Tell Mommy: Is Having a Shower For Baby No. Two a Don't?

October 1, 2008

I adore baby showers. From the invites, to the playful themes and games, they are a delightful way to make any expectant mom feel celebrated and honor the impending birth of a new baby. I am currently pregnant with my second child, which has sparked shower inquiries from many friends (and strangers). While I am not expecting the fancy shower this time, it's a valid quandary. Do you think having a shower for baby number two is a do or a don't?

51 Comments

3 years 18 weeks

Generally, I think it can be pretty tacky. However, there are so many circumstances that could easily make it fine as long as YOU DON'T register for gifts the second time around, regardless of sex and age difference. In my opinion, that's the tasteful/tacky dealbreaker. Just don't appear to be expecting gifts, moreover, specifying them. Also, if there is another shower given, it should not be given by anyone related to you--that just comes off as you asking for it regardless of whether or not you have. If your friends want to do something, that's really cool and you have great pals, but for some reason, it definitely comes off differently when it's thrown by a relative.

4 years 5 weeks

i think it's a do. i have a now 4 yr. old and 18 m. old twins (all girls). i have a shower for each pregnancy. each were thrown by different family members. i am now expecting # 4 and my sister is already planning a shower for me. however since it is our 4th baby we are putting in the invitations that gifts are not required we are just having a day to celebrate new life with friends and family. every new life is reason to celebrate! after parenting multiples with a singleton sibling making sure that everything is done fair is essential! i would feel awful if in 10 yrs.(even though that is a long time from now) my kids read their baby books and the youngest has pages that are blank and everyone else has them filled out. i would not want them to feel less important or less loved by everyone not getting together to celebrate their birth. they all deserve to see how excited everyone was for them to be here.

burgkad 4 years 23 weeks

every child is special not just the first one and think about it.. the more kids mommy has the more gifts will be appreciated. i have a boy and i had a shower and then i had a girl fifteen months later and i had a shower. i had showers at work and both sides of the family each gave me a shower. All those pampers and gifts were very much appreciated

Indigo4320 4 years 32 weeks

People get way too huffy over the rights and wrongs of situations like this. I'd say it's different for every person...to each his own. I know in my group of friends we have a shower for every child, b/c like some of the posters above said, it's about the celebration of a new child. I'm not stingy and I don't harbor hard feelings towards those who pop out baby after baby, I think it's great and I'd want to help them celebrate new life. I think those who said it's tacky are entitled to their opinon of course, but I say it's fine to shower a second birth!

roxtarchic 4 years 32 weeks

and i'm not implying anyone's cheap (that's not how it was 'sposed to come across)... it's just exciting... celebrate it... 1st, or 2nd or plus 8...

roxtarchic 4 years 32 weeks

truthfully... i would buy a gift for a friend who had a baby, first or second, whether or not they had a shower... anyway. even if i went to the shower i'd still pick up maybe just a lil gift to bring when i visit the baby.... like the hungry caterpillar book/stuffed caterpillar gift set which i just bought for a friend.... i really dont understand the resentment about a gift... it's a onesie, or a book, or a blanket... not $100 or even $50 really. so surprised.

RYB05 4 years 32 weeks

We recently gave a friend of ours a shower for her second child. She is having another boy, so instead of all clothes and those kinds of gifts we did a Diapers and Donuts shower. Everyone was assigned a diaper size in their invitation. Some people added extra gifts, but you know diapers are something that just add up. Then we got to celebrate her having another baby but not repeating what she already has!

nevadamtnbear 4 years 33 weeks

Interesting. I jointly threw a girlfriend of mine a second shower since she was having a girl and her first born was a boy. It was fun because it was an excuse to get her some fun "pink" stuff. It was a low key and small affair. I'm pregnant with #2, and also having a different gender. And my mother is planning a shower for me. I know she's thinking of a much more elaborate affair that I would like, so my intent is to scale it back (bless my mom's heart, but she likes to go overboard with stuff like this). I'm very appreciative of the thoughtfulness of her and others who have approached me regarding showers and their interest to be a part of one. It was not expected or even anticipated, but certainly appreciated as it is fun to celebrate the coming of a new addition. But, it's our family way too. Subsequent children are given a shower in our family. Irrespective of the spacing and gender. It's just something we do to celebrate the addition of a new leaf to our family tree and a way for us to contribute to the new addition. What I've been struggling with this go around is the fact that we need to pick up several "big ticket" items due to the spacing between our kids and due to the loss of several items in a sewer spill/flood in our basement (ICK!) a couple years back. We need to get a new carseat, crib matress, high chair, baby bjiorn, and bassinet. I don't expect anyone to puchase these items for us, but I use a baby registry as my "shopping list" to identify the makes and models of items we like. I wasn't comfortable having those on a general registry. My solution - I just discovered I can manually mark them as "purchased" but still have them on my list. Beautiful! Now the registry is simply some girly blankets, sheets, clothing and a few other items. My mentality on second baby showers is that if you don't want to be a part of it, don't go. Noone is forcing you to attend or participate. Also, as for gifts, people have different viewpoints and price points. I know people who like to go together and jointly get the big ticket items for people (even for second showers). Others are more comfortable purchasing small gifts. Bottom line - every new life deserves a celebration. That's why it's called a BABY SHOWER. It's not specifically for the parents, it's for the new baby.

wickedcupofjoe 4 years 33 weeks

I'm having a shower for my second kiddo. It will be 10 years since my first shower. My first shower was 20 people -- all my moms friends. Now I actually have friends to invite (and none of them knew me when I was pg the first go around). I was sad that I had no friends to share my pregnancy with. I was the first of my HS friends to get married and have a baby. None of them were around at that time. We do have one friend who was pregnant a couple of years ago and had a baby shower. I don't see anything wrong with it no matter when it is. It's just nice to get together and celebrate the new life that is coming. Gifts or no gifts. Isn't the idea of a shower to shower the baby/mom with love?

ann418 4 years 33 weeks

I think it's fine! Just don't make an overly extensive registry with extras you don't need (or didn't get the first time around). My sister-in-law is having another girl (18 months after her first girl) so they don't need anything except a twin stroller. I think of it as more of a celebration for the new baby. I'd just throw a party and have people bring diapers as a "cover charge"!

PiNkY PiNk 4 years 33 weeks

omg!!! I never, ever knew people thought that a second baby shower was tacky! EVERYBODY I have ever known has had a baby shower for every child. and NOBODY has ever thrown it for themselves, always a friend or family member. I hosted a baby shower for my sister in february and if she were to be pregnant again, I'd be planning the next one with my mom...as big as the first. definitely a do and definitely not tacky!

apma 4 years 33 weeks

Regardless of what you call it, people will want to or feel obligated to bring gifts, even if you tell them not to. If someone wants to throw you one and that's fine with you, do it.

graylen 4 years 33 weeks

I think it's sad that, with all the million things you have to worry about while pregnant, you have to worry about whether people think you are being tacky/greedy because one of your friends decided to throw you a shower. If someone has a shower and you think it's tacky- don't go or don't bring a gift. But, seriously, don't judge them either. Every family celebrates things in different ways. For all you know, the woman could have had several miscarriages and this shower is truly a celebration for her. Point being, you're not required to celebrate with the pregnant mother. But I'd truly hope that if I were pregnant with my second child, those I love wouldn't be quite so judgmental about my personal decisions.

Drewsfan 4 years 33 weeks

It's definitely a do!

Melo D 4 years 33 weeks

It is up to you. If people are asking, then throw it. If you want it, then have it. If it's a different sex, by all means. Who cares who throws it, if you have one, you have one. If not, then you don't. If they are really your friends, they are asking b/c they want to help out with the baby's needs which is what it's about and the time to celebrate with you. Do like my brother and sis-in-law did with their second one (which was 7 yrs after the first kid so it does matter how long after the first kid you have the second one, if you still need everything a baby needs, throw a shower if you want). They threw a barbecue. I say celebrate with great games and food!

plus_2_kid 4 years 33 weeks

I agree that a shower/sprinkle/misting/dribble is tacky. For those who say "Absolutely have one! but the presents aren't important.." well I think if gifts aren't involved then it's not a shower, it's just a party. So throw a party. Why do we need to celebrate everything by buying each other stuff?

Greggie 4 years 33 weeks

SweetnLow, it's tacky for mom to expect gifts or feel entitled to a shower under any circumstances.

Martini Rossi 4 years 33 weeks

boo hoo, I'd live.

roxtarchic 4 years 33 weeks

i think a sprinkle shower... is perfectly acceptable, i think every child should have a warm welcome to the world.. and most of the big things you had for the first, you either lent to others, donated to those in need, or maybe saved a few things "just in case"... i also dont think it's about the gifts, it's about sharing that w/friends and family... the gift is irrelevant really.

GlowingMoon 4 years 33 weeks

In my opinion, a don't. It's tacky, and comes across as a bid for gifts. Sorry, this is just my opinion.

Pallas Athena 4 years 33 weeks

I think that it is a do. No one in my family threw themselves a shower, but my cousin has had five baby showers. We threw it for her and no one minds getting her things. Her children are only a year apart (the oldest child is actually two years younger than the second and then the next two are all a year apart - then she had twins four years later) so most of the clothes were still being used. I think that it is okay if people are willing to buy things. You shouldn't go all out though and ask for expensive things.

lickety split 4 years 33 weeks

i don' like this. a classmate of my middle daughter has a new brother (older child is 9). the shower invitation was not only the first notice i had of the pregnancy, it listed their registry at some very pricey stores. personally i think by the time you have older children you need to be financially set up to provide for any subsequent babies you have. and if you want to share the joy of your pregnancy with me, call me. don't send a notice w/ a request for an expensive gift. i do however think a surprise shower or a luncheon would be very nice. then people could bring a gift or not as they wished, but still share in the joy.

vmruby 4 years 33 weeks

It's a do..... I think every baby should be celebrated whether it's a shower or dinner at a favorite restaurant because they are all blessings. It's also an opportunity to have your family and close friends together sharing that amazing,joyous experience with you.

faerymagick15 4 years 33 weeks

I think it depends on how far apart the children are, if the new baby will be a different gender, and honestly...how financially "set" the parents are for another baby. My kids were 18 months apart, my first was a girl and 2nd was a boy yet I had no shower for him. I still had lots of things from my first baby and didn't need a whole lot of things other than a double stroller and clothing for a boy. I also had the means to buy things myself too. I would have LOVED another shower though. I think every baby is a reason to celebrate no matter what!

gigimama 4 years 33 weeks

In my circle of friends, everyone gets a shower for every baby---it doesn't matter if it's #1, #4, or #7! It's more about spending an afternoon laughing, eating, and talking about family than the gifts. Everyone brings a little something, nothing major. A sleeper or a new set of hooded towels and washcloths is about as elaborate as it gets. None of the gifts are big ticket items, and nobody expects them to be. Just because a kiddo is down on the totem pole doesn't mean he or she deserves to be ignored. Isn't it nice to have fresh onesies and receiving blankets for your fresh, new baby? I'm happy to shower my friends when they are expecting a new addition.

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