When Children Hate Their Parents

Is It a Knife Through the Heart When Your Child "Hates" You?

July 27, 2010

At some point in his or her child's life, every parent is the opposite of cool. The same goes for the day when the kid declares that they hate their mom or dad — whether it is in the heat of an argument or just to get a rise out of them. Some parents consider their child's words disrespectful while other people chalk it up to little more than emotional expression. How affected are you by your offspring's words?

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10 Comments

2 years 42 weeks

It is a disrespectful expression of anger for a child to inform a parent of their hatred towards them- It can also be a teaching lesson. (It also depends on the age of the child who is uttering the statement) My children have all been taught that you can say whatever you want to say, to whomever you want to say it to, as long as you are RESPECTFUL! I hate you, is not respectful - So far only the youngest at the age of 5 seemed to muster up the courage to break that rule. (She is fine!) After a five minute time out, she was allowed to express herself by choosing better words to convey her feelings. She is six now, and I haven't heard that rude statement again. (Thus far) Now, if the 26 yr old uttered that same statement at this stage, I guess I would not be too upset since, he hasn't said it to us thus far!

POPSUGAR Moms 2 years 42 weeks

Thanks for all the great comments! Since hate is such an intense emotion it wouldn't bother me if my kids said it because they'd be expressing themselves. I'd only be upset if they became apathetic toward me — that would break my heart.

2 years 42 weeks

When your child says they hate you, they don't. They are just mad. I have already told my kids that they may hate me when they are older and that it's okay. I know don't hate me, they hate that they aren't allowed to do what they want, or have what they want. But I'm not allowing them to because I'm watching out for them. I do tell them that hate is a very strong word and they need to figure out why they are feeling so strongly about something so we can talk about it. Then we do. I remind them it's okay to have feelings, it's all what you do with them.

psterling 2 years 42 weeks

I remember that my mom really freaked out when I told her this as a child and I knew at the time that I didn't mean it and that she was overreacting. I'm expecting my own child this winter and while I'm sure it'll hurt more than I anticipate, I don't think I'll take it to heart, knowing that I didn't mean it myself as a child.

lickety split 2 years 42 weeks

No. I've said something in response like "well I love you no matter what" and "when you're the mommy maybe you'll do better". Honestly, these days kids are exposed to such sassy talk on tv and at the movies that this is a bit mild.

skigurl 2 years 42 weeks

My mom also cried when I said this to her as a kid.

babysugar 2 years 42 weeks

Last week my son told me that "I wasn't his friend anymore" after I wouldn't get him a new toy he wanted. I know he didn't mean it, but boy did it hurt! (BTW, my response, much like the one my mom used with me as a child was: but I'll always be your mommy!)

amandachalynn 2 years 42 weeks

I can't vote because I don't agree with the way it's worded. Saying a 'knife through the heart' indicates hurt feelings. It did not hurt my feelings, however, it is rude,disrespectful, and will not be tolerated.

starbucks 2 years 42 weeks

I don't think I ever said that to my mom. Maybe I did when I was little, but I don't think so. I'm pretty sure it would break my heart if she ever said that....I don't think I'd handle that very well.

millarci 2 years 42 weeks

I remember once when my sister told my mom that she hated her. My mom didn't cry in front of us, but she eventually broke down and cried in front of my father. I remember hearing her say how she was a bad mother or something like that. I will never forget that look on her face. She looked so heartbroken. I vowed from that moment on that no matter how angry I was that I will never ever say use that word toward my loved ones.

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