Tell Mommy: What's Harder, Marriage or Motherhood?

January 11, 2009

Over at Momversation, a discussion has been brought up about which is harder: being a mother or being a wife? No one ever said marriage was easy and adults can be far more complicated than babies, but the sleepless nights and constantly being "on" for your lil one wears on even the most nurturing of mothers.

I'm interested in hearing all your thoughts on this topic. Share them below!

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13 Comments

Sun_Sun 4 years 8 weeks

well im married but i dont have kids. right now i can do marriage. i cant do kids now though, cant even fathom it. so my opinion marriage is easier. i might change my mind after having kids one day.

gab6784 4 years 18 weeks

I agree with most of the posters that marriage and motherhood really can't be (or shouldn't) compared, however, if I had to choose I would definitely say Marriage is much harder. I think with motherhood its just a constant learning experience, I might have bad days with my daughter but as she grows my knowledge of her and how to deal with her grows so I think it helps me understand her better and makes it easier to please her. My husband on the other hand isn't always so easy to please since he already has his own views and opinions on things as well as a very strict guideline of his needs lol. My daughter isn't nearly as difficult to please as my husband is :P I love them both dearly so it doesn't really matter but MAN! is marriage tough lol (maybe I'll change my mind once my girl is a teen?!?) :P

vmruby 4 years 18 weeks

Besides the obvious differences between marriage and being a parent,they are both equally as challenging as they are rewarding.

lickety split 4 years 18 weeks

marriage is harder. in parenting you are in charge, your word is final. for some reason that doesn't work in marriage, lol. i also think the nature of the relationship "till death do us part" makes things more difficult because of the emotions involved. you plan for the future of your children, their life and all the wonderful possibilities. with marriage you face world together, and eventually get to all the really hard things like death of your parents, the death of you or your partner, financial crisis, etc.

lickety split 4 years 18 weeks

MissSushi 4 years 18 weeks

Forgot to put: I cant tell you how many forums or discussions Ive read with catty women bashing their husbands and talking about how much easier motherhood is compared to marriage... It bugs the crap out of me that people cant be bothered to look at things from someone elses point of view to understand how they feel.

MissSushi 4 years 18 weeks

I dont think they should be compared...nor should you be asked to pick between things you love dearly, and then be judged on your answer. To generalize a bit, I think a lot of the time they get lumped in together and compared becuase it IS so much harder once you have children. Not all men are adaptable and understand the sacrifices you have to make as a parent. My husband is a perfect example of this. He would never have won husband or father of the year once our daughter was born, and its not a slam on his character. He just truly had no idea what having a child entailed, and panicked upon finding out how much he had to sacrifice; money, space, time, belongings, to the point that he lost sight of the rewards. He never neglected her and did what he was supposed to, but it was a severe learning process. She's just over a year now, and he has come leaps and bounds in his own time and is now a wonderful father. I dont believe that men dont bond with their children just as strongly as a mother, I just believe it often takes them alot longer and they bond in different ways. And during the process of learning and bonding with their child, they are bombarded with the complete devotion that comes easily to most women constantly.

MissSushi 4 years 18 weeks

I dont think they should be compared...nor should you be asked to pick between things you love dearly, and then be judged on your answer.To generalize a bit, I think a lot of the time they get lumped in together and compared becuase it IS so much harder once you have children. Not all men are adaptable and understand the sacrifices you have to make as a parent. My husband is a perfect example of this. He would never have won husband or father of the year once our daughter was born, and its not a slam on his character. He just truly had no idea what having a child entailed, and panicked upon finding out how much he had to sacrifice; money, space, time, belongings, to the point that he lost sight of the rewards. He never neglected her and did what he was supposed to, but it was a severe learning process. She's just over a year now, and he has come leaps and bounds in his own time and is now a wonderful father. I dont believe that men dont bond with their children just as strongly as a mother, I just believe it often takes them alot longer and they bond in different ways. And during the process of learning and bonding with their child, they are bombarded with the complete devotion that comes easily to most women constantly.

Chrstne 4 years 18 weeks

I'm not either one, but yes, they are very different. You love and care about your kids and spouse in a completely different way. I think that in a lot of ways, it's harder to be a mom, because not only do you have to put up with attitudes, and provide a lot of care -- but when they get older and god forbid they do something seriously stupid, you are caught between doing what is right, but also showing unconditional love. That's really rough. Marriage may or may not be forever, but it's different. I'm sure that if it came down to it, a mom would easily choose her children over her husband. Even that hypothetical question of "who would you rather spend your time without for eternity, your husband, or your kids?" Obviously it's a hard choice, but I know tons of people who would choose their kids. Plus, when it comes to god forbid losing one of them, I'd say that on the scale of trauma, though very close, losing a child is worse than losing someone your age or a bit older like a spouse. But, in conclusion, ha, it's harder to be a mom, IMO because you always have to be mom, somebodys everything through everything, no matter the circumstance. And when the going gets tough, and you feel like you can't do it anymore -- put frankly, you don't have a friggen choice in the matter.

Chrstne 4 years 18 weeks

I'm not either one, but yes, they are very different. You love and care about your kids and spouse in a completely different way. I think that in a lot of ways, it's harder to be a mom, because not only do you have to put up with attitudes, and provide a lot of care -- but when they get older and god forbid they do something seriously stupid, you are caught between doing what is right, but also showing unconditional love. That's really rough.Marriage may or may not be forever, but it's different. I'm sure that if it came down to it, a mom would easily choose her children over her husband. Even that hypothetical question of "who would you rather spend your time without for eternity, your husband, or your kids?" Obviously it's a hard choice, but I know tons of people who would choose their kids.Plus, when it comes to god forbid losing one of them, I'd say that on the scale of trauma, though very close, losing a child is worse than losing someone your age or a bit older like a spouse.But, in conclusion, ha, it's harder to be a mom, IMO because you always have to be mom, somebodys everything through everything, no matter the circumstance. And when the going gets tough, and you feel like you can't do it anymore -- put frankly, you don't have a friggen choice in the matter.