Do You Keep Your Kid's Secrets from Your Spouse?

September 22, 2008

A friend of mine called the other day and divulged that her five-year-old had blackmailed her into keeping a harmless secret from her husband. Her little one returned home from his first week of kindergarten and announced that he loooooovvvvvveeeesss his new teacher. When his mommy and daddy asked why, he wouldn't say, but later decided to tell his confidential tale to his mom if she promised not to tell anyone in the world (including daddy).

It turned out the secret was that the teacher gave the class cookies during snack time, but junior assumed his parents, who don't like him to eat sugar, would be upset. My friend and I had a good laugh, but she admitted she felt like she couldn't tell her husband because she has promised her son, even though it was a minor thing. Do you keep your child's so-called secrets from your spouse or do you give in and share?

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14 Comments

luv2blazy 4 years 34 weeks

I would say it is on a need-to-know basis. Stuff like a cookie, I would probably feel okay about keeping a secret.But how much I spent on her for clothes or a toy, lets hope she keeps the secret from daddy.

luv2blazy 4 years 34 weeks

I would say it is on a need-to-know basis. Stuff like a cookie, I would probably feel okay about keeping a secret. But how much I spent on her for clothes or a toy, lets hope she keeps the secret from daddy.

milosmommy 4 years 35 weeks

My son doesn't really talk yet, but I think it would depend on what the secret was. If it was petty (ie: a crush or a "B" on a test) then I would keep it to myself and if it was something serious like he got suspended at school or was having sex I wouldn't tell him that I would keep it from his father. I would let him know that serious things like that need to be discussed as a family.

skigurl 4 years 35 weeks

my parents never kept secrets from each other, i know that because i'd hear them talking in bed when the lights were out but now, if i'm upset about something and confide in my mom as a friend, she won't tell my dad unless i say its okay...but i always say its okay imcs - good point, re: your mother's comment...that IS the most important time for a child to run and tell for sure!

skigurl 4 years 35 weeks

my parents never kept secrets from each other, i know that because i'd hear them talking in bed when the lights were outbut now, if i'm upset about something and confide in my mom as a friend, she won't tell my dad unless i say its okay...but i always say its okayimcs - good point, re: your mother's comment...that IS the most important time for a child to run and tell for sure!

roxtarchic 4 years 35 weeks

imcs... that's really nice to know. i think your mom is very smart!

pinkprincess1101 4 years 35 weeks

it depends if it were life threatening or something but if it is petty, sometimes i may, they are still to young to have secrets

lickety split 4 years 35 weeks

yes. things like this; a "b" on a math test is the end of the freaking world to my husband so we don't talk about anything less than an "a" to him :innocent: it just makes life eaiser.

Mykie7 4 years 35 weeks

The ONLY things I keep "secret" from my hubby are when the kids come and tell me something like say "I've got a girlfriend, but don't tell Dad, he'll tease me!" or obviously gifts we're getting for him or surprises. IN the case of a girlfriend, I encourage the kids to tell my husband themselves. If it were something SERIOUS, like the kids saying they were having SEX with their girlfriends, that's different. But if they came to me because they just wanted to share and ask me to be quiet, I would but again, I would encourage THEM to tell him themselves.

imcs 4 years 35 weeks

that's a good idea "surprises" instead of secrets. - when i was little my mom told me that whenever someone told them a secret and especially not to tell the mother, that's when i had to run and tell her w/o anyone knowing that i told her. i guess that's what started the very open relationship my mom and i now have. i used to and still do share everything with her.

imcs 4 years 35 weeks

Baluk 4 years 35 weeks

Children, especially of a young age, shouldn't be keeping secrets...it's not a good precedent to start. They should feel comfortable to tell their parents anything! I would have my little one's keep surprises...which mean we don't tell until a specified amount of time but never secrets!

Baluk 4 years 35 weeks

Greggie 4 years 35 weeks

No, but I don't promise to either. It's not like I'd say "Ok I won't tell Daddy!" and then tell him. Although nothing really comes to mind that they wouldn't want both of us to know anyway.

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