Helping Mama with Baby

Did You Have Help?

February 6, 2008

These days, it's not uncommon for new moms to hire an extra set of hands to help her out with the family's latest addition.

Whether it's a baby nurse, night nanny, or a sitter for a few hours during the day, it seems that the latest generation of mothers have figured out a way to lighten their new load.

While it may help relieve the much dreaded insomnia, some argue it takes away from the learning and bonding experience that takes place in the first days of parenthood.

What do you think?

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42 Comments

khrystena 5 years 14 weeks

I was very lucky, my daughter was born during a down time in my husbands buisness, so he was home with me for the first 3 months. After that he was only home for 1 out of 4 weeks but those first 3 months were a blessing! There are many ways for fathers to bond with their children.

khrystena 5 years 14 weeks

mrtruman 5 years 15 weeks

I find many of your comments judgmental. Every woman should do what makes her comfortable and best for her family. Stop being martyrs!! Stop judging other women for their choices!

bajeckabean 5 years 15 weeks

My husband and I didn't have any help but now that I've returned to work, we have a nanny who watches our baby during the day 3 days and I work from home with the babythe other 2 days. I would LOVE to stay at home with my little one, but unfortunately, my husband's job isn't very stable at the moment and mine is, so I need to work! Breaks my heart. We live a 1000 miles from any family, so hiring help was our only option. We considered hiring a post-partum doula/nurse to help in the first couple of weeks, mostly because we were freaked out about whether we would break the baby or something! We weren't concerned so much about the sleep, but more about infant care that you can't always learn in books. Neither of us had any newborn experience. In the end, we opted not to hire anyone and managed on our own. We managed fine, but I think we freaked out about every little thing a lot more because we didn't have anyone experienced there to tell us the baby was fine (clogged tear duct = rush to the doctor's office, moro reflex = rush to the doctor's office, etc). Now we know better! It's funny in retrospect but we were terrified! And for all the SAHMs... your 24/7 job is way harder than my 9-5 desk job so I think it's more than fair to expect dads to be "on duty" when they come home from work.

bajeckabean 5 years 15 weeks

tobesterTB 5 years 15 weeks

I had the best kind of help...my mom! It is super to have someone you can trust and who loves the baby as much (if not more) than you! Plus my mom is a natural caretaker! It was especially super to have her around when I had my second baby...my oldest didn't even really notice anything different! Oh, and my sister is great with my kids too! I love them! I couldn't imagine raising my kids without my family close by.

jkat 5 years 15 weeks

Why do mothers judge each other so much? I say whatever works for you is fine. If you want to have a nanny - fine. If you want to make your hubby sleep deprived b/c you are with the kid all day - fine. Who cares what other people do as long as you are happy with your situation?

abqmama 5 years 15 weeks

My second son was very colicky for three full months, he would scream bloody murder from 8pm to midnight. After I would get my older son in bed he started and I would spend the next four hours walking him, rocking him, bouncing him, anything I could think of, until my husband got home from work right at midnight. It was an agonizing time and I was at my wits end. My mom would take him once a week on the weekend but it was still so difficult. I thought I would never get through it but after three months it all passed and is nothing but an unpleasant memory.

abqmama 5 years 15 weeks

With my first my husband couldn't take any time off of work so it was just me, but with the first it's easy to do all those things they say to do like sleep when your baby is sleeping so it wasn't hard. With my second, my husband took off three weeks from work. Since he was adopted I didn't need that much help because I had no physical recovery. With my third, my husband took off five weeks from work but that is all the help I had. My mom will sometimes come watch them for an hour so I can take a shower and get ready but usually I am on my own since my husband works a lot now. You get used to it, learning how to care for all your kids with just a little bit of family help. And as they get older it gets easier and things improve. I never even considered having paid help, it just isn't done in my family.

LiLRuck44 5 years 15 weeks

I tend to think hired help is pretty silly. I'm all for family coming to help with laundry, dishes and such... but with the exception of my own mom, this just added to the work I had to do! Sometimes I feel crazy with my kids (2 and 1), but that's what mothering is all about. I can't imagine someone else spending time with my children... they're mine! I am going to miss all these things that drive me crazy when they are older. All I will have are the memories, and I'd like to have as many of those as I can.

LiLRuck44 5 years 15 weeks

milosmommy 5 years 15 weeks

My husband and I have always shared night duty. But lucky for me my MIL lives with us (and has since way before the baby) so she would watch the baby for a couple of hours in the morning so I could nap when I was at home. Thankfully he started sleeping through the night a few days before I had to go back to work. But she is a lifesaver and am very glad to have her around.

jennifer76 5 years 15 weeks

I always did night duty by myself since I was nursing and there was little my husband could do anyway. Besides, I didn't mind it and I function well with little sleep. But, being a stay at home mom is a job, too. Being tired and dealing with small children and the house all day isn't any easier than being tired and dealing with an office all day.

jennifer76 5 years 15 weeks

macneil 5 years 15 weeks

I wasn't offended! I guess it just seemed natural to share the nightcare because both of us were so physically tired by having a baby - I'm amazed, personally, and AWED by anyone who does it alone.

schnappycat 5 years 15 weeks

My son is 3 1/2 weeks old and so far my husband still takes one of the night feedings/changes so I can get much needed rest. The baby is generally too fussy during the day for me to nap (or do anything for me), and even so, I'm not a napper (can't sleep during the day) and instead try to get stuff done when baby sleeps. My husband doesn't complain and feels it is his responsibility to help with that at night. After all, he is gone all day at work and it is a good bonding time for the two of them. I guess I never considered there was anything wrong with sharing night duty. And while he is willing and able to help out, I'll gladly take it. He's great that way.

JennyJen 5 years 15 weeks

Romaniagrl - Well anyone who would think bad about that is crazy - you had a medical condition and a colicky child. I am talking about completely healthy SAHMs with children who wake up a few times in the middle of the night having their husband take night duty.

JennyJen 5 years 15 weeks

rgrl 5 years 15 weeks

I am also a SAHM that needed my hubby to help with night duty. My son would wake up every 1-2 hours and cry for one full hour before going back to bed (for like an hour). This took place for at least the first 6 months of his life. He was very colicky. Nothing made him happy. We swaddled him and he would fight it, but if we left him unswaddled he would wail... we would put on radio static really loudly and sometimes that calmed him. It was a very tough time in our lives. When he was a month old I had an incident where I almost passed out and ended up in the emergency room with a very fast heart rate. After that I experienced frequent, almost constant dizzy spells and I was barely able to take care of my son during the day, so my poor hubby had to do a lot of the torturous night duty to try and let me recuperate. It took me a very long time. Anyway, I felt very guilty and spoiled at times, but looking back now, I don't think so. I just thank God I have a wonderful husband and I don't care what anyone else thought.

JennyJen 5 years 15 weeks

I hope I didn't offend anyone. I honestly don't understand it, and I guess since I hear these husbands complaining about not getting any rest to other people in the office, but not complaining or changing things with their wives - it just confuses me. I know there are a lot of SAHMs on here and thought maybe I could have some comebacks to defend these wives. And don't get me wrong - if you are lucky enough to have both parents involved sharing the childcare duties should be a given. I do kind of try and take over more then I should though because I love spending the time with our little girl and realize how fast she will grow up!

JennyJen 5 years 15 weeks

rgrl 5 years 15 weeks

With my first it was just hubby and I, but now that we're expecting a second, I really don't know yet. I have an aunt who is willing to fly here from Romania and live with us to help out. If things get tough I might consider that. But we'll see. If not, I definitely want to try and get a regular babysitter so I have a few hours a week to myself.

lms 5 years 15 weeks

I voted no b/c I thought it meant if you had a nanny. However, I did have help my mother lives close by so she helped for the first two weeks officially and anytime afterwards, and my MIL came up for a week or two.MacNeil...I am a SAHM and I handed over the baby to my husband too. We are working too with the babies. I am a night person and my hubby is a morning person...so he took the early morning hours.What I have a problem with are SAHM that have a nanny that STILL make hubby do stuff when they get home. I have 2 sister-in-laws that are both SAHM. One has 2 nannies and still make her hubby do night duty. She claims that he HAS to bond with his children and that they are his responsibility(whatever you say lady). The other one had help with her for probably 2 months by her family members as well as a nanny and still would make her hubby take over when he got home. This one is so spoiled that she didn't even know how to operate her own stroller when the child was a year b/c that is hubby's responsibility. Both of them kind of freak out when they don't have help.I could have had help but I don't want anyone constantly in my house and I couldn't justify being a stay at home mom and watching someone else raise my child.

lms 5 years 15 weeks

I voted no b/c I thought it meant if you had a nanny. However, I did have help my mother lives close by so she helped for the first two weeks officially and anytime afterwards, and my MIL came up for a week or two. MacNeil...I am a SAHM and I handed over the baby to my husband too. We are working too with the babies. I am a night person and my hubby is a morning person...so he took the early morning hours. What I have a problem with are SAHM that have a nanny that STILL make hubby do stuff when they get home. I have 2 sister-in-laws that are both SAHM. One has 2 nannies and still make her hubby do night duty. She claims that he HAS to bond with his children and that they are his responsibility(whatever you say lady). The other one had help with her for probably 2 months by her family members as well as a nanny and still would make her hubby take over when he got home. This one is so spoiled that she didn't even know how to operate her own stroller when the child was a year b/c that is hubby's responsibility. Both of them kind of freak out when they don't have help. I could have had help but I don't want anyone constantly in my house and I couldn't justify being a stay at home mom and watching someone else raise my child.

wingedkiare 5 years 15 weeks

With our first baby, my mother in law and mother both stayed with us (one stayed one week, the other stayed part of the next) so that I could get some sleep.With our second, I was on my own. Though my mother in law did take our oldest for a couple nights so that I could get back into the swing of things... oddly enough, I felt like I needed more help the second time around.

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