Do You Hammer Dates Into Your Child's Head?

August 29, 2008

My jaw drops every time a peer tells me that their parent called to remind them that they missed their birthday or anniversary. Most people I know try to be mindful of important family dates and celebrate accordingly with a card, call, visit, or gift, but it always stuns me when moms or dads expect it. As a parent, I had my kids without anticipating any kind of payback ever. Do you care if your children keep tabs on your occasions?Source

20 Comments

Fatica 4 years 37 weeks

When you have kids, you also take on the responsibility of raising considerate, respectful people. It would be inconsiderate and disrespectful for an adult to not acknowledge a loved one's birthday.

Greggie 4 years 37 weeks

jennifer, get ready to drop your jaw. ;) I spaced my mom's birthday on Friday. We had to check in for the Disney kids' race, get everything ready to go for Sat morning (including my husband's stuff for today's half-marathon), get a good dinner, get to bed early, etc etc. For this and other reasons, I don't expect my parents to remember my birthday now that I'm an adult. As a child it would've hurt my feelings, but now I understand if they get busy and don't call for a few days.I couldn't even begin to tell you when my grandparents' birthdays are, nor do I my parents or in-laws expect my kids to remember theirs.

Greggie 4 years 37 weeks

jennifer, get ready to drop your jaw. ;) I spaced my mom's birthday on Friday. We had to check in for the Disney kids' race, get everything ready to go for Sat morning (including my husband's stuff for today's half-marathon), get a good dinner, get to bed early, etc etc. For this and other reasons, I don't expect my parents to remember my birthday now that I'm an adult. As a child it would've hurt my feelings, but now I understand if they get busy and don't call for a few days. I couldn't even begin to tell you when my grandparents' birthdays are, nor do I my parents or in-laws expect my kids to remember theirs.

pinkprincess1101 4 years 38 weeks

i wouldn't expect it, i would love them too, my fiance is pretty good about this stuff so he wouldn't let the kids forget

chippyshero2066 4 years 38 weeks

It is okay for my teenage kids to remember my husband and I's birthdays and anniversary along with their grandparents, plus eachother's birthday. However, I don't drill it into their heads to remember aunts, uncles or cousins birthdays, unless they ask me.

goldiecar 4 years 38 weeks

I don't know... My parents have actually forgotten my birthday. I was in college, 2 hours away, made the call to mom, "So... Um... Did something important happen today?" I KNOW how it feels, and would hate to ever put someone I loved in the same situation. I have known my entire family's birthday schedule since I was little. I would hope that my children would be as considerate.

goldiecar 4 years 38 weeks

I don't know... My parents have actually forgotten my birthday. I was in college, 2 hours away, made the call to mom, "So... Um... Did something important happen today?"I KNOW how it feels, and would hate to ever put someone I loved in the same situation. I have known my entire family's birthday schedule since I was little. I would hope that my children would be as considerate.

kikidawn 4 years 38 weeks

I totally agree with schnappycat lawchick, maybe she was just reminding you so that you could make a phone call or send a card.

kikidawn 4 years 38 weeks

I totally agree with schnappycat lawchick, maybe she was just reminding you so that you could make a phone call or send a card.

MissSushi 4 years 38 weeks

When theyre kids, its not their responsibility to celebrate my birhtday, and certainly not my annevesery. Theyll want to do things later for things like birthdays and parents days, like in school the things they make, but it shouldnt be anything other then that. Childhood is when the parent devotes their time to the childs occasions, not the other way around. Now as adults, it wouldnt be awful. I always try to do something for my mother and father on their birthdays.

lickety split 4 years 38 weeks

no, lol. my kids are thinking as far ahead as their next playdate and that's it.

psterling 4 years 38 weeks

I think things like parents' birthdays are important for kids to remember and celebrate (when they're old enough) but my mom always expected a gift or card from us for her and my father's anniversary and she even got mad at me last year for not getting her a valentine's day card! Crazy! Dates like those are for you and your spouse/significant other. Don't burden your kids with the obligation to celebrate them with you. If they remember, that's just icing on the cake.

milosmommy 4 years 38 weeks

*feelings

milosmommy 4 years 38 weeks

*feelings

milosmommy 4 years 38 weeks

I clicked no by accident. I think like schnappycat that it should be a matter of courtesy. I mean I wouldn't die if my son forgot my birthday (I'm talking when he's way older, he's a baby so doesn't apply yet), but it probably would hurt my feeling a little.

jennifer76 4 years 38 weeks

I think my jaw would drop if someone told me they spaced their own parent's birthday. :shrug: I don't hammer dates into their heads because they're very young. But, I do make sure that I help them do something special for their Dad on important days and remind them to say something to him.

jennifer76 4 years 38 weeks

I think <em>my</em> jaw would drop if someone told me they spaced their own parent's birthday. :shrug:I don't hammer dates into their heads because they're very young. But, I do make sure that I help them do something special for their Dad on important days and remind them to say something to him.

schnappycat 4 years 38 weeks

I would be heartbroken if my parents forgot my birthday, so I always think of that and assume the same in return. It's just common courtesy and the polite thing to do, I think. I always send all of my parents, in-laws, and grandparents cards for most holidays. Anniversaries aren't quite as important (to me, at least), but I have still never forgotten to send my parents a card (and for their 25th I flew them to an expensive resort for a weekend). Of course my son is a baby so it will be years before he'll know dates on his own, but I expect that my husband will take charge of that in the meantime. Remembering a birthday (or other important date) isn't really all that tough and in this day of email, phone, text, etc., there is little excuse for not recognizing it in some way. I think being too busy or saying it's a low priority is sad given that it only takes a minute to make a call or fill out a card. I think it's important to teach good etiquette to kids, so why not start with them acknowledging their parents' birthdays? I guess I'm old school.

Greggie 4 years 38 weeks

No. It's nice if they remember but my birthday isn't the top priority in our lives. I especially don't expect them to remember our anniversary. I'm 36 and still can't remember for sure what day my parents' anniversary is.

lawchick 4 years 38 weeks

my MIL called us this week to remind us that my FIL's birthday is next week. They live 6 hours away so it's not like we'll be seeing them and needed to make plans! I thought it was totally weird.

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