Duggar, matriarch of America’s most famous big family, other Circle of Moms members yearn for more children. 

All in Favor of Large Families

Duggar recently told the TODAY show that 19 is just not enough. And seven is not enough for Circle of Moms member Joyce M., who is pregnant with her eighth child. She says others do not respond very kindly to her large family. "What I hate the most so far is the reaction I get from people when we tell them no we are not baby sitting, [that] these are all our kids and we are having another one," she says.

Some Circle of Moms members who are on the road to large families say they are driven by their religious beliefs. In Aubrey B.'s household, for instance, there is no discussion about how many kids is enough. "We have never set a number...My husband and I are both from large families and love it. We have an almost 2-year-old boy and a 4-month-old girl right now. I know we will have more, but I don't know how many more. Our parents both let God take that over (how many kids to have) and so far that is what we are doing."

All in Favor of Small Families

In contrast, among moms with plans for smaller families, a hard-nosed assessment of the time, resources, and energy they can provide for each child tends to reign supreme. Mom-of-two Jessica C. speaks for this camp when she says, "As long as you have the love and the finances to support a large family, go for it. Each family is different, some want one kid, some want six. I know my family is full at two kids."

Age is another significant factor for many. "My decision was made primarily due to my age," explains Shauna C., who just turned 40. "I know people can have kids later but I know my body well enough that once this next one comes along (we are still trying), we will be done."

Live and Let Live

To each his own, stresses Valerie W. “Just as each person is unique, each marriage and family is unique,” she says. “The right amount of kids for one family is completely different from the right amount for another. The challenge is not judging other families when their 'right' amount is different from yours."

Many Circle of Moms members agree with Valerie that it isn't anyone else's business how many kids you have. As Lynette B. explains, "As long as you can afford them and as long as you can spend quality time (and love) with them, then the number of children you have is up to you."

If resources were not an issue, would you have a larger family?

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

When is the best time to add another child to your family? One year? Five? Or back-to-back, as soon as mom is able to get pregnant again?

Honestly, it depends on the goals you and your partner share for your family.

Do you want your children to play together and have the same interests? Do you want them to all enjoy Dora The Explorer as a group before moving on to the Pokemon phase? Then follow the advice given by Heather F. in the Military Spouses With Children community: "How well they will get along with each other is important. If they are too far apart they will not have anything in common," she writes. "If they are too close together there will be a lot of rivalry and jealousy."

But some moms who have children fairly close together caution that it's not easy to care for a young baby or toddler while pregnant. "If you have a baby who is not sleeping through the night while you're pregnant, that will be really hard on you and your body," advises Danielle B. in the Young Moms Aged 20-30 community. "Not only will you be sleep derived but you'll also be trying to nourish your unborn baby while looking after your infant."And Whitney L., a mom whose two kids are exactly 2 years and 20 days apart, says that "The hardest part about having them that close together was bieng pregnant while my daughter was potty training, and the day-to-day life with a young toddler. "It was exhausting, and my second pregnancy was a lot harder on my body then the first."

Consideration for the possible loss of sleep is an issue echoed by Rachael M., but she's more concerned by how it could impact an older child. "You finally get the first kid on a schedule and sleeping through the night and then you have a baby who wakes the older one up," she writes. "Also you can't give as much attention to the older one anymore and you miss some stuff like maybe their first words or their first steps because you are so preoccupied with the new baby."

At the other end of the spectrum, Samantha A. talks about one of the advantages of having widely-spaced children: getting focused time with each of her babies. Her children are seven years apart.

"My older child was able to be the baby longer and get the undivided attention he wanted," she posts. "I was able to enjoy both of my kids as "babies" for many years without (the) little one having to grow up quicker."

What Can You Actually Handle?

For many moms, the question of how much time to allow between babies isn't emotional, it's practical.

"I would say you want the other one out of diapers," expresses Nakeed S. in the Military Spouses With Children community.

"It will be easier if you wait until the oldest is potty trained," advises Ashley C. in the April 2009 Babies community.

"You just have to ask yourself, do you want a toddler and an infant? Do you want two in diapers? Do you want one in school and a newborn? What do you think you can handle?" asks Katherine K.

For Amanda D., having two girls exactly five years apart in age is the ticket to a well-balanced family.

"The oldest can help when needed and since she's in school now, I can devote some more personal time to the baby without jealousy problems," she shares.

Putting three years between her children helped Nakeed S. eliminate sibling rivalry.

"I feel at that age a child understands that mommy is having another baby and that (she) still loves them," she writes. "A lot of times, it (the new baby) is like a toy to them. They will love the baby, want them sometimes, but won't hurt them because it (the new baby) is special."

What Do the Experts Say?

Aside from considering the family dynamics created by age gaps between children, women wanting more children should take into account some basic biological facts.

A 2006 study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association indicates that having babies too close or too far apart can both pose increased perinatal risks.

"Compared with interpregnancy intervals of 18 to 23 months, interpregnancy intervals shorter than 6 months were associated with increased risks of preterm birth (and) low birth weight," states the article Birth Spacing and Risk of Adverse Perinatal Outcomes. "Interpregnancy intervals shorter than 18 months and longer than 59 months are significantly associated with increased risk of adverse perinatal outcomes. These data suggest that spacing pregnancies could help prevent such adverse perinatal outcomes."

That may be bad news for Natasha M., who says, "Shoot, each time I had mine I was thinking about having more before I left the hospital," she writes.

Natasha's first two children are 14 months apart, and the span between her second and third is 25 months. The baby spacing between numbers 2 and 3 is exactly what Dr. Kristie Leong, a family practice physician who also writes for the online publication HealthMad, recommends:"While it may be tempting to get pregnant as soon as possible after the birth of a child, time is needed between pregnancies to rebuild nutrient stores that may have been depleted by the challenges of eating for two," she writes.

She notes that pregnancy diminishes the levels of calcium, iron and folate stored in a woman's body. Adequate levels of these nutrients are essential for the viability of the next fetus.

"It appears that the time interval which gives the greatest chance for the newborn to be born healthy is between eighteen months and two years. This gives the mother's body a chance to fully recover and successfully deal with the challenges of another pregnancy, but no so long that eggs have had a change to age and become less viable," Leong states.

Each woman is different though. Leong suggests the best planning for spacing babies is done in connection with your doctor.

"If you're confused as to how long to wait between pregnancies, talk to your gynecologist and see what he or she recommends based on your health history."

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The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

You don't have to have 19 kids like Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar to understand the challenges of raising children who are close in age. After all, not many of us balance the demands of 19 kids between the ages of 18 months and 23 years, as the family in TLC's 19 Kids and Counting does. But as many Circle of Moms members say, there is an art to successfully juggling babies who are born back-to-back. It can be chaotic, but it can be done, they agree.

"Yikes, they are a handful," says Shauna about her son, 2, and daughter, 3. She recently asked other moms in the Stay-at-Home Moms community whether anyone else with closely spaced siblings felt "like pulling their hair out."

The consensus: the first years are the hardest, but it gets easier once the kids hit kindergarten age. Here, Circle of Mom members share tips for making it through the early years with kids who are close in age:

1. Get a little mommy time, recommends Rae C., whose two boys and a girl are 4, 2 and 1. Make it a priority to find some time for you even if it is simply a stolen moment here and there, she says. When they feel like a handful, just "breathe real slowly."
2. You've got to have friends. When friends or relatives ask what they can do, suggest they take your older child or children out while you stay home with the younger baby. This helps create "special" time for all the children, says Stacey W., a mother of two kids under two with a third baby on the way.
3. Ask for help. Stacey W. also recommends relying "on those around you who are willing to help." When friends or family members offer to bring over dinner, do laundry or come over to babysit, take them up on the offer instead of saying "no thanks."
4. Stick to a routine, says Chantel M., a mom of four kids under age seven. Create dinner time, nap-times and non-negotiable bed times, she says. Creating structure takes away some of the stress, she says.
5. Create special time for each child, says Crystal S. who is pregnant and has three children who are all 4 and under. "I make sure that each of my kids gets their own time with me, and honestly, I found it pretty easy to have them so close together." Another benefit of spacing children closely is that "I stayed in baby mode and so having two in diapers was a lot easier than I thought it would be."

Ultimately, these moms say the intense work of the early years is worthwhile.

"I love it now that they are all getting a bit older," says Marti D. a single mom to a 5 year-old boy, a 4 year-old girl, and a 3 year-old boy. "When they were all babies, it was really tough. Now at least they are a little more independent."

Crystal B., whose kids are now 11 and 10, agrees."The first couple years were a blur," she says, adding that "now it is fun, fun, fun."

Finally, just remember that the chaos is only temporary, says Amber R. You can let the house get a little messy, and not be "perfect," as life will eventually be less hectic.

"After seeing that everything did work out just fine and how much fun they have together I can definitely see the benefit of them being so close in age to their siblings," she says about her 2 and 3 year-olds. A third baby is on the way, and "they will have more in common and always have playmates in the house. It is hectic but we all realize that it can be done. "

Image Source: yourdon via Flickr/Creative Commons

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

The Easter Bunny may be hopping into town soon, and right behind him your in-laws and extended family. Woven into the basketful of stress: your kids are home from school all day on spring break.

Happy Spring!

Like all holiday seasons, Easter and Passover brings with them family, traditions and memories. They can also bring meltdowns, unwanted stress, added responsibilities, and egg on your face if you haven’t figured out how to manage the chaos.

So what’s the plan for your spring break? How are you going to hide all the chocolate eggs Grandma tries to shove at your three-year-old? How are plans going for organizing the neighborhood egg hunt? And what’s on the menu for Easter dinner?

“How do you deal with challenging relatives at family gatherings during the holidays? “ asks Connie L. in Circle of Moms' Austin Texas Moms Community. She's concerned because “Not only are they rude to me, but they also make mean comments to my kids. The kids don't understand because they are too young, but it makes me see red. I need help."

She's not alone. Many community members seek advice at this time of year on how to deal with the chaos of the impending holidays—in particular the stress that "loved ones" can bring to the festivities.

If you’re determined not to be stressed-out and want to avoid clashes with your relatives, check out these holiday survival tips we’ve compiled from Circle of Moms community members and experts:

1. Don’t Spread Your Family Too Thin

You can’t be everywhere at once and this is especially true during the holidays, when grandparents, step families, and best friends invite you and your kids to share in their celebrations. “It can be especially hard when your family and your husband's family put pressure on you to be there for every holiday,” says Sarah O. a member of Circle of Moms Young Moms Aged 20-30 Community. “But family should know that their children are going to grow up, branch out, and have families of their own. They will learn how to deal with it. The best advice I can give is that YOUR family your baby, your husband, and you come first.

2. Stay on Schedule

Despite the visiting relatives, time off from school, and the added pressure of having to entertain everyone, keep things simple by mantaining a schedule that's a regular as possible, says Lori Lite, a childhood anxiety expert and creator of Stressfreekids.com. “Sticking to a schedule helps to keep some sense of normalcy when the chaos of relatives' visits and the holidays hits,” she explains.

3. Reinforce the House Rules

Create a united front with your partner to reinforce the house rules, says Julie Simens, a clinical psychologist who works with teens and their parents. This is particularly important if you have older kids returning from college, or high school kids who are testing their freedom during the break from school. “Your college kids who have been living in the freedom of campus life will naturally want to stretch their curfews and other limits, says Simens."You do not want the kid playing Mom against Dad."

4. Ward off Unwanted Advice

Holiday gatherings can easily become a forum where relatives offer unwanted advice. But Circle of Moms member Lydia R. offers this idea for deflecting negative comments: “My personal favorite for most unwanted advice is smile, nod and ignore. You could always try ‘Thank you for the advice. I will think about it and ask you if I need any more.’ If someone is getting really pushy I usually just look at them and raise my eyebrows as a signal to tell them to back off.”

In the end, don’t sweat the small stuff, says Lite.

What survival tips or concerns do you have about surviving the spring holidays?

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The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.