Men's Take on Women Having a Baby with a Donor

Lil Community: What'll Men Think If I Have a Baby With a Donor?

April 26, 2010

It seems The Back-up Plan is on everyone's mind! Tearyeyed shared this question in the Birth Stories group.

I am 26 years old and it doesn't look like there is going to be a guy in my life anytime soon. I have never wanted anything more than to be a mom. So my thinking was to possibly use a donor and have a child but it worries me about what could happen in the future with getting in a relationship with someone. I wouldn't think anything different if I had a baby with someone else but I don't know if guys would see me a desperate just because I used a donor instead of having a guy there. So can anyone offer any advice either from a guy's perspective or if you have gone through it. Thanks!

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14 Comments

3 years 2 weeks

I say take a year to think about it and if you still feel this way go for it. Parenting single is hard but it not as hard as some would have you believe its mainly the financially part but if you can afford to do it alone then great. I mean you don't have to wait around for mr. right like some of these women have because lets face it not every women can get pregnant easly after they reach a certain age. I say waiting for mr. right until your 35 is a little to long. And any man who has a problem with how you had a kid is a douche who is not worth your time.But give it at least another year or two.

3 years 3 weeks

26 is sooo young! I met my husband at 35. We have a 2yr old son and one on the way...and I'm 40. Although at 32ish I asked myself this question all the time, I'm very happy that I waited. I have the best husband and now realize that I would not have been the mother that I wanted to be had I done it on my own. If at 35 you're still single, then start weighing your options about being a single parent. That will give you 5+ years to actually work out all those major decisions.

skigurl 3 years 3 weeks

this is the problem with anonymous posters!!

starbucks 3 years 3 weeks

Give it time, honey. You'll find the right partner. You're still so young. Especially men in their twenties might not want to date a woman who already has someone else's kid (even if the father is unknown). Being a single mom will make your dating situation that much harder. Also don't deprive yourself of sharing that wonderful experience with a partner. You will need a strong back bone not to feel left out when all the other moms talk about how excited their husbands are about the baby. And it is hard work! I am a young mom who's boyfriend is almost never home because he works crazy hours. It's not just about the nightly feedings and the money but also you don't ever get to do anything on your own! I love my kid but I would love to at least go grocery shopping in peace! And (although I am pretty sure the two above posters are the same person...) you might actually consider adoption... If you do end up going through with it, though, I wish you all the best!

3 years 3 weeks

have you considered adoption?? you can save a child's life, be a wonderful mother AND look like a hero, instead of the most desperate woman in the world... and I think that many men would admire that, and not have as much as a problem taking that child in as their own

3 years 3 weeks

what about adoption?? you could save a child's life, have the chance to be a wonderful mother AND not look totally desperate :)

snowysakurasky 3 years 3 weeks

why don't you think about it for a year?

lilkimbo 3 years 3 weeks

I'm with others...26 is way too young to be considering this! I understand your desire to be a mother, but, as Abilew stated, being a parent is hard work. I'm not knocking single mothers at all; all of the ones whom I know work their butts off to be great parents. But, even they admit that it's not the ideal situation. It would be different if you were 36, but why would you want to be a single mother at 26? It just makes no sense to me.

Abilew 3 years 3 weeks

We all knew before we had kids that "it'll be hard." We heard it all the time - "your life is about to change" blah blah blah! And seriously? It's SUPER hard. It's hard enough with two people. And your life DOES change. I know what it feels like to want that kid so bad - to want to be a mommy. But honestly, you have lifetimes ahead of you before you need to start worrying about that. Sometimes I want to choke my husband - but most of the time, I'm so thankful that I have someone to share the experience of parenthood with. I wouldn't be half the mom without him. I marvel at single moms and dads. These are amazing people and parents - really and truly. I just wouldn't take that challenge on myself if I didn't have to. I would ask yourself what you think in a few years. Like 10 more years. Oh man, a lot can happen before then.

3 years 3 weeks

Seriously? You're only 26! At that age you should be enjoying your 20's and dating--not worrying about having a baby! Wait till you reach 35 before you start thinking seriously about this.

esweet 3 years 3 weeks

I agree with all posters above. I didn't get married until I was 29 and am pregnant with my first now at 31, and wouldn't change the timing for anything. Everyone is different, but I think 26 is VERY young to be considering this option and I also think it would make it much more difficult to meet and date someone. I would say wait another 5-8 years and re-assess. By then you may have met the man of your dreams and already have one or two little ones!

3 years 3 weeks

26 is still so young! I remember thinking I wouldn't find someone I loved enough to marry, especially when all of my friends were already married or in serious relationships, but I ended up meeting my now husband when I was 27 and got married at 29. You still have so many years to start being a mom and I think being a single mom makes it even harder to find a good relationship. My mom was a single mom with me and has shared with me how hard it was to find a good guy that was willing to be a good father to someone else's child. Luckily, I have a wonderful step-father, and I know there are many wonderful step-fathers out there, but I think it's harder when you are only 26.

jenni5 3 years 3 weeks

I've actually read that some guys are more attracted to single moms because they don't feel they need to worry about the girl rushing them into marriage and kids. So I don't know maybe it would work in your favor? I think at 26 your way too young to be considering this option though.

skigurl 3 years 3 weeks

at 26 (or even 29-30) i think guys would find it a desperate move. i don't think tons of guys would flock to be your baby daddy, especially considering your child doesn't have a father figure elsewhere in his/her life i could understand if you did it closer to your 40s when your biological clock is ticking, but in your 20s, i think you're seriously limiting your future romantic prospects...think of how hard it is now to find a man...well multiply that a million times when you have a screaming infant on your hip, your body has changed, and you have no time to devote to a courtship... lots of guys want to be a husband and father but i think they might be turned off by the fact that you skipped them in that life plan

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14 Comments

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