Relationship With Mother-in-Law

Lil Community: Is My Relationship With My Mother-in-Law Normal?

August 27, 2010

A baby can turn your world upside down! This question was submitted by helenandkate in the Ask Anything box.

Is it normal for my relationship with my mother-in-law to change so drastically now that my husband and I have a baby?

Motherhood is a mind boggler! Before driving yourself crazy looking for answers, head over to the LilSugar Community and type your inquiry away in our Ask the Community Anything box.

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6 Comments

amandachalynn 2 years 37 weeks

Before baby came my mil and I were friendly, but not close. It completely changed. We are extremely close now, and I honestly don't know what I would do without her. I actually overheard her on the phone with a friend when my son was only 6 months old. She was telling her friend that she was so glad her son found me because she doesn't have to worry about him or her grandson. She knows they're taken care of. It was so good to hear, especially being 21 years old with a baby! Almost 5 years later, I am closer to her than I am to my own mother. Then again, it might be different because she is a Psychologist and is big on boundaries and personal space. Also, my hubby was married before I came along to a woman my mil absolutely hated, so she was grateful she didn't have to deal with her anymore! Trust me, anyone would look good next to his first wife!

MissSushi 2 years 37 weeks

Nothing stays static in life, especially your relationships. Since you didn't mention one way or another, I'll talk about my experiences with this. Before we had my daughter, my mother in law was tolerable. She rambled on and on and other small things a quiet person tends to despise, but was nice, helpful, cheerful. After we had Kairi, everything took severe turns for the worse. She is overbearing, pushy, obnoxious, and totally inappropriate. She is constantly telling me what to do, what not to do, what she did, why what im doing is wrong, why she did what she did and why i need to change to what she did. She is famous for posting absolutely inappropriate and untrue nasty things on my facebook in full public view. I'll get 5 or 6 messages from my friends say, whooooaaa what is UP with your mil!?!?!? and I have to choose to diffuse the situation by deleting her crap or explaining so the friends and family on my list don't think I'm deleting it becuase the insane crap she writes is true. She lives a few states away, but anytime we are in the same room she talks to me and only to me, and is constantly doing one of the things I mentioned above, and demands a response. I am the type of person who quietly observes in most large social situations. I DO NOT WANT TO TALK CONSTANTLY. My husbands family seems to either become totally immune to how obnoxious this all is throughout their lives, or they think its fine? I have no idea, either way, I avoid the woman like the plague because I'm not one to hide how I feel. She ruined my wedding by disregarding what I told her 5 or 6 times what I wanted, and did it anyway. She put me on the spot and I had to choose to make a big stink in front of a ton strangers and look ungrateful and bitchy, or go along with it. I didn't want all of his extended family to have a untrue first impression of me. It still pisses me off to this day. This all being said, I can totally understand how she feels. HER son had a BABY. The child she raised, loved, guided, now has his own baby to love and raise, and she feels just as emotionally invested in that relationship as she did raising him. She is his MOTHER, and thus gets a huge say/part of this childs life, in her view. I can put myself in her spot and imagine my kids finding a partner and having babies, and I can understand part of what she feels. My mother has told me that it's almost like you love them even more, and you have to force yourself to be a quiet bystander unless asked for advice. I can understand how she feels, even though still feeling she needs to exert self control and stfu 99.9% of the time. She needs to harness her mouth and STOP all of her crap, because when people do that it ruins the relationship.

mrodphoto 2 years 37 weeks

mine changed... for the worse. As soon as the baby was born she went from 0 to crazy in 60 seconds... in the hospital waiting room. It got worse as the baby got older. My husband and i had to have our marriage blessed to get the baby baptized. We got a second wedding, fun right? Well half an hour before the ceremony she calls saying shes having a heart attack and needs my hubs to go take care of her. He told her to call 911. She showed up at the church and ruined everyone's good time. Needless to say, my baby is 15 months and we have very little contact with her now. Good luck with yours!