Babysitters

Every parent deserves the occasional night out on the town, but sometimes the preparation involved turns the evening into more work than it's worth. Securing a sitter, factoring in the additional cost, prepping the sitter . . . once you're a mama, there's definitely more to a night out than picking out a great outfit and calling a cab. Allow us to make at least one of those steps a bit easier. Since you're likely to be rushing out the door when your sitter arrives, we've compiled an all-encompassing checklist of what she needs to know before you head out of the house.

1. The All-Important Contact Info: Your sitter probably already has your number programmed into her phone. Make sure that this is in fact the case, that her battery's charged (or she has access to a charger), and that once you're out, you're accessible as well. If you're at dinner or a movie, keep your phone in your pocket and on vibrate. Give her a backup number of someone you'll be with, too — just in case.
2. Food and Drink 411: It's better to over-inform than leave out pertinent information when it comes to your little one's nutritional needs. Don't assume anything, and be very thorough in reviewing what your child/children can eat and drink, being sure to highlight any allergies.
3. Where Am I?: Make sure that your address and (if applicable) landline are written down. In the unlikely event of an emergency, it's crucial that your sitter be able to tell the police or fire department where she's located. Also relevant in the more likely case of a pizza delivery.
4. House Tour: If it's your sitter's first time to the house or apartment, have her come a good 30 minutes early so that you can show her around and answer any questions without being in a rush.
5. Baby Bio: Again, if you're using a new sitter, you'll want to spend a few minutes going over your child's age, likes/dislikes, and what he or she can do and can't do. What's obvious to you may not be obvious to her, so be thorough!
6. Just In Case: In case of an emergency, you should be the sitter's first call. But having the numbers of the nearest hospital, your pediatrician, poison control, fire department, and police department handy is a smart move.

Entrusting someone else to care for your child can be unsettling. “I am so nervous about the whole idea,” confides Circle of Moms member Karrington B., who is hiring a babysitter outside of her family for the first time. “I have a long list of questions, but I was wondering what other mommies out there might ask, and if I have forgotten anything.” Relax, say other members: Whether you need time off for date night, help in a pinch, or a regular caregiver, there are many wonderful and reliable sitters out there. Here are five tips for finding one who will be a great fit for your family.

1. Determine Your Needs

Finding the right sitter goes beyond knowing you need help and agreeing on the payment. First consider the days and hours you need coverage. For instance, local college students or an older teenager might be fine for a date night, but you will probably want someone with more childcare experience for day time care while you’re at work, says Kate T. 

Second, think about which activities you want the babysitter to handle. For example, you might expect your sitter to assist with the children’s meals, take them out to play, and help them pick up after themselves. If your activity roster includes the pool or beach, you’ll want to make sure you hire a sitter who knows how to swim. Additionally, if you expect the sitter to drive your children to activities, you should ask to see a valid driver’s license and check into the person’s driving record, says Judy R.

Before you begin interviewing potential babysitters, develop a list of expectations to discuss, so there are no surprises, says Sue A. For example, if you expect the nanny to not be on the computer, cell phone, or socializing with other friends while caring for your child, make sure to go over that. And, Timna S. advises, “If you want your nanny to do anything else that is not child-related, like grocery shopping or the dry cleaning, you should talk about that before you hire them.”

Finally, if you're looking for a full-time nanny, you should also think through and cover how you’ll handle vacation time and sick days.

2. Rely on Referrals

Once you've figured out your requirements, start looking around for candidates. Ask friends and neighbors if they babysit, and if not, find out who they recommend, suggests Rachel B. “Do you have any close friends nearby that could watch your child? Are you involved in church?”

“Our best sitters are the teachers we liked from the kids’ daycare,” shares Robyn E. Even if your baby isn’t at daycare, “see if any of your friends who use daycare can recommend a sitter,” she adds. 

Rachel B. also suggests moms look at professional babysitter referral services such as Care.com and Sittercity.com. 

“They will have a list of competent and fully qualified nannies,” agrees Josslyn C., explaining that although you might have to pay a fee for the service, what you get in exchange is worthwhile, as the service will help narrow your babysitter search by including detailed profiles, background checks, references, and even other parents' reviews of potential sitters.

3. Ask Key Questions

Use your interviews with potential sitters to glean more insight into their childcare styles. Ask questions about the basics — previous babysitting experience, typical activities they would do with your child, discipline philosophy, how they would handle an emergency and references, says Jessica G. 

Then cover questions unique to your situation. For example, you will need to determine whether the sitter will come to your house or you will need to take your child to hers. If you have more than one child, ask if the sitter has experience with siblings. And find out whether he or she is comfortable with pets (if you have one), adds Rebekah S.

Carla A. recommends paying special attention to a potential sitter's body language during an interview. "Are they fidgeting or looking away? Do they look uncomfortable? If you have nothing to hide, you should be able to look someone in the eye,” she points out.

4. Do a Background Check

Once you’ve picked your top candidate, call references and also make sure the person is CPR-certified, notes Sarah D., explaining, “you never know when you are going to need it.”

You may also want to do a criminal background check. To find out how to do one in our state, visit your state's department of justice website or google the words "criminal history background check" for your location.

5. Do a Trial Run

If your babysitting candidate comes highly-recommended,  the next and last step is a trial-run to see how well your child and the sitter interact, says Alexandra B. Another member, Laura H., chimes in with an additional tip: with a new sitter you should always keep an eye out for signs of inexperience or neglect, such as diaper rash or a child who seems extremely hungry or tired when you return home.

And above all else, says Alexandra B., “Trust your instincts and the instincts of your child."

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The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

Like most moms. Circle of Moms member Vicky C. faces constant demands, endless to-do lists, and not enough hours in the day to get it all done. No wonder she says she feels constantly exhausted and "can't catch a breath.”  But instead of chugging a hit of coffee in the afternoon, she slips away from her desk, heads for her car, and drives around the block from her office for a quick 20-minute nap! “I just drive around the corner and sleep in the back seat,” she says.”I found that I come back to work totally refreshed.”

Need a pick-me-up most afternoons? Feel like you’re exhausted and stressed?  Can’t keep your eyes open anymore? A two-hour siesta may not fit into your busy schedule, but that doesn't mean you can't grab a 15-minute power nap like Vicky. Here, Circle of Moms members share five strategies for resting and recharging during daytime hours.

1. Nap at Work — Really

Vicky's not the only mom whose found that the only way she can find time to rest and recharge is to schedule it into her daily planner. Gina K. counts on her commuting time on the train to sneak in a few zzz’s. She sneaks away from work early to “rest a little on the train, and maybe even stop on the way home for a coffee and a quick few pages in my book.”

2. Nap After Work

Jenette T. also schedules a daily snooze into her work-life routine, but she grabs it at home. She keeps her nanny on duty and heads straight from her commute to her bedroom. “I get to work early and leave early so I can take a nap after work nearly every day. Then I can handle my evening family shift. It really helps.”

Amber B. also squeezes in a quick nap between work and family time while her husband is still on childcare duty. “If I’ve had a stressful day, I will take a long hot shower then I just go into my bedroom and close the door. I plug my headphones into my laptop and get lost in music.”

3. Call in a “Nap” Babysitter

When she is super pooped and needs to catch a quick nap, Susan T. hires a babysitter so she can squeeze in a nap. “You have to make break time for yourself,” she insists. “Don’t forget to breathe and take care of you. I remember telling my girls that I needed quiet time, and they could play quietly in their rooms. That worked fairly well. But hiring a sitter or swapping sitting time with another mom also is a good option.”

Circle of Mom member Loreen K. has worked out a plan with her husband, sending him to the park with their son for a quick nap on weekends. “In our household we equally deserve a rest,” she says. “I work all day chasing Cooper around, cleaning and cooking. But Jamie works all day and when he is home he is a very hands-on dad. He will happily cook dinner if I’m too tired (I’m pregnant as well). We also take turns in having sleep-ins, too. And if I need a nap during the day, he will take Cooper to the park or outside to play. I have it pretty good actually and I always offer the same to him when he needs a break.”

4. Nap at the Salon or Manicurist's

Quite a few Circle of Moms say they sneak a few moments of shut-eye when getting their hair or nails done, or even when lying on a tanning bed.  “When I have had a stressful day, I like to go to the tanning salon,” says Nikki R. “Fifteen minutes in the bed gives me some me time to clear my head and think of nothing for those 15 minutes. Now I am ready to go back and tackle what needs to be with a clear mind.”

5. Sleep When Your Child Sleeps

For Becky H. a nap with her child is daily routine: “I usually lie down and relax, although rarely sleep, when Sasha (16 months) has her nap. But 'Sleep when the baby sleeps' is not only good advice for new moms, it's a good practice well beyond your baby's first year. As Jenn H. shares, “To this day, if my four-year-old lays down for a nap, I will make myself lay with her, even if it is only 20 minutes. I feel refreshed after and the break in an otherwise hectic day is nice.”

How do you rest and refresh during the day?

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The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

Bonding with your little one is a wonderful experience for both of you...until the day you discover that she doesn't want anyone else to babysit or care for her. As Circle of Moms member Robin V. shares of her daughter, "she only wants me and her father. When I give her to someone else, she cries and wants me back."

This kind of reaction is perfectly normal for a toddler. Says Krista E.: “The reason why she's crying and wanting you is because she's undergoing a very normal process called ‘separation anxiety.'”

Still, for most moms, it's heart-wrenching to walk out the door and leave a toddler in tears. To make the out-the-door transition easier for both of you, try these seven separation anxiety tips from Circle of Moms members.

1. Prepare Your Child

The best way to get out the door without triggering a stream of tears is to prepare your child in advance and explain that you will be back soon. Lindsay W. a working mom of a toddler son, advises that you "let them know you will be back, and let them calm down on their own. Don't go rushing back, or the screaming will not improve.”

Krista E. agrees. She recommends coaching your child before the actual departure. “Games of peek-a-boo can help your daughter learn that even if you temporarily disappear, you always come back.”

And Mia B. points our that "Separation anxiety may be worse when a child is hungry or tired," and suggests feeding your child and letting him nap before you leave.

2. Introduce a New Sitter Gradually

Several Circle of Moms members recommend helping your toddler get used to a new baby sitter or relative who will be doing the care giving by having them play together a couple times before you leave her alone. Then, when it's time to do the actual transfer, continue to ease them through it. Krista E.  suggests keeping your child in your arms instead of just "immediately plunking her onto someone else's lap," which will reassure her that she's safe and give her a chance to warm up to the new person. "It makes sense when you think about it: we often just hand a baby over to an auntie or cousin or friend. But your kid doesn't know that person. How is she supposed to know that this person is safe? She doesn't, so she freaks out. Be gentle, and encourage her, but don't push too hard. She'll grow out of it.”

3. Only Leave Your Child with Familiar People

Another way to ease the anxiety is to only leave your child with people they know fairly well, such as an aunt or neighbor they see frequently. Rebekah F. explains that while your child may still protest when you leave, his discomfort will evaporate faster: "He might adjust more easily to your absence when surrounded by well-known faces.”

4. Have the Sitter Distract Your Child

Some moms find that distractions calm the storm. Mia B. suggests encouraging the caretaker or sitter to try to engage the child in play right away so that he is less focused on your departure.

5. Create a Fun Goodbye Ritual

Finally, many moms find that creating a goodbye ritual is very helpful. “Rituals are reassuring and can be as simple as a special wave through the window or a goodbye kiss,” says Jocey Y. Another common ritual: have your toddler literally push you out the door. Or try Circle of Moms member Elfrieda's playful approach. Her goodbye ritual includes this game: “My son liked me to swing him up to the new person's face (they say "boo" or "hi" or "peek") and then away again a couple of times, ending up with me swinging him up and into their arms.“

Related Reading: 5 Tips for Easing Your Baby's Separation Anxiety

How do you help your child transition to someone else's care?

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The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

When you're looking for a babysitter, you want to provide a rate that reflects the high quality of care your babysitter provides, but you also don't want to dish out more than necessary. We surveyed Circle of Moms members to learn about current going rates for babysitters, and here’s what we found.

A Benchmark Rate

With reported rates ranging from $5-20 an hour, it's helpful to identify a benchmark. Many moms say you should assume you'll be paying at least $10-12 per hour, but that you should also consider factors that should push that rate higher or lower, including where you live and how many kids you have, among others. Lubna Q. for instance, considered her babysitter’s experience, CPR knowledge, talent for engaging children, and references: “We pay her $10-12/hour. I feel at peace knowing my daughter is well cared for and that in an emergency, my babysitter will be able to transport her to a hospital and/or perform necessary first aid.” Amy S. agrees with that rate: “I pay my 16-year-old babysitter $10 per hour and she is worth every dime.”

What are the Sitter's Responsibilities?

How many children are you asking the babysitter to care for? How old are they? When and how long will you be gone? As Alexa M. suggests, an equitable babysitter rate varies based on the several factors, including the “number of children you have, and duties.” Other factors come into play too, as Joleen Van D. advises: “I think it depends on the age of your children, and whether it is ‘daycare’ or an evening out. If the babysitter has to worry about meals, then you should pay more…I add another $10 if there is supper involved.” 

Regional Differences

Geography also plays a role in setting babysitter rates, which are higher in cities and lower in rural areas. As Yamala R. explains, the $10 rule-of-thumb doesn’t necessarily hold in more rural areas: “It all depends on the area. In the DC area you wouldn't find anyone willing to babysit for less than $10-15 an hour and that includes teenagers. [In] more rural or less populated areas you pay less.” Tamara H. backs up this assertion with her actual experience:  “We live in a small rural town and other moms let me know they all pay $5 to $7 per hour so I should also. I know this is not the norm in more populated areas, though!”

Experience Level

The going rate for a babysitter also depends on whether you’re paying an adult babysitter or a 13-year-old. Erica M. shares: “The high school kids in my area charge $10 an hour (Middle school $8)…An adult babysitter in my area with experience charges $15 an hour. I also know a few friends who babysit in the Boston area for $17-$20 an hour.” Dawn K. sees an even greater variance between rates for teenagers and experienced professionals: “If you’re looking for a teenage babysitter then the normal rate (& what my girls charge) is $5 an hour per kid... If you’re looking [for] childcare/daycare type babysitting, then it just all depends. [For that] I charge $25 a day and some say that is too low and then some say it is too high.”

A Babysitter You Love

If you adore your babysitter, you may want to consider paying her more than the going rate. Erica M. advises: “If you find an amazing babysitter, you should actually pay her a dollar or two over the going rate.”  Why? Not only will she be more likely to accept that last-minute Friday night request, but you'll enjoy the continued peace of mind of having your kids in the care of someone you — and they — trust.

What do you pay your babysitter?

At one point or other, you knew it was going to happen. Your 12-year-old daughter has launched a babysitting career of her own in the neighborhood and now insists: "Mom I'm old enough to stay home alone." (She's referring to the 40-plus hours during which you are at work and she's on summer break.)

The drill starts with the insistence that "I'm too old for a babysitter," and goes something like this: "But mom, all my friend's moms let them stay at home." Or, "Mom: nothing bad is going to happen while you are at work, I'm just going to have (fill in the name/my best friend) over to watch TV."

It's at this moment that your attempt to orchestrate a full summer's schedule for her of babysitters, camps, and swimming lessons via Excel spreadsheet, is totally shot.

I know, I've been down this road three times, enough to learn that my instinct to hire an off-duty Navy SEAL for a stealth drop-in mission, to make sure the kids were okay (i.e. not throwing parties), were right on.

Where is Mrs. Doubtfire?

Summers suck for the working mom, especially when you're leaving tweens and teens back at the ranch with idle time on their hands. While you slog away at work, your kids are popping pizzas in the oven and forgetting they are there, or welcoming friends through the front door and unleashing the dog to roam the neighborhood.

Where is Mrs. Doubtfire when you need her?

The list of potential disasters goes on and on. I know this firsthand because I've experienced just about all of these calls while at work:

"Mom the smoke alarm just went off?"

"Hi Mom, I locked myself out of the front door and Emily (the toddler your older daughter is watching) is taking her nap inside."

"Mom, how do you make macaroni and cheese (with the metal pan) in the microwave?"

And that's just the tween stage, don't even get me started about life with a high school or college-aged teen home alone during the summer. My 18-year-old daughter tells me that the new pastime is "Grill and Chill Parties:" daytime BBQ bashes teens stage while moms are at work. Last summer it was garage beer pong. (Substitute ping pong paddles for shots of Corona.)

So what's a working mom to do? One of my co-workers came up with a clever way to get around the "babysitter" issue: she dubbed the teen-aged babysitter who watched her tween son "his summer concierge," explaining that "He's here to help drive you to baseball practice or else you would have to walk. He's here to serve you."

Luckily for her, her son bought it. I've never been so lucky.

Many Circle of Moms members say they too don't know what to do with tweens while they're at work. Sherri M. says she tried to leave her 12-year-old step-son alone during the day and thought he was going to be safe because "he's taken the first aid courses." She also says, "You know when the dog's away, the cats will play."

Biting the Bullet

As I've learned, and Circle of Moms member like Ana R. point out, "at some point you have to leave them home alone." You just have to bite the bullet. It's one of those "letting go" moments we all despise.

But Ana suggests a trial period: "You might try leaving work to go see what is happening in your home. Surprise visits to see what is going on are a great idea. I randomly sent neighbors or relatives over to my house to make sure my son was not causing trouble."

Hmmm, maybe that back-up team of Navy SEALS is not such a bad idea after all.

Do you leave your tweens home alone?

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The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

If there's one person mommy does not want to tick off, it's her child's caretaker. When disgruntled babysitters complain of working too late or having to clean up the mess the children make, many moms grin and bear it while other moms speak their minds.

Mamas and papas may not be pleased with their current caring situation but they are often soft-spoken on the matter so that the children are not the recipients of the babysitter's frustrations. Working mothers feel they have more to lose as they face the fear of losing their hired help and worry about the predicament of finding a last minute replacement.

How do you deal with a sassy caretaker? Join our A Place to Vent group over in our LilSugar Community and share your stress with fellow moms who understand your plight.