Disclosing Infertility Issues Before Marriage 2009-06-19 08:00:50

Would You Tell Your Significant Other About Infertility?

June 19, 2009

Though many ladies don't face infertility until they are actively trying to conceive, some are aware of their unfortunate fate before meeting the father of their children. Naturally lots of couples planning a life together envision one full of children and family gatherings. Though this can be achieved through many avenues including adoption and surrogacy, it could influence how someone chooses their life partner. Do you think women in that situation should disclose such information once things get serious with their significant other?

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22 Comments

3 years 46 weeks

Not disclosing this type of information before the wedding is grounds for annulment, as well as insensitive to the ignorant party.

3 years 47 weeks

"If somebody is enough of an a-hole to leave somebody just because they are unable to have biological children, it just leaves the infertile person to find somebody who truly values them beyond their sperm or uterus." And if someone's "enough of an a-hole" to withhold vital information from their mate, that mate deserves to find someone who will be up front and honest about their future.

MissSushi 3 years 47 weeks

Anything that has impact on the future of a couple should be disclosed fairly early on, when you think things might become serious, espeically issues regarding children. It should be more of a why WOULDNT you tell them something like that? It would be like having a genetic disorder that will affect you or any children, and not letting the other person know beforehand. I have psorasis and the arthritis complications (not to mention a maternal history of fibro) becuase of it, and i will eventually be in a very large amount of pain and/or on some sort of drug. Sure its not a deal breaker, but would it be fair to just lie by omission and then have it come out later on.

MissSushi 3 years 47 weeks

sarahinparis 3 years 47 weeks

The question should be: Would you leave (end the relationship) a significant other if s/he were infertile?

shelleymonster 3 years 47 weeks

I did tell him - even though I knew having children was very important to him (as it was to me), I couldn't hide anything from my husband, much less something that important. To me, that kind of omission is the same as lying. Because we both wanted children, he wasn't worried about any potential problems - it either one of us could have just as easily had an unknown problem.As it turns out, my PCOS hasn't been an issue (at least this time). We're expecting our first baby in 4 1/2 weeks!

shelleymonster 3 years 47 weeks

I did tell him - even though I knew having children was very important to him (as it was to me), I couldn't hide anything from my husband, much less something that important. To me, that kind of omission is the same as lying. Because we both wanted children, he wasn't worried about any potential problems - it either one of us could have just as easily had an unknown problem. As it turns out, my PCOS hasn't been an issue (at least this time). We're expecting our first baby in 4 1/2 weeks!

Chouette4u 3 years 47 weeks

You can't assume that the infertile person would be dumped. It's just important to disclose important information before two people get married. Don't you think the fertile partner who wants kids would have the right to be upset if they found out a few years into their marriage that their partner is infertile and knew about it before they got married but chose not to say anything?

Chouette4u 3 years 47 weeks

3 years 47 weeks

I guess it would save the infertile person a lot of heartache. If somebody is enough of an a-hole to leave somebody just because they are unable to have biological children, it just leaves the infertile person to find somebody who truly values them beyond their sperm or uterus.

Kimpossible 3 years 47 weeks

"If having biological children are very important to somebody, then they should be upfront about that.Exactly the point. Just as much as the person who wants biological children should be up front about it, so should the person who can't have biological children be up front about that.

Kimpossible 3 years 47 weeks

"If having biological children are very important to somebody, then they should be upfront about that. Exactly the point. Just as much as the person who wants biological children should be up front about it, so should the person who can't have biological children be up front about that.

Chouette4u 3 years 47 weeks

Just because you want biological children doesn't mean you're looking for a "childbearing arrangement.". Most people don't find out they are infertile until they have already been trying to conceive, and people don't usually split up because of that. However, if you know your partner wants children in the future and you know that you might have trouble making that happen, it's a pretty big lie by omission to not tell them.

3 years 47 weeks

If having biological children are very important to somebody, then they should be upfront about that. There's a difference between looking for a marriage and looking for a childbearing arrangement. Sometimes they are one in the same, sometimes not.

Chouette4u 3 years 47 weeks

"I thought marriage was about finding your soulmate and spending your life with the person you love. Whether or not you can have children shouldn't change that. There are other ways to have a family"Finding love is important, but to some people, having their own biological children is equally important. Obviously there are other ways to have a family, but it's only fair to inform your partner about possible infertility so they can weigh their options. Plus, adoption is super expensive and difficult and using donor eggs is expensive and invasive.

Chouette4u 3 years 47 weeks

"I thought marriage was about finding your soulmate and spending your life with the person you love. Whether or not you can have children shouldn't change that. There are other ways to have a family" Finding love is important, but to some people, having their own biological children is equally important. Obviously there are other ways to have a family, but it's only fair to inform your partner about possible infertility so they can weigh their options. Plus, adoption is super expensive and difficult and using donor eggs is expensive and invasive.

3 years 47 weeks

I thought marriage was about finding your soulmate and spending your life with the person you love. Whether or not you can have children shouldn't change that. There are other ways to have a family.

lickety split 3 years 47 weeks

yes, and i did tell him i might have trouble conceiving because of my history with endometriosis.. i think having children is a big enough issue that infertility needs to be mentioned. and, i would have been angry if i found out after marriage that my husband knew that he would be unable to father children and hadn't told me. full disclosure on something like that.

lickety split 3 years 47 weeks

Lyngay 3 years 47 weeks

I would find a way to mention it casually pretty early on. I wouldn't want to have a serious "We need to talk" discussion about it later. Better to just clear the air beforehand before things get serious.

kia 3 years 47 weeks

You gotta be upfront about something like this.

kiwitwist 3 years 47 weeks

I would tell... no question about that!

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