Tips and Tricks for Dealing with Separation Anxiety

Say Good-Bye to Separation Anxiety

October 22, 2009

Source: Getty

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by POPSUGAR Moms 8

Always Say Good-Bye

It may be tempting to sneak out the back door while the tot is busy watching Elmo, but mommy's not doing anyone any favors with this method. Mama should say good-bye, give him a kiss, and tell him she'll be back soon. Try and keep it simple. If mom cries, so will the child. If she goes back for another kiss, so will he.

2 / 12

by POPSUGAR Moms 8

Always Say Good-Bye

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8 Comments

Sherellj 3 years

My niece has serious separation anxiety and shes going on 5, I feel so sorry for my sister because it gets to the point where her childcare provider doesnt want to deal with her shes been through 6 in the past 3 years Im so glad my daughter is great she loves to leave me :-)

MissSushi 3 years

supposed to be 30.. lol, not 39..

MissSushi 3 years

My daughter is HIGHLY independant and she still has a really hard time with separations.. We just say i love you and goodbye as we walk out. Nothing drawn out and no long goodbyes. She cries for maybe a minute tops and as long as there aren't other complicaiton issues like sickness, overtired, etc. she gets over it pretty quickly. I was constantly babysitting when iwas younger, and nannying as an adult, and it drove me NUTS when parents drew it out. At one point, I was watching my cousins 11 month old daughter full time at their house, and she had severe separation anxiety. She would cry for 20-39 minutes when they left. To top it off, her husband would come home during the day once or twice and start the cycle all over again. I couldn't stand it and was happy to end that situation. I would have to pick her up, cuddle her, and walk it out to get her to calm down. I've never taken care of a child with such strong anxiety, and it still bugs me that he was so unaccomidating about it. slightly off topic on the amusing side, his mother would come over every other day at 12-1pm or so and be upset that she was always napping and that i wouldn't just wake her up.. HELLO! I'm here with her from 7 am to 7 pm, try coming when its NOT nap time.

3 years

I agree it's sad, but my sisters and father have never been nurturing with young ones. We build a "family" of friends.

cheersdarlin916 3 years

Goodness, what kind of family do you have? They are not nuturing and the kids are not comfortable around them? That is just sad. My son has always had an easier time going to auntie's or grandma's house then anywhere else.

3 years

Also, alone time and an independent child does not guarantee an easier time with separation. My children who were the most independent in play and not wanting to be held were the ones who also had the hardest time with separation.

3 years

Honestly, most of these make it worse for us. I know everyone says "Always say goodbye" but all of my kids did better if they went in the other room with the sitter and I snuck out. They rarely even realized I was gone, whereas saying goodbye created a huge scene. Using family? No way. They're not nurturing and the kids are not comfortable around them. And extra cuddling was sure to make the break even more unbearable. Make a clean make, do it quickly, and do your best to create familiarity and their regular schedule. And know that some kids will simply have a hard time no matter what you do.

cheersdarlin916 3 years

I truly believe that the parent should just say goodbye, give the little one a kiss and tell them you will be back later and then LEAVE! I have been on both sides and although it is heart wrenching to be the mother and leave your upset little one it is very hard to be the nanny or caregiver and have the parent draw out the goodbye so long that it is very difficult to get the child to calm down. I have always told parents to just go and when they get in the car and drive a block away to give me a call to check on the child and only on a rare occasion has the child still been crying. They get over it very quickly if it is not a long process.