I would never use a name I knew a close friend or family member had chosen with asking how they felt about it. I think that's rude.

If a friend of mine "stole" my name, it wouldn't be a huge issue, even though I wouldn't do it to them. A family member, that'd probably cause a huge rift. We're considering using the same nickname my sister uses for her son, and she and I had a discussion about it. If she had ANY objections, I wouldn't even consider it. As it is, we're unlikely to use it just because of confusion.

Ask first. Your friend/sister may not care at all if you use it. Or she and the father may have put a huge amount of effort into choosing the name, had a hard time agreeing, and would be upset to find out that you plan to snag it.

Oh and a mere acquaintance wouldn't even make a blip on my radar as far as being offended or asking permission. It'd have to be a close friend or a family member.

My husband's friend just had a baby and their daughter's name is one letter off from my daughter's name. Does that count? I thought that was cute. I picked a good name.

As far as using a friend/family member's chosen name before they're child is born, I wouldn't do it. But, I don't think it would bother me all that much. Probably just because growing up as a Jennifer has gotten me pretty used to millions of people having the same name.

My BIL took our favorite boy's name a few years ago. Granted, it wasn't really his fault since we were nowhere near having kids and hadn't discussed it with them, but I admit I was totally bummed when he announced the name they had chosen after the baby was born. Especially since they had already told everyone another name and changed it at the last minute. Now that we are having a boy, my husband and I still grumble (jokingly mostly) that they "stole" our name. Heh.

I'm a bit ambivalent on this one. If a close family member or friend knows you have your heart set on a name, perhaps it would be nice if they asked. But if you don't speak up or are nowhere near having kids, it's probably unfair to expect them to chose another name. And like Greggie mentioned, I think it's only a really big deal if it's family or a really close friend. Or some really unusual or deep meaning name.

Its like going out with your friend's ex...u just don't do it.

I completely agree that if you haven't said anything, it's silly to take offense when someone else uses the name.

I'm referring to things like if we announced we were using a certain name with our next baby, and then a sister got pregnant and used it before we had more. I think in that case, it would be rude to not at least ask.

My brother-in-law and his wife had a "boy name" picked out that I love. I cnosider it a total hands-off for any future kids for us in case we have more kids.

P.S. I am keeping my pick a secret until he is born b.c of this very thing. I also don't want to hear people's opinion...

A lot of people don't share baby names just for that reason!!

I agree w/ others who have said that if you are not currently pregnant and announced a baby name that you plan on using, you cannot really "call" the name (or I guess you can, but I think it's really silly and unfair).

However, I would discuss my decision to use a name that a really close friend or family member announced as a most favorite name even if they were nowhere near having kids.

It's funny, though, as the name I always thought I'd want to use as a boy name ended up not being our son's first name (it is his middle name, though) as it ended up becoming really popular around here over the past 10 years.

PS I am reluctant to share our thoughts on girl names this time around because we got too many comments last time w/ our son's name!

We kept our first born's name a secret because of our family trying to give their unwanted opinion. We knew we couldn't please everybody and that wasn't our goal. As far as name stealing, I would never do that on purpose. There are plenty of beautiful names out there, plus I change my mind from week to week.

I think I would only be upset if I announced at 6 months pregnant that we were naming the baby "Jason" and then another pregnant friend gave birth first and decided to use Jason. It probably wouldn't happen to me as I only keep very close friends that wouldn't do that kind of thing.

When I was pregnant with my daughter I told everyone her name. I also said that if it was a boy he would be named Justin. My brothers wife got pregnant after me and was planning on naming her son Justin(after I said it) or a name that her sister in law(who was pregnant)decided on. I can't remember what her sis-in-laws name was, but she didn't name her sons my name.

Funny enough...I have a friend who had her daughter prior to me and named her daughter the same name as my daughter. However, we weren't close enough and don't live close enough for it to matter. Also, her second child is a boy named Justin. In this case it was purely coincidence b/c we never discussed names at that point.

I didn't mind telling people my name choices in advance b/c it didn't matter to me if they didn't like it and if they said something about it I would tell that it wasn't their problem(my mother).

Somewhat related, when we told my mom the short list of names we had chosen for our son, the one my husband and I liked best (and are ultimately using) was the one my mom liked least (and it's a normal name). Of course, I feel bad about it and still haven't told her we are using it for sure (although from her silence I suspect she might have figured it out). Part of me wonders if I should have told her awhile ago to get her used to it or continue holding out. We have told many other friends the name, but I cringe at the thought of upsetting her, even though it's really not her business at the end of the day. It just bothers me that she might never be on board with the name. I'm guessing that the thrill of her having a grandchild will overshadow it and she won't ultimately care.

Yeah, a bit off topic, but a big issue I've found lately and a topic of discussion among friends. What do you do if your family hates the name you have chosen? Fortunately for us, everyone else has liked the name well enough. Or are good liars. Heh.

We always tell people both our boy and girl choices when I'm pregnant, since we don't find out what we're having. Family and close friends, I like sharing that info with.

If someone took our girl name (since we haven't had a girl yet), I'd be really really hurt. We've had it for 8 years (technically longer, since my husband and I knew before we got married that we'd use it), and I'd consider it really rude if a family member in particular stole it. We'll also never hit a point of "we're definitely done" until I finish menopause, so the name will always be a general option for us. (Or done deal, if this is a girl. *lol*)

schnappycat- My first son we named Dylan, this was 9 years ago before it was a common name. My mom, dad and grandmothers all threw a fit. We didn't really get support from anyone. After we had him they were all so enthralled with his cute little face nobody ever mentioned not liking his name again. I'm fairly sure if I even mentioned how they didn't like the name Dylan they probably would say they never said that

We are naming this little guy Grayden, so far we really haven't had anyone say anything negative. Maybe they are all just relieved that we are not naming him Seamus (for years we had referenced the future child as "baby Seamus"). Maybe that's the trick, pick a name you know they will hate so that way they don't give you grief in the real name?

Macgirl, my family has had fun with calling the baby "Ferris" because our last name is quite similar to "Bueller." Hee. (Too funny, but I'm coincidentally watching the movie now). So maybe you are right and they will all just be thrilled I'm not actually going with that! Can you imagine the poor kid? He wouldn't get it for awhile, but I bet his teachers would really laugh on the first day of school.

Grayden is an awesome name, I love it! I love Seamus, too. But I'm Irish.

However, my husband is Italian and we go for all-Italian names. Not that I'm sharing. But for now, we're calling this one Linguini, courtesy of my younger son's suggestion.

We loved the name Seamus and its traditional spelling, just didn't think it would be nice to do to a kid living in Southern California

Ferris Bueller is my hubby's favorite movie

I'm a late-comer to having a baby, so all of the names I've been coming up with have been used by friends and family. I'm finding that my friends are all very interested in what we are naming the baby, but they all have their own opinions/suggestions too!

Haha- I'm not worried about name-thievery as no one likes our name pick for this boy aside from us and some older women I know who are past their baby-making days.

name thieving shouldn't be done if you have a close relationship with someone who's crazy ecstatic and set about baby names. the only exception is when you've discussed the issue with that close person. personally if i disclosed the name of my future baby (and was dead set on it) and someone who was tight with me "stole" the name for their future child without me knowing, i'd be really angry. but this is only because i had the whole baby names things down for awhile now and i've been loving the names since. i just hope my future husband agrees with the names

schnappycat - that actually happened to my mom! she really wanted to name me alison but told her mom and my grandma went "ewww" and crinkled her nose! my mom actually ended up giving me her second choice name because she couldn't bear the idea of "giving her baby a name my mom hated" to put it in her own words haha. i say you have to do what you're comfy with though. i don't think i'll be having kids anytime soon but i doubt my mom or anyone could sway me from a name i really wanted.

and baby name stealing sucks, but in all honestly i don't think it's that huge of a deal. i'm sure it can be traumatic if you're pregnant and find out someone stole your name, but i don't really see a problem with friends or relatives having the same name for their kids. my thinking that is probably due to my being one of several amy's throughout my life though lol.

Hopefully once you actually name the baby, schnappycat, your family will be so in love with him / her that they cannot imagine any other name for the little one!!!

This happened w/ us. Now people say that they cannot imagine him having any other name than the unusual one he has (he was named for my husband's grandfather who passed away right before our son was born and was the only other person w/ this name I had ever heard of!!).

Schnappy - don't worry. When we announced what we planned to name our son (and ultimately did), the only people who liked it were my parents. My AH's family totally disliked it. Now, of course, they love his name, can't imagine calling him anything else, and go on and on about how it's such a strong, fitting name.

BTW, I think name stealing sucks - especially if a person absolutely knows that someone else is set on the name or plans to use it soon.

I think names are pretty much free for the picking. my best friend and I were talking about names when I was pregnant w/ my son and she really liked Jacob. I went w/ it and later (after I had him) she told me she was upset because that was going to be her name. she wasn't pregnant, married or even close to being either. so I said oh, well.

but then another friend of mine named her daughter bella a year after i named mine ella. that was a little annoying, but really it doesn't matter that much in the long run. people have similar names all the time.

I don't think that is ok to take a close friend or relatives baby name that they have been set on forever and seriously plan to use one day. but often people have quite a few names that they play around w/ and also people's taste change over time.

when my best friend ended up having a son a year and a half after mine she told me she never would've used Jacob, she went w/ Matthew instead. so, if you are having a baby and your friend or relative isn't in that boat (or even near that boat) at the time, I say use it. they probably would've changed their mind on the name anyways by the time they were planning thier own family.

I think that its wrong to steal someones baby name IF you are close to them. Like my sister-in-law knew I wanted to name my baby Nathaniel if it was a boy but once we found out it was a girl she stole it for my nephew... it peeved me a bit but then again I was having a girl so I got over it but the fact still remains that when/if I ever have a son I can't name him Nathaniel...grr lol.

I would be very upset if someone did that to me and I would never do it to someone else. When I picked my two daughters names, I tried to make sure that they were not so popular. I like different names. Some people put a lot of thought in their name picking and it can be very hard to do sometimes, so I think it is mean when you "steal" a name.

I dont have any kids, but when i do i dont plan on telling anyone the names, my hubbys cousin when she was preggers she put up a website and had the family vote on a name, we all thought it was stupid so we voted on the dumbest one and she ended up using it.

Oh, I didn't know it was that common to steal a name! We have very close relatives who did that. We had the name picked out for at least 10 years & she knew it. They also named their daughter a version of the girl name that we had picked out. I could have scratched their eyes out both times, but I'm over it now. What else can you do...?

@ CaterpillarGirl

I can't believe people would allow other to actually vote on their kids name. Imagine if everyone did what you did - that kid now has the dumb name!

How long can one have dibs on a name? If you discussed baby names with your friend in high school and are now 30, can you reasonably expect them to remember and not steal your baby name? This happened to my friend "Jane." Her high school friend "Sue" was really ticked at her for taking the name Sue called dibs on 14 years before. I think that's crazy. If you and your friends are nowhere near having children, I don't think it's fair to claim a name and expect everyone to consider it yours for the next three decades.

Of course, if your annoying sister-in-law has her baby two months before yours is due and takes the name you told her you were using, that's a different story.

Stealing baby names is mean!

But I basically agree with what Cate McG said.

"How long can one have dibs on a name? If you discussed baby names with your friend in high school and are now 30, can you reasonably expect them to remember and not steal your baby name?"

I don't think that's reasonable, no.

But I think if someone's married and planning a child (or currently pregnant) and says "We'll use Jane if it's a girl and John if it's a boy," they can maintain "dibs" on the name of the gender they don't end up having. If that makes sense. Unless of course they decide they're only having the one child.

I think it's pathetic and rude to steal someone's babyname, be it a friend or a relative. I would never do it to anyone and I woulnd't like it if someone did it to me - I think I'd be pretty annoyed actually. But I think that counts most when it's an unusual name, something the person would probably not come up with on their own, unless they heard it somewhere else. I think it would be particularly obnoxious to steal a name from someone who is pregnant and is probably anxiously waiting for the arrival of their baby, whom they probably already call by the name they picked.

I think it's pathetic and rude to steal someone's babyname, be it a friend or a relative. I would never do it to anyone and I woulnd't like it if someone did it to me - I think I'd be pretty annoyed actually. But I think that counts most when it's an unusual name, something the person would probably not come up with on their own, unless they heard it somewhere else. I think it would be particularly obnoxious to steal a name from someone who is pregnant and is probably anxiously waiting for the arrival of their baby, whom they probably already call by the name they picked.

We just had a baby girl. We live in a very small town. Our name was unusual. Most people have never heard it before and ask how it is spelled. Our neighbour's sister lives at the end of the block and had a baby girl 2 weeks later. When I stopped to congradulate them on the birth of their daughter and asked her name they told me that they heard what we called our daughter and liked it so much that they choose it too!! (but they spelled it different, they dropped the "e") Now every where I go in our small community and people stop to ask her name I hear about oh so and so just had a baby with the same name. It is mortifying! Some people might think that who cares it is just a name, but now there are 2 girls on the same street born the same month with the same unusual name! My neighbour actually asked me if I was going to move and they stole my name!! Oh well just a name right????

I have never worried about it, because (A) none of our friends were even close to being ready to have their own babies before we did, we were barely 22/23, and (B) we like really offbeat names that no one else would likely pick... our daughter's name is Velouria Enid. I can't say I even considered what anyone else thought of our choices.

I am going to weigh in on this topic, since it's relevant to my family. I had my first child, a little girl, a little over 2 years ago. It took us months to decide upon our girl name and our boy name (we chose only one of each, i.e., there wasn't a short list, etc.) and everyone in our families knew our choices. We had a little girl, so our boy name remains unused, and everyone knows I'd still like to try for at least one more child. Fast forward to today: my little sister, who was "potty-mouth pissed off" when her future step-mother-in-law named her adopted female dog using the name my little sister had planned to use for a little girl, has now informed us all that their boy name is none-other-than our boy name. My immediate response to her was, "well, that's our boy name, so be warned that if we have a little boy in the future, we will still use that name, even if you do decide to use it." I can't begin to tell you how hypocritical I think my little sister is, but, frankly, when it gets down to it, neither my husband nor I really care what name they use and we'll still use the name if we have a boy. Having said that, I would never use a name that a family member or close friend had chosen for either sex, unless I knew they were not having any more children and I'd spoken to my family member/friend about it, but that's the difference between me and my little sister.

Well, just wanted to comment about the baby name thing. I just found out that my sister in law is going to name her unborn son with a baby name I had picked out for our future son. The name is after my husband's name, her brother. She has known this name we have picked out for 7 years and it really hurts. What more can I say? I was hoping to name our son after his father. Still haven't decided against it however. There may just have to be cousins with the same name. Anyhow, it is pretty disappointing.

I'm pretty upset. My husband and I spent months deciding on the perfect name for our baby. I name that came to me in a dream before he was even concieved is the name that we wound up with. And The baby is four months old, we find out my brother and sister-in-law are planning on using the exact same name for their daughter. Not even changing the spelling ! These are the only two grandkids and I am just furious, angry and really really irritated. I don't want my son to have his only baby girl cousin having the same name, the same spelling. I feel this is totally wrong and I really wish, at the very least that they would consider a different spelling so there's some differientation. I don't think I will ever get over this. I'm really upset about it. It's wrong to take a baby's name when they are in close proximity, cousins, same family, same holidays etc. I really can't believe they don't see anything wrong with this !

THANK GOD I FOUND THIS WEBSITE .
I HAVE A QUESTION !
ME AND MY SISTER IN LAW HAD OUR BABIES ONE MONTH APART THEY ARE ALMOST 2 YEARS OLD NOW .
I CALL MY DAUGHTER BY HER NICKNAME MEME SINCE SHE WAS BORN .
ONE DAY WHEN THEY WHERE ABOUT 5 MONTHS WE HEARD HER CALLING MY NIECE TWICE BY THE SAME NAME MEME OF COURSE I FELT HORRIBLE BUT I DID NOT ASK WHY OR WHATTT NOTHING !
WELL I TRY TO CHANGE MY DAUGHTER NICKNAME MORE THAN 10 TIMES STILL NONE OF THEM GROW ON US BUT MEME . NOW SHE IS CALLING MY NIECE MEME ALL THE TIME 3 MONTHS NOW THAT SHE IS DOING IT MORE AND MORE AND IT BOTHERS ME A LOT WHEN WE VISIT. EVEN WHEN WE ARE NOW CALLING MY DAUGHTER BY MIMI WHY AM I STILL SO MAD WHAT CAN I DO ,MY HUSBAND ALSO MAD MY OTHER DAUGHTER SHE IS 11 YEARS OLD ALMOST SEND HER AN EMAIL ASKING WHY , THANK GOD I GOT TO HER BEFORE SHE SEND THAT EMAIL .
ALSO THE FIRST TIME WE HEARD HER CALLING HER MEME @ 5 MONTHS I CALL MY BROTHER AND ASK HIM WHY AND WHEN ? HE WAS LIKE I DON'T KNOW NOW I GUESS .. NOW AM MAD BUT I HAVE NOT IDEA WHY ? WE FOUND ANOTHER NICKNAME BUT WHEN WE VISIT SHE WOULD OVER DO IT CALLING HER MEME MEME MEME . IS MY NIECE I LOVE HER TO DEAD BUT STILL BOTHERS ME .
WHAT SHOULD I DO ?

My best friend just delivered a baby girl last night and stole my future baby name. Now, I am not pregnant, but am trying to be. Which makes it even worse I think. Not only am I having trouble getting pregnant, but my best friend steals my baby name?!?! Priceless... not to mention this is common knowledge in our relationship, even my husband is pissed as know we cannot use it! This friendship is over. If she had come to me before and admitted she like the name for herself, I would have been pissed, but let it go. Devastating!

My husband and I would never have chosen a name for one of our four children, that some of our close friends or family members has given to one of their children. This understanding is possibly why it hit us very hard, that my brother in law and his girl friend named their first child the same as we did our last one fourteen months ago, not knowing they even tried to get pregnant or knowing its on top of her list. I never thought about baby names before I was pregnant, so it was new to me that someone could be so focused on one name. It is just not very sensible and a bit reckless to do this, family suffers, it takes a toll on all at the end.
I think there is a big enough selection of names out there, so that everybody can find a name they like and doesn't conflict with any others. Our grandma has now two granddaughters carrying the same name, would have been avoidable, if people would not put their own wishes first and stay a bit flexible. Passing down a name from generation to generation is o.k. if parents chose to do so voluntarily, but it is not healthy giving the same name within the same generation, which I call an unwritten law not to do so. You want the new little person you 've brought into this world, adore, cherish and love growing up with their own identity and meaning, the name is part of it doubtlessly.
Having and naming a child is not all about your dreams come true. Names should be picked wisely and responsibly.Once you named your child it's irreversible.
If you have a friend and want to keep him as a friend rethink your name choice if it collides. Believe me, at the end everybody ends up hurt. So no win for everybody, avoidable in my opinion.
Don't tell other people your name preferences, if others close to you have a child first and used "your name" unknowingly , talk to them, if they would mind, you are using the same name or be flexible and chose another one. If everybody would do this, name napping and hurt relationships would be history.

My husband and I would never have chosen a name for one of our four children, that some of our close friends or family members has given to one of their children. This understanding is possibly why it hit us very hard, that my brother in law and his girl friend named their first child the same as we did our last one fourteen months ago, not knowing they even tried to get pregnant or knowing its on top of her list. I never thought about baby names before I was pregnant, so it was new to me that someone could be so focused on one name. It is just not very sensible and a bit reckless to do this, family suffers, it takes a toll on all at the end.
I think there is a big enough selection of names out there, so that everybody can find a name they like and doesn't conflict with any others. Our grandma has now two granddaughters carrying the same name, would have been avoidable, if people would not put their own wishes first and stay a bit flexible. Passing down a name from generation to generation is o.k. if parents chose to do so voluntarily, but it is not healthy giving the same name within the same generation, which I call an unwritten law not to do so. You want the new little person you 've brought into this world, adore, cherish and love growing up with their own identity and meaning, the name is part of it doubtlessly.
Having and naming a child is not all about your dreams come true. Names should be picked wisely and responsibly.Once you named your child it's irreversible.
If you have a friend and want to keep him as a friend rethink your name choice if it collides. Believe me, at the end everybody ends up hurt. So no win for everybody, avoidable in my opinion.
Don't tell other people your name preferences, if others close to you have a child first and used "your name" unknowingly , talk to them, if they would mind, you are using the same name or be flexible and chose another one. If everybody would do this, name napping and hurt relationships would be history.