Would You Stay Together For Your Children's Sake?

June 27, 2008

Tinseltown, like many other cities in America, has seen its share of breakups. From Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe's finalized divorce to rumors swirling about the state of Madonna and Guy Ritchie's marriage, you wish them all the best as children are involved. And, the breakup of families is, well, heartbreaking. But, some couples don't call it quits until after their offspring are out of the house.

Would you consider staying with your spouse for the well-being of your wee ones?
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29 Comments

3 years 12 weeks

I am so thankful for all your comments. I finally got the balls to divorce my husband. I have three girls and one is 8 months and truly never got any respect. He called me nasty names infront of my girls and our fights get really ugly. I feel like I am going to break our family apart, but I am just miserable and I can't live like this anymore. I have to go back to work and rely on a nanny, but I need to do this for my sanity!

vmruby 4 years 46 weeks

No never.I can't think of a more miserable existance for the children involved. It does more harm than good and no one benefits from it.....

rgrl 4 years 46 weeks

I don't know, I hope I never have to find out. I would definitely consider staying with my spouse for the kids sake. But that would actually mean trying to make things work and try to be happy with each other, not be miserable. Of course, it's not always that easy.

Brendelwoman 4 years 46 weeks

I agree with the comments made here: we shouldn't stay with abusers whether that be emotional abuse, including the habitual cheater, or physical. But if two people are leaving simply to find a spark with someone else, then that is not fair to the kids. Marriage is not all about passion and sparks, unless you work at it. Another thing I would seriously consider is the ramifications for my children once my ex has found a new girlfriend/wife. What if she has children or other people in her family that are child abusers/child rapists? I know that is the worst case scenario but it is something I had never considered until a friend experienced it. Bringing in stepfathers and stepmothers may be bringing in a world of abuse children would never otherwise have been exposed to.

Brendelwoman 4 years 46 weeks

kia 4 years 46 weeks

I agree with all of you. My parents stayed together for my sake and they made a miserable household. I ended up moving out before I finished high school, they separated shortly after that and I was relieved.

anniekim 4 years 46 weeks

I agree with all of you here. Even a good marriage requires work but a dysfunctional and miserable marriage creates a dysfunctional and miserable family. pinkprincess--good for you! Abusive relationships are like quicksand. Congratulations to you for escaping. That is the best gift you could give your children.

anniekim 4 years 46 weeks

radmama27 4 years 46 weeks

Children need happy parents. And if that means happy separate parents, then so be it.

pinkprincess1101 4 years 46 weeks

Thank you twistandshout best mistake of my life I have my beautiful children and wonderful fiance

TwistandShout 4 years 46 weeks

Also, way to go Pink! No one deserves that crap, and so many women put up with it anyway. It takes real strength to do something like that, to leave ANYONE. I'm basically in the process of "divorcing" my mom right now, so I at least understand how hard it is to speak up when you have that much history with someone. By the way, having two parents is never worth having one that hurts the other or is just a piece of crap human being. Stay strong :]

TwistandShout 4 years 46 weeks

Okay, now listen to me. I am a product of one of those "broken" families, and I'll tell you right now that there would be a lot more broken if my parents hadn't separated. There was a lot of pain and a lot of issues that stayed unresolved on my mother's part, and because of her loud negative self-image, it's taken a toll on both of her children and she's been an inadequate caregiver for me and my sister. I lived in a loveless home until my parents divorced, and after that (I was so young for all of this, I'm just now putting pieces together as I'm told the story) my dad was bitter and angry, and so was my mom. The difference? My mom is always bitter and angry now and my dad has dealt with his issues accordingly. In the long run, you will be doing absolutely nothing but hurting your child if there is no love left in the marriage, and no matter how much you both love your kids, nothing, absolutely NOTHING will replace the feelings that a child has when he or she knows that their parents love each other. Sorry, I'm a little long-winded :]

MartiniLush 4 years 46 weeks

Yahoo, Pink! I am so glad that you got out of that hell of a relationship. I agree, if there is any type of abuse going on, EVERYONE is better off out of that situation. My husband and I have gone through some rough times - family issues, "losing that spark", etc., but he is such an awesome father to our son, I will do everything I can to make it work. Things are getting better, for sure! :-)

snowysakurasky 4 years 46 weeks

well i guess if the guy is abusive then no. cheating might also be a reason you can't work it out.

redheadkimie 4 years 46 weeks

I think it depends. IF you can make it work and stay together thats great, but if its totally horrible and theres yelling and fighting than no.

faerymagick15 4 years 46 weeks

I think I would try everything I could, but if there is no love left, and sometimes people fall out of love, then there is no reason to be together. You can be successful and loving parents and not be together. Being miserable in a marriage does nothing for a healthy child or family.

Martini Rossi 4 years 46 weeks

NO. Kids arent stupid. They know when mommy and daddy dont get along and they HATE it! It makes them miserable and sometimes forced to choose side. (Im speaking from experience). Children need loving, caring, happy parents and that come from a divorced households.

Kristinh1012 4 years 46 weeks

Yes Pink contrats I'm sure it took a lot of courage to walk away even with abuse. I had an aunt that stuck around and was physically abused very badly and it took YEARS for her to get the courage to walk away. But it was the best thing she ever did. I'm sure your kids are much happier and proud of you also.

Leene 4 years 46 weeks

I think it is horrible if you stay together just for the kids. Your kids don't learn healthy view on marriage nor self-respect. Marriage is not only about parenting and and you can be great parent (even better in many cases) if you get out of unhappy marriage.

pinkprincess1101 4 years 46 weeks

thank you mini_pixie, im so glad i left my ex i met the most wonderful man who is now my fiance that loves me and my kids especially my son who has cerebral palsy, now this is a relationship that i will fight for until i cannot fight anymore but the difference is he would never do anything to hurt me or my kids, he has no biological kids or ex wives, and his family is so great with me and my kids

RobinFabulous 4 years 46 weeks

My children were much happier with me as a single mother than an upset cheated on wife :-) I got full custoday and their absentee father sees them maybe once a year

mini_pixie 4 years 46 weeks

and by the way, Pink, GOOD FOR YOU! I'm so glad you were able to find the strength to make the right decision for yourself & your children. I'm so sorry you ever had to experience that, but it sounds like you are in a better place now, and I'm happy for you :)

mini_pixie 4 years 46 weeks

I absolutely agree with you guys. I mean, a lot of people think that once the "spark" is gone, then their marriage is over and to me that's not enough effort put into building the relationship of the parents. But when there is true agony, when either or both parents are patently miserable or there is abuse, there is absolutely a reason to stand up and say "that's IT" and like Kristin said a breakup is pretty much for the kids at that point. My parents had a really rough relationship when I was growing up, and there were times I thought they should split. But they were never trying to work it out for us (me & my sis), they were doing it for themselves because they really love each other. Now that I'm an adult I can see that very clearly.

pinkprincess1101 4 years 46 weeks

kristin im not really sure my kids witnessed any of the abuse but dont know for sure, they have never mentioned it in almost 4 years since i left him, as crazy as this may sound i would tell my ex if he was going to beat me wait till the kids are asleep and guess what the SOB waited too, but that is why i left because i told myself i will be damned if my daughters ever think it was ok for a man to put their hands on them, and i will be damned if my son ever thinks its okay to put his hands on a woman

Kristinh1012 4 years 46 weeks

Yes I definitely agree with pink. I do think as long as you both love one another and there is a chance of working things out then yes try as hard as you can to stay together. Relationships aren't always going to see good times. But if you don't get along at all or you just don't love each other enough to put forth the effort to really try, then you should split. If anything more FOR the kids. I feel sorry the most for children that have to be victims/witnesses of abusive relationships because the mother/father won't leave thinking they are staying for the kid(s). Unbelieveable that someone can actully think that's healthy for a child.

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