"Feeding, changing diapers, shopping, and cleaning don’t necessarily lead to sexual attraction," says sex therapist and GoodinBed.com contributor Dr. Ian Kerner. Sex may require more work once there's a baby in the house, but it doesn't have to be less fun. Once couples decide to make their sexual relationship a priority, it's time to work on the details. I spoke with Dr. Kerner about advice he gives new parents. "Sex is sort of like food," he says. "There are lots of different food groups, and there are lots of different types of sex, and you have to be engaging in all of them. There is sex that enhances intimacy, a sort of lovemaking. There’s sex that’s sort of sex for the sake of sex. There’s sex that really appeals to fantasy and imagination. Then there’s sex that appeals to all of the different senses. I give parents exercises that pull from each of those groups." Keep reading to see what the doctor recommends.
For new parents, finding together time can be daunting. Between organizing schedules, arranging for a sitter, and sticking to a budget, date night often gets pushed to the back burner. Hitting the town without your lil one in tow helps keep your relationship going strong and provides a well-deserved break from parenting. But date night doesn't have to happen at night. Why not enjoy a midafternoon outing, a special breakfast, or a fun night in? Along with being budget-friendly, these stress-free date-night solutions reignite that prebaby glow in your relationship. Call the sitter and make a date!
Here's a post from our partners at BabyCenter! Every week, we bring you the best parenting and lifestyle stories from the experts at BabyCenter, including this post from Kerala Taylor about bringing sexy back after baby.
Last week, when a coworker pointed at my shirt, I immediately started to panic. My first thought: My breasts are leaking. Or maybe I had missed a spit-up stain in my state of groggy semi-wakefulness this morning. Or worse yet, a big ol’ blob of dried poop.
Instead my coworker said, "You look nice in that shirt." Nice? That was the last thing I'd been expecting to hear. Every morning it's such a struggle to look halfway presentable, 'nice' isn’t even on the agenda.
With a baby daughter who is nearing the five-month mark, I'm feeling much more 'mom' than 'woman' these days, and I'm hoping the two aren't forever mutually exclusive. But with my once ornamental breasts now serving a utilitarian role, and with fluids regularly oozing onto me from every hole on my baby's body, it's tough to make the transition to 'nice,' let alone sexy.
When my husband first broached the subject of intimacy after childbirth, I asked, "You mean, with me?" What's surprised me most about our romps in the bed is his ability to still feel attracted to me (though I've given him full permission to fantasize about someone else).
Even more bewildering was the recent catcall I got walking home from the metro. I turned to snatch a curious glance at the hot young girl I was sure must be walking behind me, only to find the sidewalk empty. Is there such a thing as catcall recall? Clearly, this man was sadly mistaken.
Actually, lots of people insist I look great — which is very sweet of them and I'll take the compliment, thank you very much — but on the 'repulsive' to 'sexy' scale, I always feel somewhere between 'barely passable' and 'halfway presentable' — even in heels and mascara.
And that's OK, for now, as long as it's not forever. I may never again sleep through the night, stay out past 11 p.m., or wear a bikini, but I would, eventually, like to get my mojo back.
How long did it take you to reclaim your sex appeal after childbirth? Any advice for the rest of us?
More great posts from BabyCenter:
Should hospitals give away free formula?
Last-minute tax tips for parents
The easiest homemade baby food ever
5 steps to get your lil monster to sleep through the night
6 favorite family games
Every parent fears that Modern Family moment where the kids walk in on them having sex. According to sex therapist and GoodinBed.com contributor Dr. Ian Kerner, once you have children, couples should still have a healthy sex life. "You need to kind of develop a sex schedule that works within your baby’s schedule. That means being a lot more creative and maybe doing it in the morning, or having a quickie in the afternoon. Where there’s a will there’s certainly a way, but you have to be creative!" With Valentine's Day fast approaching, iDr. Kerner's tips for keeping busy without the tots ruining the mood might come in handy!
As Jessica Alba bravely illustrated last week, being pregnant doesn't mean you're off limits in the bedroom. In fact, many mamas-to-be are raring to go (thank you hormones!), so expecting parents should take advantage of their child-free nights (and mornings and afternoons), because once there's a tiny tot on the scene, parents' sexy time is the first thing to go. Pregnant women tend to feel enormous, but if you ask most partners, they'll tell you that there's nothing sexier than a beautiful, glowing mama-to-be, so there's no reason to limit bedroom attire to massive cotton T-shirts. It is possible to find baby-bump friendly lingerie that's comfortable, sexy, and will make a smooth transition from maternity wear to nursing wear.
It's time to get back in bed! Though 54 percent of LilSugar mothers said they had sex on or before they were six weeks postpartum, the prospect of getting back in the sack has many new moms running for cover. Sex therapist and GoodinBed.com contributor Dr. Ian Kerner says, "It’s important to jump right back in the saddle, but to be prepared before you hop on." Here are Dr. Kerner's tips for your first post-baby romp!
It's tough for parents to switch into couple mode, but since Cupid will be hovering in a few days — it's time! We've covered the ways a mom can channel her inner wife so I asked Michael Johnson of Playgrounddad to give share advice on how fathers can put on their husband hats. Check out what the dad of four said.
Need help making Valentine's Day plans? @lilsugar and @playgrounddad are hosting a Twitter party this Thursday, Feb. 10 at 6 p.m. PST, and you're invited! The hashtag is #datenight.
Life becomes a juggling act once lil ones enter the picture. But the act that brought you baby needs to remain a constant in order to maintain your relationship. As we approach Valentine's Day, there's no better time to evaluate the current state of your union. According to sex therapist and GoodinBed.com contributor Dr. Ian Kerner, "Routine, predictability, and patterns of behavior are really important to relationships, especially after you have a baby when everything becomes scheduled. But that kind of routine really works against the spontaneity and unpredictability of sexual attraction." Here are his five reasons to have sex.
Anyone who has ever watched a sitcom knows that new parents are the butt of most sex jokes. While sex (and often times fertility treatments) get couples into the family way, they aren't always quick to hop back in the sack once the lil ones arrive. "Studies have shown that 90 percent of new parents have experienced a decline in relationship satisfaction," said Dr. Ian Kerner, a sex therapist and contributor to GoodinBed.com, as well as the co-author of Love in the Time of Colic ($13). "That’s a big percentage of parents that are happy to be parents, but not happy in their relationships." I spoke with Dr. Kerner about the obstacles new parents face in finding time for one another. Here's what he had to say.
We all may not have Victoria's Secret model bodies before (or after) our babies, but pregnancy does give us some awesome lingerie model assets. A growing bustline is often the first one, but it deserves more than just a bump up in cup size.
Cake Lingerie is introducing MyBust Technology based on the premise that mamas wearing B-D cups need different support, but the same sexiness as those with E-G cup sizes. The Birthday Cake collection ($55 to $70), which includes the purple and black Turkish Delight and the violet silk Velvet Delight, are constructed in a plunge style for the smaller sizes and balcony style for larger ones to provide the proper shape and support women need. All cake bras feature drop-down panels for breastfeeding to use once lil ones arrive – though with the lingerie's Agent Provocateur-style, nursing may be the last thing from a mama's mind when she wears these sexy pieces.