Discipline

When a child is being verbally disrespectful, or as we called it in our home, "emotionally biting" someone, a parent's defensive wall goes up and she screams right back! Circle of Moms member Jodie M. wonders how "to manage her own anger when dealing with oppositional kids." Most parents who are having loud, ugly words screamed at them would react. The question is, "is there another option?" Yes, there is.

First, let me say that I firmly believe that parents should not be disrespected, or have to endure any kind of emotional rudeness, but it does happen. Once it happens a parent feels like there's only one thing to do to stop it: punish! I want to offer another way, one that not only stops the rude and disrespectful behavior in its tracks, but also teaches.

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We all know those parents of 2-year-olds who claim they've got the terrible 2s under control and their kid is perfectly disciplined because they have the secret behavioral formula. But for most moms of toddlers, it can be incredibly frustrating trying to keep under control a child who is at an age when he is not exactly a rational human being.

That's why moms like Danielle P. want to know what is reasonable when setting behavior standards for toddlers. She says she's tried and failed at "everything" to try to discipline her "independent, determined, stubborn, and adventurous" 22-month-old daughter. Lisa A. feels similarly frustrated, noting, "Sometimes I feel like I'd get more of a response talking to/disciplining a rock."

So what do you do when you're pushed to the limit and feel like nothing is working with your misbehaving toddler? While there's no one-size-fits-all approach to discipline — some moms maintain a good spanking is the key to disciplining a toddler, while others are adamant about avoiding spanking — many Circle of Moms members agree on the following tried-and-true strategies for helping tots learn good behavior and helping moms not feel so frustrated in the process.

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Do you think yelling and being firm are the same thing? Many parents do. They believe in order to be firm, you have to yell. I believe yelling is yelling, and that firmness is authority in action and requires no yelling.

Ask yourself this: do you think there's a connection between the intensity of a parent's voice and how much learning a child is able to accomplish? I think there is. I believe less learning occurs when parents yell at their children.

There are others who agree with me. Nikki S remembers her childhood, "I was yelled at constantly as a kid and to this day I hate yelling, if someone yells at me it makes me want to hide."

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Verbal defiance from a toddler who is just beginning to test limits is relatively easy to take in stride, but many parents are unnerved when bigger kids talk back. As Circle of Moms member Amanda P. shares, it's not only irritating, but downright disrespectful: "My 7-year-old thinks he can smartmouth us whenever he wants, and that it's fine for him to be disrespectful, especially to me."

Seeking suggestions from the Circle of Moms community, Amanda asks, "What do you guys use for a disrespectful child? I don't want to sit back and do nothing only [to see] this escalate into something bad. Any advice?" 

First, take a deep breath so that you don't wind up arguing back, say our moms. Then, try these four tips for taming the sass.

No one is perfect. Not your kids, not you, and certainly not me. I'm a parenting expert, educator, and coach, and I am not a perfect parent. There is no such thing as a perfect parent. We all make mistakes and have lessons to learn from our experiences in life. Oh, the messes I've made from time to time!

Each misstep in life has a purpose and causes further fallout for us to deal with. Each misstep is a teacher of sorts. No one likes that fact, and every parent forgets it at times. Whether it's due to stress, the fast pace of life, or our own childhood wounds, there are times when we forget that our child is just a child, and has only made a mistake, not committed a crime.

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Toddlers aren't the only children who have tantrums! Teenagers often throw their own angry tantrums, resorting to foot-stomping, door-slamming, yelling, and more. If you're looking for ideas on how to respond to your teen's emotional outbursts, here are five key steps Circle of Moms members suggest.

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A few weeks ago I wrote an article called The Common Discipline Mistakes Moms Make (and Regret). When the article was shared on the Circle of Moms Facebook page, there was some interesting feedback that I could so easily relate to as one of the mistake-making moms I was writing about.

One mom wanted to hear about the things parents are doing right. Another mom suggested it would be helpful to provide some answers about how to fix the discipline mistakes we are making.

Both comments really hit home. After all, we help our kids feel good about themselves by telling them what they are doing well, and if they are making mistakes, we give them strategies to help fix them. Don't moms deserve the same?

With that in mind, Circle of Moms members chime in to help us all learn to fix some of these common discipline mistakes.

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Do you think spanking helps kids or hurts them?

About a week ago, I was standing in line at one of the tween/teen clothing shops at the mall with my daughter. The mom behind me and her young son started squabbling as the little guy became increasingly worked up over the long line and started squirming and whining that he wanted to leave. His mom kept demanding, "Stop it." Suddenly, the palm of her hand exploded against his backside — not once, but in rapid-fire motion, eliciting a burst of tears that turned into all-out wails.

My daughter and I were horrified, as it appeared almost everyone in line appeared to be too. The sadness on the little boy's face and his humiliation were palpable, and as his tears kept flowing, she resumed meting out her punishment.

My daughter and I talked about our disturbing feelings the entire way home. I told her how when I was growing up, these kinds of corporal punishment were standard in many homes. Spanking was just how parents disciplined.

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Tears and screaming are one thing, but what should you do when your toddler or preschooler's temper tantrum turns more violent? 

"My son is going to seriously hurt himself," says worried Circle of Moms member Savannah R. of her 1 year old. "What I worry about is the fact that he throws himself around. If he's sitting up he will throw himself backward and half the time [will] hit something as he goes down. Or if there is something in front of him he will slam his head into it. Table, wall, couch, you name it." Similarly, mom Kayla P. says her 18-month-old daughter "will not stop hitting herself in the head or banging her head on the floor when she gets angry."

If you, too, are wondering what to do when your child starts head-butting and hitting during tantrums, consider these seven tips from Circle of Moms members.

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Arguing happens anywhere, anytime, and at any age. A child asks for something, mom or sibling says NO, and the child begins to argue. Mom or sibling gets mad, hoping it will stop the arguing. The child just speaks faster and louder, trying to explain. Mom or sibling reaches the end of their rope and yells, "Stop it!" but the arguing and negotiating continues. A power struggle is in full swing.

That scene raises the question, "Why doesn't arguing and negotiating stop when a parent yells, 'Stop it?'" Here are three reasons why.

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