Has Chivalry Died For Our Children?

May 28, 2008

Is "ladies first" and gentlemen opening doors a thing of the past? As parents try to raise their sons and daughters with equality in mind, do the traditional customs of pulling out a woman's chair or walking on the outside of the road become unimportant? I hope my son grows up to be the kind of guy who hands his date his jacket when she's cold. What's your opinion on the issue?
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22 Comments

2 years 8 weeks

Chivalry and manners are two totally opposite ideas. Chivalry can't exist without an inferiority complex. So to raise a "chivalrous" child is to raise a child to think he is superior to a female counterpart. So where equality begins is where chivalry ends. And manners come into place.

mf 4 years 49 weeks

p.s. i was raised in the south where thinking of others was something you were taught as a rule and behaving in a civilized manner was something parents encouraged.

mf 4 years 49 weeks

manners are a way of making others feel more comfortable. unforatunately, so many children are raised to be self-centered, teaching them the concept of manners is incredibly difficult because it's not simply a set of rules, but a way to honor and respect others. since i've been pregnant, i'm shocked at how few people grown or children have offered me a seat or held a door. how sad for them to live in such a small world. though i'm practically immobile now! i still defer to older people given offering a seat, etc.

popcorn19 4 years 50 weeks

as a teacher, I can unfortunately say that manners are--for the most part--a thing of the past.

brainstewerz 4 years 50 weeks

I wish chivalry was more widespread as well. It's not about the fact that women can't open doors for themselves, rather it's about cultivating respect for women in men - especially because nowadays women are so cheapened in their eyes what with so much skin showing and girls being more easy than they used to. When a man shows a woman respect through having good manners and even chivalry, (hopefully) it is a statement of his inner respect for her.

rgrl 4 years 50 weeks

PS- the lady who did offer me her seat did so after some time passed and she saw nobody else offered. I noticed that her English was poor, so I assumed she was not raised here.

rgrl 4 years 50 weeks

Wow. I am surprised how many people are saying that they do this, because in real life I don't see it that often. Holding doors, maybe, but I think it's about much more than that. IE: I was on the subway recently on a busy car (I am 38 weeks pregnant) and nobody, man, woman or child offered me their seat... One little Japanese lady got up and even though I initially refused, she insisted and I did take her offer. It just made me think about the culture we live in and if I were the mom with the teenage son sitting next to me, while a big pregnant lady has to stand, what would I do to teach him chivalry?

luckyme 4 years 51 weeks

Greggie and Kiki - my husband also does that and I just LOVE it. It's so sweet and he just did it so automatically. It makes my heart flutter. He's actually quite chivalrous all the time. He opens car doors, brings me flowers, shovels the driveways for our elderly neighbors, etc....it just makes me swoon. His brother is the same way. Their parents raised them very, very well. Anyway, he will lead by example and I would imagine if we have any boys, they will be chivalrous also. Regardless of the sex of our kids, we will teach them all to have manners.

ShePirate2010 4 years 51 weeks

the kids I have at the daycare are so-so, some are the sweetest well mannered and other are the devil in disquise.

flourishjewelry 4 years 51 weeks

I am raising my boys to open doors for ladies. I like to have them opened for me...

LiLRuck44 4 years 51 weeks

Make that *sergeant*. Long day!

LiLRuck44 4 years 51 weeks

My husband does the street side thing too! I insist on proper manners from my kids, and they aren't allowed to just skirt by with a measly looking-at-their-shoes "thank you", they must make eye contact and speak loud and clear. I've showed them how since they could even speak, so it's coming very naturally now. (From the way I typed it sounds like I'm a drill seargant... I'm not!) My husband's good friend took his daughter on a real "date" when she turned 13. He picked her up with flowers, opened the doors, pulled out chairs, etc. to show her what a real date should be like.

schnappycat 4 years 51 weeks

Oops, I've never even heard that street side thing before. Weird. It makes sense, though, because of safety issues, but I didn't realize it was the polite thing to do.

kikidawn 4 years 51 weeks

Greggie same thing happens to me :) My guy always walks street side. It just shows me how much he loves me and wants to protect me. I love the feeling I get knowing how much he cares for me... makes my heart melt too :) I will definitely teach my kids manners. I always say please, thank you, etc and my kids will too. They will hold the door open for others (regardless of sex) and will always address their elders with respect. Those things (plus others) I don't think should ever 'go out of style'. Those are simply respect for others. Something people should have.

Greggie 4 years 51 weeks

My husband has always made sure he's on the street side of the sidewalk. It's one of the little things that made me realize how protective he was and how much I love it. I'd never had anyone do it before and the first time we walked together and he did it, my heart melted.

SussLW 4 years 51 weeks

It's less about chivalry and more about manners (separate and distinct concepts). As MartiniLush says, it's about having respect for others. I often think it's lack of respect for other people that causes any number of frustrations - littering/not picking up after oneself, talking loudly on a cell phone in public, etc. As for chivalry, I'll just as soon open the door for another person of any gender but don't expect a man or anyone to do the same, tho it is nice. Walking on the street side of a sidewalk or pulling out a woman's chair is, in my opinion, not really necessary these days. This is where I prefer equality. Walking on the street side dates back to when people emptied chamber pots from their windows, anyway. Not much of an issue here and now.

Greggie 4 years 51 weeks

We open doors for everyone, not just the men for women. But yes, I'd like to teach my boys to hold the door, pick up the tab, offer their jacket, etc.

faerymagick15 4 years 51 weeks

My kids have always minded their manners. Even my special needs son. He always holds open doors and says please and thank you and bless you. So does my daughter. My husband is probably the most chivalrous guy I have ever met! He holds doors open for everyone, and most of the time they don't thank him but he does it anyway! I guess my kids learn by example.

bluepuppybites 4 years 51 weeks

We still live in a traditional area of the country. My husband when we first started dated always brought me flowers opened my car door. He is so sweet, but I was surprised by his chivalry.

pinkprincess1101 4 years 51 weeks

nope in my household it is please and thank you, yes ma'am no'am, yes sir, no sir, they respect everyone especially their elders

MartiniLush 4 years 51 weeks

To me, manners come from having respect for others - something I am definately teaching my son!

jennifer76 4 years 51 weeks

No, it hasn't died for mine. Equal doesn't have to mean same. We're teaching both of our children to be considerate people - some things in different ways for each of them, lots of things in the same ways. :shrug:

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