Mommy Dearest,
Our family was invited to a black tie wedding, which we will attend in a few weeks. Understanding that it's a formal affair, I purchased a long gown to wear and my husband is renting a tuxedo. But, I think the bride's request for even our 2-year-old son to wear a tux is ridiculous despite my offering for him to wear comfortable chinos and a button-up shirt. He's not even in the wedding. Should I tell her that my child isn't going to abide by the required pricey attire in advance or just dress him the way I see fit?
— Black Tie for Tots Is Beyond Reason
To see the response from Mommy Dearest, read more.
Black Tie For Tots Is Beyond Reason,
While you raise valid points about your son's comfort level and the expense of renting or buying a two-year-old a tux, it's the bride's day and as a guest it's best to abide by her rules. Since you already addressed the issue and she wasn't accepting of your offer to dress your child in slacks and an oxford shirt, your only real option is to outfit him in a tux or not bring him to the festivities. You may also want to consider how kid-friendly this formal affair will actually be or if your youngster would be happier staying home with a sitter.
— Mommy Dearest
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Marciano
Vsct Jeans
Bertie
either get a tux or don't bring him. her wedding, her rules.
1seriously...chinos to a black tie event?
2Yes, I agree that you should abide by her rules. You might not like it, but it's her day and she has put tons of effort, thought, and money into making it her perfect day. Actually, I suggest leaving the child at home. You will save the money on the tux and likely will be able to enjoy yourself much more without running after an uncomfortable toddler.
3I would say leave the child at home. Don't spend the extra money because the marriage probably won't even last. Any bride that would expect children to wear a tux has some major control issues and that won't last long.
4Yeah and you might want to bring an extra tux just in case he spills something on himself!
Seriously though, you should probably just leave him at home for this wedding. The cost of the babysitter will probably be less than the cost of the tux, and this does not sound like a kid friendly affair at all.
5My guess is that he wasn't even invited and you assumed he was, so when you mentioned it she pointed out that it's black tie, hoping you'd take the hint that kids aren't welcome.
If you get an invitation that's black tie, it's black tie. Period. Asking for a different wardrobe was rude to begin with, sending regrets would've been the better way to go. Leave the child at home or bring him in black tie.
6I agree with those that say leave the kid at home. Unless the bride has some kind of bond with your son, whether he's there or not, it's not a big deal to her. See it as a fancy night out without having to cater to your son, who will probably get cranky by the end of the night. And if he's in his terrible twos, he'll be making a scene. Save everyone the humiliation and leave him at home.
7lord help my girls when they get married, because i don't see the wedding as "the bride's day". i see it as the day the bride and groom and their families have invited their loved ones to share in the couple becoming a family.
personally, i think it's time for a little bridal smack down. unless you are 6, you're too old to play princess. these women need to get over themselves.
8"personally, i think it's time for a little bridal smack down. unless you are 6, you're too old to play princess. these women need to get over themselves."
ITA. If only people put as much effort and energy into their marriages as they do planning their "one special *me* day"...
9Are you 100% sure he was even INVITED? Did the invite say Mr. and Mrs. Joe Schmo or Mr. and Mrs. Joe Schmo and Family ?
I would just get a sitter so you and husby can enjoy a night out as a couple -- how much fun will you have a wedding if you are constantly chasing around a 2 year old??
10Regardless of how you feel about the bride's request, to NOT dress him in a tux would be beyond rude since she has already specifically said "No" to your offer of chinos.
2 wrongs don't make a right. Leave the kid at home or suck it up. Why do you want to be as rude as you perceive the bride to be?
...and while we're at it, why does everyone assume the bride is a control freak? She and her husband may be in total agreement as to what type of event they want, and their parents might ALSO want a black tie soiree. Lay off the bride bashing lickety_split. Who cares how "you" see the event when it's not "your" wedding.
11we aren't assuming anything, we have evidence. she's giving instruction to grownups on how to dress. if her husband to be is her sole mate, he's a brat too.
not sure why "you" gets to be in "quotes". oh wait, lol, that IS kind of "fun"
12I didn't do a big to-do for my wedding, but I don't think it's controlling to do a black-tie affair, nor do I think it means the marriage is doomed to fail. Big whoop if they want a theme to it, whether it's black tie or all white or no kids. When people have a bbq wedding and reception, no one calls it "controlling" that the guests wear jeans and tshirts.
13Is everybody who throws a black tie affair considered a control freak, lickety split? Wow, newsflash to all of those fundraisers and gala who require black tie.
Black tie weddings are very common, especially in certain parts of the country. There is nothing wrong with having a black tie wedding if you can afford that level of formality. If the guests don't want to wear the required attire, they should just stay home.
14lickety_split -- 1st, yes, quotes "are" fun to use!
2nd, people give grownups instructions are how to dress all the freakin' time. Have you heard of business casual? Office dress codes? Aloha wear? Costume parties? etc etc etc.
15lord help my girls when they get married, because i don't see the wedding as "the bride's day"
If that is your attitude, maybe your girls will just elope and send you pictures of the big day.
16I agree... leave him at home, he probably wasn't invited.
And it is not at all ridiculous to put an "attire" on an invitation. How will you let people know that it is formal or casual?
And yes, you are right, lickety_split... god help your girls. It sounds like you're going to be the mother of the bride from hell.
17"...the day the bride and groom and their families have invited their loved ones to share in the couple becoming a family. "
Could not agree more!!
Our wedding was a fairly casual outdoor affair, and lots of people told us afterwards that was one of their favorite weddings they had been to. That being said, it doesn't sound like that's this bride's style and maybe it would be better if the little one were at home with a sitter (i know, easier said than done sometimes!) However, if you did bring your son in a regular suit (not a tux) what's she going to do? Kick him out??
18Quite honestly, i think that if the child wasn't invited they he should stay home. If he was invited then he should STILL probably stay home (i tend to agree that dragging a 2 year old to a wedding is only going to ruin your own perception of the event since you will have to concentrate on not being embarassed by the normal incidents that all children tend to create). If you just have to bring him then you should dress him in what the bride specified he should wear. If your son was a daughter you wouldn't balk at dressing her all up! Why is it that just because his clothing is more expensive he gets away with it?
Also, to comment on a previous comment, parents and family members do not have any say over any restrictions that the bride and groom agree upon for their wedding. The parents of the bride and the parents of the groom had their chance for their special wedding, if it wasn't special then get over it. For the rest of the family, the same rule applies. If someone is single, well then when you get married it will be your time. IF you never get married that's your own fault. Really it depends on the type of wedding as to what the level of importance of the family's opinion is. In a Christian wedding, it is a pronouncement of vows before GOD, and quite honestly the only reason the family is there is to witness. In a wedding that is less religious or of a different faith there may be a difference, but the same concept remains. I'm didn't marry my husband for his family or for mine. I married him because I love him whether my family or his family approves or disapproves or is even there. Its not bratty to want your special day to be an upscale thing. I had a fight on my hands when my deep southern family wanted to wear jeans to my wedding, but i basically said they wear dress clothes or they don't come and (haha) even threatened to hire a bouncer! lol
19I wouldn't want to take a toddler to a black tie event in the first place. Go have grown-up fun and leave the wee one at home with a babysitter. You can dress the little guy up in a tux when he's much older!
20Weddings are momentous and are significant to people who are bound for each other. Accesories like cufflinks on weddings are considered add-ons to the art of the event. One of the most unforgettable moments in a persons life is his/her wedding.
21I guess I don't even care about the fact that it is a wedding - it is a black tie event and all guests should dress accordingly. If you don't want to abide by the party rules, then don't go. Frankly, I can't imagine a black tie event would be much fun for a 2 year old, but that's just me.
And as for whether having a black tie wedding says something about the bride: Having been a bridesmaid 10+ times, I can say venue/style/money spent doesn't determine whether or not a bride is a bridezilla. The bride does that all on her own.
22Please do not take a 2 year old to a formal event - I have two boys, and I can't think of many places where a small child would be more inappropriate. If you can afford a gown and tux, you should spring for a sitter as well.
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