Family

It's Mother's Day this weekend. If you're lucky enough to spend time with your mom, you might spot some of these mother-daughter relationship realities explained by science. Many research dollars have been spent to find out why your mom loves to text you or why she always seems to mimic your fashion sense. Scientists have also discovered the very positive, and sometimes negative, influences moms can have on their daughters' lives. Keep reading to find out what they are.

As She Gets Older, She Likes You More Than Dad
If you noticed that your mom texts and calls you more and more, British researchers say that's totally normal. A 2012 study analyzed two billion cell phone calls and half a billion texts and found that in early adulthood, women communicate most with romantic partners. But when a woman reaches her 40s, the attention goes to her daughter. And by 60, communication between a mom and daughter peaks.

Her Favoritism Stings, Even If You're the Favorite
Researchers at Cornell University found that perceived favoritism on behalf of a mother can lead to depression in her adult kids. And even if you're the favorite, it can have adverse effects, like feelings of guilt or resentment on behalf of your siblings. The study's Karl Pillemer also explained: "With older parents, favored children may be expected to provide more care and assistance for the parent, leading to stress."

If You Take Your Sexual Health Seriously, You Have Her to Thank
If your mom is open about sexuality, you've probably taken steps to ensure your sexual health. A study from Ohio State University found that college-age women who talked to their moms about the HPV vaccine were nine times more likely to get it. The study concluded that even if the conversations are difficult, communication between moms and daughters is crucial. Another study out of Belgium looked at teen girls and concluded that those who had a close bond with their mothers were less likely to have their attitudes about sex negatively influenced by TV.

You Influence Her Fashion Sense
A study in the Journal of Consumer Behavior concluded that a daughter influences her mother's fashion sense more and not vice versa. As you probably guessed, "Mimicking her daughter is like a shortcut to what is hip and cool," according to researcher Ayalla Ruvio. As for daughters, they're more likely to look to celebrities than Mom for fashion inspiration.

Her Protectiveness Comes From a Good Place
Mother-daughter rivalries have popped up in everything from soap operas to literature, but according to researcher Dr. Terri Apter, maternal protectiveness is often mistaken for envy for a daughter's youth. Apter found that when it comes to their daughters' dating lives, for example, mothers worry that their daughters don't realize how complex life can be, and when they try to assert their concerns, it can lead to conflict. But overall, these concerns come from a tender, not envious, place.

Sure, when you're trying to be part of a different family, you're bound to run into a few hiccups. But if you're truly struggling to build relationships, then follow these simple tips to find your footing. Whether you're about to get married or you're years past the in-law introductions, take a look at these five ways to improve your relationships with your other half's parents:

Get to know them personally.
To build a strong relationship with your in-laws, you need to find a connection that goes beyond their son or daughter. Do you know about their childhoods, their pastimes, their favorites books? Learning more about your in-laws' hobbies and interests will help you identify with them in a different way.

Know your boundaries.
If you're spending all day, every day with your in-laws, then there's bound to be tension in your relationships. Although you may be tempted to say yes to every invitation and request, being so agreeable may actually hurt your connections in the end. Think quality over quantity, and know that you can say no.

Don't be afraid to communicate.
You can't expect them to read your mind. If you're not open about who you are and what you're looking for, then there's no way for them to know what kind of relationship you might prefer. Speak up if there's a problem, because sweeping it under the rug will only build resentment.

Let your guy do his thing.
At the end of the day, these are his parents, and his relationship with them has plenty of layers you'll never understand. Whether he's close to his parents or has issues with them, it's best to let him deal with those relationships on his own. You should offer to help if he asks for your input, of course, but don't assume you know best. And most importantly, remember that it's really never OK to insult someone else's family — even if it's one you married into.

Remember what works.
Consider the best times you've shared with your in-laws, and do what you can to re-create those kinds of moments again and again. Had a blast bowling with his dad? Invite him to play mini golf. Loved hunting for recipes with his mom? Offer to take a cooking class. Stick with the things that bring you together to build a stronger, more comfortable connection.

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our community. Add your advice in the comments!

I'm in a happy, healthy and loving relationship with my boyfriend of a year and a half. We're both in our late 20s. Things are generally going great, but there is one thing that is really bugging me — both of his older sisters consistently give me the cold shoulder. They aren't rude, they just seem very disinterested, like they don't take me or our relationship very seriously. I'm pretty sure it largely has to do with the fact that my boyfriend was previously engaged to a girl he grew up with. She called off the wedding, but they had both been unhappy for quite some time so it was all for the best. He and I met and started dating a few months after they broke up and fell for each other really quickly. I've never once felt like his rebound — the love between us is very real and his friends (and our mutual friends) told me from early on that they had never seen him happier. But when I'm around his sisters my insecurities start to get the best of me — I start to feel uncomfortable and awkward and not very at home with his family. 

He and his ex were together for seven years. She was close to his family. In no way did I expect to just step right into those shoes, and I feel like I've been very understanding of the situation and the fact that they might have been unsure about him being in another relationship at the start. But one and a half years in, I'm starting to get frustrated at the less than warm welcome. I get along great with his mom and step-dad, and his little nephew adores me. My family has been really warm and welcoming to him, my sister and her husband make every effort to include him and get to know him better. I've brought it up with my boyfriend and he said he never really though about it until I said something, but that he agreed with my analysis that they just seem somewhat disinterested. He said they had never really asked about me (but being a guy he had never given it a second thought) and that he thought they probably just didn't trust him anymore when it came to relationships. 

I get jealous when I see my friends and other family members who are close with their significant others' families. I know it could be much worse — and I know in the grand scheme of relationship issues this isn't a huge thing to complain about, but I'd love to find a way to make things better. Any advice?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously in Group Therapy for advice and check out what else is happening in our community.