I love my step-mom but I call her by her first name. I have since I meet her. I wouldn't feel comfortable calling her anything else.

I agree with Mommy Dearest. I don't think you can or should force the kids to call you "mom" - it could create uncomfortable feelings for them and their actual mother. The last thing you want to do is create or add stress to the relationship with your husband's ex-wife. I don't think there are any rules to what kids should call a stepparent. It's up to each family to do what is right for them. If things are working the way they are, then why feel the need to change them? What they call you is not nearly as important as the bond you have with them and it sounds like so far, you and your husband have done a really good job with that!

Never ever ever ever ask them to call you MOM... they only have one and she's still alive and with them.

I have an excellent relationship with whom I call my BONUS-MOM. She has been married to my father for 21 years and has raised me as her only child (she never had any). Bonus Mom is something I came to call her, not something she asked me to call her by. And it is the more special for that. She introduces my brother and I as her kids, and when she's introducing my mom to anyone (yes, they get a long - great) she introduces her as the mother of my kids.

The relationship is very close, but we've never called her mom - that would be disrespectful to our real mother.

Don't ask them to call you anything, they'll call you what they want, and as time goes on, and the relationship strengthens, maybe you'll be a "bonus" as well. Till then, just love them and be thankful every day that they love you back.

Ask their mother's opinion, too. They may want to call you Mom, their dad may want them to call you Mom, but if she's uncomfortable with it, it's pretty crappy to do it. She is Mom.

I have always called my step mom by her first name, same with her parents they go by first name too. I think its wrong to call your step mom mom if the bio mom is in the picture.

I agree with everyone so far. You might feel like a complete family, but just celebrate your relationship for what it is. Even if the children want to call you mom, I would discourage it. They already have a "Mom", and it isn't you. I think step-parenting is way harder than "real" parenting. It can be hard to put so much time, energy, and love into your relationship and only be called by a first name, the same thing you would be called by someone you just met. The bond you have is way more important than what they call you!

I have a step daughter. She calls me Mama Kate or Kate/Katie. I have been in her life since she was 10 months old, so before she could talk. She called me by my first name until we had children a year and a half ago or so. She picked up Mama Kate b/c the other kiddos call me Mom or Mama, so it just sort of evolved. I would never force her to call me Mom or Mama though, the past comments are right on - She already has a Mom. She does know I'm her step Mom, but it never fit as a name/title, especially with all the negative emotion that surrounds it in society.

I would let the kids call you whatever fits in the situation. If they know you by your first name then that's probably what will stick.

if the children decide to call you mom than go with it... others wise just stick to what they are used too. You could even try, like mamakate said, Mom "your name"

I have a friend who calls his step-dad "Dad". He calls his dad "Dad" also. If they feel comfortable calling you "Mom" and their mom doesn't mind, they'll call you "Mom" anyway. Otherwise, just be happy that you have a great relationship and let them choose what they call you.

No matter how close you are, you still aren't their actual mother. And since the kids still have their mother in their lives, it would seem to me to be an unnecessary expectation for them to call you Mom or even Step-Mom (whoever heard of that) as well. Stick to first names...

Sounds like you have a wonderful family. Try coming up with lovable pet names for each other. Something only you will call them and vice versa. Kids don't get caught up in the hoopla attached to the mom title, a special name is a special name.

I have a stepdaughter that I am very close to, but she will always call me Heidi. Even if she wanted to call me "mom," I would be very uncomfortable with that. I don't think her calling me by my first name is disrespectful, or means I'm unimportant to her at all. I don't need a special name.

I have always called my stepmother by her first name. I agree with everyone else, be thankful for the relationship you have with them and let them call you whatever they are comfortable with.

The only time I refer to my step mom as mom or mommy is when Im telling my little sisters to go talk to mom/mommy becuase she is their mom.
I do call my step-dad "stad" often as a nick name but otherwise I just call him by his first name. MY parents got divorced when I was 10 so I was a t a weird age.

Me and my stepmom are really close and I still feel weird calling her mom. Sometimes I feel guilty but I'm just so used to refering to her another way its a hard habit to break it might be the same for your stepkids especially is their mom is still around.

our family's situation is a little different, my 8 year old asked if she could call my fiance, daddy, dad, pops, etc, i told her you have your father and you have to first clear it with your dad and then ask my fiance, her dad gave her his blessing and told her the more people that love you makes me proud, so the next day after visitation she came home and asked my fiance if she could call him daddy, dad, pops. etc and he had a smile from ear to ear and said of course, BTW he has no kids so this just made his world, that night he told me that he felt so special, so she refers to both her fathers by dad but my fiance there is a special bond and he is daddy, dad, pops, etc and her biological father is just dad, (mind you her biological father entered her life at five and myy fiance has been there since she was four) so it can be done but on the child's terms not on the adults terms, and I'm glad she asked when she did and not sooner because i know if we ever split up which i doubt, he will forever be in their lives

Never ever ever ever ask them to call you MOM... they only have one and she's still alive and with them""

agree! accept it out of respect for his ex-wife. 'step-mom' sounds weird to me, and if they eventually shortened that to mom, well, i just hope real mom wouldn't find out. although some men might accept that, as said the poster above, but i dont know about moms!

If you want to be called mom, why not adopt a child looking for a family?
i know i'm going out on a limb there but had to throw it out, because of the last thing you said and how it fits in with the question...

why don't you let them call you whatever they choose? let it happen naturally...it's been 2 years and they've been calling you by your first name, so why stop now? be happy your rapport is good and don't rock the boat by making a big deal of labels

i liked that movie and julia looked gorgeous in it

Let them call you whatever they would like/feel comfortable with.

I call my stepmother by her first name, and she has been in my life for over twenty years now. There is no disrespect there, as its her name. I think it would have been totally weird to call her Mom or Mama Sherry or something like that.

The only exception to this is a friend I went to school with, her two stepsons call her mom, because she has been in their life since they were babies and their bio mom is NOT in the picture. She is the only mom they have ever known, and then and only then is it appropriate, I think.

I agree with what looks to be most posters...it's a very delicate circumstance and the step-parent should never force the children into calling them mom. It feels weird, they know they have a birth mom and it's just emotionally stressful. Ask the child what they think they would like to call you, like by your first day or nick name and make sure you make a pact of agreement together. This way, the child feels included and part of the decision process. They will respect you more for respecting them and their thoughts too.

i have been in my stepkids lives since they were 1 and 4 and they called me by my name then they heard that if i married thier dad i would be thier step mom and they were soooo excited they started calling me mom. thier dad was totally cool with that but thier mom wasnt. i was unsure and didnt want to step on anyones toes. but they REALLY wanted to call me mom. as the years went on about 4 years they would call me mom when thier mom wasnt around. but then she put a stop to it and told them that i was not thier mom and they only have one mom. biology doesnt make you a mother being all the things that comes with being a parent makes you a parent. taking care of them loving them.
as long as they dont call me something disrectful it doesnt bother me if they call me by my name but i was just thinking of them and what they wanted.considering thier mother useto be abusive towards them and is a bit neglectful now.

Mothers of the world please get off your High Horse! Just because you have the child doesn't earn you the right to be called Mom. and Vice Versa for Dads out there. Get off the EGO TRIP! If the kids love their step parents let them call them whatever they want without you having a say in it. Its not about YOU, its about your kids being HAPPY! I can see why some of you here are dealing with this situation...you sound selfish! Grow up! Being a Mom and Dad takes much more effort then giving our DNA...come on now! Let the kids do what they feel.....but Kids usually will call someone whatever they FIRST were introduced to you... So if you're a step parent and you were introduced as "AMY" then they will call you AMY....if they want to call you anything else because you married they're dad so be it. Let the kids be kids and don't use them as PONGS!! GEEEEZ! Be HAPPY!