A Sleep Doctor's War of Words

I used the cry it out method and it worked wonders. It was very hard that first night when she cried for an hour (she was eight months old) but after a week she feel asleep by herself at 8 everynight not to be heard from until morning. She is now a happy well adjusted almost 5 year old.

I believe in a middle ground. Kids need to be comforted and cuddled, but also need to learn to soothe themselves and sometimes this means learning the hard way. I would not leave a small infant to cry it out, however a 6 month old or more can certianly cry for a while without harm. I also wouldn't leave a 6 mo old crying for more than an hour. I believe after that long there is something more going on with the child than simply not wanting to go to sleep alone.

I feel it depends on the child. My daughter liked to be soothed to sleep and so did my sister's first child. Her other two could cry themselves to sleep no problem.

Since I am not a mom, I got this story from my mom. When I was a baby, I was smart. I always wanted my parents around, and one night I was particularly clingy. I was maybe 6 months old at the time. My parents got into the habit of putting me in the crib by their bed, and then laying down, so I would know they were there...and when I would fall asleep, they would leave. Well, I started to realize that my parents left after they thought I was alseep -- so I was quiet when they were in bed, and would take a holy fit when they got up to leave. They tried to please me, make me happy, make me stop crying, and eventually my mom called her mom and she said to let me cry. And she did. Until I fell asleep. And, what happened? I never once did it again. No more fits for going to sleep, even as I got older.

My opinion? I think it's good if you can stand the wailing. Sometimes you just want kids to shut up, and will do whatever is in your power to make it happen. But, they need to learn -- so I am all for this method to use on my kids.

With my first son I tried the cry it out method and that did not work. He would cry so hard that he would throw up all over his crib and then I would take him to bed with me. I was single at the time and it was just easier for both of us to have him sleep with me since I still had to get up for work the next morning. I am pregnant now and I have a husband and I am not sure what we will do with this one. It will be all new for the both of us. I would like to get the baby to go to sleep on their own. It seems like it would be easier and offer some alone time in the evening for my husband and I.

Parents, doctors, people in general need to stop claiming one method is the best and learn that every child, every parent, every situation is different. That doesn't just go for sleep, it goes for parenting in general.

There's nothing wrong with a doctor researching and promoting a certain method, and advocating it. But why the need for insisting your way is right and others are wrong? Get over yourselves. This is why Dr Ferber will always be the most respected doctor in my eyes - I do not agree with crying it out and do not use it, but he is the only one saying that other methods are perfectly fine as well.

I have researched every method there is and the only thing they all have in common is that they all contradict themselves. Just do what you need to do to make it work for your family! Crying it out DOESN'T work for me. And why does anyone think that they can have kids and NOT have some type of parenting thru the night!?! You become a parent 24/7, people! I have cuddled and nursed my son to sleep since he was born and he has adjusted just fine to sleeping 10+ hours each night in his own crib. The way I see it, if he's screaming-I'm not getting any sleep anyhow! Might as well nurture him and soothe him! My final theory...quit reading theories!

i did the cry it out method and the "parent directed feeding" method starting at about 7 weeks...by 9 weeks my daughter was sleeping through the night. she is now almost two and still sleeps 7pm-7am with one nap. it was a really hard two weeks of crying it out (i did a lot of crying myself) but worth it in the end. my second is due in 5 weeks and i am planning to do the same thing.

The one thing ALL sleep trainers agree on, in my research, is that crying it out should never be used on a child less than six months, as they are incapable of learning anything other than abandonment before that.

Except Babywise and that's the one parenting book that I will absolutely categorize as child neglect anyway.

I agree, #9. Ezzo is such a quack.

I didn't use cry it out with my children. I figured they were only young once so I had no problem holding or soothing them if it seemed like that's what they wanted or needed. My husband and I probably lost a lot of extra sleep because of it, but I don't have any regrets.

My son is a patient at Dr. Weissbluth's practice here in Chicago, so we've been coached since he was very little on the "proper" way to sleep train. I certainly appreciate having this sort of expertise on staff at our doc's office, but I never followed their directive word for word--and admittedly, we've had a very hard time with our son. We adjusted to his different phases and incoming teeth and colds, etc. with cuddling and rocking to sleep at night. It worked for a while...until it didn't. We spoke to our doctors about it, and they suggested solutions more than they mandated them. I think this is an important partnership between doctor and parent that isn't really communicated properly in the book. Of course do what's best for your child--but, here's what we think you should do to get your kid to sleep. I rarely felt pressured to let my baby cry it out, and I never really did let him CIO. He is 14 months old now and we only recently let him have at it for a minute or two before naps and bedtime. I'm happy to say that the longest he's cried is 5 minutes and he can now put himself to sleep with no trouble. Do I think he could have done that at six months? NO WAY! This is a new development and I'm really relieved that this sleeping-through-the-night thing is finally a reality at our house. Phew....

I'm not sure yet. I'm reading Babywise right now because my friend recommended it and swears by it, but seeing as how I haven't experienced this yet *Not until November when baby is due* I guess I'll just have to try different things to see what works!

Sleep train? What a joke. I go with my instinct. I cannot sleep if my children are crying and uncomfortable. I guess if you can and you feel it's ok in your gut, then it is fine. I soothe my children when they cry and I get plenty of sleep. My son was sleeping through the night at 4 months, he slept in his crib and I slept with my daughter until she was 7 months old, she was my first born and she slept best with me. It just goes to show that each child is different.

ElleJay, the American Association of Pediatrics has sent out warnings about some of the methods in Babywise. Gary Ezzo, the author, has absolutely NO medical or child development credentials AND his own children are estranged from him. He also recommends hitting small children with objects in the toddler follow-up to Babywise.

I normally don't comment on which "baby books" are best because I do believe in different strokes for different folks, but Babywise is downright dangerous and harmful.

I'm not sure why people are commenting on Babywise since the books referenced in the article are Healthy Sleep Habits Healthy Child and The Attachment Parenting Book, but I have to step in. I use Babywise methods with my son and have found it to be wonderful! I breastfed successfully on the flexible schedule based on the principles in the book. I never let my son cry when he woke at night. With the routine he got enough calories during the day that he began sleeping 8 hours a night starting at 8 weeks old with no intervention from us, he just didn't wake for a feeding until 6am one night and kept up that habit since then, with the exception of a few times he woke when he had a cold this winter. He's now 1 year old and still sleeps great and goes to sleep easily and independently. We are continuing with the Pretoddlerwise book suggestions, including teaching him sign language starting at 5 months old, which has been a lot of fun for him and us!

There seem to be a lot of false rumors spread on the internet about this book. First, the AAP has not cautioned parents against this book, rather one pediatrician had a poor experience with parents who misused the book and wrote an article against the book. 2 pediatricians agreed with him and 2 disagreed in the comments section. Hardly an onslaught of concerned doctors warning parents not to use this book's style. In reaction to that article from 1995, the Ezzo's edited the book so there would be less likelihood of parents misinterpreting the advice. To address anyone who has concerns about the book meeting AAP standards, there is a point-by-point list on both of these sites comparing Babywise and the AAP's recommendations for infant care: http://www.ezzotruth.com/downloads/AAP_BABYWISE.pdf and http://www.babywisereview.com/blog/?p=20 (this second article was written by a pediatrician).

I was also very disturbed by the comment about Toddlerwise suggesting to hit a child with objects. In the book on page 102 Gary Ezzo lists these methods of correction: redirection, time-out, loss of privilege, and natural consequences. In no way does he even mention spanking in Toddlerwise, never mind hitting a child with objects! In Pretoddlerwise (12-18 months) he states "spanking, as traditionally practiced in our society, is not an acceptable form of correction during the pretoddler phase of development."

I think it's best for parents to learn about all the different styles and go with what knowledge, experience, and instinct tells them. Even if I hadn't read Babywise I still would have had my child on a flexible routine from birth, it's just natural to me as a teacher that all children thrive on consistency and routine. Again, I'm not saying everyone will come to the same conclusion when they use their knowledge, experience, and instinct but I don't feel it's appropriate to attack those who came to different conclusions than you. I breastfeed but won't tell a formula feeding mom she's wrong, I cloth diaper and use elimination communication but won't tell a disposable diapering mom who potty trains at 3 she's wrong, and I make my own natural baby food but will not judge a mom who buys jars from the store. I have faith that most parents are intelligent adults who have their kids' best interests at heart and can handle reading all options in baby books and making a good choice.

elle jay- please read what chouette4u wrote about babywise. it is child neglect and abuse to follow that book. the AAP issued their warning after all these kids were showing up at the pediatricians offices with health problems including failure to thrive after their parents followed the advice in babywise.

I tried the crying it out method on my son around 6 months and it did NOT work, however both my husband and I are suckers and it hurts us to let him cry. Hes 9months and im at my wits end. I need some relief. I do feed him at night to get him to go back to sleep other wise he is a mad man. if anyone has any better advice let me know. Im really open.