Accommodating Children's Food Allergies

Do You Accommodate Allergy-Ridden Kids at a Party?

May 24, 2011

I'm nut free, are you? The climax of a birthday party may well be the presentation of the cake and an off-key rendition of "Happy Birthday," but for parents of kids with food allergies, the moment is a reminder that it's time to pull out an alternative treat for their tots.

With more than 3 million US kids suffering from food allergies, it's safe to assume that at least one of your lil one's friends must watch what she eats. As the parent of a tot with a tree nut allergy, I am overly cautious of the food I serve at parties, but assume that others aren't as aware when we attend someone else's fete. My bag is usually packed with snacks and a nut-free cupcake. If you know a party goer has a food allergy, do you accommodate them?

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12 Comments

TonyaZ 1 year 47 weeks

I would/have accomodated this with children, family, friends on multiple occasions. Even when my kids could bring homemade food to school: I asked the teacher prior to "treat day" if any child had food or related allergies. I am a nurse and treating food allergies (especially kids) is something I would like to avoid. Even asking if foods/drinks are OK when child is not allergic (it could simply be parents choice). I would hope that my actions would be reciprocated by other parents involved in my child(-ren)'s class/friends/family. I try to accomodate diabetes or physical disabilities that could affect participation in festivities. It's not that hard to do really.... just being aware and caring about these issues is appreciated by parents/family. If it's my child's allergy, I ask if I may prepare a dish or item for them to bring; or ask what I need to make, have on hand to accomodate. Haven't been turned down or offended anyone yet. Thank you to the people who have taken the time to inquire and accomodate an allergy and make the festivity enoyable for all!!

EvieJ 1 year 51 weeks

I agree with amandachalynn. The reason I asked what the parents would do is b/c I've never experienced this. I think if a mom's not comfortable w/ me preparing the food, then she needs to do what is best for her child and bring it. I'm not an expert on gluten-free, or nut-free, or whatever-free (I'm knocking on wood!) and would have no problem with another mom (or dad) saying they'd rather bring their own, just to be safe. Honestly, if someone's feelings get hurt by another parent saying "Hey, do you mind, just in case, don't want you to worry, etc" that says a lot about the person who's feelings are hurt!

amandachalynn 1 year 51 weeks

Of course I would make sure every kid could eat the food. I don't understand why other parents wouldn't. Being a kid is hard enough without having to worry about being the only kid to go without. With the internet and whole foods, you can make almost anything. Sorbet instead of ice cream. Gluten free cake, fruit kabobs, etc. If the other kids mom isn't comfortable in trusting me to make sure things are safe, no problem! We're all ultimately responsible for our own kids, and I would never be offended by someone bringing their own food. At the end of the day I just want everyone to feel comfortable and have fun, whatever it takes.

1 year 51 weeks

While I don't have children yet, I would do whatever possible to accommodate the allergies. I myself am gluten-free. (Intolerant, not Celiac Disease. But I can definitely tell when I get gluten.) I never expect anyone to bend over backwards, I ALWAYS have a bag of food with me that I know is entirely gluten-free (and made fun of for it constantly). Especially at potlucks or places where original packages can't be provided. At any gatherings, I only eat foods with few ingredients that I know I can have or food made by families that are gluten-free, also. Even before going gluten-free I was a super picky eater. Rarely ate foods made by most other people unless I know EVERY ingredient that it was made with. Last night we all had dinner at my sisters house. She made pasta and called to ask which kind I liked, and which kind of sauce I could have. Then made a small amount of that for me, and regular stuff for everyone else. She gave me the rest of the box of my spaghetti to take home, as they can have the regular stuff. It meant a great deal to me that she did this! When I have my own kids and they had parties, I'd ask parents if their children had allergies and what foods or brands of foods are safe for their kids, then use those brands/foods. Especially at a kids party. Kids can feel left out so easy, especially when they can't even eat the same foods as other kids. With food allergies (all types) becoming more known, or more properly diagnosed, it's becoming a big issue. Sorry for the story, but this is something that you can understand a little bit, but can't really understand entirely unless you or someone close to you has to live with it!

1 year 51 weeks

If I am aware of the allergy and can accomodate them, I will. If you feel better supplying your child's food, so you are 10000% certain that the child is eating only what you feel he/she should consume, I am not offended. I have food issues of my own, but I do not expect everyone to bend over backwards to make me feel good about eating. I am fully aware of what I can and can not safely consume and I make the proper choices in my food selections. If you child has an allergy, be it to nuts, gluten or penicillan, they should be aware of what is safe/is not safe. The same way you teach them everything else that is vitally important that they know. Get them a medical alert bracelet/necklace as well. Be blessed!

1 year 51 weeks

My children are allergic to eggs and milk, and I have a niece and nephew who are allergic to soy and deathly (literally my nephew almost died 2 years ago due to an allergic reaction) allergic to peanuts and shellfish. I'm used to working with food allergies. My son turned 6 a few months ago, and I wrote on the invitations that the entire party was egg and milk-free. I also asked for parents to call me if there were other allergies. To me, it's no big deal working with them. As for poster #5, if my children are invited anywhere, I voice the allergies depending on the situation. If I'm with my children, when I RSVP I tell the parents, "We'll be there, but I'll bring my own cake, food, etc due to their food allergies." If I am dropping my children off (which I've only done once besides school), I make sure the parent has a list of things that they can't eat. The other mother was very sweet about it. Before I left, she told me what she had and asked what could be eaten.

1 year 51 weeks

My daughter and I are both allergic to gluten and carein (dairy) protein. We're not allergy-ridden, because it's truly not a burden. My girl had her fifth birthday party a couple of weeks ago, and we had the opposite problem: Gluten-free items don't always have the same texture as gluteny foods, so do I subject her classmates to her allergy-free food, or shell out more money to get them standard cupcakes? I chose to buy an 8in round cake from our gluten-free bakery (that was also dairy free), and also got 3 dozen cupcakes from Safeway that matched the theme for any kids that didn't want the gluten-free cake. Most kids didn't mind the gluten-free cake, but I felt better having provided them a choice, rather than shoving our dietary standards down their throat. To #5: When we're invited to the birthday party of another child, I make a point to have a conversation with the parent to ask what they will be serving. I let them know that I do not expect them to accomodate us, because it's expensive, time-consuming, confusing, and I can't guarantee that they will be as vigilant as I am (I don't tell them that last part!). But I do ask questions about what color and theme the cake will be, what other foods will be served, and where the party will be. I strive to make sure that my daughter never feels different because of her allergies, so we have so far brought our own pizza, cupcakes that match the birthday cake, sandwiches, etc. My daughter never feels different (or at least she never says she does), and no one has ever fussed at us or made a fuss over our bringing anything with us. In fact, I've gotten some lovely comments from parents interested in why we are gluten-free, how easy it is, and maybe to taste the cake/cupcakes (and most of the time, they can't tell it's gluten/dairy free at all!).

EvieJ 1 year 51 weeks

I have a question for #3 and #4: If you're child is invited to a party, when you RSVP yes do you let the hosts know about the allergy? If you do let the hosts know, do you also say "this is safe, this is not" or "we'll bring our own food"? I'm just curious! :) @#3: You're right, people don't understand until they've been in your shoes, but please be understanding of other parents. If I don't know, and don't know what to do, don't be snarky (love that word!), just be patient. Very few parents would want to do anything to harm a child, and if my daughter had a friend with allergies, I would do everything in my power to accommodate (last time I checked, that word means to do something with kindness, as for a friend, so it's a good use of the word).

1 year 51 weeks

My son is "allergy-ridden" as you called it. Gluten, eggs, milk, seeds, nuts, peanuts, and more make it impossible to eat "normal" party food. And while we appreciate it when people provide some safe treats like fruit or known products that we are familiar with, I also don't feel safe having him multi-ingredient food prepared by someone else - no matter what they say is in it. The risks are too high for us. (Fruit or veggies or even simple popsicles are probably ok, dip, pizza or cupcakes are not.) Unlike the previous commenter, I am always touched that people make the effort at all. And hope that we do not offend or discourage our hosts by refusing foods that they may have thought were "safe". The thought is always appreciated.

U2forlife 1 year 51 weeks

I have a food allergic child and I can't believe the headline here refers to her as "allergy-ridden". That type of thinking is part of the problem. People tend to think if it's not a nut allergy, it's not that big a deal, and perhaps the child and parents are even exaggerating the extent of the danger. But, the truth is, any food allergy can be life-threatening. And, ensuring safety for children is not being "accommodating", it is being responsible and kind. I know I may sound rather snarky here, but until you've walked in our shoes, you just don't understand how scary and dangerous food can be, and always feeling like a burden or annoyance to everyone else grows very tiring.

1 year 51 weeks

Yeah, we accommodate. If a kid is deathly allergic to peanuts or eggs, I won't serve anything with those ingredients. And I always serve some simple food, like a fruit bowl, which usually has something everyone can eat. If I know a child is gluten-free, I will at least tell the parents what kind of goodies I'm serving, so they can bring substitutes.

EvieJ 1 year 51 weeks

Heck yeah, I'd accommodate a child with allergies at a party! If I have a dinner party and a vegetarian is coming, I'll accommodate him/her, so why not a child with allergies? And how hard is it? No peanuts, no shellfish, etc. For the other allergies, like milk or gluten, I'd do something special for the child.

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