Are You For or Against Co-Sleeping?

March 17, 2008

When it is time to put baby to sleep, some parents believe in the family bed and others insist their infant settle themselves into a sound slumber.

Many nursing moms find it hard to get any shut eye if they don't allow their newborn to nestle up near them, while couples concerned with a good night's rest or private time opt out.

Where does your lil one lay his or her head to hit the hay?
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62 Comments

3 years 4 weeks

my brother is 10 and still finds himself in my moms bed in the middle of the night. say what you want she has tried everything possible and he keeps coming back. this all started with co-sleeping at a young age so grow out of it some dont and it is not there fault this is what parents are teaching

3 years 4 weeks

I use to be for co sleeping, but it changed. one night my son wormed around till he was in the middle of the bed which means the blankets were over his head when i woke up. i thought he was not breathing and my world stoped for a moment. he was ok but i said in ur own bed from now on. i rather have my son my my side for life then at night

3 years 32 weeks

When I met my husband both he and his ex co slept with their eight year old son and nine year old daughter. Once their dad moved me into his house it was quite awkward for everyone. They ended up sleeping in their own room but together in the same bed and stil do-going on eleven and twelve years old. Whenever they can-if I fall asleep early or they go camping without me or even if I'm just not present when tucking then in- they ask him to sleep with them and most often he complies. I feel very uncomfortable about this. His daughter is wearing mascara and "dating" boys(still in a very innocent way) and she asks him not to leave in the middle of the night when he awakes to go to bed with me. Not only that, they are not capable of sleeping at the very least without each other. The boy(age 10)HAS to sleep with his sister even if she has a sleep over he needs to sleep with both her and her friend. If we insist he sleeps in his own bunk-remember in the same room- he crawls into bed with the girls as soon as we go to bed. These kids will be hitting puberty any minute I would think and then what? Their mom also has a new boyfriend and baby so I know the situation is similar at her home. Oh, and by the way-we have a TINY house and our bedrooms are barely separtated by one thin wall, yet they still say they are afraid to be alone which sometimes I doubt given especially the daughter's VERY grown up behavior and attitude... Any comments would be appreciated...

bluesuze 5 years 6 weeks

My husband and I were strongly against co-sleeping. My sons slept in a bassinet on the side of our bed for the first 3 months, then they went to the crib in their room. Their rooms are right next to ours, and we have a monitor, so we can hear if they wake up. We are around the kids all day, the only time we get any alone time is in our bed, and so we want to keep it that way. Also we are just too paranoid about rolling on top of them, so I don't think we would sleep very well.

sunshowers83 5 years 8 weeks

I'm not a mom, so I'm sure I'm going to get roasted for pointing this out, but... I'm sure all the parents of babies who got smothered or crushed also thought co-sleeping was a great idea - until they woke up to realize that their child was dead. Bet they never tried that again. Does it have to come to that for a parent to realize that it's not safe? And the whole "I know best for my family" argument is terribly weak, don't you think? Britney probably thought she was a fantastic mother too, until she lost custody.

amber_castaldo 5 years 9 weeks

We totally co sleep. My son did it with us for a while before we put him in his crib and when he wakes up at 5:30 am we bring him into bed with us until we are ready to wake up.

brainstewerz 5 years 9 weeks

Everyone is saying how they know of husbands who moved to the livingroom or something so that they wouldnt hurt the baby when mom co sleeps with the baby, and that's disruptive to the marriage. well, no kidding. but I suggest that moms who want (or need!) to co sleep should get two beds in the bedroom - one for mom and one for dad. this way there is no disruption of family life, and dad doesnt have to worry about hurting the baby. and when mom and dad need their 'private time,' baby goes into a bassinet or cradle or crib to sleep for that time. I am of the opinion that as long as it's an infant, up until around one year old, co sleeping with mom does not interrupt mom and dad's relationship. and for sure when a baby starts talking, then you know it's time for the crib.

SnickersBar 5 years 9 weeks

I had no intention of co-sleeping, but once I got him home, I was so paranoid of SIDS, I felt like I had to have him right next to me so I could feel him breathe. He is now almost 6 months old and I sleep with him in another room because the baby, me and my husband weren't all comfortable together. I know this is not healthy for a marriage, but now I feel guilty for trying to put him in a crib as he loves to snuggle with me! Also, now I worry about him smothering in his crib. I read everywhere that you shouldn't have bumper pads, but he scoots in his crib, and would bang his head without them. He will nap in his crib, but he always rolls onto his belly and smashes his face into the mattress. Any advice on quelling my fears would be much appreciated. Also, please, please no harsh words or judgement as I just want to do what is best for my baby and everyone does that in their own way. I have followed all the rule for safe co-sleeping.

mcpro26 5 years 9 weeks

I am for it to a certain point. I believe in those 'beds' that lay between the two parents and so it is hard to roll over on the child but I think there comes a point where it is to much. I have a friend who has a son who is in middle school and still sleeps in their room on the floor while their four year old still sleeps with them in the bed. I think that those children are going to grow up having issues when it is time for them to be on their own.

bajeckabean 5 years 9 weeks

Our babe is nearly 4 months old and she's slept in her crib since day one. However, since we're in a small apartment, that crib lives in our bedroom. She doesn't share our bed though. I'm super paranoid and a crazy sleeper so it scares me to think about having her in bed with us. I have nightmares even though she's not in bed with us and end up pulling all the pillow cases off the pillows, thinking (for some odd reason), that's she's inside and being suffocated. So weird.

luckyme 5 years 9 weeks

Novaraen, I am sorry for you friend but I'm also a bit taken aback by your comments. I'm glad you found something that worked well for you and your family, but it is ignorant and offensive to ridicule those that choose a different path. Again, our daughter slept with us until she was 5 months old. The transition was not nearly as difficult as I envisioned it. I would not describe it as "extremely hard." She now sleeps soundly in her crib all night long. Please do not judge those that do things differently than you. It is fair that you have strong feelings on this subject, but to call us that chose to co-sleep "selfish" is unfair.

mother 5 years 9 weeks

I have twins who are just over a year old and even though I did breast feed I kept them in cribs from day one. From my experience, they slept (and still sleep better) and also sleep on the same schedule, which is very helpful to me. Different nap schedules are a nightmare with twins, it's like having one child who never naps! I also try to keep them out of their room when they play and I think this reinforces the idea that their bedroom is meant for sleeping, which also encourages a more restful sleep. In fact, we did try on occasion to bring the kids to our bed if we felt one would wake the other, but they didn't like it at all. We found it was better off to comfort them and return them to their crib, as they eventually fell back to sleep. They are so used to sharing a room and to noise that they don't disturb each other. I will say that people I know who co-sleep have had a tougher time getting their kids on a nap schedule and to sleep through the night. Having said that, this is only my personal experience, and I think every baby and family is different and you have to go with what works best for everyone, there's really no right or wrong.

meandtheo 5 years 9 weeks

My daughter slept in her crib from day one and I am still exclusively breastfeeding her. She associates her crib with sleep now and it has been a blessing. She just sleeps better there and so do I, knowing I am not going to roll over onto her or she will get tangled in our bed covers. I don't know if it made any difference but she has also been sleeping through the night since about two months and I can just lay her in her crib when it is time to nap and she will go to sleep.

stina829 5 years 9 weeks

Novaren, I appreciate your comments and do feel like everyone has a right to their own opinion. However, I would appreciate you not calling me selfish for having my son in the bed with me. It's a personal choice that everyone has the right to decide on their own. Thanks. By the way - Here's an article that I found interesting that maybe others would like to read. http://kathydettwyler.org/detsleepthrough.html

Novaraen 5 years 9 weeks

I feel very strongly about this that babies should NEVER sleep in your bed with you. We have a close family friend who had a serious scare with their 2 month old baby recently when they had him sleeping with them. They woke up and he wasnt breathing and couldnt wake him. He ended up being rushed to the hospital and was luckily saved. It is VERY dangerous to have your baby sleep with you!!! VERY! I had twins and one came home before the other from the hospital so we had him in our room in his bassinet. Never with us in bed. Once his brother came home too, they slept in the nursery where there are supposed to sleep. If i needed to be close to them, i would grab a soft blanket and sleep on the floor in their room. I am so adamant that you should never have your baby sleep with you...even if they dont get harmed from it, they will become so accustomed to it that it will be extremely hard to get them to sleep in their own room when the time comes. Its just all around not a good idea and i feel its just parents being selfish because they dont want to get up out of bed to feed their babies.

gab6784 5 years 9 weeks

I used to be against it but once I had my daughter that idea flew out the window. She sleeps with us in the bed, we are in a semi transitioning phase though, letting her fall asleep in the bed then moving her to the crib (still in the same room). Like most other people have said...whatever works for your family.

anniekim 5 years 9 weeks

I think whatever works on a case by case basis. If you do decide to co-sleep, though, be prepared for it to take years to move the kids into their own room(s). As for the sex thing--definitely not with he child sleeping alongside. That freaks me out. But, there are plenty of places to have sex in most houses other than the family bed. It doesn't even take that much imagination and a speedy return to the family bed is not necessary. Safety factors in terms of dangerous blankets, pillows etc. are just as important to implement in a child's own bed as they are in a family bed.

luckyme 5 years 9 weeks

I think it can work well, but there does have to be a limit. When ours hit the 5 month mark and she started turning horizontal and taking up a ton of room, it wasn't working anymore. Lucky for us, the transition to her crib was pretty easy. I think it just takes persistence and there are definitely some long nights involved. But now she sleeps through the night in her own room. It's great! However, I know of two couples that have taken the co-sleeping thing to an extreme. One couple, their baby is 11 months old and the husband sleeps on an air mattress next to their bed. You know that has to cause a riff within the marriage. There is no way I could ask my husband to do that. The other couple has a 3 year old and a 9 month old, the 3 year old sleeps in bed with mommy and the 9 month old sleeps in his swing in the living room while daddy sleeps on the couch. Mom and Dad switch off through the night when Mom needs to nurse. Yikes. No thanks. My mom gave me a great piece of advice when our daughter was born, "she is coming into YOUR house, you're not bringing her home to HER house." Anyway, I think it depends on the kid and the situation. But I do believe there is a point that co-sleeping should stop.

mizzzzz5150 5 years 9 weeks

For IT, I think it's good idea when nursing because your so tired and you need your own rest to be able to be on your toes w/ the little one. Although I think you should transition your baby to sleeping on their own later on.

CaterpillarGirl 5 years 9 weeks

totally against it, one of my friends did this and her hubby couldnt sleep for fear of turning over onto the baby and smothering it, so he slept on the couch. 5 years later he is still on the couch.....seriously. child calls thier room her room, and the living room "daddys room"

techkim 5 years 9 weeks

I was already to but him in his crib but man it did come down to sleep and I needed it.

stina829 5 years 9 weeks

I USED to be against it. Totally against it - my best friends daughter is still having a problem sleeping on her own and she's 10 years old. However............. I brought my son home from the hospital and realized I was a single mom with no help at all from his father and I am more comfortable and my son is more comfortable co-sleeping. When he started sleeping through the night, I attempted for about 2 weeks to put him in his crib - and he proceeded to start waking up every hour thru the night. Then I put him back in the bed with me and he slept through the night again. He's only 4 1/2 months old. I don't see anything wrong with him in the bed with me, although he's starting to want more room to himself so we may start trying the crib again soon. Every family is different, so whatever fits best for your family works! (And I agree with HipMom's statement - as long as it doesn't involve CIO, I can't bear that!) :)

tarariggan 5 years 9 weeks

I was for co sleeping until my oldest was born. She was the noisest sleeper you will ever meet. I tried putting her in a bassinet in our room for a about 2 weeks. Once she was in her own room we all slept better. Which made for a much better mommy and daddy in the morning. Do what works for your family. Stop letting other people tell you how to raise your children, they are only experts on their own. You are the expert on your family.

HipMom 5 years 9 weeks

For, as long as it doesn't involve parents having sex with the baby sleeping in the same bed. In general, I'm for whatever works for the family, as long as it doesn't involve CIO.

HipMom 5 years 9 weeks

For, as long as it doesn't involve parents having sex with the baby sleeping in the same bed.In general, I'm for whatever works for the family, as long as it doesn't involve CIO.

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