Would You Let Your Son Wear a Dress?

by 71

Parents want their children to be happy, but what if wearing a dress is the thing that made your son's day?

Sarah Hoffman wrote about her conflicting maternal instincts to encourage her 4-year-old son, Sam's self-expression and protect him from ridicule.

Her poignant article, The Pink Dress is in this month's Cookie Magazine. She wrote:

I'd wanted to think that this was just a phase for Sam, but I was beginning to understand that it was not. My son wanted to wear a dress—for real, not for dress-up. He wanted to show the other children in his life, in preschool—the place where he expresses himself publicly—his true self. The pink-sundress-wearing self. And I was going to have to figure out what to do.

Source

PollParentingGender RolesLil ApparelCross Dressing

71 Comments

sfoerin sfoerin
The idea that gender roles are linked to anatomical sex and/or sexual orientation is as obsolete as the idea of an earth centered universe with all the other celestial bodies orbitting around it. Some of the most intelligent, courageous, compassionate and creative people I know are those who have dared to express gender traits not normally associated with their biological sex. Many of these kids probably have stronger senses of self than their gender conforming peers. Perhaps it's not the kids so much, as society that needs to stop kicking and screaming.
Nicole1963 Nicole1963
As I read through a vast amount of the comments I find my mend a bit perplexed at the hypocrisy that seems to be accepted as the status quo in society. If girls are on the receiving end the world get in an uproar but if the discrimination and hypocrisy is directed toward a male it is readily accepted by a large section of society as so called (truth, natural, etc, etc. etc) If a girl wants to wear levis boots and a tank top and baseball hat we have no problems at all with her doing so. If she decides she wants to wear boxers rather than panties nothing is said and many think it is kind of cute in their own way. However, if a boy asks or even shows interest in wearing a dress or something that may be described by parts of society as feminine we immediately get up in arms and declare it as unnatural and psychologically damaging to the child. This is just plain unsubstantiated rhetoric and stereotypical rubbish. Most of the ideology behind the hypocrisy stems from the subconsciously accepted belief of many individuals that masculinity is a higher state of respect and ability then femininity. Thus it is basically acceptable for girls to appear boyish or even a bit masculine as society in many ways instills the belief and understanding that by doing and acting so she is excelling and striving to achieve a higher sense of power. Likewise if a boy shows some softer traits and prefers more feminine clothing and appearance we quickly deem them gay, disturbed, perverts, mixed up, ect, ect, ect. Without consciously understanding why they are doing so society carries out a type of persecution against these males. We immediately question their manhood or sanity. Much of this rubbish stems from the idea that by desiring to act or dress in clothing that has been deemed by modern society as girls clothing(feminent) they are in essence stepping down to a lower less powerful existence in society. Thus there must be something wrong with them because everyone knows it is desirable to advance and climb but undesirable to retreat to lower levels. It took some years for woman to be accepted in society wearing pants. But in time it did become main stream because of the advancing status notion of society where woman were advancing in equality and controlling more of their destiny. Yet it is funny to see individuals get all up in arms when a male child desires to wear softer styled clothing and textiles. Society screams how dare he wear a dress. Yet when we look in earlier history men did not wear trousers but rather they wore clothing that resembled what in modern times one might call a dress. GO FIGGURE.
Nicole1963 Nicole1963
As I read through a vast amount of the comments I find my mend a bit perplexed at the hypocrisy that seems to be accepted as the status quo in society. If girls are on the receiving end the world get in an uproar but if the discrimination and hypocrisy is directed toward a male it is readily accepted by a large section of society as so called (truth, natural, etc, etc. etc) If a girl wants to wear levis boots and a tank top and baseball hat we have no problems at all with her doing so. If she decides she wants to wear boxers rather than panties nothing is said and many think it is kind of cute in their own way. However, if a boy asks or even shows interest in wearing a dress or something that may be described by parts of society as feminine we immediately get up in arms and declare it as unnatural and psychologically damaging to the child. This is just plain unsubstantiated rhetoric and stereotypical rubbish. Most of the ideology behind the hypocrisy stems from the subconsciously accepted belief of many individuals that masculinity is a higher state of respect and ability then femininity. Thus it is basically acceptable for girls to appear boyish or even a bit masculine as society in many ways instills the belief and understanding that by doing and acting so she is excelling and striving to achieve a higher sense of power. Likewise if a boy shows some softer traits and prefers more feminine clothing and appearance we quickly deem them gay, disturbed, perverts, mixed up, ect, ect, ect. Without consciously understanding why they are doing so society carries out a type of persecution against these males. We immediately question their manhood or sanity. Much of this rubbish stems from the idea that by desiring to act or dress in clothing that has been deemed by modern society as girls clothing(feminent) they are in essence stepping down to a lower less powerful existence in society. Thus there must be something wrong with them because everyone knows it is desirable to advance and climb but undesirable to retreat to lower levels. It took some years for woman to be accepted in society wearing pants. But in time it did become main stream because of the advancing status notion of society where woman were advancing in equality and controlling more of their destiny. Yet it is funny to see individuals get all up in arms when a male child desires to wear softer styled clothing and textiles. Society screams how dare he wear a dress. Yet when we look in earlier history men did not wear trousers but rather they wore clothing that resembled what in modern times one might call a dress. GO FIGGURE.
Absolutley!! My 3-year old wears a dress everyday. He hasn't worn them out in public yet, only because it has been winter/snowy since he has started wearing dresses. I've already told him once it is spring he can wear them when we go out. What's the big deal? It's a dress for goodness sakes!! It hurts no one, and it allows him to express himself and makes him happy. If someone else can't accept it or doesn't like it, then I suppose that is a problem they need to deal with themselves and has nothing to do with my son.
I think if more parents would mildly spank there mis behaving children it would nip these fetishes in the butt.
Hi, ive been hereing all the veiws of parents but how about one from a teenager? I read this articile, and i was sorta sad to her about how many parents disagree with this. Im 14, i started dressing as a girl in secret when i was 12. I was just exploring. each time i learned something new, it became more fun for me. Im straight. And my mom cuaght me one night, she sat me down, we talk, and after, she took me to by me some of my own clothes. A few days later she took me to the doctor to see if thats ok that i do this. He said its perectly normal for a boy to want to do this at one point in his life so he said go for it. I now go to school as a girl, and the only people that know are my family, my girlfreind, and my cousin. I still have to follow rules, i get in trouble, i get my fone or something else takin away. The only thing i ever regret is losing all my freinds when i switched from Blake to Brittney. Yea i still hang with them in school, but they look at me different. They see a girl not a guy. Ive been happy with it for 2 years now. I still even listen to metal and screamo. I hate that pop stuff. So do your son a favor, and let him do one thing he wants.
There's one thing I like to stress to all of you. People who think that guys wear dresses are gay, your completely wrong. 90% of the transvestites are straight. Know one say nothing to girls when they wear jeans, and a boys top. That does not mean there gay. But when a boy or a man wears a skirt or dress, now everyone is calling him gay. I wear skirts and dresses and I'm not gay. They do not know what cause it, but they do know that we mare born with it. To the woman with 4 year, this does not mean he was born with it, but like most kids they like to explore. He will probably grow out of it.
Yes boys should be allowed to wear dresses, but skirts are better designed for the male frame. Skirts hang better on males then females, while with dresses the opposite is true. I have worn both and I'm a male. Males in America are taught (unfortunately) to suppress their feminine side (boys don't cry), even though half of their DNA is female. I'm not saying all boys should wear girls clothing, but should have the opporunity just as girls get to wear boys jeans and boxer shorts. To those of you who oppose this you should recall that prior to W.W.II, "GOOD GIRLS" wouldn't be caught dead wearing pants as that was considered crossdressing, and women who did were considered to be lesbians. Which you know was not the truth. America needs to come out of its victorian age, clothing should not be divided in the stores as mens/ womens or boys/girls, but as adult and children.
I do let my five year old son wear dresses. He's never shown interest in wearing one to school or to the store, but I would let him if he wanted to. I also let my daughter wear pants (oh, the horrors! But seriously, there was a time when there was something wrong with a girl who wore pants, and with parents who would let their girl wear pants). My grandmother has pictures of my dad wearing dresses *in public* in the 1950's (he started wearing dresses when he was 5, and stopped at 12). He turned out well, with a "manly" engineering degree, a large house with a pool in the suburbs, and a happy/healthy family. My dad no longer wears dresses, though. I'm not sure if it's because he outgrew a phase, or if it's because it's hard to find one that flatters his figure. I'll have to ask him about that some time.
I think your all wrong. When I was 6 my family sustained a housefire, we stayed at a friend of my mothers who had 3 girls one of them my age. I was forced to wear girls panties and a dress because it was all they had. After that I loved wearing dresses and panties, they are so much softer and prettier. How ever, I didn't grow up to be gay. I'm married with 2 children, and my wife and children, love me just the way I am. So the obvious answer here is this: Even in the eyes of God, wearing a dress if your a boy doesn't make you gay or not gay, it makes you dressed pretty. That's it. To be mean to your own child and tell them they can't wear a dress is rediculous. Any parent who tells their child they can't wear something because it was mean for a girl or meant for a boy should be shot. And if your a woman and you belive this, quit wearing pants and jeans! They are for boys! A person's choice of dress doesn't determine the sexuality, or have anything to do with it. END OF STORY PS I feel bad for all those children with $#$hole parents who think just because a boy wears a dress he's gay. I guess all the girls who wear pants are lesbian then. And to you parents who do think this way, I think you should all have your children taken from you. @#$% you parents who do that do your children!
i rad comment probably all the people who have said no a probably mostly religious and people who say let the son express them self may not be religious like me i have nothing wrong with people wearing different cloths let them express them self yes that person could get bullied in school for doing it well im saying i have done it and i can't stop it im only 17 and eventually told my mum i can't help it i done it since i was 9 and hide it from my family and loved it .i got all these emotions that i want to do it but i can't because im too scared what people think of me and if i did it at college that wouldn't be a good thing . im not gay im actually strait cause you mean you do it then your gay which most people think . but sometime when i did it i think to "myself why am i doing this" i thought this wasn't right but a few weeks later i do it again so i can't stop and this got me very depress i was sad mostly all the time cause i can't express myself and hide it from people then i came out \and told my girl mates at college where they see nothing wrong with it and accept me who i am. i am who i am no one can change me i still shave and all the stuff boys do (DUH) i got hairy legs which i want to shave them (which isn't right) i would only do it full time when i leave house then i can be myself
bjaxt bjaxt
My 3 Year old boy dances ballet he is in love with hannah montana and wears his sisters clothing including skirts fancy shirts and yes even dresses we have tried many times to get him to stop this but nothing we say or do will stop him from doing it after a while I decided that enough was enough why change who he is why try to make him different he wants to dress up in girls clothes and listen to "girly music" and dance and sing why stop him I was made fun of in school for being over weight and for not wearing tight clothing like all the other girls did then i lost weight and started dressing more like a girl and i ended up very popular but to me i felt like I was still that girl why? because i lost weight and dressed better just to make people like me why please anyone else yes i like most mothers dont want my son to be gay but he is 3 years old he is expressing himself and being who he wants to be not who everyone wants him to be its not fair to make his decisions for him my job is to keep him safe and teach him to be a good person whoever that person my end up being he is my son i will love him no matter what who am i to force him to be a person that he is not i can try my hardest to steer him in the right direction but the reality is he will go wherever his heart takes him and i will be by his side the whole way so to answer the question yes i think that you should encourage your child at no matter what age to do what makes them happy and live life to the fullest and be who he is not who everyone wants him to be isnt that called peer pressure?
This is very interesting. The problem is that society has "rules", right or wrong. I applaud the mom for not accepting the rules and if a boy wants to wear a dress he should be able to, but I can't help but think he would be teased. I have a nephew that frequently wears his sister's clothes. My sister is fine with that and it is really the mom's job to handle it.
I think that if we have gotten to the stage that girls are allowed to do everything that was once exclusively reserved for boys, that we should begin to be open to the idea of boys being allowed to participate in activities once thought to be be exclusive province of girls. If we want to call that feminine behaviour, so be it. Girls today do everything they want, whether considered feminine or masculine. Boys are only allowed to be masculine? Why is femininity so devalued?
I def. would not! If I start to see a feminine change in my son’s behavior I would do everything possible to give him more positive male influence. I believe it’s a mental illness and its surroundings and influences affect the developing character of a child. So let’s say I notice that my son spends a lot of time with my wife and she’s the dominant parent; if this is so I would force my male character and perform more masculine activities and work with my wife so that I spend more time with him then herself. But all this would be done gradually because doing it to fast might impact his character in a negative way. Another thing is to monitor his daily activities without letting him notice. Allot allot allot of today’s cartoons have characters with confusing sexualities. I believe its ok for a normal child to watch them because they will have a secure sense of sexuality but a child who has sings of sexually confusion should not watch cartoons with confusing sexualities or be around people who could influence a homosexual character on them. I think we should protect their characters at least until the age of (7) seven, after that it’s all down hill. A good example of a mix sexuality cartoon is wow wow wubbzy on noggin where the character with a typically male job is a said female but the only thing female about the character is the stereotyped color used (Pink) and the main character wow wow... is a male but has a female voice and seems a little feminine. A good cartoon for children is Little Bill on noggin helps kids build a good character if a cartoon can really influence it, which I think it does because they spend so much time with it and they also pay so much attention to it. What I’m expressing might be confusing. I’m rushing because I’m at work. Write to me for any clarifications. It’s up to the parents the help their children build up a good moral character at least until the age of 7 after that it all down hill. YOU’RE THE BIGGEST INFLUENCE IN YOUR CHILDRENS LIFE EVEN IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE IT SO DO THEM A FAVOR AND SHOW THEM HOW TO LIVE!
I would allow and encourage my son to wear dresses and panties if he wanted to. I would even be a nice dad and take him to the nearest store and let him pick out the stuff he would like to wear.
kiki2007 kiki2007
We have a kid at our school who wears dresses. He is three and his mother just finds that she has to 'pick her battles'. While I admire that she wants to give her 3-year old some freedom and 'not supress' him, I find that it affects the other kids around him adversely. They ask me if he is a boy or a girl and he gets upset when he is confronted by a child or an adult about his dresses. They don't want to play with him because they are confused by him, which, in turn, affects him negatively. At this age, gender roles are really established and wearing a fluffy, flowery dress does not help his sexual identity, even if it makes him feel more independant and free to choose what he wants to wear. I encourage him to dress more like a boy, reacting positively even to a pink boyish shirt. I have no issues with 'female' colors, or even if he wore a kilt (because men wear kilts) but flowery female prints should not be worn by boys in school. Leave those at home and stop buying them specifically for him.
pifrond pifrond
Hi to allI fell upset when I read the most commens on this post about most people that are gainst the fact that a boy can wear dresse skirt or whatever they like . Sorry for my english I'm French .But I like to says to all those who are against : go to buy a brain in the supermarket if it was possible !!! Girls can wear what they wants pant skirt and boys don't so be logical a little and how do you want a society will change in a postive way and learn from each other if they all stays in their own certainty ? humm tell me !!!After that woman complain about the fact that man are not these or that not enough sensible an does not pay attention to their need ,Now you have a chance to change things so think about it for a minute !!! Let people try what they want to be end do .Woman complain also I notice that boys like girl only for their appearance or their look and not the fact thay can be clever it's quiet normal if you think just a second most mother don't let boy to learn girly thing and it's like because they want to mark boundaries on what is male and what is female .Of course kids need boundaries but I note that it's most uncomfortable for the adult because they are mostly formatted .Also most parents repeat the same pattern of what they have learned instead of thinking ;They worked like a RankXerox photocopy machine and that' why things change very slowly on many important thing about human behaviour .
pifrond pifrond
Hi to all I fell upset when I read the most commens on this post about most people that are gainst the fact that a boy can wear dresse skirt or whatever they like . Sorry for my english I'm French . But I like to says to all those who are against : go to buy a brain in the supermarket if it was possible !!! Girls can wear what they wants pant skirt and boys don't so be logical a little and how do you want a society will change in a postive way and learn from each other if they all stays in their own certainty ? humm tell me !!! After that woman complain about the fact that man are not these or that not enough sensible an does not pay attention to their need ,Now you have a chance to change things so think about it for a minute !!! Let people try what they want to be end do . Woman complain also I notice that boys like girl only for their appearance or their look and not the fact thay can be clever it's quiet normal if you think just a second most mother don't let boy to learn girly thing and it's like because they want to mark boundaries on what is male and what is female . Of course kids need boundaries but I note that it's most uncomfortable for the adult because they are mostly formatted .Also most parents repeat the same pattern of what they have learned instead of thinking ; They worked like a RankXerox photocopy machine and that' why things change very slowly on many important thing about human behaviour .
faithlove faithlove
I met this guy who is fit and is built lean with muscle and got to know him as a friend. He is not gay and told me that he loves to wear womens panties, he dresses like a normal guy but wears these super silky full cut nylon panties and silky panties with them he said the feel is wonderful. He said he just loves women and every thing about them.
faithlove faithlove
just
faithlove faithlove
just
Rosa D Rosa D
I foend that when my son decided to wear dresses we bonded very strongly. Maybe it is not such a bad idea.
asco00 asco00
Without question I would. Children need to know that they can be exactly who the want to be and can express themselves how they want to. Past that as parents they should have the ability to trust us to love and support them for exactly who they are. Like the woman in the article I would be clear to let him know that not everyone is as accepting. Let's keep in mind history shows us that guys wearing dresses isn't a new thing after all lol :)
live 4 gossip live 4 gossip
i would swear i was QTPIE as everything she said i was thinking. My son Loves my shoes and daddy's too but he understands boys and girls are different. He says pink is for girls but he has a ken doll and sometimes barbie comes over but mainly no. He is 4 by the way.
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