Are You a Maternal Gatekeeper?

May 5, 2009

While most mamas dream of having their hubbies help more around the house and with the kids, USA Today reporter Sharon Jayson says this is easier said than done. The difficulty is due to what she calls "maternal gatekeeping" — mom staying in the role of primary caregiver, which prevents true equality between parents. Do you step back and allow your partner to do what he needs to do or do you encourage him to do what you want him to when it comes to your offspring?

4 Comments

4 years

I'm pretty lucky. I'm the primary and wouldn't have it any other way, but my husband is wonderful about asking how we normally do things and tries to learn it. That way the kids have continuity, but we are both completely capable of managing the tasks. (aside from breastfeeding, though I really wouldn't want him to be able to do that! That's ALL MINE) I'm also lucky because he really enjoys spending time with our older kids while I spend time with the baby. We definately have our own comfort zones. There are even a few things that are solely for Daddy like bath time, bedtime stories and bedtime. He thinks of it as his special time since I'm with them all day. It's nice for me to be able to take the Mommy hat off by then also.

mstrauss 4 years

There is such a fine line between letting my husband do what he wants and "teaching" him the right way to do it (which is most of the time my way). If he really wants to do something his way, I usually just leave the room so I don't have to watch. I know it always turns out okay, but it is hard to watch (like changing poopy diapers-my husband can make such a mess).

Chouette4u 4 years

I usually let my husband do what he wants, but sometimes I intervene if I think he's doing something dangerous.

Danni99 4 years

My husband is our primary caregiver. He connects with the kids and they have a rhythm going that I pour myself into. The benefit is that the kids know both of us are equally capable of kissing booboos, making a school lunch, or reviewing a homework assignment. There's never any issue of "ask your mother, it's up to her" because we both make decisions based on whichever of us is involved in an issue at any given time.

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4 Comments