Can Having a Baby Save a Relationship?

May 30, 2009

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage. But what happens when the hula dance is over and times get rough, is it time for a child or another baby? Some couples reason that an addition will bring them closer and tighten existing bonds. What many people forget is how hard committed life can be without kids. Add a crying babe (or two) to the mix and those troubled waters can get harrowing. What's your take?
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18 Comments

2 years 17 weeks

I know this is irrelevant but how long before a relationship can heal enough from a unfaithful event.......how long until it heals enough to have a child? I want a family so bad and love my girl so much and our house and our life but a mistake from long long ago surfaced and my head is in a turmoil since she has forgiven me but now wants to speed up the process of having a child, i dont know if its because she wants to strengthen us or she geniunly wants a child, we spoke of it and put it off until she was 30 (29 now) and i was 26 (25 now).....she said im being selfish when i told her i couldnt consciously bring a pregnancy into our relationship until our relationship had healed at least a bit, i love her so much and want to do anything for her but i dont know what to do.......im so very sad and confused. she didnt even give me a chance to explain because of course she is still in pain but its only been a week since she found out. it was a long time ago and since i think we've had our share of arguments but nothing to out of this world. am i wrong to tell her to wait till she's 30? i think she's ready now because of her age and the fact that i have fertility problems and she wants to start working on it now but with such a fresh wound is that too much? im past the criticizing and the being made the bad guy phase, i know i am stupid and irresponsible and she doesnt deserve me but as selfish as this sounds i want to make it work because i love her so much.....i dont wnat to cause her anymore pain but she kicked me to the curb after i told her what i thought about our healing process and a child. i just dont think i could do that to an innocent being like a child. i would rather live in pain for the rest of my life than to hurt another beautiful person.

leeluvfashion 3 years 50 weeks

Having a child to save a marriage is a horrible choice. Not only does it cause more stress to an already breaking marriage but children can sense tension. And it will make a post-baby divorce even worse (for both the parents and the little one (or ones.)) Go into couples therapy, work on the issues and if you both find/figure out you are no longer right for one another, separate and divorce. Child + Failing marriage, does not = all problems solved.

leeluvfashion 3 years 50 weeks

runningesq 3 years 51 weeks

Oh, absolutely ! It's also a great way to trap a man!

runningesq 3 years 51 weeks

Oh, absolutely !It's also a great way to trap a man!

kty 3 years 51 weeks

definitely not and sometimes a baby can break a relationship when the love shift to the baby and you become parents first and foremost instead of lovers and parents...

3 years 51 weeks

When our son was born, is when I fell head over heels for him and new he was the one, it shouldnt have been in that oder but it worked for us

lickety split 3 years 51 weeks

yes! just ask jon and kate. in fact, the more :baby: you have at once the better the results!

Geisha Runner 3 years 51 weeks

Getting pregnant to save a relationship is not the best idea in the world. Having said that, some people do change when they know they are expecting. My husband and I were not a good place in our relationship when we found out we were expecting (totally NOT planned). Things have gotten so much better since we had our daughter because we both did some needed changing and growing up. I wouldn't say our daughter saved our marriage, but we did realize some things about ourselves that needed to change.

meandtheo 3 years 51 weeks

i absolutely agree that having a baby to save a marriage/relationship is very naive thinking...but i will say this. my husband and i had been married for 6 1/2 years before i got pregnant with my first and we were in a bit of a stale time in our marriage. we were both working a lot and not spending a lot of QT together. once our daughter was born our relationship blossomed again. my husband was amazing with me and my recovery from a pretty brutal labor and both of us not only nurtured our baby but also each other and our relationship. once we got the green light from my doctor we couldn't keep our hands off each other (and here i am pregnant again)...we had a very solid relationship prior to our daughters birth so in no way do i think she "saved" it (because it wasn't broken) but i do think she helped us put some life back into it.

bluepuppybites 3 years 51 weeks

Many marriage counselors will tell you that your and your partner's relationship needs to come first before your kids or having kids. As long as you have a strong relationship with your partner your family will also be strong as well. They recommend couple time every so often for parents so they continue that love and strength.

starbucks 3 years 51 weeks

this is so stupid. having children really puts your relationship to the test. i wouldn't wanna be with someone just for the child's sake and i would hate for my partner to only be with me for that reason.

smileyface 3 years 51 weeks

Agree with everyone above. Having a child to save a marriage/relationship is just stupid. Even if the couple stays together, they do it for the child, not for each other.My ex got back together with his ex that he had a kid with because he wanted to give his son a family and not too long after they got back together she got pregnant again. Their relationship has a lot of problems and at some point those kids are going to realize it. Kids are a lot smarter/perceptive than we think and I believe that it is better for the parents to be apart rather than force some artificial relationship with each other for the sake of the kids. I think that actually harms the kids in the long run.

smileyface 3 years 51 weeks

Agree with everyone above. Having a child to save a marriage/relationship is just stupid. Even if the couple stays together, they do it for the child, not for each other. My ex got back together with his ex that he had a kid with because he wanted to give his son a family and not too long after they got back together she got pregnant again. Their relationship has a lot of problems and at some point those kids are going to realize it. Kids are a lot smarter/perceptive than we think and I believe that it is better for the parents to be apart rather than force some artificial relationship with each other for the sake of the kids. I think that actually harms the kids in the long run.

Chouette4u 3 years 51 weeks

It won't save anything, but it can painfully prolong the inevitable.

Frank y Ava 3 years 51 weeks

No and no. Having a baby or purposely getting pregnant will not save anything it might even make it worse. Yes it's worked for some couples but that's so touch and go I wouldn't try it.

FrankiLee 3 years 51 weeks

I totally agree with Lauren. It's incredibly irresponsible and a horrible mistake to have a child to try and save your relationship. Unfair to the child, and just not a good idea all around. Having a child is stressful in many ways (and also wonderful, my daughter is amazing!!), and the relationship has to be strong to be able to get through hard times together, and emerge as a family.

LaurenG22 3 years 51 weeks

This is a ridiculous question. Obviously the answer is NO, having a baby can't save a relationship and it's a mistake to try to do so.

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